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There is a glass in my mind
a pretty, clear glass
And tiny drops keep falling into it
Slowly but steadily, every day
“It’s funny how others look at you and only see your smiling face and they have no idea about your warped nature, brat. You’re lucky no one besides me ever saw past that stupid facade of yours.”
“I sure am, Big Bro, but sometimes I wonder if there is something even darker inside me that no one have seen yet. It would be so exciting to go even beyond your imagination!”
“Heh, don’t get cocky, brat. There’s nothing to you beside your lust for despair. And if there was someone stupid enough to actually try to look deeper, they would only find pure despair for sure.”
“Ahaha, I guess you’re right, as always.”
______
‘There was a pure despair deep down,’ Thought Kirio, looking back. ‘It only took one person completely shattering my ambition to see that.’
In that moment, everything was destroyed, leaving him empty. He was stripped from everything he was made of, left in a void, not knowing what he was anymore, he felt like the void was trying to rip him apart, body and mind. It was like falling into oblivion, not being able to think, not knowing how to think.
Then Iruma’s arms were around him, grounding him, and he realized he was screaming.
He stopped.
“Let’s go back, Senpai,” said Iruma.
______
For a long time after that, Kirio felt like he was lost in a dense fog. He didn’t know where to go or what to do with himself. He only knew Iruma was there but he felt like he couldn't really see him. He wasn’t his cute underclassmen anymore. Yet he wasn’t his enemy.
‘I am not the me from before, either,’ he realized.
And he felt empty.
‘What am I now, when you took away everything, Iruma-kun?’
______
There was no disappointment in their eyes.
“It’s not that we forgave you, but Iruma-sama says he wants you here so we will accept you. You are one of us. There is nothing more to it.”
He was one of them
_______
He didn't know what to do.
“Kiriyan’s so silly, you should just play with us!”
Was it really so simple to just have fun again?
______
He didn’t know how to move forward or where to go.
“Iruma is growing to be an excellent demon. I can’t wait to see what else he will achieve”
“But he’s not…”
“An excellent demon, I said!”
How was Iruma so strong when he was supposed to be the weak one?
_______
He didn’t know what they saw in him.
“How do I know? It’s because you tried to catch your friend’s treasure without thinking,”
So he wasn’t as hollow as he thought. Maybe he could be more like the others….?
_____
He has new desires. He wanted to be close, to give and to share, to feel again.
But Iruma crushed his desires once and Kirio remembered that void and he was afraid he would go back there if he lost these new desires too.
So he kept them to himself, clinging desperately to every tiny moment, every accidental brush of their hands, every second their eyes met, every smile he got.
_____
“Oh but I was scared alright. You could’ve eaten me any moment you know? But Opera-san once told me to step forward when I’m scared and this advice never failed me. Thanks to it, you are here after all, Kirio.” Iruma smiled.
His breath hitched.
_____
“My sweet grandson is too shy to ask his crush out because they have a complicated past and he doesn't want to push and he thinks he may be rejected anyway!?!? It can’t be! No one would even think about rejecting my cute Iruma-kun! And if they do, Grandpa will take care of them!”
Kirio was not trying to eavesdrop but he heard it anyway. He retreated as quietly as he could.
“That wasn’t subtle in the slightest, Sir,” Opera calmly commented when they heard their target move away.
“This is not time to be subtle! My grandson’s happiness is on the line here!”
______
His hands were shaking when he took Iruma's in them but he held his gaze as he leaned forward and pressed their lips together.
Iruma kissed him back.
You gave me some of the drops
And today I felt the glass become completely full.
‘You were wrong, Big Bro. There was something more there all all along, and there is even more there now. No despair in sight.’