Chapter Text
YOU - “Kim." You peer deeply into his eyes, “would you like to go out with me?”
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - “Why yes, detective, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me out since forever, now kiss me---”
DRAMA [Legendary: Failure] - No, no, no!!! The lieutenant would never say such a lurid thing!
RHETORIC - You might want to rephrase your question too, since “Would you like to go out with me?” could mean either, "Do you want to go out on a date with me?" or, “Do you want to get out of here and grab a snack downstairs?”
YOU - Groaning, you bump your forehead against the grimy bathroom mirror.
Guys, we’ve been doing this for the past 15 minutes. What if someone comes in to take a leak and they see me talking to myself?
DRAMA - Then we create an elaborate lie about having to practice for a very important undercover assignment!
LOGIC - In the men's bathroom?
DRAMA - Do not underestimate my ability to make the most absurd situation sound plausible.
VOLITION - You could always just wait until you get home before practicing how you’ll ask Kim out on your first date.
HALF-LIGHT [Trivial: Success] - But it’s already Wednesday, and the restaurant said that they only accept reservations if you book by this afternoon and you need to ask Jean if you can borrow his car and think of your outfit and oh my god what if Kim says no—
COMPOSURE - Okay, okay. Calm down. Let’s just practice again. You’re sure to get it this time!
YOU - You take a deep breath and look at the mirror once more.
PERCEPTION (SMELL) - The… potent smell of your surroundings doesn’t exactly encourage creative thinking, but you manage to focus anyway.
DRAMA - For the purposes of this exercise, my liege, kindly imagine that the sink is the dear lieutenant.
CONCEPTUALIZATION – The handle’s his eyes, and the spout’s his nose.
YOU - But won’t that look like I’m trying to ask the sink out on a date?
DRAMA - But sire, that’s exactly what you’re aiming for!
CONCEPTUALIZATION - Only the sink is not a sink, but Kim.
The sink is Kim.
YOU - … Okay. The sink is...Kim. Right.
You clear your throat and try to imagine Kim standing in front of you.
“Hey there, Kim.” You flash the sink-that-is-Kim your brightest smile. “Do you want to go out on a date with me?”
KIM KITSURAGI - “I’d love to, Harry.”
DRAMA - Congratulations, my liege! The sink has accepted your romantic advances!
PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Medium: Success] – Wait. That wasn’t the sink.
YOU - You look up at the mirror—
KIM KITSURAGI - —Only to lock eyes with the actual, non-sink Kim Kitsuragi, who’s leaning against the bathroom doorway with an amused smile on his face.
COMPOSURE [Legendary: Failure] - OH MY GOD—
REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - You whirl around so fast that your leg smacks into the sink-that-was-Kim.
PAIN THRESHOLD [Legendary: Failure] - Think you can cancel that date? Because you just dislocated your hip.
YOU - “KIM! H-Hey there. I, uh—”
COMPOSURE [Godly: Failure] – Were you trying to smile at him? Because the thing that's on your face right now looks more like a grimace of absolute terror.
AUTHORITY [Godly: Failure] - The lieutenant just saw you asking a bathroom sink out for a date.
I suggest that you throw yourself out of the nearest window as soon as possible.
KIM KITSURAGI - He straightens up and walks towards you.
“So, when do you want to go on our date?”
PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Challenging: Failure] - He could not have possibly just asked you when you want to have your date with him.
YOU - You stare at him dumbly.
“Pardon?”
KIM KITSURAGI - He moves past you and casually removes his gloves.
VOLITION – Those gloves are both the bane and blessing of your existence. It’s an absolute shame that he keeps his gorgeous hands encased in those things, but if it weren’t for them, you’d be staring at his hands all day, imagining how it would feel to have his fingers curled around yours, and how his pulse would flutter when you kiss his wrist...
ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Legendary: Failure] - Your scorching thoughts are promptly doused by the sound of running water.
KIM KITSURAGI - “Do you want us to meet tomorrow after work? Or would you prefer the weekend?”
RHETORIC [Godly: Success] - He’s asking about when you want to have your date with him.
YOU - ...Oh. Okay.
A moment passes.
HE SAID YES???!!!!!????!!!!!????!!!!???!!!!
PERCEPTION (HEARING) - Scream that just a bit louder in your brain and Kim will probably hear it through your gaping mouth.
YOU - Utterly shocked, you stare at Kim until he finishes washing his hands.
KIM KITSURAGI - “The weekend works best for me." He uses his handkerchief to wipe his hands before putting his gloves back on. “But I’m also free on Friday night, if you prefer to meet up then—”
REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - Don’t just stand there, talk to him!!!!
YOU - “The weekend’s fine!” You wince at how your voice echoes throughout the empty bathroom. “I mean. The weekend works for me too. Uh.”
COMPOSURE [Challenging: Failure] - You're still flabbergasted that he actually said yes.
KIM KITSURAGI - His lips curl into a small smile that that makes your heart explode.
EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - The lieutenant is conveying a secret message through that smile…
But you’ll have to treat him to a fancy dinner before you can find out what that message is.
YOU - “So. Dinner? On Saturday night?”
KIM KITSURAGI - “Sounds like a plan. Do you already have a place in mind, or…?” He starts to walk out of the bathroom, and you trail after him like a love-struck puppy.
YOU - Before you head out of the bathroom, you glance over your shoulder and take one last look at the sink-that-was-Kim.
Thanks, pal.
SINK-THAT-WAS-KIM - No problem, buddy. Go get ‘im!
YOU - And with that, you hurry after Kim and plan out the best night of your lives.