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Jemma was pacing around the room in a tight circular pattern, flapping her hands in what seemed like a set rhythm. She would alternate with tapping her hands to her sides, and after a little while she deviated from the pattern to walk over to the wall, slamming her forehand against it. It hurt but right now the pain was the only thing keeping her anchored to the present. Everything just hurt and she was having a hard time processing so much emotion. Daisy walked by the room just as Jemma started banging her head off the wall and quickly walked in, a message sent to May before she did so. She didn’t want to spook her or make the girls clearly overwhelming sensory troubles worse but she was worried about Jemma hurting herself.
“Hey, Jem, it’s Daisy. I’m going to move you away from the wall, okay? I’ll just need to hold your shoulders for a moment” Daisy said gently. Jemma tried to turn and face Daisy and tell her that everything was fine but nothing happened, she couldn’t move herself at all. It like an invisible force has frozen her body leaving her unable to move or communicate. She could feel the girl lead her away from the wall, feel her hand lingering on Jemma’s shoulder for a moment until there was the sound of more footsteps approaching. May entered the room and Jemma allowed herself to feel a tiny bit of comfort at this, knowing May would help look after her.
She couldn’t make out the specifics of what Daisy told May, but now at least the girls hand was off her shoulder. However, all the sounds felt muffled to her, like her head was still underwater and the thought of that made Jemma start to panic. She tried to start her pacing routine again but her body just wouldn’t cooperate. Eventually she let out a noise of frustration which gained the attention of the two other women in the room. May approached her gently, internally she was desperately willing the woman not to touch her as she was worried it could cause a meltdown right now. Thankfully she didn’t and Jemma let out of a small sound of appreciation at that.
“Would you like to go back to your room?” May asked, thankfully the older agent could read her body language fairly easily, especially since they had spent so much time together, plus she had learnt to be able to decipher what various noises meant based on the tone or length which really helped in these moments where Jemma was struggling to communicate.
Jemma let out a small noise of approval, looking to Daisy and then back at May. The younger girl came over, holding her hand which made Jemma smile. It did also seem to also help Daisy who had looked a little scared ever since May had arrived. Jemma desperately wanted to comfort her and tell her everything was okay, but she knew that at least she could hopefully do that later once she was feeling better.
Daisy walked with them to Jemma’s room, before saying she would head to her own for a little while just to give them some space and privacy. Jemma wanted to thank her, to even just sign it. Her hands were shaking but she managed to stop daisy leaving with a shout and then very slowly raised her hands to her chin, managing to get the sign out Daisy recognised it and smiled, signing back “I love you” before stepping out of the room.
“Okay, I’m going to help you into bed and put your weighted blanket” May told her once the girl had left and Jemma felt grateful for the warning, narrating what was going to happen helped her to anticipate the feeling when Mays hands rested on her shoulders and the woman gently walked her over to the bed, getting her tucked in comfortably before taking the blanket handed to her by Daisy and placing it on top of the duvet. It took a little while for Jemma to really feel the weight of the blanket but as the numbness started to fade it helped to soothe her.
She then looked around and May gave her a brief smile when their eyes met.
“How are you feeling?” She asked, and watched carefully as Jemma raised her slightly shaky hands, even though she was still non verbal she now had more control back over her body so was able to sign which made communication easier.
“What happened?” She asked
“I think you had a shutdown” May told her, it took a moment to process but Jemma realised that it did seem to describe how she had been feeling.
“I don’t remember the last time I had a shutdown” Jemma signed, feeling a little bit confused.
“It’s common to feel hazy and unaware of what’s happening during one. But it’s okay, I’m here now” May reassured her, checking before she rested a gentle hand on Jemma’s shoulder. The girl winced at the pain in her head that was still buzzing around after everything and as if May could just tell, the older woman retrieved painkillers and a glass of water for her.
“Thanks for looking after me” Jemma signed after taking the pills, letting herself lean up against May who moved to a more comfortable position beside her on the bed and slipped an arm around the girls shoulders, gently pulling her close and holding her safe.
“That’s what family does, Jemma. We care about you. I’m never going to get mad at you for having a meltdown or a shutdown” May told her, she could see some hesitance in the girls eyes so continued a little “Perhaps we can try teaching you some less dangerous stims and coping methods, but that’s just something that we can work on to make you more comfortable and safe”
Jemma thought it was nice to just settle against May, hearing footsteps and arms suddenly slung around her from the other side she realised that May must’ve texted her that Jemma was doing better. Her smile was wider this time, warmer and genuine as she let Daisy settle next to her. She felt safe in between her two favourite people as she slowly drifted off to sleep.