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“shin-kun, not to be rude or anything, but you haven’t told us where we’re going,” your friend pants, quickening his pace to match your long strides. “you’ll see,” you say, beating back a wide smile with every ounce of restraint you had. it’s not like you to keep minor secrets –– it doesn’t take much for you to start dumping any information you had on the lives of danganronpa actors and upcoming seasons. but when it came to matters of the heart, you keep them locked away in the depths of your conscience. up until now, yuuto couldn’t know. he shouldn’t know, for if he did, you might feel rejection’s sting. but now you have no choice. yuuto is moving schools in april, and you can’t let him go without at least telling him. he is the only person you could trust in this shithole anyway.
“...that’s not creepy at all,” he mumbles, but in this abandoned hallway, his words are as loud as thunder. you scoff and roll your eyes. “come on, it's not that bad. it's...”
admittedly, the choice of venue is a little makeshift, but you know that it will give you some much-needed privacy. you always came to this classroom when you needed time to decompress or just to let your thoughts wander. no one has set foot here for many months, so you know that you’re safe from the prying eyes of hall monitors and the staff.
as you take yuuto’s hand in yours, his gaze flickers toward you. he gives you that look of confusion, and the lump in your throat returns with a vengeance. it twists around your tongue, squeezing it like a boa constrictor until you’re not sure if you can speak. you’ve rehearsed this moment in the mirror until all you could hear was your script... so why were you feeling this way? how do you explain what you’re about to do without freaking him out? how do you tell him how you feel if you don’t know if he’ll reciprocate? that is, until a tendril of an idea unravels from its coil, its bright light piercing through the clouds of doubt. pulling out your phone, you scroll through your music library, muttering under your breath as you try to find the perfect song. perhaps if glancing out of the corner of your eye, you can see yuuto's brows furrowed in confusion.
the incredulous “shin-” floats into the background, replaced by a gentle guitar. and as if guided by its strings, you tentatively take yuuto’s hands and start swaying side to side. a gentle smile curves upon your lips, encouraging him to join you. his words halt in their tracks as he lets the music enshroud him like a warm blanket. for a while, he stares off into the distance, those eyes tracing patterns in the specks of dust suspended in the sunlight. then it seems to click –– his playful laughter floats in the musty room, mingling with the soft duet of voices. he lays his hand on your shoulder and you almost jump at the sudden touch. but upon glancing at his expression, your body relaxes. he’s nervous too, but there’s something in that gentle smile that eases your worries–– like a weighted blanket pressing on your shaking body. you place a trembling hand around your friend’s waist and ease him close to your chest. “ah… is this okay?” you whisper, loosening your grip so he could slip out at any time. “yeah, it’s fine...” he says, a gentle smile blooming upon his lips. “i...kind of like this.”
you nod, and the music drapes itself in a silver cloak, protecting you from the burdens of the world. it’s just you two, spinning and swaying around the empty space. you laugh in earnest for the first time in forever, tension melting into the dusty air. you can’t count how many times you’ve accidentally stepped on yuuto’s foot or almost bumped into a wall. still, you smile as your heels click brightly on the classroom tile.
as you dance past the window, yuuto steps into the dying sunlight, gilding his frizzy, dark hair in pure gold. the light erases every worry line and faint scar, leaving behind a face that shone with such gentleness that you forget how to breathe. his mismatched eyes glisten like a pond in an enchanted forest, framed by long eyelashes that emanate magical light. it takes you every ounce of restraint to not fall under his spell. you sigh and spin him further into the light. you want to suspend him in this sunbeam, gaze into those eyes for just a moment longer…
the song fades into the musty air, the last note ebbing slowly into nothingness. now the silence is as pure as the sunlight filtering through the windows, surrounding yuuto in a warm cocoon of light. in that moment, you see all of him, his joys, his sorrows, and you finally realize that his arms are the home you've been seeking for so long. "
what?" he laughs, his unrestrained grin gleaming gold. "yuuto-kun..." it's strange... despite your heart pounding against your rib cage, his name flows off of your lips as smooth as melted chocolate. you can't wait any longer. all the hours you spent rehearsing your speech in the mirror... all of the awkward smiles and accidental touches... everything you shared with him has led up to this moment.
"i..." anxiety bubbles in your throat, threatening to trap your tongue in its sticky grasp. breathe, shinichi. it's going to be okay regardless of what happens. worse comes to worse, he'll just let you down easy and you'll just… keep being friends. the void in your heart is familiar to you –– what’s another few years with it?
"so uh… i know you’re moving soon, but... there's something i've been m-meaning to say to you s-since... well, since i first laid eyes on you." confusion flashes across his face, tilting his head ever so slightly. his thin lips form a small “o” as he sits atop one of the desks, inching his fingers along the sides. go on, i’m listening.
you swallow down the lump in your throat before continuing, "e-ever since we first met, i knew you were s-special. not in like, a creepy way or anything but there's something about you that always made me comfortable. y-you're always there for me, and just..." you pause, letting your thumb trace mindless shapes into his back. you know he doesn’t mind the touches –– it always calms him down. you're almost done. just... say it. "that's just what i love so much about you, y'know? the fact that you can d-deal with s-someone like me...i-it's just incredible."
and just as incredible is how much you've leaned into yuuto's space –– you're so close you could count every single freckle on his marble skin. “shinich–” he begins, but you kiss the last syllable away, soft and chaste. he clenches onto your shirt and your heart stands still. is...is this really happening? you want to bite your lip to ensure this isn’t a dream––
but before you can say anything, he returns the kiss. it’s just as soft and gentle, and although there’s no fireworks or sparks, it’s better than that — it’s a wave of warmth that fills you up, spilling from your heart to yuuto’s chapped lips and rushing from his body to yours and back again. from the crooks of your elbows to the tips of your ears, every inch of you is saturated in love. after a few moments, you pull away, heat surging through your cheeks. try as you might, you can’t hold back the “wow,” that slips past your lips.
and just as you lean in for another, he laughs once again. his laughter slices through the silence like a machete through a forest of sugarcane, and you want to make a home in the earth with the rats and cockroaches. pathetic. weak. you expose your heart for once in your pathetic life, and all he does is laugh in your face. until you notice the wine-colored flush upon his cheeks. take a good listen: is there real malice in his soft voice? no, of course not. yuuto watanabe would never hate you for opening up to him, not after everything you have been through. you push your glasses up your nose to distract yourself from the tears itching at the corners of your eyes. you can’t cry, not now. that’s not what real men do. you turn back to your friend, forcing your eyes to meet his. “s-so... do you like...want to be my b-boy...boy...” why can’t you say it? it’s two simple syllables — you can do it.
“ah, yuuto-kun, w-will you go out with me?” you blurt out, a little too loudly. after everything you’ve been through, this had better not be a fluke. wiping away your tears, you force yourself to look into his eyes, big and wide and gleaming in the dying sunlight. your heart beats out of your chest, hammering out: say something, please.
the “o” on his lips spreads out into a wide smile, and he leans in once again, catching your tears with every kiss. it’s as if the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders. perhaps it’s the ticklish sensation of lips on your cheek or the sheer joy welling up in your eyes, but you can’t stop the soft chuckles bubbling from your throat. his dark hair brushes against your skin up and down in a vigorous nod. yes, yes, yes, i'll be with you.
you've only experienced moments like these vicariously through your vast collection of movies and t.v. shows, preserved in pristine silver. but if this is real life, you don't ever want to let go. you clutch onto your new boyfriend’s hands, tracing promises of fealty on his soft skin.