Chapter Text
It was true when they say you don’t choose who you love. It was rather strange that she did believe this, but regret also flowed through her veins—forcing her to question having feelings in the first place. However, if it wasn’t even a choice, to begin with, was it even her fault?
When she thought hard about this particular person she adored, she couldn’t even find too many reasons to like him. He was a coward. He was, and he understood this many times, a burden to a team consisting of strong demon slayers. She rolled her eyes when she thought of how he was with women, women he barely knew, not to mention the adorable demon sister of their friend.
Zenitsu Agatsuma didn’t have many reasons for people to like him, but somehow (y/n) (s/n) had found them all.
The strangest predicament wasn’t that she was utterly and devastatingly in love with the golden-haired demon slayer, it was that the only person who knew was Nezuko—Tanjiro’s demon sister. Not even Tanjiro knew she had feelings for their companion, having been incredibly perceptive all his life, he had failed to see this budding tsundere’s growing affection for the cowardly demon slayer. She was tempted to insult him over and over, but nothing could come close to how she insulted herself for actually falling in love with him.
She had many reasons not to love him. Considering the fact that she once overheard him telling Inosuke and Tanjiro that “(y/n) is the only person I’ll never ask to marry me”.
It broke her heard and since Nezuko was nearby, the demon girl comforted her as much as she could. She stood listening to it and went back silently, letting lonely tears spill when no human in the world could understand, not even herself, on why she was crying.
*
When her crow announced that she had to accompany Zenitsu on a mission, neither of them were thrilled.
Tanjiro was still recovering from his previous mission and Inosuke was off on his own to God knows where; (y/n) knew she didn’t have a choice. She sucked it up and walked ahead, leaving Zenitsu to grumble and follow behind her. However, it was her first mission with the male, she had no idea of his powers, she had no idea who he was in reality, having been closer to Tanjiro before.
Inosuke had let her know that Zenitsu can use his powers when he was asleep, and she knew that there had to be some redeeming quality in him if he was a demon slayer. But—she wouldn’t lie to herself—she found him attractive, she always had. He was the most reasonable in the group, in fact, and sometimes, his sense of reason was astounding. It was perhaps when the three met her for the first time did she notice how accurate his reasoning was, how lonely his eyes looked, how his fear was slowly fading away despite him groveling most of the time.
She had met the three plus one during her own mission, and it was there she was acquainted with them. Zenitsu never approached her unlike how he approached other women, and initially, she was relieved.
This was because he found her intimidating, or that was what Zenitsu had let slip one night to Tanjiro—and she pretended to have not heard that at all.
During their mission, Zenitsu barely spoke to her. She didn’t know why it bothered her, she didn’t know why his lack of attention toward her made her feel insecure even, but it struck a chord somewhere and it hurt deeply. In the past, even her family had told her she would find it hard to make friends with a personality that literally pushes people away before getting to know them; but that was only because of the way the world was. There was no room for vulnerability, and it broke her heart to see how it never went her way.
In fact, (y/n) wasn’t that a callous person. She was soft when the time called for it. There were times she couldn’t stop smiling; she didn’t think she was too intimidating that even Zenitsu, the woman-lover, would find her repulsive. Tanjiro treated her normally, smiled at her, and even greeted her whenever he saw her and she returned the favor with happier smiles, but somehow Zenitsu was never there to see it.
His silence made her feel unwelcome and inadequate. She knew how pretty Nezuko was—she was beautiful even, and she could nowhere come close, but nevertheless, because Zenitsu didn’t even smile at her or consider her a friend, it made her feel bad.
Perhaps, she was carried away with her thoughts and that was why she didn’t see the demon come her way. Gasping, she tried moving aside but the demon’s claws scratched at her shoulder, and she let out a yelp of pain—Zenitsu screamed her name before scurrying away in fear, but she wasn’t going to let this slide.
Grabbing her blade, she breathed out slowly, entering a space of absolute concentration, before slicing the demon’s head off in one go. Just as she did, her eyes widened, her heart started to beat faster, and the first thing she did was turn around and spot Zenitsu—her eyes were wide and the second she spotted him on the ground, behind her, she calmed down.
She didn’t mean for it to show.
She didn’t mean for her worry to spill out of her, and a quiet ‘thank goodness’ to slip her tongue. Zenitsu’s eyes widened at her worried expression, which gradually calmed down once she knew he was alright. This moment lasted only a few short seconds before she gulped and turned away, sheathing her sword back in its hilt.
“We should head back.” (y/n) said, and he nodded.
That was all he could do. And she knew it; with the keen hearing sense that he had, she knew Zenitsu probably knew what she was feeling for him.
*
Zenitsu could hear it.
He thought, at first, that he was mistaken. Not having heard this kind of sound directed toward him before, Zenitsu couldn’t believe he heard it coming from (y/n). He recalled how terribly he had spoken of her a few days prior—thinking of how scary she was, how he would never approach her, how he never saw her as a woman but a scary demon slayer only.
Oh, he felt terrible.
The look of worry in her eyes shattered his heart. In all his life, when he had voluntarily gone searching for it, he had not found it. Yet, here it was, coming from an unlikely source. How could he be so blind?
He heard it. He heard nothing but pure love coming from her for him. His eyes filled with tears at how she avoiding him after their mission, of how she barely met his eye—things that were not unusual. How long had she been bottling her feelings for him? How long has she been quiet?
Did Tanjiro know? Did anyone know? Was he merely imagining things?
He was scared to go up to her and ask her, but maybe, that was where the problem was. Why was he scared? Was she so scary? He watched as she treated her own wound, quietly, and he thought to himself, how can she love someone like me?
When he was about to walk out of the room, feeling foolish and guilt-ridden, he bumped into Nezuko. His usual reaction when he saw her would be a shout of admiration and several attempts to ask her to marry him in the future, but Nezuko shook her head. Zenitsu’s eyes widened.
“Y-You knew?”
Nezuko closed her eyes and it was because of the muzzle did Zenitsu realize she was smiling. She nodded a couple of times before her eyes grew soft.
“Was it… Was it for long?”
Nezuko nodded once more, confirming his suspicions. His eyes hardened, and he clenched his fists by his side.
“I… I was rude to her, wasn’t I? I said mean things… She heard them, didn’t she? That’s why… That’s why she—”He didn’t realize he was sobbing then when Nezuko quietly placed a hand on his shoulder.
With the way she looked at him right then, it answered every question he had. (y/n) knew of his reservations against her, she knew he didn’t feel the same way for her, and she also knew it was entirely one-sided. Nezuko grumbled once before walking away, leaving him to his thoughts.
When he was alone, he thought of so many things he believed his mind would blow up.
Did she think she was unattractive?
Did she love him because of something he did?
Did he showcase how cool he was (when he really wasn’t)?
Has he ever done that?
He shut his eyes when he realized that he had been nothing but himself and somehow, (y/n) had thought that was enough. He never tried to impress her, he never tried too hard with her and yet, she had given him such worried eyes when his life was in danger. She had gotten hurt for him, and saved his life—not once had she complained how much of a coward he was.
Zenitsu started to think of the consequences of his words. What had they made her feel? Are his words the reason why she barely speaks to him?
The next morning, Inosuke returned to the butterfly mansion. Tanjiro was the first to greet him, and (y/n) greeted them both, a smile on her face—a sight that made Zenitsu’s heart burn. He noticed how she waved at Inosuke who waved back even fiercely as if it were a competition. He watched how she patted Nezuko’s head a couple of times (when they were inside), smiling at her. He watched how she conversed with Tanjiro, about something he couldn’t exactly hear. All he could hear was her sound—a soft, warm and loving sound, reserved just for him.
He believed he didn’t deserve her. He had caused her so much pain, he didn’t deserve what he had made her feel. She deserved someone who wouldn’t ever say such mean things, she deserved someone who wasn’t a coward. She simply deserved someone better.
At that second, his sparrow started to chirp. (y/n)’s crow flew overhead and yelled.
“Zenitsu Agatsuma! (y/n) (s/n)! Mission! Mission!”
(y/n) turned with wide eyes to spot Zenitsu already looking at her. Her face reddened slightly before she blinked a couple of times and turned away, and his heart hurt. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed how cute she was when she was hiding her feelings.
Did he even have the right to think she was cute?
The two gathered their things and Zenitsu watched as she gave Nezuko a hug and waved at Tanjiro and Inosuke (who once again thought it was a competition) and headed out of the mansion with Zenitsu.
“(y/n)—”
“I know you know,” His eyes widened at how forward her statement was. “Just… I know, okay? I know you don’t feel the same way, so please just… Don’t ever bring it up. I regret it enough as it is. I know.”
He was shocked. What could he say to that? He not only heard the sound of how anguished she was at that second, but he also heard insecurity, doubt, and such pure adoration. What could he say to her that would help ease this situation? That he loved her? He couldn’t lie. He knew he didn’t. It couldn’t just come out of nowhere, right?
“It’s dark out. There are wisteria trees all over. We should rest and make our way as soon as the light’s out.” Zenitsu said, not in the same fearful way.
She nodded before looking for a spot to set up camp for the night.
“Can you make a fire?” She asked, after a bit, stunning him. He turned to her with wide eyes and stared at her, not having heard the words she had said.
He was just looking at her face and perhaps, that was why he was so lost. She snapped her fingers twice in front of his face before alerting him again.
“Zenitsu! Can you make a fire?”
“Y-Yes! I can. I definitely can.”
She gave him a funny look before finding a few pieces of wood that they can use.
“Shinobu-san gave me these,” She showed him pieces of dried mackerel that would be their dinner. “They’re very handy during missions.”
Zenitsu watched her. She handed him a couple before taking a bite of it herself, sitting in absolute silence. He could hear the sounds of the forest, the light buzz that filled the air.
“…why me?” He asked, a mere whisper, but she had heard it.
“So you really won’t let it go, huh?” She asked, bitterly.
“No! I m-mean, I don’t mean it in a bad way… I just—”
“You can’t believe someone as heartless as me can love someone? Is that it?” She asked, frowning.
He could hear the pain in her voice. He almost winced.
“(y/n)-chan, I never knew.”
“I know—”
“I don’t think you’re heartless. I was an idiot to have assumed you were intimidating, but you’re nothing close. You were just hurt, you were—”
“Spare me your redemption, Zenitsu. I don’t want you to pity me just because you now know I’m in love with you!”
Both their eyes widened at her outburst. Zenitsu stared into her face, her eyes stuck to his—they were sitting in front of one another. He reached forward, attempting to touch her face, but she grabbed his hand before he even neared her.
“Please…” Her grip tightened around his wrist. “Please, don’t.”
His eyes softened at how she was right then. He twisted his hand, the one she was holding, and held her hand. He pulled her closer to him a bit before resting his forehead on hers.
“I am so sorry for hurting you, (y/n)-chan. I am so sorry. I can never take back what I said, but please. I don’t mean any of it. Nothing can excuse my behavior. I am so—”
He felt her close her eyes and lean against his touch, but she froze the second she realized she was doing so. Her eyes shot open wide, before recoiling away from Zenitsu as if she did something wrong. Her face was red, her lips were quivering and she looked agitated.
“I-Is something wrong?” Zenitsu asked, confused.
“You don’t feel the same way, so please don’t show me such kindness. I know you like Nezuko-chan, I… Don’t worry about me.”
With that, their conversation ended for the night. The next morning, their mission began. They were to investigate missing children in a small village, and as soon as they stepped inside the village, both (y/n) and Zenitsu knew there was a morbid presence in the air.
“I don’t like this… I don’t like this at all.” Zenitsu grumbled, easing himself around her.
(y/n) could feel the difference between their last mission and now. Zenitsu was talking to her more freely, and she found herself laughing at a few antics of his. He was currently walking right behind him, almost pressing himself to her, not wanting to continue in the mission at all.
“Zenitsu—”
“Please protect me, (y/n)-chan! I don’t want to die! I have so much to live for—”
“Zenitsu, calm down!” She whisper-yelled, before pointing to a strange bucket behind a wall.
Stepping a few steps closer, both of them knew that the bucket was the source. It was placed under the shadow of a wall, beside which resided a tree. When the sun went down, the tree’s shadow would fall on the bucket, permanently shielding it from the sun’s light—until it turned dark.
“It can’t be this easy, right?” She asked, tilting her head a bit.
“Huh?! What do you mean it can’t be this easy?! What’s your problem if it is easy?! Why do you want it to be difficult?!”
She chuckled before turning to him with a mean smile, “Don’t you want to protect me from the big bad mean demon?”
Perhaps, it was the way she said it that snapped him out of his reverie. Holding her hands in his, Zenitsu stared deeply into her eyes.
“How had I not noticed this till now? You’re all I want to protect.”
Her eyes widened before she pulled her hands away from him, clearing her throat and coughing a few times. Zenitsu was still looking at her, earnestly and rather sharply, not looking away.
“Cut it out. We can’t do anything about this until the demon comes out. We can’t be sure. So we wait.”
He didn’t say a word. The sun went down slowly, and despite being in the village, it was only (y/n) who went around asking about the missing children. It wasn’t the work of a very strong demon, this much she could deduce, but a demon that preyed only on little children was worse than others; it fed on the innocence of children. It angered her more than anything else.
The two were currently sitting on a bench, eating onigiri that Zenitsu had packed with them a day before. It was near sundown, so there was not much time left before the demon would show. With his sharp sense of hearing and her strong sense of feeling a demon’s presence, they knew that they could take down the demon easily. However, the wordless silence between them was what was causing them distress.
Zenitsu turned and watched (y/n) eat her onigiri quietly, not saying a word. He watched how her (h/c) hair sat on her head, he saw how lost in thought her (e/c) eyes were, and he watched her movements—the way she held the onigiri and the way she chewed; just watching her sent him into a lull, it was a strange and happy feeling, and he found himself smiling. How had he not noticed how beautiful she was? Why did it take her falling in love with him for him to even notice? She was so unapologetic about her feelings for him, isn’t that what he had always wanted?
Here was a woman who admitted she loved him but didn’t pursue him. He was certain that it was because of what he said that she felt insecure, and if he hadn’t said those mean things perhaps, she might have made a move? Oh, just the mere thought of her confessing to him drove him against the wall; he’d die if it happened, and what a happy death that would be!
“(y/n)-chan,” Zenitsu let out, his voice calm and serious. It alerted her in the same way a demon would have, sending shivers down her spine. “I was blind, but not anymore.”
He looked up at her and smiled warmly, the sunset behind him wasn’t helping her case. Her heart was beating rapidly and her wide eyes were stuck to his form.
“What…” She let out breathily.
“It’s not Nezuko-chan,” He said, before standing up. The sun had gone down now, but the light still remained. “It never was.”
“What are you…”
“Don’t regret it, (y/n)-chan. Please, don’t. I won’t let you regret what you feel for me.”
She felt her throat go dry. There was no way. He didn’t like her. There was no way he could suddenly start feeling things just because he knew she loved him. This was merely pity. This was merely a weird response. She didn’t want him coming to her just because he was lonely.
“And it’s not any of those things,” Zenitsu said, offering her a hand. “And I only ask that you allow me to show you.”
Allow him to show her? Show her what? Tears filled her eyes but she blinked them away. She placed her hand in his and she felt him help her up, their forms near one another, Zenitsu’s smile sitting on his face as if he was looking at the sun. No one had loved him as she had. No one could. He could hear the sounds she produced, the sounds meant only for him, and he knew it—this was all he was searching for his entire life.
When the sun went down, Zenitsu approached the bucket as if it was nothing. (y/n) couldn’t believe the sudden change in demeanor, but she didn’t say a word. There resided hope in her heart now, and she was far too afraid to lose it. In one tap of his sword against the bucket, the demon jumped out, ready to grab him—but it took him merely a second to kill it. She had never seen him fight before, never seen him use his Breath of Lightning; it was so quick, it was as if it never happened.
“That was…” It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
Zenitsu turned to her and grinned.
“I think I’m falling in love with all of you, (y/n)-chan. Please let me show you.”
She pressed her hand to her mouth as he walked closer to her. Zenitsu’s hand went to hers, which was on her mouth, and he placed his forehead on hers. Their breaths collided and he could hear all of the sounds her body was producing. It was the most harmonious he had ever felt.
“You’re just… You can’t… How can you fall in love with someone so quickly?”
He placed his hand on her cheek before pressing his nose to her face. She blushed vividly, before shutting her eyes. His hand, which was on hers, went to her waist now and he brought her closer. She grabbed the front of his haori, her eyes closed the entire time.
“All I had to do was look at you, and I was a goner.”
“You’re such a dork—”
“You’re so beautiful.”
She bit her bottom lip. She needed to ask him this before continuing. She needed this confirmed.
“You said… You said you’d never ask me to marry you… Now you’re saying—”
“When I asked all those girls to marry me, I expected a no. I might not have looked like I was expecting them to say no, but deep down I knew it wasn’t possible. With you, I have hope. And I’m not going to ask you for anything until I prove to you how much I do love you.”
“What are they doing?”
Zenitsu and (y/n)’s eyes widened instantly before they pulled away from each other. They noticed four kids watching them intently, before they scurried away with their red faces, out of the village. (y/n)’s crow was not approaching them, and it was nowhere to be found, so they simply intended on heading back to the butterfly mansion. On the way, they stopped by the wisteria trees, where they had camped the night before.
“(y/n)-chan~” Zenitsu whined before sticking to her.
She put her hand to his face and pushed him away, her blush intensifying.
“I-I didn’t say anything yet—”
He grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to him, both of them tumbling on the ground. She was laying on him now, her eyes wide. He swung an arm around her and held her there, a satisfied smile on his face.
“Zenitsu—”
“I love you.”
Her face turned red and she buried it in his haori, not intending on seeing his face anytime soon.
“When are you going to let go of me—”
“I love you~”
She groaned. This was going to take a while.