Work Text:
Billy’s been working at the Pool for close to three weeks now. He’d seen an add right before the end of his Junior year that said they were looking for lifeguards and hadn’t been able to help but grin to himself. He had been looking for someplace to work at during the summer. He’d long ago learned that it was better to spend as little time as possible at home during breaks. And he could use the money for college. Or whatever he’d do after graduation. He’d do almost anything as long as it could get him away from Hawkins. Away from Neil.
So yeah. Billy’s been working at the Pool. He’s the best damn lifeguard they have and it’s the closest he’s been able to get to the sea since leaving California. He’s been working at the Pool for close to three weeks now and every single day, without fail, there has been at least four housewives staring at him. They’re all friends, Billy’s figured out, and in his mind he’s started calling them ‘Hawkins’ Club For Horny Housewives’. He’s pretty sure they coordinate their meetings.
Billy’s job involves a lot of looking at other people. That’s the main thing he does during his shifts. He sits in the high chair and keeps watch and shouts at kids running by the pool’s edge. But the thing is, that a lifetime with Neil has also taught Billy to notice when he is being watched. So he notices them instantly. And after that it’s quite hard to stop looking, because every time he even tries to let his gaze wander in their direction to make sure everyone is following the rules there as well, at least one of them tries to get eye contact with him.
It’s fucking weird.
They puff out their breasts, they lean forward so that he can see past the neckline of their bathing suits, they touch their hair and twirl it between their fingers, let their feet slowly caress their legs.
It’s distracting and it’s weird.
But it’s not like it’s the first time. Billy has met the type before. Back in California, there were several housewives whose husbands ignored them at home and who didn’t give them what they needed so they went off to the beach and swam and sunbathed and stared at all the hot young men littering the sand and surfing on the waves. Billy’s been flirted with before by those women. And Billy likes flirting, and they found him charming, and it was good practice for flirting with people he was actually interested in picking up, and if he messed up they’d only laugh and move on to flirt with someone else. And it was an easy indicator of when he started going from ‘pretty boy’ to ‘hot, sexy young man’. But it was different in Cali. Because there he didn’t actually know any of those women. Here he knows that Max goes to school with some of these women’s kids, that he himself does, that Mrs. Jacobs drives a goddamn pink car everywhere, that Mrs. Roberts has a cat and two tiny dogs, and that Mrs. Smith is in the some fucking book club as Susan. And he knows that they all know who he is, that there isn’t any confusion about his age as there had been sometimes in Cali, because his family was probably the first ones to move here in forever. Billy Hargrove is the most interesting thing to have happened to this goddamn small town in Nowhere, Indiana, in years .
So yeah, it is a little weird.
But Billy ignores them, because he cares about his job more than about horny mothers.
—
It’s late on a Tuesday evening when Billy rushes out of the house and to his Camaro. There’d been a family who fucking refused to leave the pool, so Billy had to stay late to close up. They made him miss dinner. Neil was not very happy with that, and Billy’s ‘excuses’ didn’t make him any less angry. He’d been waiting for him to come home, sitting by the kitchen table, a plate and cutlery still left in front of Billy’s seat.
It always started of quietly, with Neil. With his dad.
Billy was still irritated from the pool when he stepped foot into the kitchen, but it all melted away when he saw Neil and froze in the doorway. His father was sitting turned towards him, just looking at him in the doorway. His mouth was a thin line underneath his moustache. His eyes were hard.
”You missed dinner.”
“I’m sorry. I was closing up at the pool-”
“The pool closes at 6.”
“There was a family who refused to leave on time, so we had to wait, and then I-“
And Neil had started to stand up, all the while still speaking. ”You know, Billy, I’m really not interested in hearing your excuses. If you can’t get home on time then you don’t get to work there anymore. Susan and I provide you with food and a place to live. You don’t need a job.”
Billy hadn’t even been sure if he was really listening. He knew what was coming. Could see it in Neil’s clenching knuckles. In the way Neil carried himself as he started walking up to him. It felt like all air had left him. He was going dizzy. He closed his eyes.
And then Neil slapped him so hard he lost his footing and stumbled into the wall. And the hits kept coming. Not as many as when Billy has done something truly stupid, just a couple. Enough for Neil’s ring to make the skin around his eyebrow break and bleed. But not enough so that Billy couldn’t drive. So when his dad left him leaning against the wall, telling him that if he couldn’t be bothered to show up for dinner then he didn’t have to bother showing up at all, Billy slowly pulled himself up and dashed for the front door.
He falls into the driver’s seat of his Camaro and hits the wheel a couple of times. His vision’s blurry from tears he refused to let fall while in the company of his father. He can’t stop a few from escaping as he revs the engine and pulls away from the house.
He starts driving, aimlessly. He doesn’t have anywhere to go. Back in California, when he got upset, he would drive down to the beach. Just sit there in the warm sand, smoke a cigarette, walk along the shoreline and feel the waves reach his feet, listen to the sea and smell the salty air.
Billy ends up at the pool. It’s the closest he can get to the ocean. The smell of chlorine is strong. Nothing like the salty air of the sea.
He parks the Camaro right outside the gate, behind a tree so it isn’t as visible from the road. Then he reaches behind his seat for the bottle of alcohol he’d taken from the part he’d been to that Saturday. He’s not even sure what it is , someone at the party had thought it would be a fun idea to take away all the labels and exchange the liquid in one bottle for the liquid in another. But it’ll numb him a little, anyway, so who actually gives a shit? He sits down on the hood of the Camaro and starts drinking.
He’s not sure how much time goes by until he hears a car approaching on the road. He hopes it’ll continue driving by. That it won’t stop. He doesn’t get his wish.
The car stops close to his and out walks Karen goddamn Wheeler.
“Billy?” she says as she walks up to him. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
Billy laughs around the cigarette between his lips. “Yeah, well. I work here.”
Karen blushes. “Yes... You do work here.” Then she starts smiling again. “Still. Isn’t it a little late to be out here. Alone.”
Billy sighs and hops of the hood of his car. He turns to her, leaning against the side of the Camaro. “I don’t know. I don’t have a curfew tonight. I was just going to drive around a little.”
Karen’s eyes have grown a little wider. Billy forgot his face was still a little bloody.
“I see.” It looks like she’s steeling herself, like she’s gathering courage to something incredibly stupid. She walks up to him and smiles again, looking up from underneath her lashes. “But I don’t think you should be driving alone if you’ve been in a fight. You could come home with me. I’ll help you clean the blood. Ted’s away for work, and Nancy’s with Jonathan. Mike is at a sleepover with his friends.” His ‘friends’. Even Billy knows they call themselves ‘The Party’, like they’re part of the Fellowship of the Ring or some shit. Karen reaches out and let’s her fingers trail against his chest. “We would have the house to ourselves. I- Let me take care of you, Billy. And you can... you can take care of me?”
And fuck it, why not? Why shouldn’t he go with her? It’s not like he has anywhere better to be, anything better to do. He can’t go home tonight. And Karen’s soft, and she’s offering to help him clean up.
He gets in her car.
—
Billy follows Karen into her house. He’s never actually been in there before. He’s sat in his car waiting for Max to come out, and he’s stood in the doorway while she finishes with her little nerd friends. But he’s never been inside.
Now, he follows Karen into the kitchen. She has a bag from Melvald’s with her, and starts putting away groceries. Cucumber. Cheese. Bread. Milk. Billy stays behind her, leaning against the counter. His body can’t relax. It’s like he’s still preparing himself for a hit.
Karen doesn’t hit him. She just smiles a sugary smile and takes his hand. Leads him up the stairs, into what he assumes is the Master bedroom and to the connected bathroom. The toilet seat’s up, and he hears her mutter something about Ted never closing it before she herself does it. Then she’s sits him down on it and gets out a clean hand towel. Wets it in the sink before crouching down in front of him.
She doesn’t touch his face with her hands, but she does reach out to stroke his hair. Nobody has stroked his hair in years. Maybe not even since his mum left. They’ve pulled it when making out or fucking, but not this gentle stroking. Billy lets his eyes close and just breathe for a second.
Karen stops after what is probably less then a minute, and Billy wants to ask her to continue, but he can’t seem to get his mouth to open. Can’t get his voice to work. He’s afraid that if he’ll open his eyes they’ll be wet.
Karen reaches up with the damp towel and starts dabbing the blood away. It had dried up, like sticky mud that pulled at his skin when he changed expressions. So it’s nice to get it off. Nice to not have to do it himself. This whole situation reminds him of when he was younger, before his mum left, when he’d play outside and fall and scratch up his knees in the pavement, and his mum would take him by the hand, dry his tears and place him on the toilet seat. She’d stroke his hair, kiss his forehead and gently clean off the blood and dirt.
It stings when Karen moves past the dried blood and gets to the actual wound. His eyes fall open and Billy has to bite his lip not to hiss at it.
“You know, I dated my fair share of bad boys in school. They’d always find some fight to get in to. Sometimes to defend me. Sometimes to show off to me. It was exciting. They were so fearless.”
Billy wants to point out that he is far from fearless. Lots of things scare him. Not getting high enough grades, not being home on time, Max getting hurt, falling in love, not being able to leave when he turns 18, sudden movements and questions. Fuck, questions scare him the most.
Billy guesses she must be done, because Karen leans back and looks at him. She’s smiling, but when her gaze falls to his mouth he sees a small little wrinkle form between her eyebrows. She slowly reaches out and touches his lower lip, so Billy automatically lets go off it.
“You shouldn’t bite your lips. They’re to beautiful to be broken.” She still has her hand on his face, but she’s moved it from his lips to his cheek.
She looks up at him from under her lashes, and slowly leans forward and kisses him. She’s so close he can smell her perfume. It’s flowery. Strong. Sweet. Too sweet.
Karen sighs against his lips. He can feel her smiling. “Come on. Time for you to take care of me.”
She stands up, dumps the bloody towel in the sink and pulls him with her out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Pushes him down on the bed and looks at him while she slowly pulls of her shirt. Lets it fall down on the floor. Her bra’s cream coloured. She keeps it on as she climbs up on the bed and settles on top of him. Kisses him again.
Billy’s not sure what to do. He’s tired. He kind of just wants to lie her beside Karen and sleep. He wants to ask her to start petting his hair again. But Billy doesn’t know how to do that. Doesn’t know how to ask for gentle things. He’s not sure he knows how to ask for anything. He often knows how to act to get what he wants. But he’s not good at voicing it. And maybe it’s fine. At least Karen’s close, and warm, and soft, and he’s in a bed and not in his car.
Karen’s hands move away from his head and start to unbutton his shirt. Starts kissing her way along his chest, and yeah, fuck it. Why shouldn’t he get to feel good? Why shouldn’t he get to try to enjoy this? She helped him, she’s trying to make him feel good, it’s all okay. It’s alright. Karen took care of him, so now it’s Billy’s turn to take care of her.
He reaches up and puts a hand in her hair, waits for her to look up at him and kisses her.
—
Billy wakes up the next morning just when the first rays of sun have started filtering in through the window. Karen’s asleep beside him, lying down on her stomach with her face turned away from the window, towards the open bathroom door. Her hair falls down like a dark waterfall against her bare back. The blanket’s fallen down low so he can see the top of her skirt. It’s dark blue. Like the sea when it storms. He didn’t notice it last night.
He needs to leave.
He needs to leave right now, before she wakes up, before she asks him something, before she wants to go for round two.
His head hurts. It’s like he’s hungover, but it’s weird. He feels weird. Dirty.
He still has his boxers on, and he finds his jeans and shirt lying discarded on the floor beneath the window. He feels dizzy.
But he pulls them on and when he gets to the door he has the sudden urge to vomit. Karen’s cream coloured bra lies in front of it. He can feel Nancy’s eyes following him around the room from the school photograph Karen keeps on her nightstand.
He rushes to leave the house, goes out the backdoor and climbs over the fence in the garden.
He almost runs back to the pool. It’s like he can’t breath right. Like the air’s getting into his lungs but there’s too little oxygen in it.
His shift starts first thing in the morning, so there’s no use going back to the house, and his pool bag is still in the Camaro. So he unlocks it, gets the bag out and hurries into the building.
He needs to shower. He feels so goddamn dirty. And numb. It’s like he can’t actually feel anything against his skin. Like he needs to scrub it raw but it still won’t be enough.
He’s quick to get his clothes off, throws them into his locker and rushes to the shower. His hands shake and he has to try twice before he gets a strong enough grip to turn the water on. Only once the water hits him does he actually start to feel anything again. It’s cold, it’s really cold, but it’s better than that numb feeling and he’s not sure he’ll be able to turn it to hotter if he so tried.
He thinks he’s crying. He’s not sure, the shower spray is hitting his head and running down his face, but there’s something hotter running down his cheeks. He doesn’t know why he’s crying. He has no reason to cry.
It’s when he reaches out to grab his shampoo bottle that Billy first actually lets his eyes fall on his body. On his chest and stomach. There’s bruises there, older ones, yellow ones, courtesy of his father, but he can see newer ones as well, from last night, but not only that, no, no, there are hickeys there as well, but his vision is starting to get blurry from all the water and he can’t figure out which ones are from Neil’s fists and the furniture at home, and which ones are from Karen’s lips, god, he can’t figure it out, he can’t , shit, shit, shit, Jesus Christ-
—
Billy has another shift after lunch. He’s halfway through it when Hawkins’ Club For Horny Housewives walks in through the gates and settles down on some sunbeds strategically placed right across the pool from the lifeguard’s chair.
He tries to ignore them, he really does. But Karen still manages to catch his eyes and winks at him. It only makes him want to look away more. So he focuses on the pool. But he guesses she must notice where his gaze falls, because suddenly she’s there. Right in the pool. Doing backstrokes, stretching out her body as much as possible. Billy feels his hand tremble so he sticks it underneath the towel hanging off the armrest and moves to look at the kids splashing around and playing tag. Makes sure they don’t swim straight into someone else.
He’s so focused on avoiding Karen that he must miss when she climbs out of the pool. Because suddenly she’s right there beside him, tapping on his arm to get his attention. He turns to look and almost recoils when he realises it’s her.
She’s smiling up at him, her voice lowered but still loud enough for him to hear her.
“Hi... I just wanted to let you know that I had fun last night. And if you want to come over tonight, then you would be very welcome. Ted and the kids are still gone. Just a thought.” She winks at him again, before sauntering away to the other side of the pool. Probably to get back to trying to get a tan. In fucking Indiana.
That feeling of not getting enough oxygen is back. He doesn’t want to go back. He never wants to step foot in that house again. He’s going to sit outside the house in his car and honk until Max gets out the next time she hangs out at Mike’s place. He doesn’t care if the whole neighbourhood things he’s rude and loud. Fuck them. He’s not going in.
He tries to get back to watching the kids, but he can’t stop thinking about the night before. It’s playing on in his head, repeating, like someone’s fast forwarding a movie. He can’t stop thinking about it, about Neil hitting him and him not being able to stop it, and then to Karen leading him to her home and bed and him not knowing what to do other than follow along, and sure she had made him feel good in the moment, but it had also felt wrong and Billy had really just wanted her to start petting his hair again and to get to sleep, but he didn’t know how to ask for that, and she was still close by and seemed to care about him, but then he saw a picture of Nancy at their nightstand and God, he went to school with her and now he was there with her mother and it felt so weird and wrong and strange and dirty and then suddenly it was over and Billy could go to sleep, but now the sun is sweltering and Billy’s starting to feel nauseous and thankfully Hannah is there next for her shift and he can leave so he rushes of and falls to his knees in front of the toilet in the employee bathroom. He retches up all his lunch and lets his forehead fall down to rest on the white porcelain.
—
Susan’s always been a fan of nature. She has no luck taking care of flowers, but she enjoys looking at them. Being surrounded by them. When she was a little girl her parents would often get her to go camping or hiking during the summer, and it was amongst the best memories she had of her childhood.
But there’s something about the woods in Hawkins. They’re everywhere, surround the whole town, almost seem like they continue into some people’s backyards. And they feel... threatening, almost. Strange. Especially at night, after dark has fallen. She likes them at sunset and dawn, when the sun has painted the tree crowns gold. But not at night. No.
Still, she’s out here driving along a road surrounded by trees, just to go get Billy. He’d done something, Susan isn’t even sure what, so Neil had forbidden him from using his car for the week. And as he was going away for work this week he’d made sure to take the keys to the Camaro with him. So Billy was stuck. He woke up extra early just to walk to work. He never asked Susan to drive him.
But then two days ago, he’d come home as Susan was just about to start dinner, and had slammed the door to the bathroom shut as he went to take a shower. And Max, who was doing homework at the kitchen table, had rolled her eyes.
“He’s in a bad mood.”
“Yes, well, I can’t imagine it’s fun not to get to use his car,” Susan had said, while grabbing a potato to peel.
Max had frowned. “No, that’s not why. He wanted to go to a party on Friday.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, he seemed really excited, but now he can’t, because he can’t walk there and back.”
“I see.”
And Susan had felt bad, because it was summer, and Susan remembers summers when she was 17 as fun . Helping out at home, sure, but mostly hanging out on the beach with her friends. And Billy’s only been to one party yet since summer break started. He’s working every day. So why not? Why shouldn’t he get to go to this party he was looking forward to so much?
She had smiled at him halfway through dinner, when Max had finished telling them about what The Party had been doing that day at the Arcade. “So where’s the party on Friday, Billy?”
“What?” It was a growl, really, more than an actual word. A shocked growl, though.
“I thought I’d drive you there, is all. So I need to know where I’m going. And where to pick you up. I don’t want you walking home through the woods in the dark.”
And Billy had agreed, to her astonishment. She was half expecting him to tell her to fuck off. He hadn’t, but he’d made her promise not to drive to the actual party but to drop him off and pick him up at the end of the street. Something about it being embarrassing if people saw him being picked up. Max has laughed at him and his obvious need to uphold some kind of ‘image’.
But Susan had agreed to his terms, and she’d dropped him off. And then she’d gone home to have a couple quiet hours to herself for the first time in what felt like years since Max was at the Wheelers’ place.
Then it was time to go and get Max. Karen was the one to open the door when she rang the bell, which was a relief. Susan had never really understood Ted. Had found him somewhat... absent. Always busy with something else.
But Karen smiled at her, and went and got Max, and told them to drive safe and waved as they drove away.
They watched TV for a while before Susan had to go get Billy, so she left Max in her room to go to ‘sleep’. Which probably meant lying in bed and reading a comic or talking to her friends via their walkies.
So now Susan’s here, about to pull up to the pavement were she can see Billy leaning against the streetlight.
He gets up and walks up to the car, pulls the door open and falls into the passenger seat. Susan can smell cologne on him, but it’s not his own. Not only his own, at least. Maybe he’d tried to mask the smell of alcohol. He’s drunk, Susan can tell. Not too much, not enough for it to be a big problem at work tomorrow, but a little. Enough. Drunker then he usually is after a party. He probably took advantage of the fact that he didn’t have to drive himself home. Because while Billy may be able to hold his liquor well, he’s careful about driving drunk. Doesn’t want to get caught by the police and cares too much about his car to risk hurting her. ‘His baby’.
They drive in silence for a couple seconds, just long enough to get out of the neighbourhood and back to the drive through the trees. Susan keeps glancing over at him. Trying to figure out what mood he’s in. If the party was fun and he’s happy, or if it wasn’t and he’s already in a bad mood. But it’s hard. He’s not looking at her.
But who knows, maybe he won’t even remember this conversation and it can be a trial run to see what she should not say. Still, Susan steels herself before she starts speaking.
“Billy?”
“Hm.”
She bites her lip and grips the steering wheel harder. “I have something to tell you. It’s really... it’s important.”
Now however, now Susan can feel his eyes on her. But she keeps her gaze planted firmly on the road, and takes in a deep breath for a second before letting the words out.
“I’m pregnant. You’re getting a sibling.”
There’s a pause that is, for lack of a better word, pregnant. All that’s heard is the sound of the car on the road. Then Billy opens his mouth.
“Why the fuck would you let yourself get pregnant?! With Neil’s kid?!” She can see him throw back his head out of her peripheral. He lets out a humourless laugh. “I mean, when you already know what kind of shit people his kids become.”
‘ What kind of shit he does to his biological kids’ hangs between them, unsaid, and suddenly Susan wants to run. But she’s the one who started this conversation.
“Your father doesn’t know. No one knows. Not even Max.”
Billy doesn’t say anything at first. She doesn’t have to look at him to know he’s staring at her, incredulous. She almost wants to laugh. Or cry.
“Then why the Hell did you tell me?”
And Susan shrugs, because what else is she to do? “I don’t know.”
She thinks he raises his eyebrows, but he doesn’t say anything, only nods. Seems to accept that as a reasonable answer.
No one speaks for a minute or two, then Billy, quietly:
“How far along are you?”
Susan almost smiles to herself. “Just about three months, I think.”
“Well, congratulations, I guess.”
This time Susan does smile. “Thank you.”
He doesn’t say anything else, and Susan takes a minute to relish in how well it actually went. She almost wants to put a hand on her belly, but Susan’s a nervous drives after dark, so she keeps both hands on the wheel.
“I’ve already picked up Max. She’s supposed to be sleeping now, but you know how she is.”
“Yeah. Where was she today?”
“The Wheelers.” She doesn’t miss the way Billy tenses up, but files it away as something to think about later. “Mrs. Wheeler opened the door. She’s always so nice, and she’s had three kids, I should probably ask her for some advice on the second pregnancy, and-“
“She’s a fucking bitch.”
And Susan stops. Glances over quickly. Billy’s got his fists clenched in his lap. And Susan gets defensive. Because she knows Karen, remembers talking to her countless times, remembers how she’d given her a homemade cake when they’d first moved in, and how she’d invited her to join in her exercise group. Susan had declined, but she’d always thought of Karen as kind. Had seen her love for her kids. So hearing Billy call her that makes her irritated. Angry. It’s no way to speak about someone, and it isn’t right, and Karen was the first person who had tried to reach out and become Susan’s friend when they moved to Hawkins.
“Now, Billy, that isn’t particularly respectful and Karen has always been very-“
“She’s a bitch. She is.” His voice is shaky, and Susan doesn’t understand it. “She’s a goddamn creep who preys on 17-year olds.”
And Susan’s heart does a little flip and then stops. Falls down somewhere below her belly button and stays there. It feels like all air has left her. Like she’s a balloon that someone blew up and then slowly let deflate. All her anger and irritation is gone. But Billy can’t mean what she thinks he does? Can he?
“I... Billy... What do you mean by that?” She’s slow and gentle as she asks, and it’s like he’s been waiting for someone to ask him that because the words fall out in a jumbled mess, like he doesn’t even want to say them but he can’t stay silent, not when he’s been asked.
“L-last, last week, when I was late for dinner, I drove to the pool when dad was done with me, and she found me there, and she took me home with her, because no one else was there, and she cleaned the blood away and she stroked my hair and I just wanted her to keep doing that because it felt so nice, but she, she didn’t, she didn’t , she kissed me and then she lead me to her bed and she pushed me down on it and I should have expected it because they always stare at me at work, but I didn’t know what to do, what I wanted, I didn’t, so I just let her continue and at first it felt nice, at least a little, but then I saw this p-photo of Nancy and she’s in some of my classes, and then it just felt weird and wrong and I just wanted to sleep but I couldn’t say no, because we had already started and it was too late, and the bed was soft and warm so I let her go on, but then I felt really dirty when I woke up, and I felt sick and, and the hickeys looked like bruises and I just-“ He breaks of into a sob and pulls his hands up to hide his face. His shoulders are shaking.
And Susan is reminded of how her summers also involved boys hollering after her and her friends as they walked along the beach or through the city. She’d never considered that boys could experience it as well. She’s horrified.
So she pulls over. Stops the car. Ignores the weird feelings she gets from the woods and steps out, walks around the car and opens the passenger door. She reaches her hands out and pulls Billy closer to her, lets his head rest against her belly. She can feel her dress getting wet from tears. He goes willingly.
And Susan feels so guilty, so guilty for never giving him any comfort, this boy who seems so starved of it, and she thinks about what he said and places her hand on his head. Lets it fall along his hair. She stops when Billy lets out a chocked whine. But she doesn’t move away, just pauses the motions she’d started doing.
“Do you want me to stop?” she asks instead, and Billy shakes his head so she continues. Continues until he’s calmed down and even then doesn’t stop.
“Listen, Billy. Billy, listen. There’s something important I need you to understand. You can always say no. No matter how far you’re into it. No matter with whom you’re doing it with, or how far along into your relationship you are. You can always say no. Okay? God, you should’ve never even been in that situation to begin with. She’s an adult. You’re not.”
And Billy scoffs from where he’s still leaning against her belly. “I’m almost an adult. I’m not a little kid.”
Susan smiles sadly. “No, you’re not. You’re a teenager.”
He falls silent at that. Doesn’t try to argue with her. She thinks he probably understands the difference. The point she’s trying to make. But she whispers it again, just to make sure.
“You can always say no.”
He nods against her. Then:
“Steve Harrington kissed me tonight.”
Susan has to force herself not to clench her hands. She still has them in his hair. She thinks back to the other cologne she could smell on him when he got into the car. But she’s met Steve, and doesn’t think him capable of forcing himself on someone else.
“Did you want him to?”
It takes him a second to answer, almost a second too long. Because Susan would never have thought Karen would do something like that, but she had, Susan knows it, because Billy would never have let Susan see him like this otherwise, so what if Steve-
“Yes.”
And Susan feels her whole body relax. She thinks back to a summer many, many years ago, when she’d swam out with a beautiful girl and hid behind the cliffs. If she where to concentrate, she’s sure she’d still be able to remember Vivi’s lips against hers. “Alright. Then that’s fine, Billy. It’s okay. If you both wanted to kiss, then there’s nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing.”
—
It’s three in the afternoon when Susan, dressed in a loose summer dress and a bathing suit on underneath, gets in her car and drives off to the pool.
Billy’s in the lifeguard chair when she gets there. He looks a little confused when he sees her, and Susan wonders if he remembers anything from the previous night. She’s never been to the pool. But hopefully he’ll realise that she just misses the ocean like he does.
She lets her eyes scan the crowd until they find Karen and co. They’re lying on sunbeds directly across from the lifeguard’s chair, so if Billy to just stare straight ahead his eyes would land on them.
Susan finds a nice spot in the shade where she can observe. She’s got the pool in front of her with Billy on the left side and Karen’s little gang on the right. She gets out her sunglasses and the big hat she used to wear in California as protection against the sun and starts her investigation.
Billy keeps trying to look in any other direction then where they are, but they don’t ever stop. Any move they make is like they’re preening and showing off their feathers and trying to catch his attention. Even when they swim they continue. They won’t stop staring at him, hungry like vultures.
And suddenly Susan is overcome with anger and a protective feeling she’s never really felt for anyone other than her daughter. Because Susan never knows what to do about Neil hurting him, since it’s only ever Billy and Neil is perfectly pleasant and good when he doesn’t decide that Billy has upset him in some way, and Billy’s not even her child, he’s Neil’s, but right now? He’s a child and Karen is not.
So Susan keeps her watch from underneath the shade.
She waits for Billy’s shift to be over, hoping to see another male bodyguard come out to check if they behave the same way, but it’s a girl that comes next. And Karen and her friends stop.
But the pool’s closing in just about two to three hours, and Susan needs to confront Karen before that, and she needs to go home and prepare dinner.
She’s musing on how to do it - just go up to them and scream at them? Ask them to follow her? Only ask Karen to follow her? - when the perfect opportunity presents itself.
Karen gets up to go to the bathroom.
And Susan follows her. Stands up and goes to wait outside. There’s no line there, and there’s a wall that separates them from the rest of the pool’s view.
Susan doesn’t waste any time. As soon as Karen steps out she’s smiling at her, all pleasant even if her blood is churning looking at her.
“Karen! I’m so happy I managed to catch you! There was this thing I needed to ask you. But I... I don’t want anyone else to hear. Come on.” And she motions with her head towards a door marked ‘Employees Only’.
Karen looks a little confused, but Susan knows what she looks like. Knows she looks harmless, soft, meek . No one would be in any danger alone with Susan Hargrove. So Karen follows her, and they enter something that looks like a little kitchen. It must be where they take their lunch breaks. There are two doors, one leading further into the building and the other out to the pool. Susan plants herself in front of that one. Karen waits expectantly before her.
“You know, I always thought of you as a nice person. A kind one.” Susan scoffs. “Until yesterday, that is. Until I had a crying teenager in my arms. And you know, I just needed to see it for myself. So I came here today, and I sat there by the pool and I watched you and your friends for hours . I saw the way you acted. And I saw the way you stopped when they changed lifeguards.”
Karen’s speechless. She’s just standing there, staring at Susan. And Susan thinks fuck it. Fuck. It.
“I saw the way you stared at him. And quite frankly, I am disgusted. You know he did everything to avoid looking at you lot. I saw it. How could you? How the fuck could you do something like that to him?!”
That seems to be what shakes Karen out of her frozen state.
“‘To him’?! ‘To him’? He was there the whole time too, Susan! It takes two to tango! And he’s much stronger than I am! He could have left anytime he wanted to!”
Susan’s fuming. So she snaps. “Except he didn’t know what to do! He just turned 17 this May, Karen! He’s 17! 17! You’re an adult! You’re the one responsible. He goes to your daughter’s school, for Christ’ sake! They’re the same age! He’s a child, a goddamn teenager! You’re a 40-year old woman, you should know better!”
“Ted-“
“I don’t give a shit about your husband, Karen. If you’re having problems then divorce him. With how little he knows about his kids I’m sure you’d get full custody.” Susan takes in a deep breath. “But that’s not important. What’s important is that you and your friends are lusting after a 17-year old. The fact that last week you got him in your car and took him home with you. I really fucking hope you wouldn’t do that to any other boys here, but just because you and the rest of you lot in this town didn’t see Billy grow up does not mean that he is up for grabs by women almost three times his age! What would you say if a man your age went after Nancy?”
Karen looks at her as though she’s been slapped. “I- It- It’s not the same...”
“Oh no? Why not? Because you’re a woman? It doesn’t matter, Karen. It doesn’t. And I won’t stand for it. So you and your friends, you’ll stop it this instance. I don’t want you staring at him and I don’t want you saying anything like, like that , to him. Because if you do, then I’ll go to the Chief. I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate adults wanting to have sec with teenagers in his town. Do you understand?”
“I- Yes. Yes, I understand. I - We - won’t ever do it again. I promise.” She looks genuinely scared, and Susan hopes it isn’t the threat of the police, hopes that she actually understands why what she did - what they’ve all been doing - is wrong.
“Good. Now get out of my sight. Go along and deliver the news to the rest of them.” Susan steps aside so Karen can get past her, and she does, quickly, as though she can’t stand being in the same room as Susan any longer. It’s fine. Susan doesn’t want to talk to her any longer than she has to either. So she stands there and watches the door as Karen leaves and gets back out to the pool.
“Susan?”
Susan turns around. In the other doorway Billy stands. It’s clear from his expression he’s heard most, if not all, of her conversation with Karen. Still, she asks.
“Billy. How much did you hear?”
“Everything.” He’s frowning, and Susan can tell he’s about to get angry. But she can’t tell at whom. She sees him bite his lip. “So I told you, huh?”
“Yes, in the car, last night. After I...”
“After you told me you were pregnant.”
“Yes. I guess you might’ve been to drunk to remember our conversation. But Billy,” she’s quick to add. “I’m glad you did. I’m glad you told me. But I also needed to see them for myself. See how many they were. They won’t bother you again. If they do, please tell me?”
He nods, exhales, and it’s like all anger, all energy, leaves him with that one breath. Susan can see him hesitating, debating with himself, but then:
“I’ve been throwing up. After every shift. I just... I can’t stand the way they look at me anymore. It makes my skin crawl.”
And Susan is again reminded of her youth. Of walking home in the evening with Vivienne, the sunset behind them and their dresses sticking to wet, salty skin. Leering faces of boys still on the beach, and remembers grabbing Vivi’s hand tighter and walking a little quicker. It had made Susan’s skin crawl then, as well.
Her musings are cut off by a nearly silent, choked sound. Like someone’s trying not to cry. She looks back up at Billy. He’s got tears running down his cheeks. Not a lot. Just a few. But they’re enough for Susan.
She walks over to him and wraps her arms around him. Hears him gasp at the contact and waits a couple seconds for Billy to relax, thinking that if he doesn’t she’ll let go, but he does relax, and burrows his head down into her shoulder. He’a several inches taller than she is, so he has to bend his back to be able to do it.
“Thank you.”
Susan feels tears gathering in her own eyes, because he sounds so incredibly earnest and astounded that anyone would actually do something to help him. She vows to do better. “You have nothing to thank me for, sweetie.”
They stay like that for a couple minutes, before Billy suddenly lets out a soft little laugh.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse.”
Susan can’t help but give a little laugh as well. “No, you probably haven’t. I don’t do it often.”
“I know. I always thought Max must get her toughness from her father, but I guess I was wrong.” He slowly lifts up a hand and places it against her belly. They both turn to look down at it. “This one is going to be a feisty one, huh?”
And this time Susan does actually burst out laughing. A real, full body laugh. “Yeah. Yes, that’s most likely true. Good god. Come on. I know your shifts over. Let’s go. You can go home and start dinner, and I’ll go get Max. I should probably tell her she’s going to be a big sister.”