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Another party, another girl that was making out with JJ.
It was obscene.
Or was it?
Didn’t Kiara do the same thing just a few days ago?
She came up with the rule “No pogue-on-pogue making” and she hated hypocrisy, but part of her hoped that JJ would stop picking girls up and pay more attention to her.
She let herself sink in more in the chair that was behind her, hiding her expression behind the beer can.
The loud music, the cold beer, her friends laughing around her, nothing could distract her from her best friend grinning like a foul at the redhead that was laughing at some stupid joke.
Stupid.
She was the stupid one, since when did she care about who is JJ fucking?
She always cared, it was just easy to hide it until then. Since John B and Sarah became a thing, their little group felt just strange for Kie.
Pope started to hang out with them less and less, since he barely received the scholarship. He put it straight to them that he was not risking it unless their life was at stake again.
John B also spent less time with her since Sarah appeared in the picture. It was normal, after all they needed their time together.
But, it was JJ the one that actually hurt her the most. He started to act strange around her, even straight up ignoring her. Always a job, always a girl, there was always something.
As she swung the can to take another gulp of the cold beer, Kie realised that it was empty. She had to stop before getting even close to being drunk. Her parents were starting to lose patience. And it was only half the reason she had to stop, it was not in her best interest to confess something she was still not ready for.
But it was not like she could hide it any longer. The feeling inside her chest as she observed the way JJ kissed that girl was gnawing at her insides.
Kiara could not blame the females that accepted his advances. That would be highly unfair coming from her. It was easy to fall for someone like JJ.
Blond hair, blue eyes, a body to die for, a sense of loyalty that could not be matched by many. It was so easy, until he would show up with the markings of his father lingering all over his body.
She saw all that, she didn’t run.
She had to talk to him, but she had to wait for a moment when they would be alone.
That moment came a few days later. Kiara arrived at the Chateau only to find JJ sleeping in a hammock, outside the house.
Was she really going to do this? To actually confess? Ignoring their most important rule? Was it still a rule?
She bit her tongue as she looked at the man that probably stayed up late smoking weed on the beach.
“Hey, JJ. Wake up.” She lightly nudged her friend. Her heart was pounding so hard against the bones of her chest that it made her think that it might escape from its cage.
The blonde only yawned as he took off the hat that he used to protect his eyes from the sun off.
“Hey, Kie.” He yawned again as he shifted in the hammock. She could see both the dark circles around his eyes and the marks left by his father a few days back.
"What's up?" He ran a hand through his messy hair, before putting the hat back on. She saw him in the same state millions of times, yet Kiara felt like it was the first time she actually observed.
"I wanted to talk." Those words meant so much, never bringing something positive, but it was her that actually said.
"About what, Kie?" JJ could barely keep his eyes open as he spoke, he looked exhausted.
"I know that ... we said that it was only a moment of weakness." She started to trail, as she played with her headphones. JJ eyes started to focus on her, waiting for her to finish her sentence. " But, the thing is, that I am not able to forget about it."
"Go on." He used the pause in her speech to make her spill whatever he thought was in her head, but the reservation in his words made her step back a bit, balancing her weight from one leg to the other.
"Right, and..." She could feel his eyes watching her every move, but there was no way she could look up from his shirt. "Fuck it. This gets me nowhere" She sighed as she let her head tilt back, facing the sky.
JJ looked more awake and aware by the moment that passed and the simple fact that he was not reacting was worrying her to the sky and back.
"I like you more than a friend. I am in love with you." The words left her lips much easier than she expected, but it still took her by surprise.
JJ jumped from the hammock, his hands on his head, laughing.
"Kie, that is a bad joke, but it is still hilarious. " The corner of his lips were turned upwards taking the form of a cheshire smile. "Now, let's don't make that joke again." She felt paralyzed, even forgetting how to breathe.
"You are joking, right?" The smile started to fall, just to be replaced by an expression that she could not describe.
"You are not joking." Kiara felt like someone slapped her. "I don't know what you expect from me, but I am not even stepping in that direction. Whatever feelings you have for me, just forget them. Forget about this. You are one of my best friends, more like a sister. " It was not right. It didn't feel right.
"I... I can't..." The pain in her chest was starting to numb her other senses. Kiara was not able to comprehend what was happening with her feelings. There was not supposed to be any secrets between them, not judgement, so the fact that JJ was actually angry with her, was just a question that she was not able to answer.
"Kiara, you came with the out rule. No making out. Just friends, just family. And then John B kissed you, just for you to kiss Pope a few days later." JJ was aggressive and reckless, but never with them, never with her. The anger in his voice was the only thing she actually could process.
"JJ..." At the sound of his name, he actually stopped, yet the pain that accompanied the disappointed smile that he showed made her question whether she was missing something.
"You thought that I was going to harm you." He shoved his hands in his pockets, masking frustration that was running through his veins. "Just tell me, Kiara. How do you think a possible relationship would work, when you act like I would actually hit you?"
"I don't think that. I..."
"You what? Don't tell me that you didn't realize that you took a step back." Her eyes started to sting, revealing the storm that it was devastating her thoughts.
"You don't have the right to play victim, Kiara. You were the one that played with all our feelings. And as much as it pains me to see you crying, I will not apologize. I suggest you go home and get yourself together."
Just as JJ turned his back on her, the tears spilled on her face. She didn't want any of these to happen. Yet, she had to pay for her actions, despite her desires.