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Communication has never quite been easy for them. It would be safe to assume that they could manage it. Shepard is, after all, known for her diplomatic skills and direct approach and Garrus is quite the smooth talker too. But that’s with people they don’t know or when they have a clear goal. With each other…
First, there’s the cultural difference. Humans and Turians communicate differently and the fact that they are speaking different languages, translated through omnitools, really doesn’t help either.
Then there’s the things they talk about. They can both talk about military strategy or the morality of their actions for hours on end but interpersonal relationships? Their feelings for each other? Those are different matters entirely.
And finally, they love each other. Shepard isn’t afraid to step on the feelings of some ambassador or councillor or even Anderson if she has to, but Garrus? The thought of hurting him shakes her and Garrus is the exact same. They just don’t manage to tell each other.
It starts out simple enough, when they are just flirting. Reach and Flexibility. Implying intentions through innuendo. Shepard runs into her first hurdle when she is dropping Garrus off on Palaven and she wants to tell him that she loves him, but she also doesn’t want to scare him away. She isn’t sure how he feels about her. In the moment she settles on “I’ll miss you” and pressing a quick kiss to the scarred side of his face. Later, in her six months of house arrest, she regrets not telling him.
Garrus struggles when he comes back onto the ship after Menae and he just doesn’t know if Shepard wants to continue what they started. He somehow manages to stammer out the question and can barely hide his relief when she agrees.
They continue like this, communicating through humour and innuendo, but they know this isn’t quite right, the honesty is lacking. Garrus still knows Shepard isn’t doing well. He knows she doesn’t sleep and he is with her on the ground missions where she recklessly throws herself at absolutely everything. It’s when she decides to charge at a Brute with a melee attack that he starts to seriously worry.
On the shuttle back to the Normandy he pulls her to the side. “Shepard, what the hell was that?”
“What?”, she asks, entirely oblivious.
“You charged at a Brute! You could have died!”
“I could always die, Garrus.”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to actively invite it.” He immediately knows he’s said the wrong thing because Shepard, shuts down. She looks away, her whole figure seems to shrink. So Garrus does what he always does when he’s afraid he’s scratched too deep. He makes a joke. “I swear, sometimes you forget you’re not actually a Krogan.”
Shepard laughs and everything is good again. But Garrus can’t forget that look in her eyes.
-
He sees it again after Thessia. Shepard is just numb. On the shuttle back she is staring right through him. He waits till Liara has left and they are alone before he asks her. “How are you?”
“Bad.”
“Yeah, I can tell. You look like someone just brutally murdered you hamster.” The joke is bad. It’s entirely inappropriate and Garrus knows it is, but he just doesn’t know how to get through to her otherwise. However this time, she snaps.
“My hamster? My fucking hamster? Are you serious?! We just saw millions of ASARI getting brutally murdered. We HEARD it. How the fuck can you make a joke about that? Can you, for once in you life, take something fucking seriously?”
Garrus raises his arms defensively but he knows he’s made a mistake, he knows she’s right. “I’m just trying to get you to tell me how you feel.”
“Like shit, Garrus. Like utter fucking shit. How do you not?”
“I do, I do...it’s just…”, he pauses, choosing his words more carefully this time. “You are my priority.”
Her anger collapses in an instant. He shoulders sack down and the fury on her face is replaced by a look of broken sadness that will haunt him for the rest of his life. “Thanks. I...I don’t deserve it, but thanks.”
She reaches for him and he pulls her into a hug. Her hands cling to his armour as she screams and sobs in pain and frustration.
-
From that point on they ask each other how they feel, point blank. It still doesn’t run smoothly, there are a few awkward silences and jokes that don’t quite land, but it’s much better.
So when she has to say goodbye to him again, this time in London in the middle of a battle field, Shepard knows what to say.
“I love you. I will always love you.”