Chapter Text
Janus shifted on his feet in what he hoped looked like boredom or frustration
with Thomas's latest dilemma the truth is he really really needs the bathroom
After janus had revealed his name to thomas and his room had moved to the light side he has been spending a lot more time with the light sides and truth be told he actually iikes company. Logan is able to keep up with him in philosophy debates, roman was a great acting partner patton loved hearing his snake trivia for what seemed like hours and virgil (who he had missed for so many years) had started hanging out with him again
There was just one problem : he was
So very bladder shy he couldn't go if he thought someone could hear him/knew he was in the bathroom. it hadn't been a problem before he had been accepted with remus spending most of his time in the imagination and orange rarely coming out of his room but now as he barely had time to himself rarely not participating in some famILY bonding activity ( not that he minded) it was a bit more of a problem
So that's why he is suffering in silence with an overfull bladder and wishing thomas could be quote unquote 'normal' and not have breakdowns over the smallest of issues on what seemed to be a daily basis
"Janus what should I do?" thomas said not that the yellow side had been listening having been distracted by the semi frequent spasms of his bladder telling him to go soon
" oh sorry i was 'totally' listening thomas"
"What's wrong snake and josh you seem distracted today? " roman said sounding a little worried and confused
"Oh its nothing continue thomas" the quicker they sorted out whatever inconsequential issue thomas had the quicker he could sink out to the dark side and use the bathroom there.(something he had been doing for months now) yes it was inconvenient but he couldn't get himself to relax enough to go in the light side bathroom( maybe very late at night if he could all but guarantee everyone was asleep) on the baseless irrational fear that they'd hear him god what he wouldn't give for an ensuite but he couldn't change anything about his room expect the things in it the only people who could change anything else was roman or remus and to tell either one of them why. he'd rather die (that meaning a lot when he was the literal embodiment of self preservation)
I mean how long could it possibly take he'd be fine
An hour and a half seriously
Well a least it was over
I can see you're definitely *not* over thinking things still
Janus said after had all of the other sides had sunk out
"Well all in baby steps" thomas said smiling at the reference he made to the previous episode
How is living with the light sides? thomas asked casually
"It's fine" deceit said nonchalantly but thomas could see the slight smile on his face as he spoke
"Bye thomas" he said sinking out and rising up in Lights common room to walk to the dark side ( ever since he had been accepted it took extra effort to sink out to the dark side)
"Where are you going jay?" Virgil said from his uncomfortable looking position perching on the banister
"Oh just to visit remus I get worried about him sometimes him basically being alone" it wasn't a complete lie he had intended to visit remus after he had sorted out his nagging bladder
"Oh you worry about me, being accepted has really made you soft like a cat in
a blender" remus said appearing behind deceit making him jump a little
"Hi remus" deceit said internally cursing now that his cover for going to the bathroom was gone
"High? No i'm a little drunk but I'm not high yet"
Virgil couldn't help but laugh at the exasperated look on janus's face
"Hey dear emo hansen"
Logan roman and Patton had now wondered in to the common area to see what the commotion was
"Oh hey remus" the unasked question what are you doing here hung in the l air
"Oh janus was worried about me the big softie"
"Yes worried about what chaos you're capable of without someone checking up on you"
"Eh tomato juice, blood what's the difference"
"Nice catching up, anyway I'll leave"
remus went to leave but Patton stopped him "wait remus we were actually planning on having a movie night if you wanted to join us"
"Really" remus's eyes lit up " I mean i could if you dorks wanted me to".
"Well the idiom is the more the merrier isn't that right Patton?"
Logan said
"Right roman you make the popcorn virgil you get the blankets logan you set the dvd player up remus why don't you pick the the first movie and janus could you help with the drinks
" Sure" he said following patton into the kitchen patton got the glasses down from the top shelf (deceit being Too short to reach)
Deceit poured the drinks trying to ignore the splashing of liquid against the glasses that was teasing his overfull bladder
When they came out of the kitchen they saw everyone settled down on the couch to watch whatever film remus had picked
What film did you pick remus janus asked as he sat down next to him
" jaws" remus said smiling much like a shark himself
Really? seriously?
During the movie remus had moved to lay across deceit his feet digging into his bladder. his legs preventing deceit from moving too much not that he’d risk squirming much if he could. if they found out how badly he needed to go he'd never live it down
Patton had "strongly encouraged" him to drink more saying that he never drunk enough and it took a lot to not snap that it definitely *felt* like he had drunk enough. To appease the father figure he'd forced himself to take a few large gulps of his drink immediately regretting it when his bladder spasmed after he had finished his drink his bladder clearly protesting the extra liquid
He was so uncomfortable but it wasn't like he wasn't used to his bladder making him uncomfortable hell, he had been near desperate by the end of selfishness vs selflessness and he hadn't let it show ( forget the little temper tantrum he'd had. ) and he wouldn't let it show now
He could hold it a little longer. He has to
After roman's choice of titanic and halfway through Patton’s choice of finding nemo ( seriously were they trying to torture him) his legs pressed tightly together, sweat was dripping down his forehead and he was biting at his bottom lip so hard he feared it would bleed he had dicided that he could no longer deal with the constant throbbing pressure in his bladder. taking a deep breath he pushed remus's legs off him and shakily stood up the pressure in his bladder doubled and he would doubled over at the waist if he didn't have more self control
"I'm going up to bed" he said hoping the fact that he was literally shaking wasn't obvious to the others
"Are you sure kiddo you haven't picked your film yet
" I'll pick next time" he said already making his way towards the stairs
" Okay kiddo goodnight"
Deceit didn't reply already stumbling up the stairs
Once he was out of earshot patton began to speak "he left in a hurry didnt he"
"Yes he seemed to be in distress if I'm not mistaken he seemed to be shaking, perhaps he was feeling unwell and dicided to retire for the evening to recover" logan said straightening his glasses
Should we check on him patton asked concerned
But remus piped in " no if he's sick he won't let you in last time he was ill i had to bash his door down with my morning star and the scene i walked in on was like the girl from the Exorcist sick everywhere vomit on the walls it was fabulous gave me the idea to paint my walls a lovely vomit green by using actual vomit, Turkey vulture vomit very easy to collect
"Can we stop talking about vomit" roman said nearly gagging
"Oh roman i was born this way and you wouldn't argue with the words of lady gaga would you?"
Virgil didnt think deceit was sick he seemed to nervous for that and he had also noticed the other side’s frequent trips to the dark side he had to be planning qsomething he hadn't said anything to the othees for the fear that he'd be called paranoid but if deceit was planning or hiding something he'd find out
Meanwhile deceit ran
along the corridor to the dark side cursing as with every step he leaked his self control slipping. he made it to the bathroom door before his bladder gave up completely he tried to stop it but it was useless he'd held it too long and he was alone and his bladder knew it
The hiss of his stream unmistakable and deafening in the narrow corridor a choked sob escaped him as his bladder emptied but filling him with nothing but embrassment, shame and self loathing
He threw his gloved hand over his mouth to muffle any futher noise he made his own fight or flight reflex kicking in. He chose flight he sunk out to his room with his tears bluring his vision as he sunk out he didn't notice the pair of glowing orange eyes just down the corridor
Crumpling to the yellow and black carpet of his room he cried nearly hyperventilating before trying to pull himself together. he could not have a panic attack with his luck he'd summon virgil and he did not need virgil to see him like this
" why not" his room sneered at him " such a pathetic sight begs for an audience"
"Shut up shut up shut up" he growled at his room and his self deprecating thoughts that were swirling through his head begging for a moment of reprieve he stood up stripping himself of the wet clothes cringing when he felt the wet material through his gloves and quickly shoving the wet clothes in the washing basket to deal with later
he couldn't have a shower though he wanted he couldn't risk running into one of the light sides and them asking what he'd been doing for 40 minutes he had said he had been getting ready for bed and if they saw him now nothing looked like it changed. he quickly snapped himself into his pyjamas and beanie he wore to bed
In the light side common room finding nemo had just finshed when virgil's breathing quickened "are you okay virgil" roman asked
After virgil had preformed his breathing exercise a few times he calmed down enough to answer " yeah that wave of panic came out of nowhere like it wasn't my own"
"That doesn't make any sense thomas is asleep and were all feeling optimal" logan said confused
Deceit it had to be deceit
"I'm going to check on deceit kiddos"
"No one else i don't want to overwhelm him" Patton said going up the stairs
Patton walked up the stairs and knocked on janus's door
Deceit hadn't fixed his appearance before he heard a knock at the door. against all his instincts he opened the door
"Yes? " he didn't have the energy to add the usual snarky nonchalance to his voice instead it sounded raspy and dull
"You okay kiddo"
what do you mean" god did he think Patton was an idiot. he must have looked a state
"It's just that you ran off rather quickly earlier and seemed pretty Tense
Before you left then virgil felt someone panic so we came to the conclusion"
Here we go he was going to become the laughing stock of Thomas's mind
" that you're not feeling well kiddo
"Wait what"
So are you not feeling well.?
Patton had just given him a golden ticket of an excuse
"Just a sore throat hot and cold flushs and a little nauseous but its fine really
"Oh sweetheart, why didn't you say anything
I'll get you an extra blanket and a glass of water"
Janus's face blanched a little "what" a glass of water will help with your sore throat"
"You don't have to do that patton"
"It's no trouble especially when one of my kiddos is ill" patton smiled a genuine smile as walked out the door
Jsnus laid on his bed
"Lying is all you're good for isn't it" just a no good dark side "you don't deserve them they'll find out how pathetic you are and throw you back to where you belong in the shadows" his room taunted
"That's not true" he said though his argument sounded weak
What would you know about that? " the room scoffed
Before he could continue the argument with himself Patton reentered the room
" There are you are" he passing the snake side the glass of water
" Drink up it'll make you feel better then I'll leave you to rest janus
Not given much of a choice as it would look suspicious not to drink anything and Patton was quite stubborn when he wanted to be and definitely wouldn't leave until he drank something
He let the ice cold drink slip down his throat and admittedly it did make him feel a bit better he didn't feel dehydrated anymore
"Good night kiddo hope you feel better soon"
"Thanks Patton good night to you too"
Patton closed the door and turned out the light leaving soft warm golden dream spheres on the celling being the only light in the room ( this isn't my original idea the idea of his room being like that is from DragonSaphira Reads id recommend checking out her channel and the selfish protector series being a massive influence for how i write deceit)
Leaving him to drift off into a restless sleep