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The first time it happens, Jace isn’t sure what to do.
He’s always stayed away from Magnus and Alec’s relationship, always left them to have their privacy even though they all share an apartment. It’s his way of respecting the fact that he isn’t a part of their couple, no matter how much he sometimes wishes he were.
Because of that, Magnus’ bedroom is completely off limits. He’s never been in there, and he’s never let that bother him. He knows Alec and Magnus wouldn’t mind having him around them, or at least he doesn’t think they would, but he still can’t bring himself to enter the room.
All of that changes when Magnus screams.
Alec is away on Institute Head business and won’t be back for another day, which means Jace and Magnus are alone in the apartment. The guest bedroom is only two doors away from Magnus’, and it would be so easy to go over there and comfort the warlock. It would be so, so easy, but Jace still hesitates.
Because this is crossing a line. This is going from simply being a house guest to begin someone who looks after Magnus when he’s having nightmares. This is something he’s always dreamed of doing but has never acted on. If Alec were here, he wouldn’t even be thinking about it. But Alec isn’t here.
Alec is gone, and Magnus is screaming and sobbing like someone is tearing his heart out. Jace may be strong and self-centred most of the time, but when it comes to Alec and Magnus, he’s weak. He never wants them to be hurt, and right now Magnus sounds like he’s in more pain than he’s ever been.
Jace is out of his room and strolling down the corridor before he can think about it too much. Magnus likes him, even though he loves acting like he doesn’t. Alec has told Jace all about the warlock’s nightmares and how bad he gets once he wakes up from them. Magnus shouldn’t be alone when that happens, and if Alec isn’t there to comfort him, then Jace will.
He opens the door to Magnus’ room. The screaming immediately intensifies, and Jace takes a stuttering breath. He tip-toes towards Magnus’ bed and gently shakes the warlock, trying to break him out of his nightmare.
Magnus whimpers and rolls over, leaning into Jace’s touch, but he doesn’t wake. Jace bites his lip for a moment, debating on what to do next, before deciding he might as well throw caution to the wind. He circles the bed and slides into Alec’s side before snuggling closer to Magnus.
He buries his head into the crook of Magnus’ neck and inhales. He would have never dared to do such a thing if Magnus were awake, but right now the warlock needs comfort and Jace can provide him with just that. It takes a second, but Magnus finally stops sniffling and pushes back into Jace’s body instead, as though he’s trying to suck all of Jace’s warmth into himself.
“’lec?” he mumbles. Jace freezes, his arms tightening around Magnus nervously. Raziel, what is he doing? “’lexander, is that you?”
Jace gulps and shakes his head before realising Magnus can’t see him. Magnus can’t see him and he thinks he’s cuddling with his boyfriend and Jace has never felt like more of an intruder. He shouldn’t be here, taking advantage of Magnus’ sleepy state to finally snuggle with the man. This isn’t right, and Jace doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want Magnus to push him away, but he doesn’t want to pretend to be someone he isn’t.
“It’s not,” he finally whispers. In his arms, Magnus tenses for a second before relaxing again. Jace can’t tell if it’s a good thing or not. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be here, but you were screaming and Alec isn’t here and I thought you could use some company. Alec told me you shouldn’t be left alone after nightmares, but if you want me to leave…”
“I don’t.”
Magnus’ voice is throaty and sleep-addled, but it’s also resolute, so Jace doesn’t let himself second doubt Magnus’ words. If the warlock wants him here, then he won’t leave. And if he regrets it in the morning? Well, Jace won’t apologise for wanting to be there for him, but he’ll promise not to do it again.
Although he’s not sure he’d be able to keep his word.
“Are you alright?” he asks, rubbing a soothing hand over Magnus’ stomach. The warlock inhales and his breath hitches. Jace feels like he’s hearing something precious, and he wants to bottle the sound up forever. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I’ll listen if you need a shoulder to cry on. I swear I’m an amazing listener when I want to be.”
“Full of surprises, aren’t you?” Magnus asks, turning around to face Jace. They’re so close to each other, their breaths mingling, and goosebumps appear all over Jace’s body. He’s on fire. “Are you sure you want to hear about this?”
“Only if you don’t mind,” Jace whispers, trying to hold back the blush threatening to take over his face. He’s never been this close to anyone before, except for those few times when Alec comforted him after a nightmare. It’s strange, having the roles reversed and being the one to hold someone after a bad dream, but it’s not awful. In fact, Jace finds that he quite likes it.
“It’s nothing terrible,” Magnus shrugs, but his eyes are haunted and Jace doesn’t believe him for a single moment. “Just my father again. Oh, sorry, you probably don’t know about those.”
“Maybe not,” Jace admits. “But I can imagine. Shitty fathers are sort of a recurring theme in the Shadow world. It’s okay though, you have other people to make up for whatever he did to you. Alec loves you no matter how often you wake up with nightmares, and he’ll always be there for you afterwards. And I…”
He can’t say it. He can’t tell Magnus he loves him. Not here, not now, not like this. Maybe not ever. He wants to, and if the hopeful look in Magnus’ eyes is anything to go by, the warlock wants to hear it too, but he can’t. It would feel too much like a betrayal, especially since Alec isn’t around.
“I’ll be there for you too,” he finishes instead. It sounds lame and insufficient, but Jace isn’t sure he can say anything more meaningful. He just hopes Magnus understands what he’s trying to say without him having to actually say the words. “I live here, after all. What kind of a house guest would I be if I didn’t make sure my host was okay and sleeping through the night?”
“The normal kind,” Magnus snorts. “Not that I’m complaining. I was starting to think you’d never come into our bedroom. Alec told me we just needed to be patient, but you’ll soon learn I have very little patience to spare when it comes to the people I care about.”
Jace’s heart flutters at the warlock’s words and he wants to tell Magnus he cares about him too. Nothing slips out of his mouth, so he presses a gentle kiss to Magnus’ forehead instead. He closes his eyes and stays there for a few seconds, revelling in the way Magnus stops breathing until he pulls away.
They stare at each other for a while longer but eventually, Jace taps on Magnus’ nose and quietly tells him to go back to sleep. Jace watches him for a few more minutes after he falls asleep and sighs at how beautiful the man looks.
The next morning, they wake up tangled together, and Jace’s heart triples in size.
The second time it happens, Jace only hesitates for a minute before rushing towards Magnus and Alec’s bedroom.
It’s Alec this time and comforting his parabatai is part of Jace’s job. Besides, Magnus is at the Spiral Labyrinth this week and Alec’s been tenser and sadder than usual. Jace hates seeing him like this, and he hates knowing it’s causing nightmares even more.
Slipping into Magnus’ side of the bed feels strange and forbidden and makes Jace’s heart skip a beat, but he has other things to think about. Alec is shaking and crying in the dark, and Jace immediately reaches out for him, carding his fingers through Alec’s hair.
The dark-haired man leans into the touch, sighing contentedly even as his brows furrow confusedly. Jace lets out a chuckle; even in his sleep, Alec is the most adorable human being he’s ever met.
“Alec,” he whispers, tugging at Alec’s hair in a vain attempt at waking him up. “Alec, you’re having a nightmare. I know you don’t want to get up right now, but you need to snap out of it. Some of us want to sleep, and I can’t do that if you’re sniffling and crying two rooms away from me.”
He keeps up his teasing remarks for another few minutes, waiting for Alec to react as he always does. When he finally opens a single eye, Jace is grinning widely and Alec looks as unimpressed as ever.
“What’re you doin’ here?” Alec mumbles. “And why’re you being annoying in the middle of the night?”
Jace chuckles, inching closer to Alec and threading their fingers together. The taller man’s eyes are shut again but he hums happily, a smile appearing on his face. By the angel, Jace loves him. He couldn’t have chosen a better person to share a soul with.
“You were having a nightmare, parabatai,” he whispers, lifting their hands and pressing a gentle kiss to Alec’s fingertips. “Magnus told me he doesn’t mind me coming in here, so I thought I’d make sure you were okay. If you just need me to hold you, I can do that, but if you need to speak about whatever’s been bothering you…”
They stay silent for a little while, Alec fidgeting with Jace’s fingers as though he’s looking for Magnus’ rings. It’s absolutely endearing and Jace almost coos. Magnus and Alec just love each other so much.
“I miss Magnus.”
The words are heartbroken and full of longing, and Jace wants nothing more than to wrap Alec up in blankets until his other half can take over for him. Well, he would rather stay in the pile of blankets even after Magnus comes back, but he’s still not sure he’d be welcome there.
“I know you do,” he answers, pulling Alec all the way in and embracing him tightly. “You want to know a secret, though? I miss him too. Life is a bit dull without him, isn’t it? He brings so much colour into the world, and now that he’s not here…”
“Everything’s too grey,” Alec whines. “Does he have any idea how much we need him? If he did, maybe he wouldn’t leave us here alone to fight the nightmares by ourselves. What would we have done if you had been dealing with bad dreams as well? He can’t just forget about us like this.”
“You’re being dramatic, parabatai,” Jace laughs softly. “Magnus hasn’t forgotten about you. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s thinking about you right now.”
“How’d you know that?” Alec asks, pulling away from him so he can frown bemusedly.
“He’s always thinking about you,” Jace rolls his eyes, booping Alec’s nose and smirking at his perplexed look. “Seriously, I don’t think there’s a single moment in his life when he’s not thinking about you. He loves you so much, Alec. He loves you with everything he has, and you should never doubt that.”
For a moment, Jace thinks Alec is going to take his words at face value, but then his parabatai huffs and shakes his head.
“You’re being ridiculous,” Alec scoffs. Jace raises an eyebrow, because really? Magnus is obviously smitten with Alec. “No, I mean, I know Magnus loves me. I love him too, so I’m glad he does. But he doesn’t just think about me. He thinks about you all the time as well. We both do. You shouldn’t be afraid to climb into our bed even when we’re not having nightmares, mi alma. We’d welcome you with open arms.”
Jace wants to deny it, he really does. There’s no way Alec and Magnus love him as much as they love each other. His parabatai may care about him, and Magnus may look after him when Jace is feeling down, but they love each other. They’re soulmates, meant-to-be, the most powerful couple in New York City.
There’s no way they want him. He’s just Jace Herondale, a boy without a family and with too many words to say. He’s too reckless for them, too bold and brash and arrogant and everything they aren’t. They would get tired of him within the day, and he doesn’t think he could survive that.
So Alec may think he wants him, and Magnus may think the same thing, but he doesn’t think a relationship between the three of them – whether it be a cuddly platonic one or a romantic one – would work. They’re too different. They wouldn’t fit; Jace would just be in the way, constantly getting in between a perfect match.
“Stop that,” Alec mutters, snapping Jace out of his thoughts. His parabatai is looking at him exasperatedly, and all Jace can do is grin sheepishly. He wonders how many of his thoughts showed on his face. “You’re thinking so loud I can practically hear you. And I don’t appreciate any of the things that just flashed through your mind, Jace. You mean so much to us, and don’t even try telling me it’s not enough. Magnus and I love you, Jace, whether you believe it or not.”
The blond shadowhunter only shakes his head in denial, burying himself even further into Alec’s chest to avoid answering. He doesn’t think there’s anything he can say that would measure up to what his parabatai just admitted.
‘We love you, Jace’
The words are music to his ears, and he doesn’t know whether he wants to laugh or cry.
“Why are you always the one who ends up comforting me?” he mumbles, frustrated at himself for getting so emotional and forgetting about Alec’s problems. “I’m the one who was supposed to help you.”
“We help each other, mi alma,” Alec replies softly, nuzzling into Jace’s hair. “That’s how things work around here. Besides, you did a great job at comforting me too, I’ve just been doing it for longer. If you start sleeping with us more often, though, you’ll find out that no one is as soothing as Magnus.”
“He’s good?” Jace inquires, already drifting asleep.
“He’s the best,” Alec smiles, leaning down and kissing the tip of Jace’s nose. The blond scrunches his face up but grins happily, blinking rapidly as he tries to stay awake. “Just like you.”
Jace falls asleep feeling safer than he has in months, and he wakes up cocooned in Alec’s warmth. Raziel, he loves him so much.
The third time it happens, Jace has no say in the matter.
He wakes up to the sound of whispered voices. He feels restless and unsettled and has no idea why, but then there are two bodies in his bed, murmuring sweet nothings into his ears, carding fingers through his hair, and rubbing soothing circles into his back. There’s a warm breath tickling at his neck and another one ghosting against his lips.
It takes him a few moments to remember this isn’t a normal thing. He doesn’t usually wake up with someone in his bed, he doesn’t usually have someone by his side after a nightmare. This is new and unexpected and completely welcome, because he knows exactly who’s sandwiching him between them.
“’lec,” he breathes out, his lips barely moving. He’s too out of it to really register what’s leaving his mouth. “’gnus.”
“Hush, sweetheart,” Magnus’ deep baritone washes over him. The warlock is behind him, and Jace can easily picture him there, smiling at Alec over his shoulder. His parabatai is probably looking at them fondly, as he always does.
After his late-night conversation with Alec a few weeks ago, he’s been sneaking into the couple’s bedroom more often than not, hoping for a little bit of comfort and love. This is the first time the bed-sharing is happening the other way around. This is the first time Jace is cuddling with Alec and Magnus in his bed. It’s a completely different experience but one he appreciates, nonetheless.
“Are you okay, mi alma?” Alec whispers. His lips brush against Jace’s and the blond loses his breath. They’ve hugged and held hands and kissed each other innocently before, but this is… He can’t quite believe Alec is actually kissing him on the lips, lovingly and gently, like Jace is worth everything to him. “You were crying in your sleep and we wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Jace opens his eyes, staring at Alec sleepily. He probably looks terrible, but Alec is smiling at him like he’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen and Jace can only sigh happily.
“’m okay now,” he grins dopily. “You’re here, aren’t you? My parabatai and my Magnus.”
Behind him, Magnus chokes on a sob. Jace wonders if he’s said anything wrong, but then the arms around him tighten even more and he relaxes into the warlock’s embrace. Whatever is making him cry, it clearly isn’t bad.
“We are, sweetheart, we are,” Magnus whispers into his ear. “We’ll always be here when you need us. We’ll be here even when you don’t need us. As long as you want us, we’ll stay by your side. Magic, Jace, we love you so much, and all we want is to fall asleep with you and wake up to your beautiful face in the morning. I hope someday you’ll feel comfortable enough joining us even when no one is in distress.”
“Wanna be with you all the time,” Jace mutters sleepily. “You’d get so sick of me, because I’d never let you go.”
“Oh, mi alma,” Alec kisses him again. “We could never get sick of you. In fact, you’re the one who would get annoyed. If Magnus and I could get away with it, we’d have you locked up in here and by our side all the time. The only reason we haven’t done that yet is because we’re not selfish enough to keep you away from the rest of the world. A single word from you, though, and we’d never let you see the light of day again. By the angel, Jace, do you have any idea how much we love you?”
Usually, this would be the moment when Jace laughs and changes the subject. Magnus and Alec have been trying to talk to him about letting their relationship go further for the past month and he’s been expertly – and very unsubtly – distracting them every time.
But it’s late – or early – right now, and the two men he loves are laying in bed with him because they want to protect him from his own mind. So he shakes his head, because he doesn’t have any idea how much they love him. He has no idea, and a part of him wants to know.
He wants to know if what they feel for him is worth even a fraction of what he feels for them. He wants to know if Magnus would let him kiss him if he tried, if they would hold him as he fell asleep every single night, if they would cherish him as much as they cherish each other.
He’s always shied away from compliments and praise and confessions of love, but Alec and Magnus have always been the exception to the rule.
“Hmm well then, we should tell him, don’t you think so, darling?” Magnus laughs, the movement jostling Jace slightly.
“We certainly should, mi corazon,” Alec answers, pulling away from Jace and turning him around so he’s facing Magnus instead. “Why don’t you take the lead on this one, huh? You’re a lot better with words than I am. I’d probably just end up rambling about how much I love him and not make any sense.”
“You underestimate yourself, Alexander,” Magnus shakes his head. Jace can barely see him in the dark, but he knows the warlock looks beautiful. He always does. “But fine, I’ll talk this time. You see, Jace, there are a thousand different ways to love a person. You may think what Alec and I have our special, and it certainly is. But what we feel for you is just as wonderful. We love the way you take care of us, love the way you always hesitate before you approach us with a request, love the way you invaded our space instantly. We love you even when you’re the most annoying person in the world, and we spend our nights waxing poetic about you and how amazing you are. I know you’re probably too sleepy to think properly right now, but we adore you, Jace, and I hope you never doubt that again.”
“I adore you too,” Jace giggles. He’s exhausted and still jittery because of his nightmare, and here Magnus is, confessing his love as though it’s the most natural thing in the world. What else is he supposed to say? “You’re the most amazing people in the world. I don’t know what I did to deserve one of you, let alone two!”
“I’m quite sure that’s what we’re all wondering right now,” Alec chuckles, pressing a kiss to his nape.
At the same time, Magnus leans forward and kisses Jace right on the lips. Jace whines into it, not knowing whether he wants to push backwards against Alec or press forwards to deepen the kiss Magnus and he are sharing. How is he supposed to choose?
In the end, he decides to stay still and just accept whatever Alec and Magnus want to give him. They press kisses to his hair and his cheeks and his forehead and his back, and his heart fills even more every time their lips come into contact with his skin.
“We love you,” Alec murmurs. “So much.”
“And we want you in our bed every night,” Magnus adds. “For cuddles and for everything else.”
“We need you to be there when we have nightmares,” Alec continues, reaching for Magnus above Jace and pressing them all tightly together. “And we need to be there for you in return. So Jace, mi alma, please let us in. Please stop pushing us away.”
Jace has been rejecting their advances all month, he’s been shutting himself out of their relationship, he’s been trying to convince himself this will never happen. But it can. It can, and Jace wants it. He wants it so much it hurts.
So, for the first time in his life, he lets himself give into his heart and forget about his worries. His problems might come back in the morning but, until then, he’ll lose himself in Alec and Magnus.
“I love you too.”