Chapter Text
This is a story about someone I know. It's a story about adventure, magic, and why you probably shouldn't make bets with eldritch abominations, even if you are one yourself.
This tale begins in the magical land of Mewni. Now, today Mewni is called something else and is considered a rather nice place to take interdimensional vacations to – maybe see the architecture, or the beautiful cloud rainforests, or the magical technology – but that wasn't always the case.
Only a few decades ago, Mewni was what could scientifically be called a huge dump. It was, if you can believe it, known throughout the multiverse as a huge cesspool of muck, ignorance, and infighting, all under an indifferent and burning sun. The climate of Mewni was hot, is what I'm getting at. Hot and (of the political climate) terrible. The royals of the castle did not aid their citizens at all, and they lived moderately splendid but still ignorant and petty lives, when one considers the vastness and grandness of the multiverse, far above the muck and squalor of the peasantry below. And those they actively oppressed... they got to live in a place called "the Forest of Certain Death." The name isn't an exaggeration, you know.
In the midst of the boring chaos that was Mewni a few decades ago, lived a magical princess named Star Butterfly. She was kinda cute, I guess, with pale skin with light red hearts on her cheeks and wild, straight red hair. She thought she was special because she fought monsters. I'd say, big whoop. Just ask your ancestors: just because oppressing them politically was in vogue this century doesn't mean fighting them was frowned upon.
She also tamed wild unicorns. That made her special.
Some called her reckless and irresponsible. Star did her best to prove them right. She was a whirlwind of destruction, uncontrollable and unstoppable. In just one week she destroyed twelve priceless paintings, broke fifteen fancy chandeliers, and slid down the castle railings four hundred times.
But all that was about to change, because today was her fourteenth birthday, and Star was going to receive her family's most precious heirlooms.
Well, I say "that was about to change," but probably not. Star would remain reckless and irresponsible, even with her precious family heirlooms. She would be a little more powerful, a little more capable of wreaking havoc, but still her same reckless and irresponsible self.
But, you must be wondering, what were those precious family heirlooms? Never fear, dear reader, for I will explain them to you. Star was to receive the Royal Magic Wand and the Magic Book of Spells that came with it. The wand was the most powerful magic wand in the multiverse, and the spells that came with it would allow anyone to become unstoppable.
Which would be a problem if given to someone who was, say, incredibly reckless and irresponsible.
Which was why Star would have to face a test. What that test was, Star didn't know, but she guessed it was some feat of strength. Maybe a test of intelligence. Or some kind of wicked obstacle course. Whatever it was, she was sure she could face it.
She woke up on the morning of her fourteenth birthday enthusiastically. "Hello, world I will someday rule!" she shouted eagerly. "What a beautiful day to get my mother's magic wand!" It was raining, but whatever.
She walked briskly down the stairs, stopping to check her parents' room to see if they were there. They weren't, and Star had never actually seen them sleeping in there, but she figured she might as well check. She'd woken up early, after all. A window in their room was broken, but nothing else was out of the ordinary. So she went straight down to the throne room to see her parents, sitting down on their thrones.
"Mother, Father, I am ready to receive the royal magic wand!" she shouted as soon as she got downstairs, trembling with excitement. "Gimme, gimme, gimme!"
Her mother was a stern-looking, imposing woman with pale skin and blue hair neatly tucked in a massive bun, crown perching on top. She had pink diamond cheekmarks, and held the Royal Magic Wand before her in the form of a queenly scepter. She also had blue butterfly wings folded at her side, and she looked positively shocked. "Star! You're in no shape to receive anything! You haven't even brushed your hair!" she spoke in a roughly British accent – unlike Star, but then again she had never been around Star much to impart her accent on the kid. Moon Butterfly was more of a hands-off type mother.
Star, whose red hair was even wilder than usual, and whose nightgown was spattered with some unidentifiable substance, put her hands on her red heart cheekmarks and groaned. "Okay, Mom."
"I'll have the servants draw you up a bath," said King River, who looked exactly like Star except for his shortness and his beard and his... he looked like Star, see, but shorter, balding, and considerably more male. He rang a bell to summon the servants. "And you really can't do this in a nightgown."
Star sighed. "Okay, Mom, Dad." She really was tired of them. But she'd never admit that out loud, or she'd get an earful.
A serious primping later, and Star was dressed in a beautiful gown encrusted with rubies and gold thread. Her messy hair had been brushed and tucked into an intricate braid, and the bath had left her smelling of rose petals. Her servants had seemed distracted when they were giving her her bath, they were whispering about a "monster." Star didn't notice, she was too busy thinking about her wand. "Now can I receive the magic wand? Please, pretty please?"
"Star, you know any future queen must endure a trial to gain the wand. You shall encounter great tests of your strength, wisdom, and ability in order to gain the Royal Magic Wand–"
"Yeah, yeah, I do a thing, and it might be a hard thing, blah blah blah. Can we hurry it up so I can get the wand already?"
Moon sighed. "As I was saying , you shall encounter great tests of your strength, wisdom, and ability in order to gain the Royal Magic Wand. If you fail, as is very likely, this is your first time, you will be permitted to try again in one year. And once you turn seventeen, you will be allowed to try for the Royal Dimensional Scissors."
Oh, reader, dimensional scissors! Those are neat. They allow travel between dimensions. Just cut a portal in the air and–ta-da!–you can go to any dimension you like! Made by the enchantress Heckapoo, they are to this day gifted to upstanding and important families and positions across the multiverse.
Star wasn't interested in the intricacies of magical scissors. She instead whined, "But I don't want to try again in one year. I want to have my wand now!"
Moon sighed again. "You'll never get the wand with that attitude. But I'll allow you to try. Come with me," standing up from her chair and beckoning Star to follow her out of the room. She politely ignored the way Star was panting and making grabbing motions at the wand.
The queen and the princess first walked to the opulent room where the Magic Book of Spells was stored, and Moon grabbed the old and tattered volume that was half the size of even Moon, who was pretty tall. Then the pair went down, deep into the dark depths of Butterfly Castle. Moon at one point grabbed a torch and held it aloft. Star wondered if she should have grabbed a torch too, as soon the torches illuminating the walls stopped and they would have been in pitch darkness if not for her mother's torch. "Uh, Mom? It's gotten really dark around here."
Moon nodded. "It's supposed to. We're deep in the bowels of the castle. Servants don't come to light the torches here."
"Ew, bowels," Star said, wrinkling her nose. "Sounds gross."
"Star, I only meant that we are deep inside the castle. So deep that the servants are rarely down here."
"Oh, yeah, I got that part. Just think 'bowels' is gross. Hey, are we there yet?"
"We're almost there, dear. Come with me."
"What else would I do?"
"You're currently texting your friend, Lilacia."
"Oh, you noticed. Well, uh, okay, I'll put my compact magic mirror away."
"Good."
The two walked in silence, Star anxiously watching Moon, or rather her wand, and the spellbook. She hovered anxiously over Moon so much that Moon had to tell her off. “Star, stop it!”
"Sorry... I just really want my wand."
"It's not your wand yet." Moon moved the wand and the book out of Star's grasp yet again, a task that was made difficult by the fact that she was holding a torch in her other hand.
Star sighed. "I know... I just want my wand..."
Moon sighed louder. "You'll never be ready at this rate."
The pair eventually made it to a grand-looking chamber. The only light came from Moon's torch, but Star could still see intricate designs weaving their way across the walls, floor, and ceiling of the chamber. Moon gestured at Star to wait at the entrance, and walked into the center. She placed the wand, end-down, in a groove, placed the book beside it, and stepped back. "Moon Butterfly, Queen of Mewni, here with Star Butterfly, Princess of Mewni. Today marks Star's first attempt at gaining the wondrous power that is the Royal Magic Wand. May you judge her as you see fit. Come forth, Star, and achieve your destiny."
Star jumped up and down and ran forward. Then she saw her mother's gaze and slowed, walking primly to the wand. She leaned down, grasped it, and lifted it up, above her head.
And electric current ran through her body, lighting all of her nerves on fire, and the wand transformed from a blue royal scepter into an orange, well, wand/disk on a stick with gray wings and a large yellow crystalline star in the center.
Moon gasped. "Star... you gained the wand!"
"That's it? I mean, it's great that I got my wand, but aren't I supposed to do something? Like fighting some kind of monster, or using the wand to beat some kind of monster, or fighting some kind of monster... I really feel like fighting a monster. Bam! Pow! Smmmaasssh!"
"No, that can't be right! It can't be that easy for you!" Moon raced forward and knocked on the book. "Glossaryck! Glossaryck!"
"What?" a little blue dragon with a beard and pale blue spots asked, floating out of the book.
"You're the Master of the Book, you know how to do these things. Tell the wand that Star isn't ready!"
Glossaryck looked up at Star, who was chewing on her wand and bouncing up and down excitedly. "She seems fine. Nice and ready." Irresponsible.
"But even I wasn't given the wand on my first try! The magic forced me away from the wand, and my mother picked it back up. Please, you have to take it back!"
Glossaryck shrugged. "Have fun with your new magical princess. Goodbye!" He dove back into the book.
Star giggled. "I got the wand! I got the wand!"
Moon sighed. "Now, Star, you must be careful with your newfound power. If your wand falls into the wrong hands, the universe could be destroyed!"
"Pfft! Don't worry, I can handle it."
Moon sighed. "That's what I'm worried about."
Star skipped through the castle, chewing on her wand. She cheerfully blasted a chair out of her way, destroying it, cast a rainbow over a crying squire's head (the rainbow caught fire soon after), and magically lifted herself to the stables and onto a unicorn. The rain had cleared up, and Star could smell the freshness in the air, which was one of her favorite smells. She rode past cornfields and prairie and a gaggle of people puzzling over some footprints in the ground, and stopped once she was far enough away to see the entire castle. That was a bit of a distance, as the castle was enormous. It was a set of towering spires, with the small hovels of the peasantry clustered at the bottom like the stinking toadstools at the bottom of a large tree.
"Now that I've got the wand, it's time to do some redecorating. This castle is so... bland. Ugh, just a bunch of towers. It needs something more!" Star revved her wand, moving the disk at the top back and then forward again, like adjusting the gear on a car. "Let's start with a beautiful rainbow..." a rainbow appeared over the castle. "Aaand a dragon! A big dragon to protect my castle!" A dragon appeared and settled on the tallest tower. "AaaAAAaaand make it colorful!" The castle turned a hideous pink and green. "Perfect! Riding back now to see how my beautiful adjustments went over with the commoners... and Mother. Oh no, what will she think?"
Star carefully considered her options. She could dispel the dragon, the rainbow, and the hideous pink and green paint, but... she didn't know how. She didn't know how to dispel the creatures, oh no oh no oh no... And the dragon was taking a bite of the tower. "Oh dear..." The rainbow caught fire. "Oh, shoot." The hideous pink and green paint was melting the citizenry's eyes. "Well, too bad for them. If they don't like my style, they can stick it."
As she galloped closer to the castle, the screams of the citizens grew louder and louder. She raced forward, accidentally trampling a peasant. "Oops, sorry!"
"Don't mind me... just... just bleedin' internally over here..."
"That's where the blood's supposed to be!" Star shouted, already galloping into the distance.
When she made it to the castle, she blasted water from her wand to cover the flames. "Stop burning things!"
Her dragon, as if it could hear her from its perch, breathed a gout of flame into the air. "Ugh, dragon! I told you not to burn things!"
The dragon thoroughly ignored her, continuing to burn everything in its path. Star growled in frustration. "Stop being so flame-y!"
She summoned a cloud and jumped on it, flying up to where the dragon was still spewing flames everywhere. Then, the cloud giving her an idea, she summoned a rainstorm and let it rain on the burning castle. "There! All better!"
The dragon knocked over one of the towers in rage over not being able to flame. It spun around and glared at Star.
Star gasped, and the dragon charged. Star screamed, and covered her eyes.
A blue glow shone in the sky, and the dragon disappeared.
Star looked up to see her mother, but not quite her mother, floating in the sky. Her usually passive and immobile blue butterfly wings were out and flapping, and larger than normal. She had blue skin. But her pink cheekmarks remained the same. "Mom?"
"Oh, Star…. You are in so much trouble."
"So what's my punishment?! Please don't send me to Saint Olga's Reform School for Wayward Royalty! Please!!" Star imagined herself going there and cried even more.
Moon sighed. "We aren't going to send you there... yet. Star, we are sending you to a place called Earth."
"Earth?" Star wondered.
"Earth." Moon confirmed. "It's a bit of a backwater, with no magic to speak of. You'll love it there!"
Star sighed. She probably wouldn't love it there, but she knew better than to tell her mother that. "So when do I leave?"
"Right away! I have a carriage ready for you promptly."
"What?!" Star gasped. "I'm leaving right now?"
"Well, you know what I always say, the sooner the better!" Moon said, clapping her hands. "Time to go, darling. Time to go!"
Star sighed. "Okay..." she sighed.
As she walked down to the manticore-drawn carriage, Star sighed again. She was going to leave everything she had ever known, for a dimension she didn't know. "Goodbye, Mewni..." she sighed again. Sigh, sigh, sigh, everyone's sighing. Sigh.
She and her parents walked into the carriage. King Butterfly called out to a manservant. "Open the portal, Manfred!"
Manfred the manservant nodded and opened a portal using a pair of dimensional scissors.
Star and her parents rode on the carriage away from everything Star had ever known, and into a strange new world with all kinds of possibilities.
Not that Star thought that; she was busy being sad. Poor girl.