Chapter Text
Buffering... Buffering... and go! The webcam was covered in steam.
"Guess who?!" Star wiped off the webcam. "It's me! Obviously, since you're watching my channel. So, I have a ton of exciting news for you! Well, first Marcie got kidnapped, and I blew up a bunch of stuff, including my wand. And I was super bummed, because I thought I would never do magic again, but then I got a new wand! See?" Star held up her wand. "Oh, yeah, and Marcie's okay. Say hi, Marcie!"
Marcie, who was wrapped in a towel from the shower, squawked and covered the webcam, and then closed the computer. The livestream was over, many people (*cough* Starfan13 *cough*) were disappointed.
"Oh, come on Marcie! What about my fans?"
"I don't want the computer to watch me shower." Marcie crossed her arms over her towel.
Star put down her wand angrily. "Hmph," was all she thought to say.
Star's wand took advantage of her putting it down to start levitating and bouncing around the room.
"What's up with your wand?" Marcie wondered.
"Dunno," Star said, shrugging. As if sensing her dismissive tone, the wand started bouncing around faster and faster, knocking the bathroom door open and zooming out into the wider house. Star and Marcie followed it.
"It's going downstairs! Not my parents, stupid wand!" Marcie blocked the wand It bounced away from Marcie and towards Star.
Star ducked. "I almost died." They raced after the wand as it bounced into Star's room.
Once in Star's room, the wand zoomed into the Magic Book of Spells and then knocked into Marcie, sending all six parties careening into Star's secrets closet. The closet door slammed shut.
"I'll get you out of there, Marcie!" Star shouted, reaching for the doorknob.
"Okay, hold on, my towel was knocked off by that weird book. I'm not decent."
"Oh, okay."
Marcie put some clothes that were thankfully in the closet and hopefully not too magically dangerous.
"Alright, I'm coming out... wait a minute, it's locked. I can't open it."
"What?" Star pulled on the door with both hands.
"Try the knob!"
"What do you think I'm doing?"
The laser puppies wandered into Star's room. "Not now, sweeties," Star grunted, pulling hard. "I usually open this door with my wand."
"Well, your book ate it, so..."
"Better not be poking around in there. It's my secrets closet, it's private."
"Just get me out of here. I've already been in the closet, I don't want to stay here."
Star continued to struggle to open the door. And then Glossaryck, ugh, oozed under the door in the form of a puddle. "Hey Star. Stop screaming, it's just me. What are you doing?"
Star stopped screaming. "Uh, hey Glossaryck. My wand's locked in the closet."
"Hey, what about me?"
"Oh, yeah, Marcie's locked in there too. And my spellbook. Basically all my stuff. I want my stuff."
"Did you try the knob?"
"Yes, I tried the knob. Why is everyone asking that? I'm not that scatterbrained." Star swung at the door with a large sword, smashing at the panels. "Anything?"
"Nope, still locked. Nothing's gonna break that door down, it was made by you to hold all of your secrets. Get one of those on Butterfly Castle, and we wouldn't have to have guards."
Star thoroughly ignored him, good for her, and kept smashing at the door with the sword.
Glossaryck melted into a puddle again and oozed back into the secrets closet.
"What's going on?" Marcie asked. "Is this some kind of training thing or something?"
"Is this some kind of training thing? Are you mad? Is this wolf-babob rock bandage ba ba ba ba ba ba?"
So helpful, that Glossaryck.
Marcie sighed. "Stop, stop. Stop it! Just tell me how to get out of here!"
"Okay, I'll tell you what to do. Are you listening?"
Marcie sighed again. Glossaryck has that effect on people, including me. "Yes, I'm listening."
"To reach the chunks in the hobo stew, find her secret. That's the clue."
"So, if I find her secret, the door will just magically open?"
"Goodbye!" Glossaryck oozed under the door again.
"Find her secret, huh? What secret? This closet's full of them. Here we go..."
Star stabbed through the panels in the door, narrowly missing Marcie.
"Why don't you do the easy thing and open the door with magic?" Glossaryck commented. Shut up, Glossaryck.
"Can't. My wand's in the closet."
Glossaryck gasped. "Do you wanna try the hard way?"
"Yeah! What's the hard way?"
"You've never heard of the hard way?"
"Nope! Sounds hard, though."
"Oh, it is. But I can teach you!"
"Teach me!"
"The lesson begins inside my eyeball." Glossaryck opened up his eye and enveloped Star within it.
"Whoa!" Star looked around. She and Glossaryck were sitting around a giant pot of stew.
"Imagine the universe is this cauldron, and magic is the bubbly stew inside of it, and your wand is the spoon." Glossaryck held up a spoon.
"My wand isn't a spoon, it's a wand."
"It's a metaphor, Star."
"No, it's a wand."
Glossaryck sighed. "Okay, it's a wand." It was.
Star clapped. "Now you get it!"
"Now, the wand can only skim the surface of the hobo gravy, watery and brown. But if you want to get to the chunks, you have to dip down." Glossaryck extended his paws into the hobo gravy and lifted up some chunks from the bottom. "Get it?"
Star nodded, then shook her head. "Uh-uh."
They were suddenly ejected from Glossaryck's eye. "Look, you can do magic without your wand, you just have to dip down, you know. Dip down!"
"Without my wand?"
"Your mom did it."
"Psh, if she can do it, I can do it. Okay, I've just gotta dip down." Star held up a laser puppy and aimed it at the door.
"Hot laser!" Glossaryck shouted, holding up his paw. It had a laser hole in it.
"I am so sorry. Glossaryck, are you okay?"
Glossaryck shrugged. "Star, try dipping downer. For the chunks!"
Glossaryck turned long, thin, and snakelike and slithered through the closet keyhole. He then opened up the book, causing Marcie to trip over it. "Ow!"
"Ah, Marcie! How goes things?"
"Oh, you know! Just trying to find a secret in a closet full of secrets!"
"Yes, well, you know I do this because I love you."
"That's... a little weird."
Glossaryck flipped pages until he found the wand. "Ha, ha, I guess it is. Now, if you don't mind, I've got work to do."
"Yeah," Marcie opened a box. "So do I."
The box contained a strange, deformed-looking fish. "Help... me...!" it shouted. Marcie shuddered and tossed the box away.
Glossaryck let out a "hmm..." and looked at the wand.
Star sat outside the closet, holding a laser puppy. The laser puppy didn't do much, it just panted. "You ever dipped down, Sajak?"
More panting.
"Yeah, me either."
Inside the closet, Marcie gathered herself and looked around. Marcie had seen many different messes (Mewni, for instance), but this really took the cake. Metric craptons of junk covered every available surface and crawled up the walls. "What a mess. It's time to get organized."
Marcie made two signs. "Not secrets" and "Secrets?" and started sorting the mess in the closet. This would take forever. She knew Star's tower was bigger on the inside, but the secrets closet really took the cake. "No... not a secret... maybe?" She sighed and wiped her hair from her eyes.
Glossaryck studied his reflection in the wand crystal. On the gold half, it looked normal, but on the black part it was darker than usual, with glowing green eyes. "Hmm..." Glossaryck muttered. I'm tired of his hmming. It's annoying.
Star, meanwhile, threw an aquarium at the closet door. It didn't do anything.
Glossaryck sniffed the wand repeatedly, and deeply. It was incredibly awkward for anyone watching him. Maybe the wand smelled really good or something. "Hmm..."
"Dip down," Star fell face-first onto the bed. "Dip down... hmm... Oh!" She pulled something from underneath the bed: a box labeled "Mewnian Termites."
Marcie found a unicycle. "Nope."
Star released the Mewnian Termites through the slots of the closet door, but they didn't do anything to the door, just going into the closet and instead biting Marcie.
Marcie screamed.
"Well that didn't work..." Star muttered, thinking.
"Stop eating my flesh!"
Glossaryck got a new perspective, turning upside-down in the air to look at the wand. "Hmm... hmm... hmm hmm..."
Star sighed and turned on her mirror. "Call Mom."
"Star?"
"Hi, Mom..."
"What did you do?"
"Oh... uh, why would you, uh... why would you think that? Uhm, Marcie's locked in my closet and Glossaryck wants me to dip down to get him out."
"Dip down? I didn't learn that until I was nineteen..."
"Wow, so I'm, like, advanced?" Star chuckled.
"I suppose."
"Anywho, Glossaryck didn't really give me any instructions, so..."
"Hah, that sounds familiar. Well, it's not easy. If you want to dip down, you have to summon everything you have."
"Everything? Oh, everything." Star rubbed her hands together. "Everything..."
"Star, you do know what I mean by 'everything', right?"
"Yeah, totally, totally." Star ended the call.
Marcie looked back at her work, two piles of junk. "Okay, I think that's everything."
Star loaded every item in her room and quite a few that were strewn around the Diaz's house into a giant catapult. She tied the catapult's rope down, and then grabbed a sword. "You want everything? Then everything you shall get!"
"Marcie Diaz, making progress," Marcie brushed dirt off her hands.
Star cut the rope, and chaos promptly ensued. Everything she had hit the door, shaking the entire house. Marcie's carefully sorted piles disintegrated onto her, several items caught fire, and Star had to duck as magical weapons sprayed everywhere.
Glossaryck checked under the hood of the wand. The millhorse was running on the treadmill, definitely, but he was running on two legs, not the usual four. And when he looked at Glossaryck, he had glowing green eyes and sharp, spearlike teeth. He screamed, and Glossaryck closed the hood. "Okay, that's not good."
Star laid at the entrance of the closet. "Well, Marcie, looks like I'm just a skimmer. Skimmin' the surface of the hobo gravy. The watery hobo gravy. How goes things with you?"
Marcie was lying in a similar position to Star, on her back with the door behind her head. "Not great. Actually, you thwarted my progress."
Star sighed. "I guess it's not so bad. I could slide you sandwiches under the door, bring you your homework. Life could be good for you."
"I don't wanna live in your secrets closet! I told you, I've been in the closet before and it sucked! Whoa!"
"What is it, Marcie?"
"The book is glowing! Hold on," Marcie grabbed the book just as Glossaryck popped out. Marcie dropped the book and grabbed Glossaryck. "Alright, no more riddles, little man. Tell me what I'm supposed to be looking for!" Marcie poked Glossaryck and the crystal in his head glowed like a flashlight. Marcie yelped and covered her eyes. A book fell from the shelf beside her. "Oh, so this is the thing."
"Bingo," Glossaryck said. Marcie used him as a flashlight.
"Star, I found the thing. It's a little book."
"That's good. Reading will keep the mind sharp. Like a horn."
"It's in Mewnian writing. Oh, wait, here's some English. 'Chapter One: Mom's a Poophead."
"'Mom's a Poophead'...? Oh, Marcie, no no no no!"
"Hang on, Star. Just give me a sec."
"No, Marcie, that's not the thing! That's not the thing!"
"Skipping forward..."
"Marcie, put that down!"
"'Today was my tenth birthday. I put noxie frogs in all the servant's beds... hey!" Glossaryck's light had gone out.
"I'm out of juice. Dip doooown!" He did an, admittedly, excellent swan dive into the book. Marcie held the book up to the slats in the door to continue reading.
Star banged on the closet door. "Marcie, it's not the thing! It's not the thing!"
"Chapter Eleven. My thoughts on... Marcie?"
Star gasped. She was filled with magical energy. Her cheekmarks and eyes glowed. She lifted an arm, and a ghostly key unlocked the door.
Marcie fell over from where she was leaning on the door, still reading. Star ran up to her and hugged her. "I did it! I dipped! I'm not a skimmer, I'm a dipper!" Star then snatched the diary – we know it's a diary by now, right? Good. – out of Marcie's hands and smacked her with it. "And don't read my diary, nosypants!"
"Ow," Marcie said, belatedly.
The spellbook rolled out of the closet and opened to reveal Glossaryck and the magic wand. "Well, this thing's broken. But go ahead and give it a whirl."
Star tried to summon some narwhals, but instead she made a miniature tower next to the old one, and covered her room in green jelly.
"Uh..."
"I'm going to put on some clothes that actually fit me," Marcie said, wiping some of the slime off.
"Uh..."
"I call dibs on the new tower! I'm the only one who can fit in it, after all."
"UH...!"
My wand may be back, but it's all messed up! I keep trying normal spells, and they keep coming out weird. It's weird. I don't know what to do!