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Back when they were in high school, Rintarou used to sleep at the Miya's often, at least once a week. While he spent time with both twins, it was always Osamu who invited him over, and Atsumu who complained that the two of them ignored him. Although that when they didn't, he complained that he was the victim of their banter, which wasn’t a complete lie, if he were being honest. Those nights always brought some kind of comfort into his life, he had never been an excellent student, and was unsure about his future. It led him to overworking himself, and yet the results didn't follow: he struggled to get decent grades, and his parents' pressure didn't help much. When he was sleeping in that futon, next to Osamu, nothing else seemed to matter. The world slowed down and stopped spinning for a night. It may have been only for a night, but it was far more than enough for Rintarou.
“Look at him sleeping peacefully, a real angel.” Rintarou looked up, then back to Osamu, an eyebrow cocked up and a disbelieving smile on his face. “Maybe we should shave his head.”
Osamu always kept his tone low when he talked to him in the middle of the night, and Rintarou knew for a fact that it wasn’t to keep his brother from waking up. He had always been a quiet person, but these midnight whispers never failed to send shivers down Rintarou’s spine. Often, they would hang out and sit together in silence, not doing anything, or eating, checking their phones, maybe, not paying attention to each other but their presence required. While Osamu probably enjoyed those moments as breaks away from his noisy twin brother, Rintarou had a tough time opening up to people. It had taken about a year for him to unconsciously let Osamu see all of him, both the pretty and ugly parts.
“Lame. Let’s wake him up with a splash of cold water to his face.” He offered and Osamu managed to let out a fake gasp through his snickers.
“Evil.”
“Isn’t it how you love me?”
“Yeah, sure, when it’s not directed at me.”
Under the blankets, Rintarou pressed a hand against his chest to try to even out his heartbeat. He didn’t mean it this way, and he knew it. Seeing Osamu’s grin wasn’t helping, though. He didn’t do it often but whenever he did, it sucked the breath out of Rintarou’s lungs. People would think he should’ve gotten used to it, seeing Atsumu’s cocky smirk everyday, but Osamu’s was different, rarer. Osamu’s smile was like wanting to take a photograph and wait until the sunlight hit the perfect spot. It was brief, it was striking, it was overwhelming.
Later, he had figured that he wanted go pro. At first, it came off to him as an obvious choice, a last resort: if Rintarou didn't stand out in anything aside from volleyball, then it was his only option. However, the more he thought about it at night, and the more Rintarou found himself pleased with the idea. He had spent many of those nights browsing the Internet until he came across the official website of the Eastern Japan Paper Mills. He had watched some of their matches before. The team’s strategy was based on defense and it was located in his hometown, he was convinced there couldn't be a better pick. He inclined his phone to Osamu who sleepily hummed in acknowledgement.
“In Tokyo?”
“Yeah, I kind of miss it sometimes, that would be nice. I don’t know if I’ll be selected, though.”
“Can’t know until you try out, y’know.” Osamu leaned his head, pressing lightly against Rintarou’s as they stared at the phone screen in between them. He could feel his brain buzzing inside his skull at the contact, everything was so quiet while being so loud. “But I’d kill to have ya' in my team.”
That had been the last blow. And yet, instead of pulling away, Rintarou hid his face, burying it in the crook of his neck. Osamu probably felt him inhaling his scent, but if he did, he didn’t point it out, so Rintarou shamelessly didn’t stop.
So trying out, he did. Osamu and him took a train to Tokyo a few weeks after their graduation, and he tried out for the team. The ride was fun, the tryouts went well and a few months later, Rintarou was playing his first match as a member of the team. Osamu had been accepted in a culinary school, back in Hyogo. When he told him, Rintarou’s heart sank at the realization that they would be so far away from each other for such a long time. Still, he left for Tokyo, his feelings still locked inside since he had decided that confessing was useless. Deep inside him, he even hoped that the long distance would get them to go away, but they never did. They only hurt harder.
The sleepovers ended, technically. They videocalled everyday and Osamu would fall asleep on the phone because it was getting too late, or Rintarou would pass out first, exhausted with training. There was something almost more intimate about those calls than the actual sleepovers they missed.
“I miss you.” Osamu would say sometimes, and it never failed to set a heavy lump into Rintarou’s throat.
“Don’t say silly things like that.” He managed to choke out, eyes drifting away from the screen as he tried to stop the tears that he could feel coming up. Not like this, not in front of him.
“But it’s true, I miss ya'.”
“S-stop. Don’t remind me of-... The five hours ride.”
“Ah-, sorry.” Both of them remained quiet for a while, but it wasn’t the kind of silence Rintarou usually relished with him. “Well- I totally don’t miss you stealing my stuff or distracting me whenever I try to actually get some work done. I don’t miss you always making me pay when we go out, I don’t miss you getting pissy at every-”
“Stop! You don’t have to be so harsh!” Rintarou cut him off and a beautiful sound filled his ears. Osamu’s face was split in half, mouth wide open and bright teeth showing. Protests stopped as he couldn’t help but gape in amazement.
He had been so loud his mother opened his door, telling him that it was too late for him to make a fuss and that he should go to sleep if he didn’t want to be late for classes. Though when Osamu told her he was on a call with him, she sat down next to him to check up on “ her sweet Rintarou-kun” five minutes. Rintarou genuinely smiled back and updated her on his life, laughed when she flicked his best friend’s forehead because “I can see ya makin’ a face on the screen, you brat!”.
He didn’t like to face those thoughts but, yes, Rintarou did miss Osamu, and everything that involved him, from their bickering to their wordless exchanges. Sometimes, he could even hear Atsumu and his shitty accent, whining in his ear because he was being mean to him. Who would have ever thought Rintarou would have to suppress the urge to call Miya Atsumu at two in the morning?
A few years later, when Osamu finally moved to Tokyo to open a new shop, the two of them got to see each other everyday again. While, they both had their own apartment, they brought back this habit of sleeping together, it had become even more frequent than it used to be, actually.
They didn't need a futon anymore, sleeping in the same bed wasn’t weird to them. At least, that was what they told themselves, and Rintarou selfishly chased away the voice in his head shouting that he probably shouldn't agree to it.. Whenever he was laying next to Osamu, facing him, he inevitably ended up with a heavy breathing and a buzzy sensation in his head. Usually, those nights ended up with Osamu falling asleep quickly, sticking to his healthy schedule and lifestyle, and Rintarou, staying on his phone, scrolling down social media at ungodly hours of the night.
Tonight was no exception.
Rintarou couldn’t close his eyes for longer than a few minutes without opening them again to stare at the man who was laying beside him, mouth open and letting out some faint snores. For someone who loved silence, Rintarou found those sounds abnormally soothing. So, he rolled on his back, holding his phone over his head as he let social media distract him. Letting out soft chuckles every once in a while, his heart dropped many beats when he accidentally thumbed and opened a video. Obviously, life hated him and not only was it a video of someone yelling, but his phone was also in full volume. The mattress shifted under him, Osamu groaned, and before he could even mutter an apology, the device was snatched away.
“Eh!” Osamu’s arm extended to drop the phone on the nightstand on his side of the bed.
“Yer on a timeout. We both have to get up early tomorrow, so sleep and don’t wake me again.”
“I couldn’t sleep-”
“Don’t care. That ain’t gonna help you.”
“Then nothing will, thank you 'Samu, really, now not only will I not be able to sleep, but I will also be bored.” He pouted which earned him a sigh from his friend, who muttered something along the lines of “ Such a baby” .
“Wanna hear a secret?” Osamu scooted closer and Rintarou tried to not pay attention to how captivating he was, hair disheveled and cheek squished against his pillow.
“Wha-”
“Yes or no?”
“Sure?”
“Tsumu’s got the hots for Sakusa Kiyoomi in his team.”
“Pft, that’s not a secret. I played against them, remember? He’s got him wrapped around his little fing- what? You’re the one who started this!” He chortled at the sight of Osamu’s scowl and shoved his shoulder.
“It’s fun to make fun of, not to think about.”
“Whatever, you suck at secrets, asshole.” The insult came out as fond, Rintarou hoped the other man wouldn't pick up on it.
“Do I? There’s something about me you never found out.” Rintarou snorted as if Osamu just told him he despised eating food. If only he knew how much he had paid attention to him during all those years, there wasn’t a part of him he could have possibly missed. Osamu was a work of art Rintarou had dedicated his life to long ago.
“Yeah, sure. I know you so well that I know you’re just lying because you refuse to accept that you are wrong right now. I know you inside out, Samu.”
“Y’know me so well you never figured that I like you. And before you say anything-” Osamu paused, only to make sure Rintarou wouldn't try to speak up again. “As in, I actually like you… Love you maybe, even.”
No matter how many times Osamu had sucked the breath out of Rintarou before, or will in the future, he would never get used to it. It was always automatic and unexpected, he could be talking, laughing, or just standing there, he would always find a way to turn him into a complete mess inside. Every single time, Rintarou would think that he got used to it, that Osamu couldn’t make him feel any stronger only for the other to prove him wrong. It was jas if they were practicing tosses together. If Rintarou grew more and more breathless as he kept sending the ball to Osamu, trying to push his feelings away, the other wasn’t having it. In fact, he never even seemed to realize what he was doing to him, Osamu had never been conscious of the amount of heads he made spin, Rintarou's included.
“I- I knew that, too.” Rintarou frowned stubbornly, unable to form any coherent thoughts on the spot.
“No, ya' did not, but it’s okay. I know that you like me, too. I’ve known for a while, actually.”
“What was it that gave me away?” Once again, Osamu let out that soft laugh that never failed to make Rintarou feel weak in the knees.
“Are you seriously asking me? You were awfully obvious, though I refused to see it until I was sure of my own feelings.”
Rintarou groaned and buried his face into his arm. He was glad his feelings were finally out in the open, and, even if Osamu was clearly interested, he couldn’t stop the wave of embarrassment that washed over him. His best friend had seen him being enamored with him for what could be weeks as well as it could be months, or years, and he didn’t say a thing. At this point, he was too scared to even ask about it.
“Can we sleep now?”
“Sure.” Osamu chuckled and Rintarou wished his gaze wasn’t so piercing, he didn’t have to look up to know he was staring at him. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow though, right?”
“Of course.”
Oddly, and despite the excitement that tightened his guts as he anticipated the following day, Rintarou dozed off quickly, a hint of a smile on his face. He couldn't tell if he was awake or dreaming when lips pressed against his forehead, followed by a hot sigh against his skin.
The smile was still there the next morning, when he woke up. It was still there as he watched Osamu cook them breakfast, as he pecked Rintarou’s lips after they had come to the conclusion that it would be nice to give themselves a chance. The overwhelming feeling was still in his body, he could feel it, but this time, it seemed to have embraced it. He could finally enjoy the twist of his insides or the warmth fueling him whenever he looked at Osamu or touched him. He was looking forward to feeling the fire increase into his chest with Osamu by his side for the nights and days that were to come.