Chapter Text
"I could totally beat Noah in a race,” Cooper says suddenly, head dangling off the end of the couch.
“Uh, you could beat all of us at a race.” Charlie points out unhelpfully.
“Couldn’t beat Travis,” Carson adds smugly, and Cooper bristles.
“He cheated and I still stand by it.”
“It’s not his fault Lady Luck blessed that fuck!” Charlie chirps, before squinting his eyes slightly as he tries to read the tv upside down.
“Can we not talk about how luck blessed Travis’s fuck?” Cooper asks dryly, and Carson devolves into giggles.
“I don’t know Cooper, I’ve been meaning to have an intervention with him about it,” Carson chokes out between wheezes, and Charlie chuckles.
“Carson you know he’s an unstoppable fuck machine-”
Cooper's expression goes disgusted. “Okay, now this is me genuinely asking for a new conversation line.”
“Homies just jealous cause he’s too fast in bed now-HEY!” Carson yelps and pulls his legs up as Cooper digs his ankles into them hard. Charlie yelps as his footrest is suddenly taken, and he rolls over to glare at them before shoving his feet onto Cooper’s stomach.
“Wh-Charlie what the hell man?!” Cooper exclaims, slightly winded.
“You guys made me lay on the floor, deal with it.” Charlie grumps without heat, before rolling back over and picking his controller back up, ignoring Cooper’s exaggerated grunt of pain. “Now shush I only have thirty minutes to beat Carson’s high score before the others are home.”
“It’ll never happen,” Carson states confidently, before Cooper takes this chance to stretch his legs out in the space he abandoned. “Oi don’t give me just the corner!”
“Nobody puts Carson in the corner.” Charlie jokes under his breath, before his eye twitches when Carson jabs his legs out onto Cooper’s stomach as well and buries his own. Cooper can sense the situation will only keep escalating.
“Can we get back to the topic at hand?!” Cooper asks, finally sitting up as the blood had started to run into his head. He pushes both Carson and Charlie’s legs off and ignores their squawks.
Charlie pauses the game.
“You want to try to race someone who can teleport?” Charlie asks, eyebrows raised. “And you don’t realise the obvious conclusion of that?”
“Slow time.” Carson feels the need to clarify, but it helps Cooper’s case, so he doesn’t question it.
“Exactly! Noah can just slow time down, but since I’m super fast, slowing time for me would just be me normally running! Which I’m still faster at.”
“Is that how it works?” Charlie feels the need to ask, pitching his voice up a little. Cooper narrows his eyes.
“Yes.”
“It would be interesting to test,” Carson says, and Cooper perks up. “If not just to see Cooper get humiliated.”
“What the fuck did I do to you?!” Cooper asks, and Carson starts rubbing the side of his leg pointedly. “...Aside from just now.”
“You kept sneaking in and out of my stream and pressing the escape button.” Carson deadpans.
“You tied me to the ceiling fan while I was sleeping,” Charlie adds, shivering slightly in memory.
“Also you keep taking away chairs right as I’m going to sit on them.” Carson continues.
“You attempted to do the thing from Star Wars with me and my head still hurts.” Charlie whines.
“And there was that one time with the clown-”
“Okay, I get it!” Cooper interrupts, “I did one thing!”
“Well-”
“Well-”
“Look can we get back on track?” Cooper asks, and the other two shrug.
“I mean, sure, give it a shot-“ Carson starts, only for Charlie to talk over him with a familiar glint in his eye.
“Yeah, more power to you!”
“...”
“...”
“So the ceiling fan again?”
“I’m thinking of just putting him in a jar next time and sending him out at sea,” Cooper responds casually, and Charlie sits up in wide-eyed panic.
“We’re not doing that I’m never shrinking around you guys again-“
“Or we could put him on a golf ball and punt him into the sun,” Carson adds suddenly.
“No!”
“I might put him in a box and leave him in Wendy’s parking lot,” Cooper says with an amused chuckle and Charlie lets out a string of affronted gibberish.
“Say he’s a lost hairless hamster,” Carson suggests, and Cooper snorts.
“Pretty ugly fucking hamster.”
Charlie flops down against the floor and grumpily picks up the controller again.
“I hate you guys.”