Archive of Our Own

[14:00] Just as the school bell will ring out for dispersal and the old man next door will over-water his plants in the window box, Min Yoongi wakes up.

He spends the next half an hour or so scrolling through social media lazily as he attempts to catch up on the rest of the world, and then he eats cereal from the box. This fall morning brings the gratuitous choice of Trix that Hoseok is likely to have bought for the funny rabbit on the box. Hoseok thinks he's funny like that.

And then Yoongi will attempt a semblance of a normal person's day and clean up but there will always be one item of clothing he won't be able to find a clean pair of, prompting him to bug Hoseok about doing the laundry. He would go to the laundromat himself and get it over with but he's lacking in clean underpants right now.

[16:12] He leaves the house and skates down to the park with his ratty backpack on his right shoulder (his left one is always cramping up after that one fender bender with a limo), plastic zip lock baggies of an assortment of weed jostling inside.

The buyer is a regular group of chatty housewives that always reek of some kind of old school liquor and whatever they'd been cooking that day but they're nice enough to let Yoongi light one up with them and tell him home remedies on how to clear the bags under his eyes, so that's cool.

[18:01] There's another buy, only it turns out to be some snot nosed group of kids, so he whips out his stash of oregano and overcharges for the Gods because the one with braces thinks he's 'packing'.

The next five hours he spends loitering the back of a 7-Eleven. He always likes going when Jimin mans the counter— the kid always lets him have free refills of the Big Gulp (not the big gulp you get behind the 7-Eleven, the refreshment, of course).

[23:59] He's in the parking lot of the Honeymoon Motel, waiting for a white Honda Accord to drive by and unload a fat wad of cash in exchange for a small baggie of white powder he had to procure for people like this. Yoongi despises these parts of the day but hustle is hustle and he likes living with a certain amount of slacker bliss that comes with sitting on his very own nest egg which leads him to this very moment.

Once the deed is done, Yoongi takes a deep breath; holds it in nice and long, just long enough to feel his throat seize up before he lets it go. He focuses on the drone of cars in the distance, ignores the click clack of a prostitute making her way to a car, and hoists his bag higher up on his shoulder before making his way back home.

[2:18] Yoongi embraces the hollow emptiness of his life while petting a stray cat outside his apartment building. He reeks of dissatisfaction and disappointment, but he's too comfortable, too complacent in this lifestyle to change it.

He's fine and he hates it.

[2:23] He gets over his existential crisis and hurries back up into his apartment where a small plastic bag of something new is waiting to keep him occupied through the night.

∆∆∆

[6:00] Kim Taehyung has not slept in exactly 24 hours.

He sits at his sewing machine, sewing in a hem with all the patience of a man at the last spurt of effort provided by his Yerba Mate/instant coffee/5-hour Energy concoction. He is acutely aware of the clock ticking as the thread loops in and out of the deep viridian satin and when that section is complete, he turns the dress inside out and checks to see that there aren't any runs or loose threads— satin will always be a devil of a fabric to work with and yet here he is, an evening gown made entirely of the devil.

Once he's satisfied with the work on his gown, he settles it back on the mannequin he's lovingly named Beelzebub (Bee for short) and reaches for the double-breasted coat cape he's painstakingly constructed to look like black treacle on acid. He pats the expensive fabric lovingly, feeling every bit of his empty wallet, before noticing that his coat's two symmetrical columns of buttons appears to be missing two buttons.

The error is glaring in his bloodshot eyes and he lets out a defeated groan as he begins the desperate search for the two missing silver buttons. He upturns his entire workstation but still comes out empty much to his frenzied dismay.

There's only one solution he realizes as the first tinge of sunlight manages to creep into the studio and outdo his fragile desk lamp, so he grabs his weathered denim jacket and a lump of leather he hopes is his worryingly thin wallet and sets out for the fabric store.

[7:28] Taehyung is still standing inside the fabric store, gazing lovingly at a row of sharkskin, herringbone and houndstooth; beautifully monochrome and a fortune by the yard. He huffs in closely contained despair and hauls his tiny bag containing two buttons out the store and to the bus stop.

He thinks his luck is must be changing as he manages to catch a bus right as he steps towards the stop but little does he know, at [8:24] he will wake up in the backseat of the bus in an industrial area he doesn't know and realize he is late for a meeting with his professor.

[8:26] Kim Taehyung has an anxiety attack.

[9:04] He is getting scolded by Professor Kim who berates him on his lack of effort and focus that reflects in his designs.

All he does is bow his head in shame, apologizing and promising to do better despite already doing the best he can.

He rushes back to his studio to finally, finally, sew on the two rogue buttons before he is to run to McDonald's for his shift from 12 to 5pm where he will scoop fries into boxes and talk to less than savory customers. With every passing hour Taehyung reminds himself why he's doing this, with every yawn and ache in his neck he tells himself that's got to do this.

[5:09] He hurries off to a nearby grocery store to pick up a shopping list worth of things for his aunt and grandma (featuring the former's three children).

[19:10] He drops the multitude of plastic bags he'd had to lug up 3 flights of stairs because their elevator has been an indefinitely cancelled concept.

2 hours into entertaining the twins and toddler, Taehyung excuses himself to the washroom, locking the door behind him after taking one more whiff of the savory aroma of stew. He stands in front of the sink, squints at the scratched up mirror and cries thoroughly.

It's his only reprieve and he milks the tears for all they're worth.

There are tissues nearby, but he still wipes the mixture of snot and tears with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Then he sniffles at his exhausted reflection, washes his face with freezing water and goes back outside to help set the table.

After a sparse dinner of making sure everybody gets to eat, Taehyung almost takes the bus home.

But he doesn't.

[22:39] He goes back to the studio to slave over more articles of clothing he'll end up hating for such is the routine of Kim Taehyung.

∆∆∆

[15:17] Taehyung doesn't usually snap out of autopilot while working at McDonald's but sometimes he'll make an exception for characters like this 20 something stoner asking him to dunk a vanilla ice cream and some fries into his sweet tea.

"You want them, like, together?"

"Yeah, yeah and could I get one of those scoopy scoop spoons you give with the McFlurries, yeah, that would be tight." The man laughs loud and self satisfied, like he knows he's just placed an order for what will inevitably be his cornucopia filled with ambrosia.

Taehyung blinks.

"Will you be paying with cash or credit?"

The man reaches into the pocket of his pale denim overalls and retrieves a fistful of notes, coins and, curiously enough, empty condom wrappers with sharpie doodles on them.

Taehyung sighs.

-

[15:42] Behind the McDonald's is where Taehyung will find a brief respite from the arduous task that is customer service and avoiding the sizzle from vats of vegetable oil.

He kneels down beside the employee exit and replies to messages and scrolls through his friends' posts, double tapping on carefree images of his peers while he stinks of grease.

His incoming lament concerning the lack of fairness in his community's socioeconomic system is rudely halted when a voice and peculiar smell permeates his thoughts.

"You good there, my dude?"

Taehyung, startled, looks up to find the odd stoner from earlier peering down at him, bizarre concoction in hand.

"Y-yeah, I'm great, man."

Stoner leans back, licks some splashback of sweet tea flavored ice cream and hums. "M'kay but you look, like, mad tense there, you sure you're good?"

Taehyung laughs, it's not like this conversation is of much substantial value to him, so he laughs his most bitter, honest laugh. "Nah man, I'm honestly just waiting for the sweet release of death."

"Dude," Except stoner man drags the syllables for much longer than the word was intended to be. "You gotta chillax."

"How exactly do I do that, dude?"

Stoner man ponders this question, really, truly analyzes the factors involved in the act of chillaxing.

"Smoke up, I guess,"

Now see, normally Taehyung would laugh and brush off even the notion of drugs. Marijuana was nothing but he just assumed drinking was his limit. But today, as he peers up at the sweet tea and fry concoction, he thinks 'fuck it'.

"Fuck it, yeah, okay. Do you know where I could get some weed?"

Stoner man smiles wide, almost Cheshire-like.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I do."

∆∆∆

[16:16] Yoongi is surprised to see Hoseok home so early on a Saturday but is more surprised to find that he brought a nervous looking friend.

"Huh-hello," The friend offers awkwardly and Yoongi smiles, lifting his battered PS3 controller up in salutation.

"This is Taehyung, Yoongs, I'm here to smoke him the fuck up."

"Now I don't know about ‘the fuck up’ but—"

Hoseok silences the boy with a finger to the lips and a shushing sound, much like one would do to a horse. "The fuck up, Taehyung, we're getting baked today."

Yoongi snorts. "As if he isn't already cooked to begin with,"

"You shush too! You know I like to wake and bake with the dab pen I stole from Jaewon, do not shame my lifestyle!" Hoseok turns to his guest. "Don't mind him; a prickly pear, but he's the chillest cucumber in this side of town. Yoongo, you mind if we borrow the Red Scare for a sesh?"

Taehyung looks understandably confused.

"That's what we call our bong, she's red and for the people— much like communism," Yoongi supplies helpfully. "And sure, if you let me hit her a couple of times while y'all smoke."

"Sweet! C'mon Tae, allow me to show you our work-in-progress masterpiece."

Yoongi watches as Hoseok drags a stranger to their hotbox room and is unperturbed, he's used to his roommate making random friends and bonding while smoking. This one seemed a little like a deer caught in the headlights but the situation seemed consensual enough for Yoongi to go back to playing Bioshock without being too concerned.

-

[16:56] Hoseok's new friend is as high as a kite by the time Yoongi drops by the room and is giggling through his deep voice and Yoongi is so thoroughly amused.

"Your weed is very, very good, sir." Taehyung says to Yoongi who is plopping down on one of the two mattresses in the room. It used to be a triple but the closet posed an issue and then being a double was out of the question when their last roommate was chased out by their chaotic, rampant lifestyle (spoiler alert: the bitch was scared of confrontation and talked shit about the two stoners to the landlord till he moved out). So now it's just the smoke room where they keep extraneous items and artwork they collect from people they meet with two beds and several, several blankets to cozy up to.

The speaker is playing one of Yoongi's many playlists, this one was called waking up at 6pm after a week of overwhelming things(based on a ‘snowy’ weekend) and Taehyung is vibing intensely to a song by The Internet.

"It should be good, the shit cost me a pretty penny and I need to move it before Hoseok smokes it all up." He says, snatching the large Ziploc bag from the ledge by the window where Hoseok sits, blowing smoke out the window.

"Mi casa es su casa, Yoongo, what's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine." The other man says languidly.

"And I will have nothing left when you're done owning all my possessions."

Taehyung laughs and Yoongi decides to finally look at the guy, like really look.

He's tall, like long and lanky, but boyish. His eyes are red and offset by bags beneath them but it's nothing really compared to the big boxy grin that's really nothing but sweet. His sweatshirt is a pale mint with embroidered purple flowers and it's such a soft look that Yoongi decides that he is interested™.

"So, Taehyung, was it? How'd you decide to get high with what I presume was a total stranger?"

"Oh my god, that feels like ages ago, oh my god. I was, like, just chilling behind the McDonald's—"

"He was so not chilling, mans was deadass stressing himself into a raisin." Hoseok interjects.

"Wait, what, like he put his stress into a raisin?"

"No! Like, he was so stressed he could have become a raisin."

"Ah."

"Um, what's it, anyways!" Taehyung cuts back in. "there I was, a raisin, and then Hoseok here tells me to chillax and I say how and he says smoke up and yet again, I say how and then he tells me about his bff slash soulmate slash plug and now here I am."

"That was a long sentence."

"Periods are just a little beyond me right now, Yoongi, I'm so sorry," Taehyung says, somehow cheerfully regretful.

"Pft, don't apologize to the cactus, you have nothing to apologize for ever, you're just doing your best and that so much more than enough, Tae,"

Taehyung's eyes look slightly moist as he nods aggressively. "You're right, you're so right."

"I was just making a comment," Yoongi isn't used to being the only sober person in the room and grabs the bong from Hoseok to amend that.

"Wait, fuck, I have to go back to school and finish my assignment."

"You're in high school?" Yoongi asks, hoping he didn't just eye jailbait.

"No, it's like the college I go to, we just call her school, it's a whole thing, don't even worry about it; point is: I'm about to get raisin stressed if I do not complete my drawing homework for tomorrow."

"Aw the party was just getting good!"

"I gotta bolt, Hoseok," the kid looks so genuinely remorseful, it manages to tug at Yoongi's heartstrings, but that could easily just be the smoke hitting his lungs. "I'm so sorry but I'll make it up to you with another ice cream iced tea with extra French fries!”

"Bruh," Hoseok drags the word like it was heaven itself. "It really do be paying to have friends,"

"I feel you so hard right now, man," Taehyung gathers his things with a swaying gait, not unsteady but more loose. "It was really nice meeting you, Yoongi! I don't know if you like McDonald's but feel free to drop by for a freebie!"

Yoongi chuckles. "I do not think that's legal, bud,"

Taehyung turns to him. "Fuck capitalism, the people deserve free fries." And he sprints out the door, still yelling out farewells.

Now alone, Hoseok and Yoongi make eye contact.

"I like him." Yoongi comments innocently.

"You're allowed to fuck him but I refuse to be present in the house during that."

"Don't be crass, Seok, I'm just saying that I don't mind him as much as all your other 'friends'."

"Mm, I'm just saying," Hoseok trails off, pulling his vape from his pocket (affectionately named Sally-Bob as a compromise when he and Yoongi couldn't decide on a name) and takes a hit of strawberry crème flavored nicotine. When he blows it out, Yoongi watches the smoke dance in the peaking evening light and decides to go to work too.

∆∆∆

[23:04] Yoongi is delightfully surprised when his grower presents him with one extra baggie during their transactional exchange.

"I've been playing around with growing some of my own mushrooms and I figured you'd be up to test drive 'em out for me," Mika says.

Yoongi already knows it's going to be a good trip; he trusts Mika implicitly when it comes to her homegrown goods because the girl's hands are made of green thumbs and every plant she touches grows so beautiful that you'd swear her shit was genetically modified.

"Fuck, I haven't done shrooms in ages, Mimi, this is gonna be sick as fuck,"

She laughs airily, bangles clanking as she tucks a wild curl back into her barely tamed bun. "That's what I'm hoping for, if I can set up shop with these then I'd be raking in enough to start up my bakery!"

Yoongi moans. "A place where I can consistently get onion Focaccia bread AND support local artists? Sign me the fuck up, baby!"

They laugh together and Yoongi revels in the quiet joy of being with a friend.

"So when're you gonna do them?" Mika asks. "I got you about 2 grams given your tolerance and weight,"

"Dang, what was that about my weight?" Yoongi quips jokingly. "I'm just messing, I'll do them tomorrow— it's supposed to be a beautiful day."

"If you're taking them tomorrow, then I'm sure it's going to be beautiful and then some."

-

[9:12] yoongi knows that there was music playing at some point but it isn't anymore and he doesn't mind. he wants to hear the leaves dancing on the gentle october breeze, lit by sunlight that hits you warm and you suddenly understand why cats bask.

he'd strayed off from the park to find this spot, this gathering of feelings so holy that the ray of sunlight falling on that patch of grass must be heaven sent. an ornate pillar holds a couple of flowers and he uses it to ground himself, a concrete memento of this reality to remind him where the sunlight marks the sacred space he discovered.

walking down a dirt path will lead him to a deck overlooking a lake he didn't know existed. the lake is shallow and round and he will stand on that deck and think the lake looks very much like the dregs left at the bottom of a wine glass left beside the sink to be cleaned eventually but not tonight, tonight they sleep heavy.

nothing is forever. yoongi knows this because this exact water in the lake won't be here 50 years later, the willow hanging from above him will shed and who is to say this land will still be here?

technically, with the way cells regenerate, yoongi has been new countless times over but there must be something quintessentially him because nothing has changed in all those 25 years of regeneration— he is the same person in all those childhood photographs, still the same ball of anxiety and fatigue and whatever else it is that he identifies himself as.

and yet, nothing is forever.

so, when will he have to come to terms with the transient nature of everything, including himself?

the tears on his face don't come from a place of sadness, just a sheer overwhelming barrage of emotions, and he wipes them away gingerly before waving at a red figure staring at him from across the pond. the figure doesn't wave back.

when yoongi decides to leave, he'll return back to the sunlit space and pack up his things. before he leaves, he turns to the space, no trace of presence left behind, and will say thank you.

but for now, he's reveling in this intangibility his body has decided to embrace as the red figure draws closer and closer.

-

[20:55] After spending an absurd amount of money on food, Yoongi lays back in his bed and hits Hoseok's dab pen to wean off his trip completely. He doesn't understand much of what happened to his emotions during the trip, might write them down in his phone’s Notes app to forget about and then rediscover while searching for a to-do list he’d made to seem productive. He feels different, but it’s not permanent; he knows this. That sense of higher understanding was the result of sitting in a park for so long and the placebo thinking that a drug could show you Nirvana.

He leaves to his room and sits on his bed while crying again, except this time it’s just sad, no enlightenment.

You don’t know this but, and neither does Yoongi, but you’re both about to find out that this will become a pattern.

∆∆∆

[21:23] Taehyung is putting away his needles and mannequin when the text from Hoseok lights up his phone. It had been maybe a week since he’d last ‘smoked up’ with the guy but they’d been texting somewhat during the time (that is to say, Hoseok had sent him two memes about possums and Taehyung had responded appropriately). So, seeing the text brought a slight curl to Taehyung’s lips, anticipating another possum meme but he was surprised to see the other man had invited him to come over and hang out again. Taehyung doesn’t know why Hoseok wanted to hang out with him again, the first time made sense because it was his first but now, he wasn’t so sure.

In any case, Taehyung checks the time and his progress on his final project before deeming it acceptable to RSVP. He grabs all his things, locks up the studio and hands the key back to the night guard who waves him goodnight with a sweet ‘Get home safe, hun!’ as he leaves the school for Hoseok (and his cactus(?) roommate)’s apartment.

He gets there in 14 minutes, marveling at the closeness of the metro station by his school and the one by the apartment, and Hoseok answers the door with a petite lady on one arm and a pool noodle in the other.

“Tae! Man of the hour! Come on in, amigo, we got tortilla chips and popcorn!”

Taehyung giggles and follows the duo in, closing the door behind him. The place looks more or less the same as it did when he was last here except the smoke room was completely dark despite the many voices talking amongst themselves. Cutting through the cacophony, a voice that Taehyung knows belongs to the cactus(?) roommate booms.

“Will somebody PLEASE help me set this up without making fun of my height?”

Taehyung walks in to find two phone flashlights acting as spotlights for the aforementioned man who was holding a cable and a long LED strip.

“I could help?” Taehyung volunteers.

“Perfect! Come hither, big boy,” Yoongi motions at Taehyung to move closer which he obediently does. “I’m going to need you to stick this strip along the end of this ceiling, can you do that for me, Goliath?”

Taehyung giggles again, a side effect of being surrounded by stoned people in a room that reeked of weed, and nods while taking hold of the strip where it hung down from a corner by the windows. Together, the two of them maneuver past the handful of people gorging on snacks and line the room with the LED strip.

“Life seems so easy when you have a few extra inches,” Yoongi muses in a comically remorseful tone.

“THAT’S WHAT HE SAID.” Hoseok hollers from the other end of the room.

Everyone shakes their head to hide a reluctant smile and Taehyung leaps off a chair with an accomplished look plastered on his face.

“Hey, Tae,” Yoongi starts, glancing at the pins stuck in the sleeve of Taehyung’s yellow hoodie. “Wanna go smoke outside? It’s way too crowded here anyway.”

Taehyung’s lips lift in a way that makes a small part of Yoongi’s heart flutter. “Yeah, I’d be down for that,”

A pair of arms encircle the two of them as Hoseok appears between their shoulders. “I would as well, dear dude o’ mine.”

Yoongi huffs.

-

[22:14] The wind is relentless as it strikes the three men.

They’re huddled together to protect the flame of the lighter they’re using to smoke Yoongi’s bowl (actually Mika’s but she gave this one to him out of pity and that’s just the way it’s been). They’re in the alley behind the apartment, the sounds from their pseudo party echoes distantly and it’s a beautiful night despite the wind. Yoongi looks up at the sky while Taehyung helps Hoseok take a hit and he watches the stars, trying to remember the constellations someone once pointed out to him a long time ago (he tries to keep the someone hidden in his memories but it’s difficult).

“Okay, that’s it! I have had it with this cold! I’m going back inside!”

Yoongi, wrapped in his red sports coat, nods in the direction of the apartment. “Nobody invited you anyway, loser.”

But Hoseok doesn’t hear him because he’s already scuttling away.

“Isn’t it funny that a bowl is just like those pipes people used to smoke tobacco in all those years ago? And here we are? Doing that too?” Taehyung asks in wonder. His hands are folded within his hoodie leaving his sleeves deflated and it makes his chest protrude. Yoongi chuckles at the sight.

“It’s hilarious, dude, just goes to show you if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

“Oh my god, you’re so right. We still make kimchi the same way our ancestors used to!”

“I don’t know how to make kimchi, but I believe you, bud. Also, speaking of tobacco, d’you wanna split a cigarette? Wait, do you even smoke nicotine?”

Taehyung shrugs. “I used to smoke a ton in high school because I was emo and then I got too busy in college to pick it up again.”

Yoongi nods, pulling out a lone cigarette from his pocket. “I feel that, I drank a lot in high school. Like, I would show up to classes hungover and probably still a little drunk. Then I ran out of liquor to steal from my parents and an upperclassman introduced me to the good kush,” Yoongi’s smile becomes lopsided and his eyes glaze.

Taehyung chortles and weaves his hands back into his sleeves to pull up his hood in an effort to protect his cold ears. He raises his hands to shield the flame of Yoongi’s red Bic lighter that burns the end of the cigarette hanging loosely from his chapped lips. Taehyung stares at those lips a beat more than was necessary before becoming embarrassed and diverting his rapt attention to how much his shadow cast by a streetlamp looks like the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters.

“Fuck, my thumb’s so numb I didn’t even feel the lighter cutting into my skin.”

“WHAT?”

Yoongi chuckles. “It’s just a graze, bud, see?” He lifts his thumb up to Taehyung’s face and sure enough, there’s a thin red line.

Taehyung, in a moment of intoxicated stupidity, holds Yoongi’s hand and swiftly delivers a soft peck to the injured digit. Both men’s eyes are wide, and they look away in sync.

Yoongi clears his throat and Taehyung laughs, awkwardly at first but then he remembers the marshmallow man and he begins guffawing. Yoongi can’t help but join.

They smoke the cigarette together, puff puff pass style, and exchange short anecdotes about their life with odd conversation littered in between like,

“What are you doing?” Yoongi asks Taehyung who was fixated on his shadow and shaking his hips with his arms lifted slightly at his side.

“I’m just dancing! I don’t need your judgement!” He responds defensively.

Yoongi lifts his hands up in surrender, a new cigarette lit between his fingers. “I’m not judging! I’m questioning!”

Taehyung stalks up to him, an accusing finger pointed at the other man. “If this was a Step-Up movie, you would be the villain.”

Yoongi laughs so hard he almost drops his lighter into a sludgy puddle.

[22:49] Eventually, they finish the second cigarette and agree to retreat back into the warm, warm apartment. They’re walking back shoulder to shoulder (or arm to shoulder seeing as Taehyung has at least a good head of height on Yoongi) and it’s nice. Yoongi feels fuzzy inside and it may be the weed and nicotine, but it could also be the wondrous feeling of connecting with another human.

Yoongi reaches for the door before he belatedly realizes something: Hoseok took his keys.

He swears to himself that he’s going to give his roommate a wedgie.

∆∆∆

[14:34] “– your technique is impeccable as always, Kim, but I can’t help but feel that you’re not pushing the limits of your concepts, like I want to see you work bigger and more 3D, step out of the box!”

Taehyung stares bleary eyed at his teacher, the dark circles around his eyes sing their woes at another all-nighter pulled for another piece that just isn’t enough. He can’t even be mad at his teacher who was smiling pleasantly at his work, she was right but at this rate, he’d end up cracking his mind open and picking at his gray matter to create something that could be deemed exceptional.

“I’ll try my best, sir.” Taehyung smiles, weary and worn.

∆∆∆

[5:46] Yoongi sits on his couch, painfully sober, and cries into his assortment of pillows and blankets. He doesn't usually cry but this was required action, what with the hurricane of thoughts swirling in his head. It was painful. Painful like his anxiety stomach aches painful (the opposite of butterflies). He just couldn't stop fucking thinking about him.

His ex or whatever.

He wishes they hadn't ended on good terms, he wishes his ex would look him in the eyes and say "you fucking piece of trash, I hated being with you, you made my life a living hell, you aren't even attractive anymore, did you really let yourself go that much? I'm so much happier now." Happier. He wanted to know that his ex, flirting in the comment section of other men and women (and possibly dating one of the many accounts Yoongi's stalked), was happier now because that would mean he could be happy for him and not feel this disgusting, selfish emotion festering inside. Like a bubbling vat of longing and desperation, he's so pathetic.

He crawls into bed, silently so as to not wake up Hoseok taking shelter from his own broken bed, and sobs. It's been 7 months and he'd thought that'd be plenty of time to move on and he really was convinced that he had, but now every song reminds him of them and every single fucking memory is as vivid as if it was yesterday (the most painful was that phone call where he'd heard the love of his life weep and ask him to not leave him. If only he could've stuck to what he promised him).

[6:01] Yoongi makes a playlist and closes his eyes, tired of crying— tired of being alone.

∆∆∆

[14:10] Taehyung wakes up in the afternoon to Yoongi calling him. He doesn’t remember exchanging phone numbers, but he is nonetheless pleased when he hears the older man’s deep albeit static-y voice.

“I’m dog sitting and the weather outside is beautiful, d’you wanna go see a waterfall?”

It was the perfect amount of random, surreal spontaneity that made Taehyung jump out of bed, pull on jeans and a denim jacket, and brush his teeth on a day that he could’ve spent in bed, doing absolutely nothing. Yoongi met him outside his dorm in a battered-up Subaru that Taehyung had never seen before.

“It’s Hoseok’s aunt’s car but she lets us use it whenever because she’s agoraphobic or whatever,” Yoongi offers as explanation. Taehyung gets into the backseat because in the passenger seat sits a small white Glen Terrier that politely huffs at Taehyung.

“And whose dog are we holding captive?”

“We are not holding Henry captive, Henry is a willing participant in these shenanigans, isn’t that right, bud?” He scratches Henry’s head affectionately. “And Henry is a friend’s beloved companion who I engage with in the exchange of goods and services.”

“Oh, so a customer of yours, a customer of the marijuana agenda, I see,” Taehyung says, leaning forward to position himself between the two front seats.

“Correct as always, we have a true college student in our midst, Henry my dear,”

Taehyung laughs and is already glad he said yes.

They drive for an hour or so and Taehyung doesn’t notice them pulling into a National Park because he had been so engrossed in talking to this perky Yoongi and the delightfully receptive dog. They’re slightly higher up and he can make out suburbs and the city in the distance. Yoongi was right, it was a beautiful day. The sky was the most vibrant blue and fluffy clouds made it look picturesque. Yoongi parks beside a rest stop and Taehyung moves to get out but stops when he notices Yoongi fishing around for something. He pulls out a small, colored glass container, a curiously shaped glass straw and a device that was irrefutably a blowtorch.

Taehyung eyes the equipment nervously. “Uh, whatcha got there, Heisenberg?”

“Hah! You can relax, bud, it’s just weed,” Yoongi opens the container and reveals a sizable lump of brown wax. “ ‘s a different form of kush, is all.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, it’s called dabs and this baby here,” He reaches for the glass tube. “Is a nectar collector, think of it like a straw. All you gotta do is fire up the wax and then you smoke it, easy peasy high and squeezy!”

Yoongi demonstrates– he holds the blowtorch carefully between his thighs, Henry is placed in the back with Taehyung, and he aims the flames at the wax. A moment later, he’s using the nectar collector to take a hit and he blows smoke out just like you would when you smoke otherwise. Taehyung is enthralled and eagerly accepts when Yoongi passes him the container and straw. Taehyung can barely feel the smoke in his lungs and coughs violently when he blows it out, Yoongi chuckles knowingly and passes him a bottle of water. “Shit’s strong like that.” He says simply.

Taehyung is immediately one step behind the world. Everything is so much more vibrant, and he feels so close to everything and everyone and he cannot wait to step outside the car.

-

[16:22] “So, where’s this waterfall we’re going to see?”

“Hey, what if we go up?”

Taehyung stops in his tracks. They’ve been walking for a little bit and it’s a lovely scenic route but up means climbing what must be the side of a cliff. Now, Taehyung could pass Gym in high school, but college has done good to his physical health and his tummy is soft with the weight of one too many instant noodle dinners. So, when Yoongi says up, when he means they go vertical, Taehyung can’t help but gulp.

“Like, up? Up from here?” Taehyung gingerly touches the path that is mostly straight with only the slightest inclination.

“Yeah! Fuck! It would be so rad, dude, like look at that!” He points up high to where the precipice might end or go higher. “Henry would die!” He says with nothing but glee in his voice.

“How sure are we that that’s a good idea, Yoongi?” Taehyung gulps yet again, smoking makes his mouth dry and so does fear.

“Oh c’mon, me and Henry used to go around here a ton, follow me,” Yoongi begins ascending, one hand holding onto boulders and small trees for balance and the other holding the end of Henry’s leash. Taehyung eyes Henry with envy because the small dog and Yoongi seem to be having no trouble whatsoever with this climb. Taehyung has tripped and slipped on moss multiple times and he is astonished because he feels like he’s discovered the true depths of the human physique because a body should not be able to travel vertically and yet here he is. Going up.

While Taehyung focuses intensely on one foot after the other and resorting to crawling so that he does not fall to his demise, he is reminded of a school trip to Japan when he was younger (and much chubbier) and a teacher signed him up for a 13km hike that he didn’t want to do and he remembers the sheer embarrassment of being the last one to arrive at the finish line because he had no stamina. He hopes Yoongi doesn’t think he’s unfit or lazy just because he can’t climb a cliff.

The trio weave their way through brambles and bushes, stopping occasionally to take in the view but nothing could compare to the sight that was the view from atop the cliff. It was so magnificent, all of civilization was obscured by sheer distance and the only thing they could see was the horizon, the blue sky and another verdant cliff across. Yoongi holds Henry safely in his arms and the two of them squat atop the overhang and peer at the glorious landscape while Taehyung stands at a safe distance from what could potentially be a falling hazard next to a tree he holds onto for good measure.

“I finally understand the Sublime.” Taehyung mutters to no one in particular.

“What’s that, bud?” Yoongi asks, turning to face Taehyung.

Taehyung stares at the other man, takes in his black hair, chapped pink lips, tattered knitted sweater and scuffed boots, he stares into his sleepy yet intense eyes. He gulps again but for an entirely new reason.

“It– it’s like that thing where, you like, where man feels insignificant in the face of immeasurable greatness, it’s the strongest emotion someone can feel and this, this is the grandest thing I’ve ever witnessed. I’m so happy I get to be an insignificant part of this.”

Yoongi looks at him, pondering.

“I fuck with that.” He says. “It’s important to feel insignificant in the grand scheme of things.”

“Yeah,”

The way down is quieter and much easier, eventually they just sit down and crawl down on their butts. A comfortable, almost enlightened silence hangs between the two men and one dog but once their feet touch horizontal land, everything is back to normal and they leave the park feeling small but bright.

∆∆∆

[18:32] Yoongi has been texting Taehyung on and off for the past 4 days and finds him a beautiful reprieve from his usual day.

He now has something to look forward to after his deliveries and exchanges, eager to look at his phone to check if the boy replied to his meme or not (it was excruciatingly similar to a prior puppy love but he only dwells on that at night when Taehyung either works or passes out from working too much). He no longer makes his illicit nightly transactions feeling loathsome or hopeless, instead he wonders if Taehyung prefers chocolate or vanilla.

“What’s got you all smiley today, Min?”

Yoongi snaps out of his happy reverie and looks up to see Jimin regarding him with a knowing look.

“What, I can’t be happy about being in my favorite 7-Eleven?” He quips smoothly and resumes scanning the snack aisle for prawn crackers.

“I’m just sayin’! A man smiling like that either paid off his debts or got laid, and you don’t look too financially stable right now, ya feel me?” Jimin flips a page of today’s newest edition of tabloid pulp fiction with his feet propped up on the cash register. Yoongi snorts, pauses, and looks down apprehensively at his ratty jeans (ripped unfashionably from falling off his skateboard one too many times) and his old Air Force 1s that were beginning to decay from lack of care. Contrary to what Jimin said, Yoongi was very financially stable, he just happened to not care about his clothes too much.

“The day I feel you is the day I tell my mother I smoke weed.”

“Ugh, we love our queen and icon, Min Chaerin. Tell her she was fun last night.” Jimin winks devilishly at Yoongi who chucks a packet of peanuts at the cashier.

Yoongi’s phone buzzes.

hyungtae22: seokjins making me go to a party ew

should i wear a crop top and black jeans like every other bitch LMAO

Yoongi smiles to himself and quickly texts back a reply.

yongles: no self-respecting pseudo frat bro will look at u unless ur wearing lingerie and a skirt periodt

hyungtae22: fuck ur so right

ill askk my aunt for her undies thats sure to make waves

Yoongi laughs heartily when Taehyung sends a picture of his face shoddily photoshopped onto the body of a white girl posing in front of a frat house with her friends, serendipitously wearing a white tube top and black jeans.

hyungtae22: wot r u up to tn

destroying the patriarchy?

yongles: thinkin bout pizza for dindin before i tackle the establishment yk

hyungtae22: omg do u wanna come w us

yongles: NAH

college parties are fun but boring once ur not in college

hyungtae22: gross ur a dino

what is fun to u

yongles: i have certain other parties i enjoy

“Yo, Minnie Mouse, either buy a slurpee or bounce, this isn’t your sleepover where you giggle with your girlfriends about the cute boy texting you,” Jimin hollers, tossing the packet of peanuts back at Yoongi.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll see you later, asshole,”

“Love you too, sweetie,” Jimin simpers.

Yoongi steps out of the convenience store, looking at his phone one last time before he gets back on his skateboard.

hyungtae22: take me w u

yongles: i was joking the only parties i attend are hoseoks

and random ones after 3am

hyungtae22: if theres a random one tn lmk!!! i would like to party but all the college parties end at 2am around here

yongles: hmmm ill ask around

Yoongi kicks and he’s off on board, smoothly leaving the gas station and sticking close to the curb. He glances at his phone briefly and searches for the contact of a friend who happened to be a DJ, hitting ‘Call’ when he finds it.

“Hey, Jun, it’s me, Yoongi,” … “Yeah I know, it’s been a helluva long time. Listen, I don’t suppose you would be playing a set tonight?”

∆∆∆

[22:40] If Minseok hadn’t made them all late by taking a vote on whether to wear his white Doc Martens or not, Taehyung wouldn’t be standing outside in the cold with no jacket because he had none that would go with his Hawaiian print shirt. Apparently, the college parties require you to show up at a specific time otherwise they get too full and they have a capacity agreement with the cops who turn a blind eye only if it’s within the capacity, so if you come too late you have to wait for people to leave to be left in.

Yeah, it flew right over Taehyung’s head too but alas, here he is, waiting.

-

[23:38] Taehyung dances with the taste of Sprite, Kool-Aid, fruit juice and vague alcohol on his tongue. He doesn’t know the rap songs that blast through the UV-lit room, but he screams variations of ‘ay!’ and ‘oh!’ to the rhythm of the beat anyway. His friends are in a circle despite the sheer number of sweaty, gyrating bodies shoving them into one another. At some point, a pretty girl accidentally had backed up into Taehyung, turned to apologize, took one look at his face and smiled before she began dancing up against him. Taehyung politely danced next to her, inching away little by little because that was a better alternative than trying to explain to this clueless girl that he didn’t swing that way.

-

[1:00] The five of them are crammed into an Uber meant for four because Seokjin puked into a sink. Taehyung decides to tuck his roommate into bed and maybe sleep. He wasn’t really tired, the exhilaration of alcohol and dancing still lingering in his veins. He goes to his phone and finds a text from Yoongi.

-

[2:22] Taehyung waits outside Yoongi’s apartment, this time he’s wrapped in a green hoodie and yeah, it’s no down jacket, but it was better than nothing.

“Hey, you’re here!”

Taehyung whips around to find Yoongi walking up to him, clad in a fitted yellow tee, black straight-cut jeans and a black vinyl jacket. He looked good, Taehyung gulps.

“As I said I would be, ha!” He replies nervously, raising his hands as if to present himself to Yoongi.

“I like your shirt,” Yoongi points out while taking out his phone. “ ‘s very cool.”

“Thanks, I got the fabric as a bedsheet from Goodwill and sewed it together for my first class.”

“Oh shit, that’s right, you’re like the next Alexander McQueen or somethin’, that’s so dope, man. Also, real quick, you don’t mind splitting an Uber, do you? I’d drive but I would also like to drink,”

Taehyung shakes his head, silently laughing at the number of Ubers he’s taken tonight. “I don’t go out too often, so I have enough allowance to cover split Ubers.”

“Alright! It should be here in 5!”

-

[2:55] The neighborhood they arrive in looks mostly residential, it’s very quiet and very dark. Yoongi leads Taehyung over a short gate which makes him wonder about the legality of all this, and they follow Yoongi’s phone’s flashlight down a steep staircase and to a door behind a house. There’s a burly man with long hair and Yoongi gives him two 10,000 Won notes that the man accepts and moves to let them in. Inside, the house is curiously decorated in an almost antique style, the first thing Taehyung notices is an ornate mirror and he allows the light buzz within him to decide that he and Yoongi look good together.

“You can hang your jacket over here, it can get a little stuffy downstairs,” Yoongi tells him.

“Downstairs?”

A door just north of where they entered takes them down a rickety staircase and finally into a large, dank basement, lit by red and blue lights coming from a DJ booth blasting Techno House music and a bar respectively.

“Interested in a drink?” Yoongi asks Taehyung over the pulsating beat of the music. He takes a look at the people dancing to the music, mostly moving their head and feet to the rhythm, and laughs a little because they all looked sort of undead.

“Sure, I’ll get a rum and coke,”

Yoongi starts a tab, Taehyung makes a mental note to pay Yoongi back before the night is over, and soon enough, they’re both nursing Cuba Libres and bobbing their heads to the music.

Yoongi waves at someone standing by the staircase. “Tae, gimme a hot second, I gotta say hi to a friend before he goes on to perform, will you be okay here?”

“Yes, yes! Go be social!”
Yoongi chuckles and goes to hug his friend.

Taehyung, now alone and basking in the realization that he is in an unfamiliar basement that is mostly filled with people who look above the age of 21, decides to make the best of his time and explore. He walks to the right of the bar and finds a space filled with low couches and cushions and a group of people just chilling. Taehyung sits down on an empty spot on the couch beside a woman in neon fishnets.

“Honey! That shirt is EVERYTHING! You absolutely have to tell me where you got it!” The woman exclaims when she turns to look at him. She looked maybe European, Taehyung guessed looking at her features and pale blonde hair, but her Korean was only slightly marred by her foreign accent. Her breath smells like vodka and her make up looks like it’s been on for one too many days, but she seemed so jovial that he just had to smile back.

“Thank you! I made it myself! You are very beautiful also!”

Taehyung’s buzz was hitting him a little harder than he realized.

“Oh my God, your hands are BLESSED! You are also very beautiful! Do you want a hit of some K?”

Taehyung takes a sip of his dwindling Cuba Libre. “What’s that?”

The woman nudges her friend and says something that he can’t hear and when she turns back around, she’s holding a tied-up plastic bag of white powder. “K! Ket! Ketamine, baby!”

“I’m going to be very honest with you, ma’am,” Taehyung puts a hand on her shoulder. “I smoked marijuana for the first time a month ago, I am very new to the world of drugs.”

“Aw, you baby, Ket’ll make you feel like you’re dancing in the 5th dimension! All you need is a bump or two!”

Taehyung finishes the rest of his drink, burps silently, and slowly builds up a sure nod. “I trust you implicitly, your neon stockings are reassuring to me. How do I take a bump?”

The woman opens up the bag and procures a tiny spoon (of course Taehyung thinks that it must be a spoon for a mouse) and scoops up the white powder, carefully bringing it toward Taehyung.

“Okay so, hold one nostril with your finger and snort it in with the other, baby,”

He obediently does as he is told, one step at a time, and sniffs slightly before making a face. “I can taste it in my throat!”

“Then you did it perfect! Oh my God, do you wanna dance?”

“HELL YES.”

-

[3:58] “I saw your friend doing bumps with Yekaterina back there, by the way.”

“What?!”

Yoongi stands up from the couch abruptly, immediately searching for Taehyung. He hadn’t realized how long it was since he’d last seen the boy but being stoned and drinking in this dank place does weird things to your sense of time.

“Relax, Min,” His friend Jun says, pulling him back down. “He’s over there dancing with that group of white people.”

Yoongi squints in the dark and finds Taehyung jumping in rhythm with a couple of girls who are swaying in a happy-drunk stupor.

“What did he do?” Yoongi asks Jun, still eyeing Taehyung who had on the brightest smile Yoongi had ever seen.

Jun leans back on the couch that lay on the other side of the staircase. “If I know Yekaterina, probably just a little Special K, he’ll be fine. Now, what I really wanted to show you is,” Jun procures a small Ziploc bag from the pocket of his hoodie, clumps of white powder jostle inside. “It’s snowing tonight, Min!”

Yoongi’s eyes widen with delight and he snatches the bag from Jun’s hand to cradle it affectionately against his chest in a dramatic fashion. “Oh, Jun, you shouldn’t have!”

“Oh, but I did, my dear! Premium cocaína just for you and me and the fucking Care Bears!”

“Because sharing is caring! Do you want to do some right now?” Yoongi asks eagerly.

“Fuck yeah, I’ll cut us some lines on my phone, you got a card I could borrow?”

Yoongi nods and pulls out his wallet. He hands Jun an old arcade credit card and fishes around for any loose bills they could use.

“Yoongi, I am having so much fun!” Yoongi turns and finds Taehyung plopping down on the couch beside him, a light sheen of sweat dotting his tanned skin. “Ooh, whatcha guys doin’ over here?”

Jun smiles devilishly up at him. “Fancy a little coke to switch up that buzz of yours, kid?”

Taehyung’s mouth forms a little ‘o’. “Coke like cocaine?! Not Coca Cola?!”

Both the other men laugh and nod their heads.

“You don’t actually have to, Tae,” Yoongi reassures Taehyung who gnaws on his lips while contemplating Jun’s offer.

Taehyung claps with a determined look and nods. “I wanna do some cocaine!”

Jun cheers him on and pours a pile onto the black screen of his phone, laying a Won bill on top and he uses Yoongi’s card to crush it down to a fine powder before removing the bill and cutting up the powder into 3 equal lines. Jun puts his phone down on the couch, kneels down and snorts up his line with the rolled-up bill.

“You sure you wanna do this, Tae?” Yoongi asks, unsure if he should be letting his new friend do so many drugs tonight but on the other hand, it’s mostly harmless as long as he doesn’t do too much.

“Don’t worry about me, cactus, I barely feel intoxicated at all, I danced it all out!”

Yoongi smiles at him and accepts the phone from Jun. “You mind helping me out with this?” Yoongi asks Taehyung.

He passes the phone to the boy, tightening the roll of the money note and smiling when they make eye contact. Taehyung doesn’t move his hands in the slightest for fear of disturbing the careful cut of the white lines so Yoongi bends down to reach his line, one finger blocking the nostril that wasn’t pressed up against the note. He snorts it in one clean blow, tilting his head back immediately to prevent any fallout from being wasted, and swipes the leftover dust with his pinky to rub over his gums. With a sniff, Yoongi takes the phone from Taehyung’s hands and replaces it with the note.

Taehyung does exactly what he watched Yoongi do moments before and when he lowers his head, his eyes are still locked on Yoongi’s for a heartbeat longer.

Taehyung sniffs and scrunches his nose when the powder hits the back of his throat.

“You can lick up the dust or put it on your gums,” He tells Taehyung. “It’s got a neat little numbing effect.”

Taehyung nods dutifully and does as he is told.

“Oh! My tooth feels funny!”

Yoongi laughs. “It’ll do that sometimes. How d’you feel?”

Taehyung thinks it over, likely taking stock of his body’s facilities.

“Like I drank coffee.”

-

[5:46] Taehyung doesn’t remember how or when they left the basement, but somehow, he’s back in Yoongi’s apartment, sitting in the lounge area with the blankets and LED lights he’d help put up. They cast a soft orange glow on the room and there’s light, funky music coming out of a speaker in the corner. Yoongi enters the room with the red bong in hand and a silver packet of what must be weed.

“How’re you feeling?” Yoongi asks while fumbling around the chaotic space for a lighter.

Taehyung shrugs. “Not gonna lie, I’m kinda sober.”

“Ha, that’s what the weed is here to fix– only if I could just find my fucking lighter.”

Taehyung scans the space around and stands up. “Oh, I was sitting on it! Here you go,” He hands him the lighter. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t sweat it, you were keeping her warm.”

Yoongi clears a couple of pillows away, sits next to Taehyung and begins packing the bong.

“I had fun tonight.” Taehyung says, grabbing a pillow to hold close to his chest.

“Yeah? Well, I’m glad to hear it. We can go anytime you’re up for it.”

“You should come with me to a college event, it’s no Slavic underground basement, but I’ll be there so,” Taehyung pouts.

“You make an excellent case. Uhh, okay, yeah fuck it, just hit me up the next time there’s something good happening.”

“Yes!”

With the music filling up the empty space, they smoke without a word. Taehyung relishes the occasional touch of the hands when they pass the bong back and forth and when the bowl is empty, they put it away and lie back on the mound of pillows and blankets. There are glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling and a stain that Taehyung can’t quite discern.

“I like this song.”

“Oh?” Yoongi peeks at his phone. “It’s called Runnin’ by the Pharcyde.”

“Thank you. Hey Yoongi, if you were a question, what would you be?”

“What do you mean?”

Taehyung places his hands on his chest and fiddles with a button. “I would be ‘who’ because I don’t really know who I am, but I like people. Like, knowing people is such a treasure. I wish I had more time to meet people.”

Yoongi is quiet for a moment. “I think I’d be ‘why’. I don’t really understand the purpose of anything. Actually, I don’t even think there’s any point to being here, attaching inherent value to existence is futile, y’know?”

“Hm, but that would mean that because we aren’t here with predetermined purpose or value, we get to create our own meaning. I think it’s better to have the ability to pick the value that your life holds rather than live up to something you had no say in.”

Yoongi is quiet again.

“That’s... that makes a lot of sense, Taehyung. I’m really glad I met you.”

“Right back atcha, Yoongi.” Taehyung turns his head and observes the profile of Yoongi’s delicate face. There are black circles that match his own and his lips are chapped but pink.

“Yoongi, can I kiss you?”

Yoongi turns to look at him, those intense eyes scanning his wide, questioning ones. “Yes.”

With all the clumsy confidence of his high, Taehyung pushes his head closer and meets Yoongi’s lips with a chaste kiss as if satisfying the curiosity of human contact and nothing else. He pulls back and smiles at the older man like he’s proud of himself. Yoongi meets his smile with a grin that fades as soon as it appears.

“Tae, can I tell you somethin’?”

Taehyung nods, nervous about what might come.

Yoongi gnaws on his bottom lip. “I’m kind of like, dealing with some stuff. With my ex. We uh, broke up like 6 months ago or something and I just hoped I’d have gotten over him but I didn’t, I haven’t, and I wanted to tell you this because I really like you and I don’t want you to be at mercy of all the shit going on in my stupid head.”

“Oh.” Taehyung blinks. “If you don’t mind me asking, why did you guys break up?”

“He was leaving town for some work-related things and we didn’t want to try long distance because that could screw things up. So, we just sorta separated, y’know? Like we stayed in touch as friends and then when he came back, I thought like oh maybe we can try again, y’know? But I just got really obsessive, drank a lot, text him too much, I made him hate me and then his cock-face friend of his started harassing me and I broke down and left him alone.”

“Oh Yoongi, I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Taehyung wipes a stray tear from his eye. “That sounds horrible, we don’t have to do anything at all.”

“No, I– I do want to do stuff, I just don’t want to inadvertently use you to get over him, y’know? I already do that with dru– y’know what, it’s not important. All I want to say is, I really like you and I’d like to take things slow.”

Taehyung nods. “I like you too, and I think slow is good. We can be turtles, they live forever.”

Yoongi chuckles wetly. “I don’t know if I would want to live forever. I doubt I’d even last that long as a non-turtle.”

“I would want you to live forever, meet more people, make them happy. Make them feel like they matter. It’s all important. It’s value.”

Yoongi stares at Taehyung. “You have a beautiful mind.”

“And a great ass.” Taehyung says with a wink.

The two men laugh and soon fall asleep next to each other on that cold night, warmed by fleece and crochet blankets and the warmth of someone you don’t want to let go of just yet.

-

[8:23] Yoongi dreams about his ex that night (morning, technically).

It begins with his little brother and him watching old videos on his laptop when they come upon a video of Yoongi celebrating his birthday in a surreally designed club. His brother sits right next to him and everyone he knew in high school is present and having a good time. Blue lights color the entire space and he's looking in the background to look at all the people until he's inevitably looking for his ex.

Somehow, he's in the video and he's walking around as the him in the video. He turns a corner in the room and finds 4 men lounging on a periwinkle couch. One of them is his ex, wearing a white suit with a black shirt unbuttoned at the top. Yoongi doesn't acknowledge him at first, just reaching for a drink on a side table but eventually he gives in and sits on a seat that's beside his ex just to stare because he looks that good.

When they make eye contact, Yoongi begins crying uncontrollably.

He doesn’t quite know how many levels of consciousness he is crying on, but he cries and cries. Yoongi goes to hug him and he hugs Yoongi back and it feels so real and somehow exactly like it used to feel. He's crying and saying, "I miss you; I miss you; I miss you," and his ex says it back because this is Yoongi's dream and he wants them to be like they used to be. He stays in the embrace until he can't remember the feeling of his arms around him and he gets up, wipes his tears and leaves.

He asks his little brother to email the video to him.

∆∆∆

[11:04] Taehyung is trying to feel giddy about his past weekend, but he can’t seem to do that because his art history teacher is explaining their final project that isn’t due for many, many weeks and yet there’s a sinking sensation in his stomach that lurches at the thought of writing more than 8 pages about two paintings. He’s never done well with academic writing, comments and criticism from his teachers were enough to prove that, and he needs this grade to keep his GPA afloat.

He scribbles circles into his notebook until his panic recedes and he can listen to the racist implications of American art in the 19th Century.

-

[18:19] “Taehyung, honey, do you think you could bring in an extra bowl from the kitchen? Your halmeoni’s friend will be joining us for dinner.”

Taehyung obediently gets up from his chair and goes to the kitchen to retrieve a plate as well as a spoon and a pair of chopsticks. He hopes this friend doesn’t prolong this dinner for longer than necessary since he’s looking at another all-nighter to complete his weaving assignment.

He’s breaking up a fight between the twins when the friend arrives, and he finds himself surprised to see that the friend in question looks not much older than Taehyung himself.

“Hi there, I’m Hyunsik, you must be Taehyung, yes?” The friend asks, already extending a hand to shake.

Taehyung stands, holding his 3-year-old cousin in his arms to keep her from crying again and also to avoid shaking hands with this dude in a cheap suit and tie, and nods at the guy. “When I heard halmeoni was having a friend over, I kind of pictured someone equally as senile,”

Hyunsik chuckles. “I think her ‘friend’ would be referring to my mom, they used to work in the same charity together. Your grandmother invited me over for dinner just to catch up.”

Out of nothing but obligatory politeness, Taehyung returns Hyunsik’s smile and commands both the newcomer as well as the twins to follow him to the dining table.

Dinner goes well enough; Taehyung eats his designated portion and helps the three children eat without creating a Jackson Pollock painting around them, and his grandma and aunt chat happily with Hyunsik who is simple just the best fucking person ever.

“Ah, yes, I’m interning at my dad’s law firm alongside my studies. I’m trying to go into corporate law, so it helps to have a lot of experience.”

“Wow! Did you hear that, Taehyungie? Corporate law! Your mother must be so proud of you!” Taehyung’s aunt claps and praises.

Hyunsik simpers. “She’s just glad I’m doing a course with a viable career at the end of it.” Somehow that strikes a nerve in Taehyung. “Oh, speaking of which, what course are you in, Taehyung?”

“I’m doing a fine arts course.” Taehyung all but bites out. “I mostly focus on fashion design.”

“Well, I’m sure you must be very good at it. This stew is incredible, by the way!”

Taehyung wishes his patronizing ass would choke on the stew.

Taehyung’s grandmother serves Hyunsik another helping of the stew (Taehyung bitterly stares at his empty bowl that he’s never been allowed to refill because they’ve never had enough) and says, “Your mother told me you also help in the charity that your grandmother and I used to work for!”

“I do, yes! It’s very fulfilling work, especially when your reward is all those happy faces at the end of the day!”

“Taehyungie, why don’t you do any charity work?”

Taehyung sighs, exhausted by this conversation already. “I don’t have time to do charity work, halmeoni.”

“That’s the wrong attitude, Taehyungie, you need to make time to give back to the community!”

“Then who will do my homework and finish all the work that you and imo make me do?! What has the community done for me?”

Taehyung instantly regrets his tone, but he couldn’t have helped it. He’s burnt out and nobody has dared to acknowledge it.

Hyunsik begins to speak and likely say something that sounds douchey, but Taehyung cuts him off by standing up and collecting his bowl and cutlery to put away in the kitchen.

“I have to get going, I’ve to finish an assignment at school.”

No one says a word to Taehyung as he leaves except for the children who each recite their farewells to their older cousin. He waves them off and leaves the small apartment, puts on his earphones and begins the trek back to school.

∆∆∆

yoongi is a lake.

he is strife with life, a routine that doesn't quit.

and yet, he is stagnant.

the same body every day and night, every new year he'd like to come up with a new resolution and yet he cannot come up with any. there is nothing, no one to improve for.

yoongi is stuck.

much like a lake is stuck, waiting for a peninsula to connect it to something bigger, something more meaningful.

anything.

∆∆∆

[1:31] Taehyung is not having a good time.

He’s grinding out a paper that’s nearly done but the people in the next room are blasting indie pop music and he cannot focus and it’s driving him crazy. The paper isn’t due until the next afternoon, but he’d rather finish it now and sleep in till the afternoon but! He! Can’t! He’s about to pull a bullshit conclusion that he’ll almost definitely get his marks docked for when his phone buzzes.

yongles: im so bored i made a whole new playlist

Taehyung smiles despite the stress taking root at the pit of his stomach and festering and bubbling all the way up to his head like a fermented drink.

hyungtae22: i wish i could be bored rn

im tryna finish an essay but its literally IMPOSSIBLE to get any work done in the dorms :((((

yongles: come over

Taehyung blinks.

yongles: hoseoks out clubbing

wont be home till tomorrow

itll be nice and quiet AND we can celebrate u finishing an essay ;)

(jkjkjk ,, unless ?)

Taehyung immediately types in an affirmative and grabs his laptop, charger and a coat before heading out the door.

And then back in the door because he almost forgot his keys and he isn’t about to pay to be let back into his room.

[2:10] Taehyung is walking into Yoongi’s apartment and already reveling in the calmness of no party music.

“You can work in my room,” Yoongi says, hanging Taehyung’s down jacket on a hook by the door. “There’s a desk and everything. D’you want something to eat? Drink?”

Taehyung hesitantly bites his lip. “I don’t suppose you have any black tea?”

“Yeah, I got a black tea with cardamom, if that’s alright?”

“Yes, please!”

Yoongi smiles and then shoos him off to his room. Taehyung sneaks a glimpse of Yoongi picking up his Playstation controller before he enters a room he’s never been to in this apartment.

There were posters on the wall of musicians Taehyung didn’t recognize (aside from a picture of SZA because Taehyung had his SZA phase in the summer before college began and was ecstatic to realize they have the same birthday) and a bed beside a window that took up most of half the wall and was covered by a dark blue curtain. Taehyung meanders over to the desk after inspecting another pile of blankets atop the bed and sets his laptop down in front of a mug with the letter ‘Y’ on it and a small china dish that held a variety of rings within. Taehyung cautiously switches on a lamp with a square piece of plastic taped to it that Taehyung realizes is colored a fluorescent pink when the light switches on and the room is painted in a sweet magenta color.

Taehyung gets to work.

His essay undergoes a half hour of writing to complete the conclusion and a half hour of editing followed by another half hour of writing because two of his paragraphs were just run-on sentences. Somewhere in the middle of his many half hours, Yoongi brings him tea and they talk about his essay, Yoongi being very fascinated by his in-depth analysis of the psychological concerns raised by The Emperor’s New Clothes. And a feeling of utter accomplishment surges through Taehyung when he finally submits his essay.

He flings the room’s door open with dramatic flourish and Yoongi looks up from his phone, controller on his lap and Hot Pockets in his other hand.

“Have we completed the essay?” Yoongi asks with a mouth full of pastry, cheese and sauce.

Taehyung raises one fist in the air. “We have.”

“Fuck yeah! Look at you go! You did that so quickly, I’m so proud of you! Can I interest you in a celebratory Hot Pockets?”

“Yeah, I don’t know about you but I’m starving,” Taehyung sits down on the couch and observes the TV currently stuck on a paused screen. “Whatcha playing?”

“It’s this game called Persona 4, very dope, do you wanna order in something? I could definitely eat.”

“I like the style, also are there any places open?” Taehyung peeks at his phone to check the time. “Holy shit, dude, it’s like 4am!”

“Oh, for real?” Yoongi also checks his phone as if to confirm just in case Taehyung was fucking with him. “Damn, I didn’t even notice the time fly. Well, I’m more hungry than sleepy and there’s always Dominoes for the munchies, you in?”

“Yeah, fuck yeah, oh I’m so excited now!”

The two men huddle on the sofa over Yoongi’s phone where they explore the Dominoes app and decide on their meal to come.

“Okay, okay, lemme read out our final order: 2 Cheesy Breads, Garlic Knots and Cola, how’s that sound?”

Taehyung nods, his mouth already salivating at the thought of the food.

“Excellent!” Yoongi taps order and just like that, their meal is being prepared. “Yo, wait, don’t you have class tomorrow? Should you be up so late?”

“Nah, our teacher’s flying out for a conference or something, so I have nothing tomorrow, or rather, today hah.”

“Nice, you get a three-day weekend. Okay, so the food’s not gonna come immediately, wanna smoke and watch a movie in the meantime?”

Of course, Taehyung says yes; it was the most perfect, domestic idea he’d ever heard.

They smoke in the other room and lay their heads out the window to search for stars, but the city’s light does as it is ought to do and outshines and constellations that lurk in the night sky. They return back to the living room and scroll through Netflix for something to watch until ultimately settling on Ghibli’s Howl’s Moving Castle.

“Howl is my daddy.”

“Taehyung, what the fuck did you just say.”

“I’m saying that Howl can tear me in half and spit on me and I would say thank you.”

“Taehyung, this is a children’s cartoon, you can’t say that!”

“Yes, I can because he is a daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”

Yoongi is guffawing on his side of the sofa, Taehyung watches as his eyes become happy crescents and his shoulders shake with his laughter.

“Yoongi, Yoongi,” Taehyung says as he tries to suppress his own laughter. “Yoongi, I need you to stop laughing, please, oh my god,”

Yoongi’s mouth tenses into a line as he tries to calm down but to no avail. “Why– why on earth do I need to stop laughing?”

“Because!” More giggles. “I want to kiss you but like for real, for real, like I don’t–“ Giggles. “I don’t want our second kiss to be a JOKE!”

If anything, Taehyung’s explanation makes Yoongi laugh even harder.

“Oh, you silly, silly thing, c’mere,”

Yoongi leans forward and pulls Taehyung’s head towards his, smiling against his lips before kissing him softly.

Taehyung, despite every bone in his body being so painfully turned on, giggles.

-

[6:01] They regrettably wash the taste of each other’s tongues on their own with Coca Cola and Cheesy Bread that arrives in due course and migrate to the lounge room when their stomachs are full, lulled by the comatose state that comes with greasy food.

“If I kiss you now,” Taehyung asks sleepily, cuddling with a pillow. “Will you taste like Cheesy Bread or Garlic Knots?”

“Do you want to kiss me just to relive the Dominoes experience?” Yoongi asks with a bemused edge to the affectionate stare he’s fixed on Taehyung.

“I just think that a Dominoes flavored kiss could be a spiritual experience.” Taehyung shrugs. “Ahh, I wish everyday could feel like this: productive and fun.”

“Hm, I’m sure you could, like, try to make every day like this. It’s important to balance good times and work– all work and no play drives Taehyung crazy.” Yoongi taps Taehyung’s nose causing him to scrunch his nose up adorably.

“It’s so hard though, the responsibility of grinding myself out for a career and my family. I will never be able to have fun without feeling guilty about it, even now! I’m thinking ‘Fuck, I gotta sleep ASAP or else I won’t wake up early and get more work done!’ even though tomorrow is like the one off day I have this week. I just wish– like I just want to live like you.”

“Woah slow your horses, Tae,” Yoongi props his head up with his hand to face Taehyung better. “You do not want to live like me.”

“Why not? You sell weed, chill all day, hang out with cool people, it’s like a dream!”

“Okay, when you put it like that it sounds but trust me, it’s like those dreams where you’re sure it’s a nightmare but nothing scary has happened yet. I have no purpose, no ambition, like what am I even doing here, y’know? Am I going to spend the rest of my life selling drugs to random people and then doing drugs just to escape the meaningless void that is my life? Even my lack of routine frightens me, I just want something to like, anchor me to the present, y’know?”

Taehyung looks up at him with wide, concerned eyes. “Looks like we’ve both got stuff to fix, huh?”

Yoongi sighs and smiles defeatedly. “Yeah. Hopefully, we can fix it or else we’re going to end up living lives we hate until we perish.”

“I have faith in us.”

∆∆∆

[13:02] Yoongi’s proud of himself.

It’s been two days since he last thought about his ex and the only reason his streak was broken today is because he was sifting through his closet and found a sweater that used to belong to his ex. Something familiar settles inside him, he realizes with dismay that it’s sadness. Not the kind that brings up painful memories, it was the kind without a name, face or thing attached, a sadness because you put it there.

He needs to take it out.

Shaking his intruding thoughts away, Yoongi grabs a black long-sleeved shirt and a gray oversized tee before chucking the sweater to the back of his closet, sliding the door closed with a quiet resolution.

“Yoongo-boongo, I’m heading out to Mika’s place, do you need anything?” Hoseok calls out from the living room.

Yoongi pulls the long-sleeved shirt over his head. “When’re you coming back?”

“I dunno, maybe late night; we’re heading to the skate park.”

Yoongi pulls on his tee and pads out to the living room. “I thought the skate park closes at 8pm?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t know we’re fucking, dickface.”

Yoongi blinks. “Deadass was not expecting that but now that I know, please don’t fuck up my best grower, asswipe.”

“I’ll try, baby,” Hoseok says with a sing-song affectation as he leaves the apartment.

Yoongi, alone for the day, contemplates his schedule, or lack thereof.

It’s a Saturday so he has no buys lined up, Taehyung’s spending the day working at the library with his friends and his only other friends are together without him. So, in the fashion of a logical conclusion, Yoongi goes over to his bed and pulls out a shoebox with tape slapped on it and the words ‘go away hoseok’ scrawled on top. Inside the shoebox lies Yoongi’s personal stash of recreational drugs, slightly barren now since Yoongi’s been preoccupied with his life instead of indulging the desire to intoxicate himself to escape his life. He grabs a small Ziploc bag and pulls out a tiny square blotter from within, halftone screened baby cupids printed on one side. Popping the paper under his tongue, Yoongi puts away his things, straightens up and walks back into the living room to plop down on the couch and wait for the Acid to kick in.

-

[14:10] Yoongi lies down on the floor, dusty because nobody vacuums, and watches the dilapidated ceiling pulse with a life of its own. Invisible roots grow from his limbs and sink into the ground, anchoring him to where he lays and yet, he floats. His vision is beating like a heart would and it makes him believe his body is ascending past the 3rd floor of his building, and out into an eggshell colored sky.

Normally, his trips make him feel hollow, intangible, transient, and he simply makes peace with that. But now the ache of being empty is so great, he feels as though his heart might sink as he floats away.

Something moves out the corner of his eye. He whips his head to look, his body turns over and erects itself against his will until his feet rest perpendicularly to the tile floor. His mind tells him it’s Henry loose in the apartment, was he supposed to babysit Henry today? His feet suddenly begin striding across the apartment to search but the blur that’s rambling around the hallways escapes through the front door leaving Yoongi no choice but to follow him, bare feet and all.

He begins wandering the streets, searching for Henry but he doesn’t understand the intense need that bubbles within him to find the dog, he feels as though he might die of vacancy. Nobody bats an eye at him, and he doesn’t acknowledge them either, he’s searching for something that supersedes himself, he’s searching for something that will give him an answer.

Somehow, he ends up in an open park that he vaguely registers as familiar but it’s breaking him to understand why he’s here. He needs to go home but wait, he needs to find Henry. But if he finds Henry, what will he do with the answer? Where will he go? Why does he need to find him, why does this matter? Why is he here? Is he searching for Henry? Oh God, if he finds Henry, Taehyung will leave him. Taehyung. Taehyung. Taehyung. Oh my God, he’s so alone. He’s so empty and alone. He needs to go home, where is Henry? Where is Taehyung? Where is he? Where the fuck is Yoongi?

This snaps his mind to one rational thought: You’re in a thought loop. Get out. Yoongi’s shaking hands reach for his phone and while attempting to ignore the fractal patterns jumping out of his screen, he dials a number from his recent contacts.

“Hello?”

“I’m stuck. I– I’m stuck, Taehyung, I don’t know how to get out of it.” Desperation drips thick from his trembling voice.

“Okay, okay, hold up,” Something rustles on his side of the line. “What’s going on? Are you okay, Yoongi?”

“No, I’m not okay! I’m not! I’m stuck and I don’t know what I would do if I was stuck!”

“Where are you?”

“In a park. I think. I don’t know. I was looking for Henry, there are dogs here but they’re not Henry.”

“Okay, stay put, I’m on my way. Find a tree and sit under it, okay Yoongi?”

“Okay.”

The call cuts and Yoongi wanders over to a tree that shakes in the cold wind menacingly. He touches it, observing the geometric patterns in its bark, sits down gingerly and then he waits.

∆∆∆

[18:40] Taehyung jogs to the dog park he’s passed by many times en route to and from Yoongi’s apartment and finds Yoongi sitting beneath a tree barefoot.

“Yoongi? What’s happened? Is something wrong?”

Yoongi looks up at him with glazed eyes.

“Your eyes are like rhinestones, why have I never noticed them shining so precious?”

“Are you on something?” Taehyung asks, feeling his concern rise inch by inch.

“I ate a paper, Taehyung, we’re all on something. What are you on?”

“A paper? Okay, you know what, how about we get out of the cold, hm? Wouldn’t you rather be warm and in your home? Let’s go home.”

Yoongi nods, and the two crawl back into the hearth that was Yoongi’s apartment.

Taehyung manages to convince him to take a hot shower while he makes some food with whatever leftovers still rotting away in their fridge which turns out to be some crispy beef, noodles and fried rice. Taehyung tosses it all into a pan along with some extra soy sauce and boils water for tea in the kettle.

When a pink-faced Yoongi emerges from the bathroom, Taehyung cautiously approaches him.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

“A lot.” Yoongi clears his throat. “I’m feeling a lot.”

“Okay, hungry? I prepared something to eat. Or tea, if you’re thirsty?”

“Can I have both?” He inquires in a small voice.

They sit quietly on the living room sofa as Yoongi chows down and gulps his tea and Taehyung watches him, trying to feel relief because he looks fine, but he can’t quite tell.

“I took Acid,” He says in between bites. “This is really good by the way, like oh my god my mind is blown, do you want some?”

“No, thank you, and Acid? What happened though, did you take too much? Was it like a bad trip?”

“There are no ‘bad trips’, just a wave of insecurity that you aren’t ready to deal with and I got stuck in a thought loop, which is just that you keep thinking or doing or saying the same thing over and over again. It wasn’t pleasant, thank you so much for coming, you didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. I was so worried that something bad had happened! What kind of thoughts were you looping?”

“I– I think I was just lost. Like, I had no purpose or direction and if I found Henry then somehow that would change everything, but I was scared of changing. And then I thought of you, aw man, I was so scared of losing you.”

A comforting heat blooms within Taehyung at the sound of Yoongi’s words. He feels the same way.

“Well, I’m not going anywhere!” Taehyung chirps.

Yoongi looks up at him and gives him a sincere look. “I’m really grateful for that.”

Taehyung’s eyes soften. “There’s no place I’d rather be.”

-

[22:19] When Taehyung leaves to go back to his dorm, Yoongi fishes around his room for his old laptop, boots it up and begins looking through local classifieds for a job.

∆∆∆

[9:42] Taehyung’s pieces were going to be in a gallery and fashion show. This thought simultaneously gave him chills of excitement as well as chills of pure, unadulterated terror.

What if nobody bought anything? What if people hated his work? What if nobody even cared?

Taehyung rides out his panic attack in the gender-neutral bathroom.

-

[12:01] “Hello?”

“Yoongi, do you want to come to an art show at my school?”

“Depends.”

“On what?” Taehyung worries his bottom lip at the thought of Yoongi not coming.

“Whether or not your art will be in the art show.”

“Oh! Yes! I have 2 paintings and a few pieces in the fashion show too!”

“Then, yes, I’d love to come to an art show at your school.”

∆∆∆

[17:11] Yoongi hasn’t worn a dress shirt in years and it’s uncomfortable around his elbows where it’s folded up to, but none of that matters because he’s here for Taehyung, who seems to be missing in this cesspool of yuppies and snobs with wacky art kids peppered in between.

He reaches behind a girl with her roots dyed a beautiful shade of fluorescent pink and grabs a Champagne flute from a table and sips it as casually as he can because even in this unfamiliar environment, the one thing he knows how to do is drink. There are big canvases and sheets hung up on the walls of the gallery and as uninterested in art he tends to be, he had to admit these pieces were breathtaking. Passing a woodblock print of a Fanon quote, Yoongi stops at a painting of a man filled with smoke. His face is serene and pale and as the strokes go past his neck, his skin becomes translucent to reveal the beautifully rendered plumes of blue-gray smoke. Something’s oddly familiar about the man’s face but before he can inspect it any further, Yoongi is jostled out of his reverie by a man harrumphing beside him.

“This metaphor seems redundant.” The man says unprompted.

“Personally, I think art critics are getting redundant like if you’re gonna roast someone’s art, like damn, tell ‘em Rauschenberg already been there, done that. Step up your game, my dude.”

The man has the audacity to turn up his snooty nose at Yoongi. “I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about, but I still stand by what I said– this conceptual meaning behind this piece has been done too often.”

Yoongi folds his hands and turns his nose up at the man. “Alright then, tell me what you think this painting means.”

That seems to fluster him adequately. “Well, you know– it’s like the, the suffocation of man in society, pollution and what not, it’s obviously a frilly idea.”

“Really? Because all I see is a really pretty dude smoking. Oh, what a wondrous concept! That art is subjective! Become a critic when you understand the basic characteristics of art, Picasso.”

The man, apparently so affronted at being called Picasso, stomps away and Yoongi smiles his biggest self-satisfied smile because he feels like he just won an argument with an internet troll.

“I gotta say, that turned me on so much.”

Yoongi jumps and turns around to find Taehyung in a mint satin shirt and a thin silver chain around his neck. Yoongi can relate to Taehyung’s earlier statement.

“Tae! I was looking for you!”

“Yeah, sorry about that, I was talking to a teacher about some irrelevant stuff but you know teachers–“

“I do not.”

“– and their habit of just going on and on. Anyways! You were so good at talking to that asshole!”

“Heh, I was, wasn’t I?”

“Yes! If it was me, I wouldn’t even know what to say and I’m the one that came up with the concept.”

“Wait! This is your painting?” Yoongi gestures to the painting behind them.

“Yup! Fun fact: I modeled his face after yours!”

“I KNEW HE LOOKED FAMILIAR! TAE!” Yoongi exclaims, causing some people to turn and look their way. “Oh my god, it’s so beautiful, like I didn’t know it was yours and I was so transfixed, it’s just so good, I’m so honored you basically painted me that’s like in the top three best things anyone’s ever done for me.”

“What’s number one?”

“Someone made me a corndog while I was very, very high and it just hit so good.”

“That’s so valid.”

They smile at each other for a moment, filled with the warmth that comes with love for another human being.

“Tae, you’re such a talented artist, I hope you know that you shouldn’t worry so much about your work because it’s exceptional and you put so much work into it.”

“Yoongi, that’s one of the top three best things anyone’s ever said to me.”

“What’s number one?”

“You saying you really like me.”

“Ah.” Yoongi pats his chest. “Just got me in the motherfucking feels just then, you absolute sap.”

-

[19:30] They explore the rest of the gallery together, not explicitly holding hands but with some form of consistent contact like shoulder to shoulder or the random grazing of fingers on skin. Taehyung’s second painting is just as wonderful as the first, this one being his own iteration of the myth of Sisyphus where instead of being tormented by his eternal task to roll a boulder up a mountain only to have it fall back down, Taehyung painted the man to be happy, content in that sort of fulfillment of a futile task.

Later, they attend the fashion show in which beautiful women wear Taehyung’s gorgeous designs and Yoongi is just astounded by the quality of everything Taehyung does because it is impeccable. His favorite was the black coat that doubled as a cape and just looked so royally badass. Yoongi shares all his opinions and thoughts and compliments with Taehyung who visibly glows from the praise, looking like he could fit right in with his exquisite body of work.

Before they leave, a teacher beckons Taehyung over to tell him that along with both his paintings being sold, a designer wanted to inquire about hiring him as an intern. Taehyung, over the moon, kisses Yoongi in front of most of his classmates but thankfully it’s okay because they cheer instead of leer.

The duo heads out to a nearby pub to celebrate Taehyung’s success and get sufficiently drunk on the most expensive bubbly offered that Yoongi insists on paying for as a treat.

They stumble home (Taehyung frequents the apartment often enough to feel at home here) and exchange clumsy kisses in Yoongi’s bed before waking Hoseok up with their giggles.

“Don’t you dare have sex tonight while I am in the room next door, my virginal ears would not be able to handle it!” Hoseok warns, wagging a threatening finger at them from the doorway.

They giggle before exclaiming in sync, “Bullshit!”

Hoseok leaves in a huff and Yoongi litters Taehyung’s face with adoring kisses until they succumb to the lulling sensation of sleep.

∆∆∆

[16:00] Yoongi walks into the McDonald’s with his head held high, mostly because there’s a queue of tall people and he’s searching for Taehyung who towers over him.

He decided to surprise the other man with news of him landing a job as a secretary for a start-up design firm and some chocolate Babka he had asked Mika to bake. He stands in the line, excited to see the boy he possibly is in the L word with (love, not lesbians) with his butcher paper wrapped bread, when he spots someone sitting with a girl off to the side. The man’s back is to him, but the girl is facing Yoongi and he knows that pretty face, her long-bobbed hair and glasses. The man reaches for something on the side allowing Yoongi to see his profile and immediately he knows who he is: his ex.

But something curious happens.

Yoongi’s heart doesn’t quicken its beat out of a combination of anxiety, love and fear. It doesn’t even skip a beat. His hands are bone dry and his mind isn’t firing off every single memory– good and bad– that involves him.

This man is now simply someone he used to know.

And he’s happy, he’s happy to see the couple smiling and looking lovingly at each other. (a part of his heart says ‘fuck you’ but out of nothing but empty anger at being treated like a toxic ex back then)

The line has moved and Yoongi is at the front, face to face with the L word of his life.

Taehyung smiles wryly. “Welcome to McDonald’s, what can I get for you today?”

Yoongi’s heart beats in such a delicious way that no drug could compare to the euphoria he experiences when he looks at Taehyung.

“Yeah,” He licks his lips. “I’d like a 6-piece McNuggets and a date with you tonight.”