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He was in love. He had never actually said it out loud or even really thought about it. But something had changed ever since she came back. Before she had just been his best friend, sure he had flirted with her and he had liked it, but he had never really thought about his feelings about her. When she stopped hanging with them and stopped answering his calls and texts and he heard rumors of her with someone else something changed. He became angry. Angry at everyone and everything. Like ugly angry, so angry that John B and Pope was scared. She had left and she had taken a piece of him with her and he was angry at her for making him feel like that. Still he found himself thinking about her, worrying about her. Their last conversation before beginning the Kook academy always in the back of his mind. He knew she was not really liked, so when she actually started hanging with them, he was happy for her. He thought that she would be happier, now she would have someone at school and still have her pogues after. But when she stopped hanging with them completely, he was confused, and then that confusion turned into anger. Ugly anger, still he got over that after a while. Pope, John B and JJ found their own way of being pogues without Kie. It felt strange at first, but they got used to it, they never mentioned her, but it was still always there. Hanging in the air.
When John B’s father went missing all JJ could think about was Kie, and how she would know exactly what to say to him to comfort John B. And then he went back to anger. He was pissed she was not there; they had been friends since forever and she just abandoned them. JJ decided then that he would just forget about her and that she was not good enough for them. They did not need her, and John B did not need JJ to be angry. He needed him to be there. So, JJ was there. Day and night, only going home to change and check up on his father. He ignored anything he heard about Kie and Kooks and Figure eight all together. His friend needed him, and he would be there.
Slowly things got back to normal. John B wanted to go fishing, he wanted to get out and party. He wanted to hang out with Pope and JJ. So, they did, they fished and partied and drunk beers and had fun. JJ though could see that John B was still sad and not just over his dad but because Kie had not been there. John B was the one that befriended Kie first, they meet in fifth grade and instantly clicked. JJ was reluctant to take her into their trio, but Pope was on that wagon faster than John B could say Kiara. She found her way into all the boys, but she had always had a soft spot for John B. JJ had been jealous of it, in the beginning of their relationship but he also knew that his and Kie’s and his and John B’s relationship was special. Just like his and Pope was special to them. JJ hated seeing his friend so sad over a girl who had wormed into their hearts only to rip it out and he decided to do something about it.
He went to her house and just like every other time he had been there he was amazed. He forgot often that she was not actually a pogue. After fishing and drinking beers with her boys she would go home to a warm be and two loving parents. This riled him, but he tried to stay calm. He needed to stay calm if this conversation was ever going to go well. He walked up to the front door and was about to knock on the door when it was ripped open. Kie was not the one that opened the door and he felt his heart drop.
“Who are you?” JJ asked looking at the guy who seemed in a rush to get out of the house.
“None of your business pogue.” The guy spat and showed JJ away from him. JJ would later learn that that was Rafe, how he had not recognized him still baffled him to this day. “Oh, and I would just piss off if I were you. Kie wants nothing to do with you.” Rafe spat behind him as he got in his car and drove off. JJ looked into the now open door and tried to hear if anyone was inside. It felt wrong going inside a house he was not invited in to, but he had to make sure Kie was okay. All anger vanished and he stepped inside the house walking to where he knew Kie’s room was. He stopped outside the closed door and heard silent sniffles. His eyes widened; he had no idea what to do with a crying Kie. He hated to see her cry. He knocked on her door softly and not a second after was the door ripped open.
“What the fu-” Kie stopped abruptly as she saw JJ standing there. JJ. Her best friend. Kie had no control over what she said, what had just happened a few minutes ago still playing over in her mind and riling her up. “JJ? What the fuck are you doing here?” She snapped as she also slowly pulled both her sleeves down her arms. JJ never saw the slow motioned, but he saw her tears. “I asked you a question? Why are you here?” She sounded tired and angry and sad. JJ had gone silent; he had forgotten how to speak. He had no idea what to say to her.
“Was that Rafe Cameron leaving?” Kie flinched slightly at his name, something JJ missed.
“Are you spying on me?” Kie said, anger taking over inside her fighting mind. “Can’t you take a hint? I don’t want to hang with you anymore, so you decide to spy on me?”
“No,” JJ stopped and took a deep breath.
“No, what?”
“You know what Kie?” JJ said and shook his head. “We don’t want to hang with you anyways.” Kie flinched again and this time tears gathered in her eyes. She knew she had screwed up big time with her boys. Her boys. She could not call them that anymore. They were not hers anything. “Just stay with your people and we will never bother your picture-perfect life again.”
JJ turned around and walked away from her room towards the front door breaking Kie’s heart into tiny pieces. “Good, would not want to associate myself with the help anyways.” Kie spat after him and she had no idea why she said that. She had never felt that way. Those were her parents’ words, the other kooks’ words. Not hers, but still she had said them.
JJ left her house feeling more broken and angrier than his father had ever left him. He hated himself for trying to talk to her and he vowed he would never talk to her again. He never told Pope or John B what had happened, he acted like nothing had happened and they never asked or noticed. Life went on for the pogues and for Kie.
Only a week later something JJ had never seen happening happened. Kie at the chateau. With beers in her hands and a guilty sad look on her face. First JJ felt happiness. Happy that she had returned, then he remembered she had left them, and he remembered her hurtful words and he was filled with anger. She stood outside the chateau with a long-sleeved sweater and shorts. The boys sat on the porch and neither of them said anything for a while. Everyone as out of habit had turned to John B. He was their leader. He was not the one that said something first though. Neither was it Kie, it was Pope.
“What are you doing here?” His voice was strained in a way JJ had never heard before.
“I-” Kie stuttered, she never stuttered. Her eyes went from Pope to John B and lastly to JJ. Something in her eyes changed when she looked at JJ, she knew her words had hurt him, and she knew he would have a hard time forgiving her as she should. “I messed up.” She said finally and looked away from JJ. “I wanted to say I’m sorry.” She looked over at John B and so did JJ. He could see that he was thinking. “And I don’t except anything from you. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry. Very sorry for how I have acted and what I have done.” She put the beer down on the railing of the stairs and turned around, she knew she would have to try harder in order for them to forgive her, but she would try.
“Thank you,” Kie turned around as she had heard John B say those words. “Thank you for the beer.” He said and nodded at her, Kie nodded back and understood that it was not an invitation but a beginning.
Kie left and the boys drank her beer in silence. JJ had no idea what the others were thinking, but he knew he would never forgive her, and she could never be his friend again.
“Why are we even drinking her kook beer?” JJ spat as he looked at the beer in his hand. Pope looked over at JJ and gave him a look. “What?” JJ said and shrugged his shoulders. “Just because she brings us beers, we are just to accept her crappy apology and let her be our best friend again?”
“No one is saying that.” Pope said and shook his head. “It’s not just that black and white.”
“Yes, actually it is.” JJ said, “she left us for some kooks and showed us her true colors.”
“JJ.” John B said.
JJ turned to John B and looked how his face had crumbled, “no, you know what she does not deserve any of you. She left you and me and she never looked back.”
“Come on JJ, we don’t know everything.” Pope said, trying to be the reasonable one. And JJ had to agree, they did not know everything, but facts are facts. She left and she never tried to contact them once.
“I say we listen to what she has to say and then decide.” John B said and JJ scoffed but stayed silent. Inside though he was fuming with rage and disbelief.
The next day the trio went to the Wreck. They had no idea if she worked today or not, but luckily for them she did. Kie was surprised to see them, she had no real hope they would want to see her again. She had prayed for it to happen to all the gods, but never in a million years thought they actually would give her a second chance.
“We have, uh,” John B hesitated and looked behind at Pope who nodded and then to JJ who scoffed and crossed his arms. John thought to himself, I’m doing you a favor buddy. “We have decided that we, well want to listen to you.”
“Listen to me?” Kie said feeling a bit confused, until she understood. Of course, they needed to hear her reasons. They needed to hear why she left them. “Oh, yeah. Okay. I just. Well I am finished in an hour. Can I get you anything?” Pope and John B jumped at the chance at food while JJ stayed silent. Still Kie brought out his favorite food.
After her shift was over Kie went with the boys to the Chateau. She stayed silent the entire boat road and thought about what she was about to say. She had no real reason for freezing them out. Not really, other than that she was thinking about herself and she was selfish. She fiddled with her sleeve the entire way over and JJ could not help but look at her as she did. She had changed he noticed, she looked older. She had gotten curves; her body had settled from a skinny twig to somewhat bigger and leaner. She looked good, he could not not see it, but then again, she had always looked good to him. But now she looked older and more mature.
The pogues settled by the hammocks all of them staying silent waiting for anyone to talk. JJ looked out at the sea he did not want to look at Kie anymore. He knew if he looked at her long enough, he would really see her and what she was feeling. He would see her sadness and guilt and he would forgive her. He would see that she really was sorry.
“I.” Kie started but stopped and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” She settled on.
“We know you are sorry.” JJ spat at Kie and turned to her. Kie looked at him with widened eyes and nodded. “We want to know why you dumped us and why you except us to take you back.”
“I know.” Kie said. “Okay, well. I had no intention to dump you as you said. I never wanted to lose what we had. I loved you guys; I still do. I was honestly just being stupid. I have no real excuse as to why I left you. I thought I could handle being in both worlds, I also never thought I would have to choose. I never thought they, the kooks would even take me in. But they did and it felt good. For a long time, it felt good to fit in with the ones everyone expected me to fit in with. The ones my parents want me to fit in with. And it was easier not having to argue with my parents every time I left the house. They just let me to do whatever I wanted. They let me do that because I was hanging out with kooks.” Kie looked over at John B and Pope, she knew they would forgive her, neither of them held a mean bone in their body. She hoped they would understand her and understand what she had gone through. Pope gave Kiara a small smile and John B reached out to take her hand. She gave both a small smile and JJ flared up in anger.
“Oh, so in conclusion, you wanted to make your already easy life easier?” JJ spat.
“JJ.” John B said in a warning tone. JJ shook his head and walked away from them.
He turned around one last time and glared at Kie before looking at Pope and John B. “Forgive her if you want to, I will be right here to tell you I told you so when she dumps you again.” He stormed off leaving Kie with tears in her eyes.
“He’ll come around.” John B said and gave her a beer. Kie looked at her two boys and gave them each a smile and a nod. The new trio drank beer for the rest of the night with JJ never returning.
JJ had been working the next days. He had not talked to John B or Kie, only said a quick hello to Pope as he helped Heyward. He was avoiding them, and he knew one of them would reach out soon, but he was still angry. And he had no idea what to do. He had seen that Kie had felt remorse, everyone could see it. It’s why the other two forgave her. JJ just has a past of being abandoned and her leaving hurt more than any beatings from his father could. And what angered him the most was that she took so lightly on it. He just wanted things to go back to the way it had before, before she left them for the kooks.
Freaking kooks always being where no one wanted them. JJ could not help but think about Rafe and how he had stormed out of Kie’s house, and how she had been crying. He could not help but wonder if they had been a thing. If she liked him and that hurt to, probably more than he would ever admit. He wanted to know more about what had happened, he wanted to talk to her, to see her smile and to hear her laugh. But he also wanted nothing to do with her. He was confused and lost and had no idea what he wanted. Not really. His mind has always been all over the place.
JJ was done working and stood still for the first time in days and he suddenly realized he had nowhere to go. He had no desire to go home, to his father. And he did not want to go the Chateau and talk with John B. Because John B would want to talk and he just wanted to be angry a little more, so JJ decided to go to the beach and surf. Surf away his problems. But at the beach there were to many people and to many memories that wanted to overpower him. Memories of him and Kie and the other pogues. Of him teaching Kie how to surf even though she barely needed help. She had always been a natural at it, though he would never tell her that. JJ moved away from the beach and just his luck he met Rafe and his crew.
“Yo pogue, why don’t you come over here.” Rafe yelled, JJ was angry, and he wanted a fight, so he walked over to Rafe and his boys eagerly.
“What?” He said and eyed Rafe.
“You are JJ, right?” He asked and JJ stayed silent. “Yeah that’s you. You know Kie talked very highly of you.” JJ froze, why would he bring up Kie.
“Oh really? Well I don’t give a shit about what she thinks of me.” JJ spat.
“Good, because honestly I can’t see it.” Rafe said, “what is so great about you? Honestly? You are just a pogue, just a walking disaster like your father, and poor as fuck.” The other boys oohd and JJ almost rolled his eyes at them. Almost. “Why would she ever want to be with you, when she can be with me?” Rafe stepped closer to JJ, “did she tell you that when she crawled back to you? That I’ve had her, whatever you do to her now just know I’ve done it to.” JJ was seeing red, he could barely contain himself, and at the same time he was completely frozen. But Rafe continued, he was so close to JJ now that he was whispering in his ear. “You will just have my sloppy seconds,” he leaned away from him and turned to smile at his friends. “And honestly she was not that good of a fuck anyways. I don’t mind sharing.” He winked at JJ and before JJ could even think he had punched him right in his nose and like the baby he is Rafe started to bleed and scream. The two other guys jumped on JJ and got a few punches in before JJ punched back. He knew he would lose to them; it is three against one afterall.
“Three against one seems hardly fair.” JJ spat in between punches.
“When are you going to realize life is not fair for pogues,” Rafe spat back at JJ as the three of them got him on the ground. Rafe put his foot on his face and pressed it into the gravel. He pressed and pressed until JJ could hardly breath, suddenly his foot was gone, and he could breathe again. “Stay the fuck away from figure eight pogue.”
JJ was furious and the fight had not helped any. He was hurt and he needed help, he decided to go to the Chateau. When he arrived at the Chateau and saw Kie with Pope and John B laughing like nothing had happened he got even more angrier and he ignored the hellos from John B and Pope. He stalked until he stood right in front of Kie’s seated form. John B and Pope stood up as well and pulled at JJ, trying to make him stop.
“JJ, what are you doing?” Fear was laced in Popes voice and that made JJ look at him. Was he scared he would hurt Kie? He would never do that, but he realized he may have come up to strong. He looked down at Kie and noticed how she had put up her arms in order to protect herself. JJ stilled as he realized the position, she was in. A position he had been in many times in order to protect himself from his father.
“I’m not.” JJ paused and watched as Kie looked up at him. “I would never hurt you.” He said intensely and Kie knew he would never do it just by looking into his eyes. She nodded and put her arms down.
“What happened to you?” Kie asked softly. She stood up and lifted her hand to touch his cheek. JJ did not flinch, he had missed her touch, he had missed getting help from her. Kie grabbed his arm and pulled himself inside the Chateau.
Inside both worked like they were on autopilot. JJ sat down on the toilet wile Kie brought out the first aid kit. She cleansed his wounds and tried to tape them as good as she could. Neither of them said anything. They just sat there like old times and it felt good. JJ felt relaxed, more relaxed than he had in weeks, months. But he knew they needed to talk, so he asked what he had been burning to ask since he came here.
“Did you fuck Rafe?” Kie froze completely and he mouth let out a soft gasp. Fear was the first feeling JJ could deter in her eyes.
“Did he do this to you?” Kie asked instead of answering his question. She often did that; she was good at averting attention of her to others. He hated it when she did, but still he answered her question.
“Yes, him and two of his moron friends.”
Kie nodded and kept cleaing his wounds. “Why?”
“Because he wanted to? Hell, if I know.” Kie gave him the look and he sighed. “Fine I threw the first punch.”
“Why would you do that?” She asked.
“For you.” Kie looked at him again, but this time with irritation and admiration in her eyes. “So, can you please answer me. What is it with you and Rafe?” JJ pushed. He needed to know. He needed to know if what Rafe had said was true.
“Ok I’ll tell you. Just,” She paused and put away what she was holding. She sat down on the bathroom floor and motioned for JJ to sit down next to her. “Don’t do anything stupid.” She said as he sat down next to her. “And just listen.” JJ nodded when he heard and saw the serious look, she sent him.
Kie pulled up her sleeves and JJ for the second time today saw red. There were marks on her arms, bruises after someone holding her to hard.
“Okay first, it looks worse than it is. I bruise easily, you know that.” Kie said shrugging, JJ was shaking his head as he looked up at her face. She was trying to put on a brave face, but inside she was slightly breaking. “This, it only happened once and,” Kie had no idea where she wanted the sentence to go so, she stayed silent.
“Who, was it Rafe?” JJ asked and Kie gave a small nod. JJ was ready to stand up and give Rafe another beating.
“Don’t JJ. You said you would listen.” Kie had taken ahold of JJ’s hand and dragged him down. JJ settled down again and waited patiently for her to continue. “Ok, so I actually became friends with Sarah Cameron. Really. She was nice, or at least I thought. We were best friends until I don’t know what happened, but yeah not so much right now. She showed her true colors to me. She showed me who kooks really are.” Kie took a deep breath, she held so much anger mixed with love for Sarah Cameron it hurt her brain. “That’s beside the point, I guess. But she is also the main reason I dumped you and why I came crawling back.” JJ flinched as she used the word crawling back as it had been Rafe’s word exactly. “But of course, Rafe is Sarah’s brother and well we hung out sometimes. But Sarah always told me what an idiot brother he was and how he was just mean and an asshole. And obviously he is. I never liked him, he creeped me out the moment I met him. But he kind of took a liking to me.” Kie shrugged and squeezed JJ’s arm that she was still holding. JJ figured she most likely had forgotten she was holding his hand. She was too deep into her story. “I rarely talked to him, tried to stay onto Sarah whenever he was around, but we talked some. I tried to stay away from him, and I tried to say no to him. But he would not listen, he can’t take a no for a no. So that day when you came to my house.” Kie had to stop again, she had held so much regret inside her from that day he stopped by. It felt like it had been months since, when in reality it had only been one week.
“I know Kie, I know.” JJ said, knowing she needed to hear that he forgave her. And honestly, he did, he did the moment she came back to them, he just did not want to.
“Ok well he said he wanted to talk so I let him inside. We were in the living room when he tried to ask me out and I shut him down. I had had a huge fight with Sarah, and I had never ever liked him like that. He got so angry he grabbed my arms hard. He told me no one would ever want me and said other hurtful things about you and about his own sister while he kept on squeezing. I don’t know what made him stop, maybe it was me crying for help or maybe he just stopped because he knew what he was doing was wrong.” Kiara paused again. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and JJ wanted nothing more than to take her pain away. He wanted to hurt Rafe like he had hurt Kiara. “Anyways he left and then I just ran up to my room and then you came. And I said those hurtful words to you. I did not mean it. I hope you know that. If I have learned anything from this year is that you three are my only real friends. And that I have let you down. But I am willing to do anything to earn your trust back. I will never leave any of you again.”
“I know Kie.” JJ put his hand on her cheek and tried to dry her tears. “I know.” She started sobbing and pulled her into his arms. He held her as she sobbed and, in that moment, he knew that he would do anything for her.
“Can we, if it is okay to you, can we keep this between us?” Kie asked timidly as she pulled away from him to look at him. JJ felt sad from the loss of her in his arms. JJ hesitated before he nodded. He felt they should tell them and the cops for that sake, but he also knew that the Camerons own the town and no one would go against them.
“Thank you, JJ.” Kie said and gave him a sad smile. JJ gave her a smile in return and pulled her in for another hug. He could not help himself. He needed to feel her close to him, so that he knew she was safe.
This was not the time JJ realized he loved Kie, maybe it should have been, but that happened later. The weeks that followed after Kie’s comeback felt easier than anything else JJ had bee through. The pogues went back to normal so fast it felt a bit strange, but they all got over it and they were happy. They drank beers and surfed and talked and laughed and everyone were eager for summer. JJ was scared and anxious when Kie had to go to the Kook academy, but apparently Rafe had been too hurt to go back to school. So, life in general was pretty good for the pogues. JJ was happy and content with having all his friends back, even though life would prove to get more complicated.
JJ realized he loved Kie more than just his best friend a completely random night. There had been a party at the boneyard and both John B and Pope had gone with some girls so Kie and JJ decided to crash in the Chateau. Kie had teased JJ relentlessly about not getting any fish as she so nicely put it, but JJ felt just content being with Kie and smoking and drinking. They always shared a hammock and even though there was one perfectly usable next to them they still used the same. And it was this night, when the moon shone and Kie smiled and laughed and burped all at the same time looking completely beautiful that JJ understood what love was, and that the love he felt for her was different from the one he felt for John B and Pope. He was in love with her and there was absolutely nothing else he could do than admire her beauty and stand in her sunshine. Because that is what she is, his center, his sun and his everything.