Work Text:
Birds were chirping outside, and the bright morning sun hung low in the clear orange sky, shining through the bedroom window. Most people would call it a beautiful start to the day. Neil disagreed.
Being woken up by the light burning his eyes was not his idea of a beautiful morning. His mouth was dry as sandpaper and he felt like someone had whacked him on the head with a baseball bat. But this was not one of those splitting headaches that radiated down his spine, he had sort of gotten used to those by now; it was a dull, throbbing pain that could only mean one thing. He was hungover as hell.
The room was spinning around him as he carefully turned onto his side, squinting in the glaring sunlight. How much did he drink last night? All he could remember right now was the bitter taste of vodka, and even the thought of it made his stomach churn. The throbbing headache that got worse with every minute didn’t help, either. Still squinting at his blurry nightstand, he blindly reached across the surface for his glasses and knocked over his painkillers. The cap flew off as the bottle hit the ground, pills rattling inside with unbearable noise and scattering across the floor.
“Shit,” Neil hissed, flinching at the deafening rattling sound. That’s what you get for not screwing the cap back on properly, idiot. At least the floor was carpet, or else he figured his eardrums might have burst. Finally, he managed to put on his glasses, and while the room was still way too bright for his eyes, at least it didn’t look blurred anymore. But just as he leaned over the edge of the bed to retrieve the painkillers, he heard sheets ruffling behind him.
The sudden noise made him jump so violently he almost fell off the bed, and he bit back a shriek, his mind racing. What the hell, why was there someone else in his room? And how did he not notice them earlier? The ominous person next to him gave a light groan, and Neil’s heart skipped a beat. Even with the worst hangover, he'd recognize that voice. Blood rushing in his ears, he slowly turned around to confirm his suspicions.
Eva was lying to his left on her side, facing away from Neil. Her long black hair was all over her pillow and she had one arm raised to shield her face from the sunlight. She was wearing a washed-out gray t-shirt Neil recognized as one of his own, and when he glanced down on himself, he realized his torso was bare. But he had other things to worry about right now. Eva was in his bed next to him, and she sounded like she was about to kick the bucket.
“Oh, fucking hell,” she groaned. Wow, she must feel horrible if she’s cursing like that, Neil thought. He opened his mouth to say something, but as Eva turned over on her back and propped herself up on her elbows, the words got stuck in his throat. Brushing her hair out of her face, Eva looked around the room.
“The heck?” she muttered. Neil, still unable to say anything, watched in horror as she slowly turned her head toward him. When their eyes finally met, Eva’s opened even wider, her confused expression turning fearful. She let out an ear-piercing scream and recoiled so violently she banged her head against the bedpost.
“Ow, fuck!”
“Shit, are you okay?!”
Glaring at her coworker, Eva rubbed the back of her head with gritted teeth.
“Flippin’ cucumbers, Neil, you scared me half to death! What the hell are you doing here?” she snarled.
“What? This is my room! What are you doing here?!” Neil shot back, his ears still ringing from the screeching.
Eva stared at him with a dumbfounded expression before looking around again.
“Your room? Wait, we’re at your place?”
“Exactly! So if anyone should be asking questions, it’s me!”
Eva sat up, closed her eyes and started to gently massage her temples.
“Shit, my head’s killing me,” she hissed. “What happened? I thought I went home… What do you remember?”
Neil thought for a moment. Now that he was more awake, a couple of loose memories were slowly starting to return, and he managed to push back the pounding sensation in his head.
“We finished Sean’s case in the evening,” he said.
“I remember that,” Eva whispered. “It was so horrible, that poor guy…”
Neil quickly thought of something else to say to distract her; he remembered how upset Eva had gotten when they unlocked their client’s childhood yesterday. It had been a gut-wrenching timeline, to say the least, and he had never seen her so distressed.
“I drove us to my place,” he continued. “You wanted to do shots of vodka-“
“Me? That was your idea!” protested Eva.
“… Well, yeah, but you didn’t object,” Neil said, smirking. Eva shook her head and said nothing. “We had some vodka, you said you’d take a cab home – good job on that, by the way - aaand here we are.”
Eva gave a wry smile.
“Yeah, sorry about that… guess I got too wasted to even go home.” She buried her face in her hands and groaned. “Jesus, I haven’t been this drunk since college. I can’t even remember the last time I had a blackout.”
“Pah, amateur,” Neil scoffed, earning a scowl.
“At least I didn’t get stuck in my early twenties, unlike some people in this room,” Eva retorted, running her fingers through her tangled hair. As her gaze dropped below his face, her lips curled into a smirk. “Any particular reason why you’re not wearing a shirt, by the way?”
Neil looked down and suddenly remembered he was still topless. Blood rushed to his head.
“You’re one to talk, you’re in my shirt!” he shot back while hastily pulling the covers up to his chin.
Eva looked at the gray shirt before scanning the room in confusion, the smirk wiped from her face.
“Wait, where are my cloth-“ She fell silent when she spotted various items of clothing strewn on the floor.
“Oh god, please don’t tell me-“ Breaking off mid-sentence, she buried her face in her hands. Through her fingers, Neil could see her cheeks redden.
“Did we… do you think we…?”
She did not finish her sentence, and a few seconds passed before it dawned on Neil what she meant. They both had too much to drink, neither of them could remember what happened after they got drunk, all their clothes were on the floor. Eva was wearing one of Neil’s old shirts, and Neil was not wearing a top at all. Which was unusual because he never went to bed without pajamas. A quick peek under his blanket at least confirmed that he was wearing boxers, though.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but my nethergarments are in their rightful place,” he said.
Not acknowledging the pompous language, Eva took a glance under her sheets as well, but judging from her frown, she was not too happy with what she found. “Uh, well…”
She hesitated.
“Maybe it’s just a coincidence,” she suggested in a hopeful voice. Neil raised an eyebrow and shot her a doubtful look before speaking.
“I mean, I feel like I’m on the set of an indie French film again, which is annoying,” he said, “but you have to admit, all signs kinda point to ‘no, this is not a coincidence’.”
Eva did not respond to that but instead leaned closer toward him. Something on Neil’s nightstand seemed to have caught her eye, and her frown turned into a horrified expression. And when Neil followed her gaze, he could see why.
A small, black plastic rectangle was sitting next to his bonsai. He picked it up to examine it closer. Yup, that’s a condom wrapper. And it’s empty. Fuck, she’s gonna hate this.
“It’s empty,” he repeated out loud and looked back up at Eva, bracing himself for a freak-out. But to his surprise, her expression seemed to relax a little.
“Oh, thank goodness,” she groaned in relief, sinking back into her pillow. Neil’s heart leaped a little at her reaction; he certainly didn’t think the situation was so bad, in fact – and he’d never dare admit it – he found it kind of awesome. And if Eva reacted the way she did, she must think it wasn’t too bad either, right?
“Didn’t think you’d be so happy we hooked up,” he half-joked as he placed the wrapper back on the nightstand. Eva rolled her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, her face turning red again.
“I’m relieved that we at least used protection, you moron,” she growled, and Neil’s heart sank again. So much for that. She looked so mortified, muttering something about all this being so embarrassing, that Neil started to feel like a creep for his thoughts earlier. Time for some comic relief.
“At least we can tick that off our bucket lists,” he chuckled in an attempt to cheer her up. Eva did not laugh. Judging from the incredulous look on her face, that was the wrong thing to say. She shook her head.
“Wow,” was all she said, a mixture of disgust and hurt in her voice. “You’re unbelievable.”
She pushed back her sheets to get up, before pulling them on again with a small shriek as she realized she was still only wearing Neil’s shirt.
“Come on, Eva, I was just kidding,” he tried to calm her.
“Very funny! I can’t stop laughing,” she snarled. Neil was starting to regret what he had said. Usually, when he made a dumb joke, Eva would just roll her eyes at him or respond with something snarky, why did she get so upset?
“Eva, I really didn’t mean-“
“Oh, shut up, Neil!” she yelled, flinching at her echo. She lowered her voice, but the dangerous sparkle in her eyes did not fade. “I’m not in the mood for your stupid jokes right now. My head feels like a jackhammer is drilling a hole through my skull, and after what we d-… after what happened last night, you really think it’s appropriate to make a distasteful remark like that?”
When Neil didn’t respond, she shot him a contemptuous look and turned away from him. Sheets wrapped around her shoulders, she got up from the bed and tripped over something, just barely catching herself on the cabinet next to the bed. Even though he found this whole situation anything but funny, Neil had to try hard to stifle a laugh.
“And why is there a salad bowl on the floor, for pumpkin’s sake?!” Eva hissed. As she staggered across the room to pick up her clothes, she glared at Neil over her shoulder, her blanket still wrapped tightly around herself.
“I’d appreciate if you turned around while I got dressed. Or is voyeurism another item on your bucket list?” she scoffed.
“…Well, actually…” He smirked and promptly had his shirt from yesterday thrown in his face. “Jeez, Eva, I don’t even have a bucket list!”
She huffed. “Whatever. Just don’t look.”
Neil slumped back onto the mattress and turned on his side, staring at the bonsai on the nightstand while Eva moved around the room. He could hear her curse under her breath, but he didn’t dare say anything. After a while, he heard sheets ruffle and felt the weight of her blanket being thrown on him.
“Bye. See you tomorrow.” Eva’s voice sounded muffled under the blanket, but he could still hear her exit his bedroom and slam the door of his apartment shut a few seconds later.
What the hell was that, he thought, and even though he still felt a bit guilty for upsetting her, he figured she was overreacting. Why was she so mad at him? She wasn’t the only one who got blackout drunk, did she think he enjoyed this? Well, she couldn’t be more wrong, I’d rather remember every moment of it-
And at that thought he got up, partly because he started to feel like a creep again and wanted to take his mind off all this, and partly because his headache was back. He picked the painkillers up from the floor – this wasn’t the first time he’d knocked them over and he always kept his apartment clean, so he didn’t mind if they were on the ground – put the pills back in the bottle and left the bedroom.
The living room was a mess. Empty bowls of various sizes were scattered across the floor, shot glasses were sitting on the couch table, an empty bottle of vodka underneath it. The couch cushions were everywhere but their usual place. So much for keeping a clean apartment. Neil shook his head and entered the bathroom. Not dealing with this crap right now.
When he turned on the light in the bathroom, he was greeted by his reflection in the mirror above the sink. It wasn’t a pleasant sight. Dark circles framed his bloodshot eyes, his lips were chapped, his usually neat brown hair sticking up in all directions. While it wasn’t an unfamiliar view for him anymore, he could see why Eva got startled when she first saw him earlier. The image of her slamming her head against the bedpost popped into his mind, and even though it made him feel guilty, he couldn’t suppress a grin.
At least he didn’t have to go to work looking like a drug addict today.
As he dropped a pill into his hand and swallowed it with a mouthful of tap water, a small black bundle next to the sink caught his eye. That was odd; it appeared to be some sort of cloth, but he couldn’t remember putting it there. He picked it up to unfold it, and it took him a couple of seconds to realize what it was.
A pair of panties. And they sure as hell weren’t his.
Blood rushed to his head, and the feeling like he was a pervert hit him like a train again. Quickly facing away to alleviate his embarrassment, a million thoughts ran through his mind. Why is this here? Why the hell wasn’t it with all the other clothes? Shit, why did we even have to get wasted? And how am I gonna give that back to Eva? Fuck, she’s gonna kill me-
Neil smacked his forehead. This was definitely not on his bucket list.