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There were only three people in the world that Fred and George Weasley were scared of: Mrs. Weasley, Professor Snape, and Oliver Wood. Mrs. Weasley, or Most Evil Mum as they called her behind her back, they were terrified of because she had the inclination and authority to shut down their fledgling joke shop. Snape, because he was a bastard and out to get them. Oliver Wood, because he would happily beat them with his broomstick if he caught them joking around during Quidditch season. And for Oliver Wood, every season was Quidditch season.
Unfortunately for the poor, unsuspecting students of Hogwarts, all three of these people were not in attendance on Valentine's Day during Fred and George's sixth year. And as everyone knows, Valentine's Day is the best day for mass pranking.
o
"Pssst, George," Fred whispered, throwing a wad of paper at the back of his brother's head. George, who sat in the desk directly in front of George, turned around. They both warily eyed Professor McGonagall, but she didn't look up from grading papers.
"What?" George mouthed.
Fred held up the rose an itty-bitty little Hufflepuff girl had given him this morning. He thought it was very cute that the pureblood freshies always got muggle holidays wrong. "Valentine's Day is tomorrow."
Judging by the way George furrowed his eyebrows, he didn't see the pranking potential in the holiday. Or he was bummed because he didn't have a girlfriend. Fred shook his head and made plans to convert George to the beauty of Valentine's Day.
"Attention," McGonagall announced with a cough. The class immediately looked to her. "Professor Snape and I will be out tomorrow for special, teaching-related Hogwarts purposes. You will have a free period during Potions and Transfiguration tomorrow. Please use your time wisely. You will work on human to animal transfiguration research and present well-written essays the next day I am here. Am I clear?"
"Yes, ma'am," the class mumbled.
"Professor?" Fred asked. The gears in his mind were turning. "You made it very clear that you and Snape—"
"Professor Snape, Mr. Weasley, one point from Gryffindor."
"He and you will be out for school related activities. I was just wondering, are you also going to be celebrating Valentine's Day wherever you're going? With each other? Alone?" he finished, with an eyebrow wiggle and wide grin. While he didn't like the images that popped into his head, the look McGonagall got on her face was worth it. He had bet that one day, McGonagall would get angry enough at him that she'd transform into a cat and claw his face.
"Five points from Gryffindor. That was very inappropriate, Mr. Weasley, and you will receive a detention with Mr. Filch if you ever imply something about a teacher's love life again. This class is finished."
o
"You are an idiot, Fred Weasley," the beautiful, attractive, and unfortunately not Fred's girlfriend anymore, Angelina Johnson announced, glaring at the boy in question. "Of all things, why did you have to call McGonagall's love life into question? Not to mention the mental images that gave me, it's just—"
"Oi!" Lee Jordan jumped into Fred's frame of vision. He and Fred high-fived, and Lee slipped something into George's robe pocket with a secretive wink. "What's all this I hear about McGonagall and Snape?"
"Don't start," George said. "How the hell'd you hear that, anyway? We just got out of class."
"The walls have ears," Lee said with a wink. He leaned into Fred's side, and George picked up a conversation with Angelina and easily steered her away from Fred and Lee, leaving them free to talk. "I got you forty-eight grams," Lee said, deliberately relaxing his walk and trying to seem like he was talking about nothing important.
Fred laughed without any humor. "You're joking. I need at least sixty."
"Where'm I going to get sixty? I barely got this much. Pay me more and you'll get sixty."
Fred rubbed his temples to ease his aggravation. He and Lee were two of a kind. They both wanted to earn money and get as much of it as they could, and even though they were great friends, their side businesses (Lee ran a very controlled Acromantula breeding farm) made them bash heads every so often. "Fine, thanks man," he said, clapping Lee on the shoulder, and they were friends once again. Lee ran off to make Valentine's Day plans for his girlfriend, and Fred ran up to the Gryffindor sixth year boys' dormitory.
George was already there, laying stretched out on Fred's bed and throwing a plastic Snitch up and down. "Hola," he said with a lazy wave. Without breaking his throws, he took the covered bottle of Acromantula venom out of his pocket. "This doesn't feel like sixty grams." He began throwing the bottle in pace with the Snitch. It made Fred dizzy, but he didn't bother telling George to be careful. George knew, and it wasn't like he was a novice juggler.
"It's not. It's forty-five grams."
George immediately sat up and the juggled items fell neatly into his open hands. Fred let out a breath of relief as George handed him the bottle. "What do you mean he didn't give us sixty grams? Did he at least give the money back?"
"Nope," Fred said, ending the word with a pop and flicking his fingers like fireworks. "Boom went our plans."
George groaned and flopped back down. He covered his face with the pillow.
Fred lay down on the bed next to George. "But, I have something better, Gred. I have a plan that will make us the kings of Hogwarts for a day."
George threw the pillow off his face and turned towards Fred, an intense, mischievous look already on his face. It was the look that all teachers dreaded; it was the look that said the Weasley twins have a huge prank planned.
Or will be planned, as it is, and the Weasley twins labored long into the night to create the best Valentine's Day prank Hogwarts has seen since the Great Valentine's Debacle of 1603.
o
Five o'clock the next morning found a tired and bleary-eyed Fred Weasley one turn away from the fruit painting that led to the Hogwarts kitchens. There, Fred checked both ways for lost little Hufflepuffs and patrolling teachers before running to the painting, speed-tickling the pair, and quickly jumping into the hole behind the painting. Once inside, he relaxed. He and George were always weary of teachers seeing them skulking near the painting, because the teachers always took their actions as shady and trouble-making. Not that it wasn't true ninety-nine percent of the time, but it was the principle of the matter that annoyed him. He and George didn't spend all their time pranking or deviously planning. Just most of it.
Shaking his head and emptying his thoughts lest he really did get caught this time, Fred called one of the house elves over to him.
"What can Izzy do for Mister Fred?" the elf asked.
Fred cringed just a little. If the professors ever asked the house elves who had been in the kitchens this morning, the elves would only be too happy to reveal the twins' plan. They even knew Fred's name, now.
Well, sacrifices must be made, he decided. "Izzy, I'd like you to do me a little favor." He took out a vial from his pocket and tapped it once, enlarging it to the size the little house elf's head. "Can you mix this with the pumpkin juice this morning?" He crossed his fingers for an affirmative answer.
"Izzy can't hurt students, Mister Fred," it—she?—said in a determined tone.
Fred raised his hands in surrender. "No, no, it won't hurt anyone. Just a little Valentine's Day fun, okay?" he pleaded.
Izzy gave him a hard look, but slowly nodded her head.
"I love you," Fred cried and patted her head. "I'll even give you socks next Christmas— Hey, where are you...?"
But the house elf had already run away in terror of getting socks. Fred shrugged and carried on with a grin. Phase one of the plan, arguably the most important phase, was complete.
o
Ten minutes later Fred joined his brother in their dormitory and fell asleep with the feeling of accomplishment. What felt like another ten minutes later, but was really two hours later, he was awoken by Lee. The sixth year Gryffindors made their way down to the Great Hall. Fred and George joked easily with their friends, acting as innocent as could be. Appearing innocent was phase two of their plan, after all. By the time they got to their destination, the Great Hall was full of breakfasting students.
Fred and George exchanged a look before sitting down. As they had expected, everyone's drink of choice was still pumpkin juice. That meant almost everyone would be affected by their potion. Thanks to the wonders of extracurricular Potions books, they had even found a way to make the potion slow-acting enough to begin activating ten minutes after it was consumed.
A short while later, the first student began acting oddly. "Pansy, Fred Weasley is soooo handsome, don't you think?" she said with a loud giggle. Then she paused. "Wait, what did I just— Oh Merlin I think he's looking at me! Hi! Hi George!" she shrieked across the Great Hall.
George smirked and waved back at the Slytherin girl, but he leaned into Fred with a concerned expression. "It's not supposed to work this fast. What if—"
"She was probably just here early. Relax," Fred said, but he also nervously eyed the girl.
As more and more people drank more and more pumpkin juice, the entire student population of Hogwarts was affected by the twins' potion.
"They're just dreamy," a seventh year boy said, staring over at the Gryffindor table from the Ravenclaw table. "I've been in love with them for months..."
The girl next to him gasped. "How could you? They're mine!" And she stuffed the nearest plate of food into his face.
"Are you talking about the Weasley twins?" Cho Chang asked, taking out a mirror and indiscreetly applying more lip gloss. "I had them first, just so you know."
"What? Yeah, right!" yelled the girl, and threw a plate of toast at Cho.
In turn, the students began throwing food at the girl, and the first food fight at the Ravenclaw table in Hogwarts history broke out.
"Actually, you can all have us! We're not picky!" yelled George.
Fred got up onto the Gryffindor table. Now they could reap the benefits of phases one and two. "You all love us!" he shouted, and a wide applause broke out. "And as your beloved rulers, George and I order you to change your hair red! Today is Weasley Day!"
Harry Potter, ever the leader, also stood up. "I will complete my destiny! I will make you fall in love with me! CHARGE!" he yelled, running down the length of the very long Gryffindor table to the Weasley twins. The rest of the student body took his example and charged towards the twins as well.
"Mummy dearest," George muttered, seeing the waves of students running after them. "Run, dear brother! Or there will be nothing left of us!"
And so the kings of Hogwarts abdicated their posts under the watching eyes and very amused smirks of the Hogwarts staff table.
o
"All men for themselves!" cried Fred as he rounded a corner while George took the other route.
"Yes, CHARGE!" yelled Harry Potter.
"For house elf rights!" yelled Hermione Granger.
"What?" Fred wondered, but decided not to bother. "Godric save me," he said instead. He ran up the stairs and, seeing that he had evaded the crowd running after him, he jumped into a convenient broom closet. After a quick locking spell, he dropped down to the floor and wiped the sweat from his brow with his sleeve.
Their plan, for whatever reason, had failed. The potion must have been too powerful, because the love potion he and George had made was supposed to be very mild, but still forced the taker to be susceptible to the wishes of the makers, namely Fred and George. The takers weren't supposed to revolt against their kings!
Suddenly, the door opened to an exuberant Angelina. "Found you!" she sang, jumping on Fred.
"Ahhh, not like this!" He tried to gently shift her off of him, but Angelina wouldn't budge. "You're going to kill me tomorrow."
She hummed in response and leaned down to kiss him, but before he could gather the willpower to throw her off, someone else pulled her off for him.
"There you are!" said George. "I've been looking for you. Come on, I've found a good hiding place!"
The mob, unfortunately, had caught up with them by this time, and Fred and George ran with the charging devils on their heels until they finally lost them on the third floor. Quietly, Fred and George slunk into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and hid in the right-hand corner to the side of the door. If someone walked in, they could always stun them and run again. They sat down against the wall and breathed deeply to calm their hearts.
"That, that was a disaster," George huffed. "Total disaster."
"Agreed," Fred said. "And you know what's worse?"
"We didn't have dates?" George offered.
"No. Damn the image, but Snape and McGonagall with their non-date probably had a better Valentine's Day than us."