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I’ve been hurting these past few months—
Kyungsoo crumples the letter up. He doesn’t have time for this. The fact that his gut’s already heavy with dread just from that first line is too much. He’s angry. What right does Hyunsik have to contact him after the confession? The ball’s in Kyungsoo’s court, first of all. Second of all, why would Hyunsik try to reach out and talk to him after what he said before storming off last time?
“That poor piece of paper, Kyung. It’s done nothing to you.”
“It’s aggravated me.”
Kyungsoo’s hardly ever angry, so it only takes Minseok one guess. “Loverboy Hyunsik? What’s he want?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t read it, but it’s probably some plea to at least be friends again.” Kyungsoo can feel his heart twinge with anxiety. Should he read the letter? Isn’t that the mature thing to do? He really doesn’t want to though. He wants this whole Hyunsik business to be done. He thought it was done.
“Do you want to be friends with him?”
“No,” the reply is instantaneous. Kyungsoo can’t think of anything he’d rather do less. “I told you my problem with his confession. He had strong feelings for me while I was, at best, lukewarm about the whole friendship. I would never keep contact with him after high school, so I’d like to drop the friendship. I have no desire to talk to him again.”
Minseok nods his head in the direction of the trashcan. “Then throw it away. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
The anxiety is Kyungsoo’s heart dissipates. Minseok’s right. He doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to. The crumpled letter hits the rim of the trashcan before falling in. There’s no regret or well, there's no longlasting regret.
“Jongin will be glad to know you did that too.”
Kyungsoo almost doesn’t register what Minseok’s said. He’s too caught up in the Hyunsik dilemma. It might be more mature of him to read the letter and then decide, but a huge part of his thought process had been I can’t make him happy, but I can make myself comfortable. Perhaps that was selfish of him, but at what point could he be considered in the right even though someone had been hurt by his actions?
“Wait, what?”
“You heard me,” Minseok replies with too much amusement.
“No, I really didn’t. Why would Jongin be happy?”
Minseok looks at him like he’s stupid, which isn’t an uncommon occurrence. “Well he likes you, and I imagine he’s not looking for competition even if Hyunsik doesn’t have a chance.”
In Kyungsoo’s mind, Jongin’s the number one. He’s occupying mental space even when Kyungsoo doesn’t want him to, so there’s no competition in his mind.
“Jongin’s on a different plane. I invited him to hang out. I never did that for Hyunsik. There’s no competition.”
Minseok’s almost sly in the way he invades Kyungsoo’s space. “Oh, so you’ll admit it now?”
Kyungsoo, for all his reticence, likes to think he knows when to acknowledge his own feelings. There’s almost a guilt to acknowledge he has feelings, but he thinks he has to for his own happiness. He hates the quote “if you want to enjoy the rewards of being loved, you also have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known”. He hates it with a passion, but he acknowledges it. That’s growing up, right? Acknowledging the things that make you uncomfortable. He’s doing that with Jongin.
Jongin doesn’t know him, but Kyungsoo’s willing to let him try, and isn’t that the point?
"Yeah, I'll admit it."