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Garrus has seen her do reckless things, even stupid things, but this one has to be the worst.
When they stepped into the collector base...it wasn’t like anything he’d ever seen before. “This is what hell feels like.”, Garrus thought. “I’m pretty sure this is what hell feels like.” He wants to get out of here as quickly as possible, but not like this, not without her. But Shepard is insisting.
“I need someone to guide the crew back to the ship, Garrus.”
“Yeah and it wont be me.”, the rest of the crew is staring at them, utterly surprised by Garrus defying Shepard in the middle of the mission. She shoots them a glance and pulls him out of earshot. “Garrus, what are you doing.”
“I am refusing to leave you in here.”
Shepard groans in frustration. “This is not the time for chivalry. I need you to not put your feelings over the mission right now.”
“Oh, like you are doing?”
“Excuse me?”
“You could send Mordin back and keep me here. You need me to defend and you know it.”
“You are not my only sniper, Garrus.”
“Right, then send Thane or Legion.”
“No I am sending you. Because I trust you and because I need you to be safe, you understand? I can not keep worrying about you.” Garrus can tell she’s stressed out.
“So you are sending me back because of your feelings.”
“Of course I am”, Shepard snaps. “You being here, being in danger makes me very fucking anxious so will you PLEASE obey my fucking order and take the crew back to the ship.” She stares him down, somehow in the middle of telling him she wants him to be safe Shepard snapped into full command mode.
And Garrus obeys.
-
One year later, in London he wishes he had defied her on the collector base. Wishes he hadn’t established a pattern where she sends him away for his own safety while she keeps running into danger.
“I love you. I always will.”
He wants to yell at her to stop, the come onto the Normandy, to be safe. But it’s to late. The pattern is established.
Shepard runs towards the beam and Garrus knows this is what hell really feels like.