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Silver wanted to cry, thought it would help at least. Something to fill the silence and the hole which had been ripped through his heart. Gildarts was quiet; smiling. Somehow, that made everything worse.
“This isn’t fair.” Silver whispered, and Gildarts laughed,a desperate, hollow sound.
“Life isn’t fair.”
Silver flinced, and then nodded. It sure fucking wasn’t.
“We should make plans or something.” Gildarts stretched out his limbs, and Silver snatched his hand from the air, relishing in how it was large and warm and alive .
“Whatever you want to do.”
Gildarts flinched. “We need to speak to Cana. And Gray, if you’d like.”
Silver nodded again. Even though their children had been born from different relationships, they were a family now. Gray cared for Gildarts like a parent. He deserved to know.
“And.” Gildarts began, but his voice cracked, Silver’s heart along with it. He paused, steadied himself, and tried again. “And we should think about the funeral.”
“Another day.” Silver pressed his lips against Gildarts’ knuckles. “We have time.” His eyes widened at that, mouth falling open to apologise, but Gildarts silenced him with a raised finger.
“You’re right, four months is enough time. We can worry about that later.”
Silver heard the words again, ringing like an alarm in his ear. Terminal cancer. Four months maximum. They might not even get that, but Silver couldn’t think of that possibility; his lungs already felt like shards of glass, cutting deeper and deeper into his insides with every broken breath. But he had to be strong for Gildarts. For the man he loved.
“If there’s anything you want to do, we’ll do it.” Silver rushed, body suddenly feeling wired. They were so short on time, he felt as though they were wasting each precious moment. “Any place you’ve not been, or adventure you want to have. We’ll do it all.”
A bold promise, but he was serious, and Gildarts knew that. His eyes softened, and he leaned forward to press his chapped lips against Silver’s. It was a simple, everyday action that Silver had taken for granted. And now he didn’t know how many more kisses they would share.
“The greatest adventure I’ve ever had was loving you.” Gildarts pressed their foreheads together, and Silver bit his lip to keep his emotions from spilling out. “I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
“Are you-” Silver took a deep, shaky breath. “Are you sure?”
Gildarts kissed him again, stubble from his beard grazing Silver’s cheek. Usually it annoyed him, but today he couldn’t get enough. It was proof that Gildarts was here with him, that he was okay, and that was the only thing that Silver could wish for.
“I want to spend the time I have left with you.” Gildarts paused, and then met Silver’s gaze with wet, glassy eyes. “If you’ll have me.”
Silver brought the man he loved into a crushing hug, finally letting the tears flow freely. “Of course I will, you stupid old man.”
There was so much that Gildarts would miss: Cana getting married. The birth of their grandchildren. Simply growing old together. And it hurt, a pain worse than anything Silver had experienced before. If Mika asking for a divorce was a stormy wind that threw him off course, then this was a tornado; Silver was lost and helpless, and could see no way out. He clung to Gildarts instead, all the energy from his body falling away like autumn leaves. So much was uncertain, but the one truth that Silver held onto was that he loved Gildarts, and Gildarts loved him too. They would pack a lifetime of memories into four, disgustingly short months, and Silver would make Gildarts as happy as he could, for as much time as they were allowed.
“I love you.” Gildarts murmured, and Silver inhaled the sweet smell of his husband, committing each sensation to memory.
“I’ll always love you.” Silver said back, and that was the catalyst that caused the elastic to snap. There was a hand fisted in his hair, lips on his throat, and a body, strong and hot and breathing, pressed against his side. Silver wanted to become smoke, to fade into a different form of living which would allow him to mingle with Gildarts and preserve them both forever. But life was too cruel for that, so Silver let Gildarts become one with him in the only way that he knew how, muttering fragmented ‘I love yous’ with each and every luxurious breath.