Chapter Text
Shane looked at the camera. "An hour or two ago-"
He paused. He thought he heard screaming. It sounded like Ryan. He turned on the bench and saw a flashlight through the window, waving around and heard Ryan's muffled yelling. He laughed, looking up at where he knew Ryan was, confused but finding it extremely funny.
"THIS FUCKING SUCKS," Ryan screamed. "I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE THIS."
Shane turned back around, laughing into his hand as he heard Ryan continue to scream,
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!"
Over and over again. About three minutes later, with Ryan's random loud noises as he ran into rooms still to be vaguely heard, Shane pulled himself together enough to say to the camera in a calm voice, "That is quite a reaction. I think we're..." he tried to think of the best way to put it and decided on, "making some headway."
"YOU THINK YOU'RE CRAZY?!" they heard Ryan scream. Devon was doubled over, laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN CRAZY YET!"
"Jesus fucking Christ," Shane cackled.
"ON THE THIRD FLOOR. MARCHING DOWN THE HALLWAY."
Shane covered his face with his hand, heaving in silent laughter.
"WHERE ARE YA?!" He was just close enough to be heard clearly.
"I'm so proud of him," he managed out through his laughter.
"I'LL GIVE IT TO YA: THIS IS THE SCARIEST BUILDING I'VE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE." At this point, Shane hitting the handle of the bench weakly with his hand, not being able to breathe. "I THINK I'M CRACKED!"
"Holy shit," TJ gasped out. "This broke him!"
"MY BRAIN IS CRACKED," Ryan continued. They all had to be quiet so they could make out what Ryan was saying. But what he did after, he wasn't even saying anything: he was laughing. Laughing like a mad scientist on crack cocaine.
"Keep in mind," Shane said, "an hour ago, he was drumming his belly button." This sent Devon and Mark into another wave of hysterics. "I don't think he's gonna be the same after tonight."
"WHERE ARE YOU?! WHERE ARE YOU?!" A pause. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"
Shane clapped his hands senselessly as he laughed harder.
"WHO DID THAT?!" Shane could hear the panic in his voice, even if he could hardly hear his voice at all. "WHO DID THAT AGAIN?!"
And then it was quiet. Shane was a little worried. What if something happened to Ryan? Ghosts weren't real. Demons weren't real. But if something happened to Ryan in there, they had all just been laughing at him and wouldn't've noticed if he had gotten into trouble. He pushed down his doubt and fear like he pushed down everything else and said to the camera and TJ,
"The human mind, if it's lookin' for something, it'll- it'll find something. And, uh, he's going to find something. And it will destroy him." He looked back at the jail, and, with the nonchalantness that he had perfected after many years, said, "It's gone quiet and I'm afraid he's dead."
"Don't say that," TJ said, "he's probably just possessed."
Shane perked up. "Ooh!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
They turned and looked at the jail once again, this time seeing a flashlight move spastically through the halls. Shane shrugged.
"Guess he's alive."
"Time," said Mark shakily, glancing at his watch. Shane stood up and helped TJ and Devon with the camera things as Mark texted Ryan that he could leave.
"You think he'll ever be the same?" Devon asked. Shane shook his head.
"Oh, no. He'll be gone after this. Every location, it'll be like this."
"I doubt he even got anything," Mark added. "He was screaming too much."
Quickly, they stood around the door where Ryan was supposed to come out. With the dramatics of a white guy that had taken an improv class once, Shane opened the door. He was hoping it went the other way so Ryan would have to move out of the way (because he was a petty little shit). The door was pushed more open from the other side and Shane saw Ryan.
He didn't look like himself. He looked winded and a little bit crazy. He stepped through the door and said, "Fuck that. Forever."
A few more seconds of silence and Shane realized he was staring and, because of his chosen coping mechanism for dealing with a crush, made a bad joke. "Sounded like you went through some stuff in there."
Ryan looked at him with those wide eyes, his new, crazy look still present. Then he looked down and said that they were leaving. Shane hit the door with the flat of his palm a few times.
"Okay."
He closed the door as Mark shut off the cameras.
"Get this off of me," Ryan laughed as he struggled with his body cam. "That was fucking horrifying." Before Shane could even get in a word, Ryan's finger was in his face. "You are a fucking psychopath," he announced.
"Why?" he laughed.
"You were enjoying it."
Shane threw his hands out. "Yeah! It's full of history and torture. It's interesting."
"It's haunted!" Ryan protested.
"Hey," TJ grinned, "it'll remain unsolved if it's haunted or not."
"Fuck you," Ryan laughed as he stepped out of the camera harness and took the GoPro off his head. "Fuck you, TJ."
"Jesus, Ryan," Devon giggled, "what the hell happened to you in there?"
He stared at her. "I think I snapped."
Shane clapped a hand on his shoulder. He was tense. "You cracked a long time ago. When you started overthinking when your toothpaste fell off the side of a sink, to be exact."
Ryan shrugged him off. "You've seen the video, you all have."
He looked around at all of them and they shrugged.
"Anyway," Mark jumped in, changing the subject, "we heard you yelling."
"Was it to scare off the ghosts?" TJ teased.
"Yes," Ryan defended himself. He was so passionate. Shane smiled at him fondly. He turned to Shane and Shane quickly grinned at him like he just hadn't been drooling over him like an idiot. "I think I had a heart attack in there, man," he declared. Shane snorted.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. It started hurting around here."
He started rubbing his nipple and Jesus Christ, Shane was lucky that he found that so funny, because in different circumstances, if he saw Ryan doing that, his cover would probably be blown.
"What the hell?" Devon groaned. "Ryan, the internet already knows too much about your nipple kink."
"I don't have a nipple kink!" Ryan protested.
"Oh, yes you do," Shane scoffed. Just to prove his point (only to prove his point, not to watch Ryan react to his touch), he reached around Ryan's shoulder and pinched him quickly. And he is not lying when he says that Ryan jumped a foot in the air and grabbed his left boob.
"That, like, sent an electric shock through my whole body!"
Shane raised his eyebrows to himself as he picked up the last bit of equipment and started walking out the door onto the expansive front lawn. "Ryan," he said cooly, "sometimes you just have to accept your kinks. There's no shame in a little nipple play."
"Shut up, Shane."
"Make me."
"You two are such children," Mark laughed.
"Nuh-uh!" Ryan said in a childish voice.
"Uh-huh!" Mark shot back.
The entire way, the forty-five-second walk from the prison to where their car was, Ryan and Mark made noises at each other and it didn't show any signs of stopping, so Shane stepped in and stage whispered, "Choo choo pickle pie!"
And that got them both to start laughing. It wasn't hard to make Ryan laugh. But there was always something about the way that he did that made Shane stupidly happy. Depending on the situation, Ryan would laugh into his hand, or throw his head back, or look at whoever made him laugh with the brightest, happiest look in his eyes. Tonight, it was a combination of throwing his head back and then looking at Shane like he was the funniest person on the planet.
A lot of Shane's time with Ryan was a little bittersweet, but that was okay. They were best friends.
"I'm fucking hungry," Ryan announced. "And I could use a drink."
Shane snorted. "That's obvious."
"Ryan, it's like-" Devon checked her phone. "Two in the morning." Everyone stared at her. "Hell yeah, let's get some drinks."
"Wait, you gotta do an outro," Mark sighed, already setting up a tripod. Shane watched Ryan pout adorably as he tucked his mic pack back into his pants. Devon and TJ stepped behind the camera and Devon said,
"Okay, go."
Shane looked up at the prison and turned to Ryan. "Did you hear anything?" Ryan glared at him for a split second, knowing full well that Shane was making fun of him yelling.
"Didn't hear anything, but I felt things." He still sounded a little breathless.
Shane suppressed a smirk and said, "That's good."
Ryan, like the manic he was, went into something that he thought he felt. "Once, I was standing the in second floor-" In the second floor. He said in. "-I was standing still-"
"Yeah," Shane breathed, humoring him.
"And I felt a gust of wind past the right side of me," he gestured as he talked, "I turned around, and then it went past the left side of me, the opposite direction. I hated it."
"Well," Shane said, adding some logic to the situation because Ryan was clearly out of it, "I didn't actually hear anything in here, I just really wanted to psych you up for it." Ryan stared at him and Shane wanted to laugh. He looked cute. Well, he always looked cute, but whatever. "You don't look well."
Ryan smiled widely. "I started growling like a dog."
Shane really wanted to laugh. "We heard you."
"Did you?"
"Yes."
"Oh, wow-"
"I think," he turned around and motioned to all the townhouses, "the whole neighborhood heard you."
"Oh, was it really that loud?" He didn't sound embarrassed, just amused. Shane was so proud of him. He'd come such a long way.
"Yes, I think we have to leave," he said seriously.
"Okay," Ryan laughed.
"Let's just go." They turned and walked out of the shot. Once they were out of it, Shane clapped Ryan on the shoulder. "You did good in there, bud. Proud of you."
"Thank you," Ryan said smugly.
Shane left his hand on Ryan's shoulder for a few seconds longer than necessary. He didn't mean to, but he rubbed Ryan's back soothingly before realizing what he was doing and pulling his hand away. Ryan didn't seem to mind, though. TJ, Mark, and Devon walked after them and began talking. Shane sat back in thought.
Ryan had always, for years, let him get away with tiny touches here and there. He wasn't big on physical contact, but when Shane did it, he didn't seem to mind. It made him feel special, if he was being honest. He knew it was selfish, but he couldn't stop himself from pushing the boundaries, little by little, bit by bit, just to see what he could get away with.
He hardly ever did it when they were out in public, or in front of a camera or friends, but when they were hanging out at one of their apartments... well, Shane got a little careless with his hands. Nothing big, just letting himself ruffle Ryan's hair more than usual, brushing his hand across his shoulders as he was going to the kitchen or bathroom. When they were watching movies, Shane would sometimes spread his arms out across the back of the couch. Just to lie to himself that he was going to put his arm around Ryan and like... cuddle him.
Something cheesy like that. Shane hated it sometimes, especially when it came to Ryan, but he honestly wouldn't mind doing the simplest things with him. Just to be able to look at him like he wanted to would be enough.
It wasn't that he had closed himself off from the dating pool, but no girl (or guy, he hadn't come out to anyone at Buzzfeed yet) lasted more than a couple of months, tops. The worst part was that they always figured out that he was whipped for someone else. It was embarrassing.
But it also wasn't that he hadn't tried to get over Ryan. He had. He was always trying. But, for some reason, whenever he tried to stop, he felt guilty. Because he wanted to be with him and the thought of not wanting that made him feel like he was cheating.
So yeah, Shane's daily life was an emotional rollercoaster. But he wouldn't have it any other way because he wanted Ryan in his life. He couldn't even admit it to himself, but he didn't know what he would do without him. He was a foul-mouthed, ghost-believing, smart, funny, hot, tiny little bastard.
And Shane was completely gone for him.
"Shane."
Shane snapped himself out of his trance. "Hm?"
"A bar called General Lee," Mark said.
"Of fucking course," Shane cackled. "We're in Southern country now, baby! Robert E. Lee for the win!"
Ryan smacked him. "Holy shit, shut up, Shane!"
He tried to sound angry, but the look on his face gave him away. Shane nodded seriously.
"Fuck Robert E. Lee," he announced loudly. "We Northerns are better!"
He was being shoved into a car with Ryan laughing, "Holy shit, holy shit, you fucking idiot!"
The door slammed behind him and he was in the back with Ryan. Devon ducked into the driver's seat and started the engine before Shane had even gotten himself comfortable. She drove away, laughing.
"You're so dumb."
"Hey," he protested. "That's rich coming from the person who was just screaming at air for ten minutes straight."
Ryan frowned. "I was screaming at the ghosts!"
"There are no ghosts, Ryan," he laughed. "It's just a creepy building."
"Aha! So you admit it's creepy!"
"Ryan," Devon said from the front, "it's an old prison that people were tortured in. It's creepy, no one's going to disagree with that."
"But," Shane said tightly, "hearing you scream was really funny."
"You couldn't hear me," Ryan laughed.
"Yes we did," Devon and Shane said together.
"You had Shane crying," Devon grinned.
"You're one to talk," Shane shot back good-naturedly. "You had to step away from the camera because you were making too much noise."
"Yeah," she agreed. "But Ryan, we could hear everything you were saying."
"Well, look-"
Shane looked at him as he argued with Devon with the biggest smile on his face. It made it hard to breathe for him sometimes when the sheer force of how much he liked Ryan hit him. He liked everything about him. He knew he was gone for him but couldn't make himself think the L word, much less say it.
Devon turned on her blinker, even though they were the only ones on the road besides TJ and Mark, who were following behind them. She turned into a surprisingly packed bar. Shane got out and stretched. He was tired. He followed Ryan and Devon into the bar and sat at the bar. When TJ and Mark joined them, they started a tab.
Shane was on the end of the line of his friends. Ryan to his left and a man to his right. He snuck a glance as he took a swig of his beer. He was cute. Not really his type. Too tall, hair too long, eyes too blue.
They drank for a long time, laughing. Ryan, TJ, and Mark went away to play pool. Devon was talking to the bartender. Shane didn't think it was flirting, just talking.
"Hey, handsome," the man next to him said. Shane looked at him. With a fleeting thought of Ryan, and then the drowning reminder that Ryan would never be his, Shane decided to talk to him. He was only a little bit drunk.
"Hey," he answered.
"Come here often?" the man asked. "My name's Noah."
Shane grinned into his bottle before finishing it off and motioning for another. "I'm Shane. And no, I don't. I live in L.A."
Noah cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? Actor?"
"Nah," he smiled. "I work for Buzzfeed."
Noah nodded. "Interesting. I'm a firefighter."
Shane eyed his muscles. "Yeah, I can tell."
He felt bad but he had no idea why. Ryan wasn't his. He didn't want to come to the inevitable conclusion that he was heartbroken without ever getting his heart broken. Noah smirked at him.
"Can you?"
Shane reached up and put his hand on Noah's broad, strong shoulder. "Oh, yeah."
"Can I buy you a drink?"
Shane motioned to his beer and Noah shook his head.
"Something a little stronger."
He looked down at his beer and wanted to look over at Ryan, but he didn't. He needed to get over him. He'd been here, at this point before, and it never did anything. But he was desperate. He was always careful to not get too drunk around friends because he would come out or say that he's in lo- that he liked Ryan. Liked Ryan. Fuck it, he decided.
"Yeah. Shots?"
Noah laughed. "You want to get wasted?"
Shane shrugged. "Not too bad."
"You got it."
Noah ordered and Shane looked at him. Really not his type. But, again, he was desperate and maybe a little drunker than he thought. The shots came quickly. They toasted something, Shane wasn't sure, and he hit it back. It burned his throat for just a moment and he chased it with another shot.
"Whoa, there, Shane," Noah laughed, putting his hand on Shane's forearm, "slow down."
Shane winked at him and took another shot. It was hitting fast and hard. Shane felt great.
"Another round," he announced. Noah grinned at him and took his other two shots. Three shots later, Shane was completely hammered. So was Noah. Shane almost fell out of his seat but Noah quickly got up and caught him. They leaned against each other, cackling. They couldn't even stand up straight.
Devon had gone to play pool with the others a little bit ago because TJ was complaining that he needed a partner, so Shane felt unwatched, unjudged, as Noah kissed him messily, all tongue. It was hot and his scruff scratched Shane's face. Noah's hands went to Shane's hips and pulled him flush to his body. Shane groaned and ground up against him.
He was being pushed back against the bar and Noah started kissing his neck. Almost lost in the sensations, Shane opened his eyes, breathing hard and turned on, and saw TJ, Devon, Mark, and Ryan staring at him from the pool tables with wide eyes, their games forgotten.
Shane was sure that he had never moved faster as he shoved Noah away and stumbled out of the bar, cold with fear. His head felt weird. It had been so long since he felt real fear, but now his friends knew. Ryan knew. Ryan knew and he would put two and two together and then he could be kicked off of Unsolved. Fuck, he ruined everything. He ruined everything, his life was over-
He heaved against the brick wall of the bar. There was a hand on his back and he thought there were people around him. He threw up, mostly liquid. It was hot and spicy and burned his throat.
"-you're okay, big guy-" he heard. Ryan. Ryan's hand on his back. Ryan comforting him.
He slapped his hand away and tried to run away but only got so far before he fell.
"Shane!" TJ yelled. "Calm down!"
"I'm sorry," Shane yelled. "I'm sorry, please don't- please don't hate me!"
"Why would we hate you?" Devon asked, terrified. "Because you were kissing a guy? Shane, it's okay!"
Everyone was nodding. Even Ryan. Shane shook his head in disbelief.
"No, no, you..."
"Shane, you should get back to the hotel," Mark said cautiously, slowly approaching him like Shane was going to try and bolt. And to his credit, Shane was seriously considering it.
"Guys..." Shane was close to tears.
"Come on, Shane," Ryan said, holding out his hand. "You need some water."
Shane stared at his hand and, even though he was positive that ghosts and demons didn't exist, he was also positive that any physical contact from Ryan would make him start crying or spontaneously combust, like that one lady they investigated. So he pushed himself up, ignoring Ryan's hand. He started stumbling toward one of the cars they rented. He looked back and they were all following him.
"Look," he slurred, leaning against TJ's rental, "you guys can stay. I can call an Uber. Or something. Just have fun."
"No," TJ shook his head. "Maybe it's time to call it a night. Come on, Shane. I'll drive. Get in the back."
The door was opened for him by someone he didn't register and he fell forward. The car started and Shane closed his eyes. He was shaking. Tears were falling down his face and making the leather of the seats slippery and unpleasant to lay on. Later, he had no idea how much later, the car stopped and he was being pulled out. He knew TJ noticed his tears and was grateful that he didn't say anything.
His world was spinning in a sickening way and he had to stop to throw up behind a bush before he even made it to the door. The lights of the lobby were too bright. The elevator was too sudden.
TJ took the room key from Shane's pocket and lead him into the bathroom. Shane got down on his knees and heaved into the toilet, but there was nothing left to throw up. TJ gave him some water and helped him change into his pajama pants. He collapsed into a bed. Whichever one was closest, which he would realize later was Ryan's. It smelled like him from the last two nights he slept in it.
He cried into Ryan's pillow, sure that the smell of him was just his imagination. The door opened and closed. There was some whispering and then the door opened and closed again. Shane opened his eyes and found Ryan looking at him, his eyes filled with worry.
"Shane-"
Shane rolled over and squeezed his eyes shut. Ryan didn't finish his sentence and he was grateful because he wasn't sure that he would have been able to handle whatever was about to be said.