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English
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Part 104 of soukoku AUs
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Published:
2020-06-07
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2,084
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1/1
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songs of the lamb

Summary:

Dazai is an olden god that demands virgin sacrifices. Chuuya volunteers so he can personally punch him in the face for being an enemy of all women.

Spoiler alert: they fall in love.

Notes:

been quite busy recently with a lot of things at work + been working on several exchanges/big bangs... still... this idea demanded to be written, so here we are ^^;;; originally was a shitpost in my twitter lol

hope you enjoy ♥♥♥

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

-

“…You are not what I had expected.”

Chuuya fights the urge to roll his eyes at the other’s words. Not because he wants to offer some modicum of respect, but more out of the necessity to keep track of his surroundings.

There isn’t a lot to see. The god’s lair is immersed in darkness—it would sound a lot more imposing or impressive, if Chuuya isn’t aware that it, for all intents and purposes, really is just some cave. It’s not even a huge one, no branching tunnels, no hidden pits. Just one entrance that’s narrow but high-arched, and the path short enough for a two-minute walk. The end of it is roomier, its ceiling a high dome that has pinpricks of light. Presumably to get some air flowing into the space. It’s secluded but it doesn’t smell of damp or rot.

There’s a bluish, ghostly fire illuminating the god’s face.

With a frown on his face, Chuuya kicks at one tiny crystal formation on the floor. It bounces off easily, like a tiny pebble. “This isn’t what I had expected either.”

The god is infamous for its reign of terror, amongst the villages that dot the perimeter of the mountain they’re on. There are some stories, legends, that have been spread out further than the local area, but they’re treated more like fantastical folktales. An olden god that demands virgin sacrifices. Not very original, especially amongst all the other legends and myths going around the world. But then again, seeing the shabby state of this god’s lair, perhaps it isn’t surprising that he isn’t able to get some company.

The god’s expression twitches slightly, but immediately smoothens out to its impassive arrangement. This god looks quite human—he has eyes, ears, nose and a mouth, at least—though Chuuya isn’t sure if this is simply the other masquerading a familiar form to lull him into a false sense of security. In any case, he really isn’t what Chuuya’s been expecting from the woeful, anguished tales. This god looks like someone who’d fold in half with one punch, it’s hard to believe he’s been able to extort dozens of virgins from the villagers.

“Oh?” The god then says, raising an eyebrow. The tone is effective in raising Chuuya’s hackles too. “Someone like you practices enough foresight to have expectations?”

“The hell do you mean by ‘someone like me’?! I’m gonna kick you to death, oi!”

“A human with a tiny, underdeveloped brain,” the god replies promptly. “It goes along with your tiny, underdeveloped body, I suppose.”

Once more, Chuuya kicks the small crystal from earlier. This time, it isn’t aimless. He doesn’t hold back, and it lets out a whistling sound as it slices through the air and through the ghostly fire.

The bluish flame flickers before going out entirely.

A soft ‘tsk’, and a snap of fingers, before the cave is illuminated with a warm, yellow-tinted glow of a normal fire. There is nothing normal though, with the way it’s been summoned, nor the way that the glow comes from seemingly out of nowhere, hovering all over the place without a distinct source. Light shines upon all corners of the space, but it only serves to highlight how empty it really is. Aside from random scatterings of shoe-height stalactites and stalagmites, and the marble-like stone that’s been shaped into a crude throne, there really is nothing inside.

…Aside from the god, that is.

Chuuya can’t help but gape at him, to be honest.

“Mm, you can’t help but stare at me, huh, chibi?”

Is that bastard actually preening…?

Chuuya shakes his head. Going for honesty, he admits: “You look like a mummy from those low-budget horror films.”

The preening immediately morphs into an irritated, “A tiny microorganism like you who’s barely tall enough to lick my heels has no room to insult my looks.”

“You’re not even wearing heels!” Chuuya starts going for the nearest crystal—it’s a bit larger than his fist, this time—attached on the wall. “In fact, you aren’t even wearing anything but those dirty-looking bandages!”

A wave of a hand, as though to intercept the landing of his words. “If I bother to dress up nicer than this, humans might end up fainting from the sight of my dashing good looks, you see.”

Another shake of head, followed closely by him shaking the now-detached crystal in his hands. He tests its weight against his palm, in order to assess how effective it will be if he lobs it towards the god’s irritating, smug face. “You are definitely thinking too highly of yourself.”

“Fufufu, that’s fine.” The god shifts on his throne, reclining against the back of his makeshift throne and pretty much appearing slovenly instead of scary. “Between the two of us, it’s not going to be you who can think highly.”

“You call yourself a god and all you’re capable of are making height jokes?”

“I can’t help that your height is a joke.”

A tit-for-tat response. Chuuya lobs the crystal towards the god’s face.

The god swats it away with a guarding arm, not bothering to rearrange the rest of his slouchy posture. His affectation of complete disaffection is ruined by his grimace though. “Ow, I thought my arm was going to get torn off. Must you be such a brutish chibi?”

“You deserve a hundred beatings.” At first, it’s solely for the sake of him being a disgusting god who preys on women. Now, it’s also because he’s a disgusting god who continues to smirk at him like some conceited bastard. He’s stormed here so he can give this guy ten punches, minimum; he’s been scoping the guy’s powers using the crystals but it just seems like he’s… really weak.

“Hearing something like that from someone like you…”

“Again, the fuck do you mean by ‘someone like me’, oi?!”

“Someone who stupidly goes head-first to a god’s lair without a plan or a back-up.” The god slouches further against his stone throne. “Thereby proving my point about you having a thumb-sized brain.”

“Thumb-sized—?!” More sputtering, until Chuuya manages to rein it in with a more composed: “I DON’T NEED A PLAN TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!”

A doubtful look. “Can you even reach me?”

“I’m gonna fucking kill you, you shitty god!”

-

Chuuya, in fact, does not manage to kill the shitty god. Slippery as an eel despite having negligible physical strength otherwise. What Chuuya manages to learn is the other’s name.

…It really isn’t a worthy trade-off, at all.

Chuuya comforts himself with the fact that getting to call the other ‘shitty Dazai’ instead of ‘shitty god’ is a plus point in itself.

“—Are you done with cooking yet?” Comes from his left, and then a pointed chin lands on top of his head. His hands are full with flipping the meat over in the makeshift grill that he’s made, so he doesn’t manage to punch the bastard for daring to use him as a chin-rest. “Ah, the smell of grilled meat~ Haven’t had this in ages~”

“You’re supposed to be a god who made the wilderness your camp,” Chuuya enunciates with every bit of disdain he has for the other’s pathetic drooling over his cooking, “and yet you don’t even know how to grill meat?”

Dazai waltzes towards the opposite side, placing his face close enough to the grill that it’s a wonder his skin doesn’t start reddening from the heat. “Punching a boar is such a barbaric thing to do.”

“Is that so?” Chuuya keeps an eye on the meat in case the fucker gets any ideas about stealing a piece off before mealtime. “Eating meat hunted through barbaric means must be too beneath you then, hmm.”

“Now, now, let’s not be too hasty…”

They continue bickering util some of the meat gets charred enough to emit an alarming smell, with both of their attention caught on trying to shove each other towards the fire.

Throughout it all, Chuuya can only think: this really isn’t what he expected to find here.

A terrifying god who’s rained calamity upon the surrounding villagers if they don’t provide a virgin sacrifice every half-year. A horrible existence that casts a shadow upon the lives of everyone who wants to live in the area. A terrible being that Chuuya’s volunteered to vanquish, because Ane-san just had Kyouka and he wants her to be able to raise her with a peace of mind.

But somehow, what he’s found is instead—

A lazy bastard whose main hobby is to boss him around to do his chores for him. An annoying idiot whose second main hobby is to make copious amounts of uncreative height jokes. A mackerel genius who’s able to predict everything about the world—from where a certain boar would appear, to how many minutes would the rain last, to how many hair strands there is in one section of his hair—and yet is content to stay hidden away like some recluse.

Shitty Dazai who’s too lazy to hunt his own food—and yet, brings him the finest of wines and the sweetest of honeys, obtained from who-knows-where.

Shitty Dazai who complains with at least ten thousand words about the heat and the cold and everything in-between and yet doesn’t bother to fix anything in his cave to improve the temperature—and yet, comes up with fur blankets and cold crystals the moment Chuuya sneezes or sweats.

Shitty Dazai who neither denies that he has somehow consumed those sacrifices for his own agenda nor provides an explanation for his actions—and yet, looks at him with something like stars in his eyes.

—something that feels a lot like love.

Perhaps it’s for the best that he’s come here and maybe it’s okay to bury what he’s set out to do, and just stay like this forever.

-

coda;

-

A long time ago, there was a boy named Shuuji.

Blessed with physical strength he was not, but it was not important compared to the way his mind was considered the best of hundreds of generations. Blessed with the ability to connect with others he was not, but it was not important to him, as he managed to meet two other boys who called him a friend. Blessed with safety from famine his village was not, but it was not important so long as his friends survived.

A long time ago, there was a grieving boy named Shuuji.

Alone, he researched ways for his friends to come to life. Alone, he tricked countless men and women in exchange for information. Alone, he trekked towards a certain cave that was said to house a demon god who could grant one’s most fervent wishes.

A long time ago, there was a boy tricked into becoming god.

His wish was granted, the demon god had said, but he could never see them again. His wish was granted, the demon god had leered, but in exchange he had to serve as the next demon god. His wish was granted, the demon god had exulted, and cackled as he was finally freed from being god now that there was someone to take his place.

A long time ago, there was a god who named himself Dazai.

Only someone with the purest of hearts, the purest of souls, the purest of convictions, could find the path to the demon god. Pure hollowness, pure greed, pure evil—those are fine, as long as they were pure. And so, he sent out an edict to the areas surrounding his lair that he could not leave: send me the purest of humans and I shall spare your lives.

A long time ago, there was a trapped god named Dazai.

Until one day, someone finally reached his lair.

Purest of red: harsh words and sharp demeanor barreling through the magic barriers he’s woven all over.
Purest of blue: unfettered soul that does not care for obstacles and unshakeable resolution to do what he’s come for.
Purest of black: the seething mass of nothingness inside that human, of clamoring violence, promising destruction upon everything around him.

His plans are never wrong, after all. Even if it took a very long time, he’s finally found someone he can trick into taking his place, so he can finally die and be free to wake up from this very long oxidizing dream.

Sometime later, Dazai starts thinking that maybe his plan has a flaw.

Perhaps since the beginning: Dazai has fallen in love.

Notes:

thanks for reading till the end! happy weekend, everyone! comments give me strength to conquer my workload! *v*♥♥♥

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