Chapter Text
“Uhhh, teach?” Ryuji stumbles into the temple courtyard. Despite its proximity to Kichijoji, the noise of the city is entirely absent from the courtyard, solely accented by the flow of water and the rhythmic thud of the sozu. He’s dressed in gym clothes and has his messenger bag slung over his shoulders like a backpack. He squats on his heels next to Byleth, facing her from her side, though she hardly stirs.
Byleth is sitting down, legs crossed, eyes closed. When she senses him right next to her, she just pats the floor. The motion is inviting, silent.
After shedding his bag, he plants his butt on the floor and mimics her posture. “So… why’re we here instead of the gym? You gonna teach me more about a good swing the monk way, or what?”
She turns to him, face to face. “I had something different in mind. Your skill with a ‘bat’ is wonderful as is. This will be practical in and outside of the Metaverse.”
He tilts his head, almost the same as a confused puppy. “Well, what is it?”
“Meditation and mindfulness.” Byleth’s voice is level, calm.
With that, he’s thrown off-balance. He sputters, trying to contain laughter. “There you are with that sense of humor, teach.”
Her facial expression does not change an inch. “I’m being serious.” She reaches forward, a hand on each of his shoulders. “I am about to say some things that might sting. I need you to keep an open mind and not go on the defensive about it.”
“Uhhhhh, sure?”
Then, she withdraws her hands and crosses them over her lap, prepared to give this “employee review” of sorts. “You come across as a very angry person who is quick to react to his emotions, hurting himself and others in the process.”
Ryuji winces as though the wound were physical. He rubs his shoulder, bashful. “Oof. You weren’t kiddin’, were you? Certainly didn’t pull any punches...”
“Hey, I warned you. But I think this might help.”
Even despite the Subject matter, Ryuji maintains -- or at least feigns -- some semblance of interest. “Soooooo… what do we do?”
“I’ll guide you through it. Find whatever seated position is most comfortable for you, then close your eyes.”
Ryuji shifts in place, crossing his legs and pressing his palms against his ankles. He’s more slouched than she would like, but if he’s comfortable, that’s more important. “Okay… now what?”
“You don’t have to keep responding. Just listen. Start by becoming aware of your breathing. Feel the flow of air in, and out. In, and out.”
She pauses, watching his shoulders rise and fall in cadence with the sozu’s percussive thud against stone. His brow is furrowed, tense with effort. “You might find that your thoughts interrupt this process. That’s okay. But ignore the pull they have on your consciousness. They’re just ripples in a pond.”
Her words hang in the air, as though filling a room with smoky incense. “This gets weird, bear with me. Try to focus on how the inside of your hand feels.”
He relaxes his right hand, flexing it, spreading his fingers, bending them to and fro. “Huh. Never thought about that before. It’s… kinda tingly.”
“Spread that awareness to your fingers. Then to the other hand.”
He repeats the process with his left hand. But between breaths, he huffs impatiently and opens his eyes. “Uh, no offense, teach, but I don’t see how this is gonna help me fight.”
“Would it help you if I explain why?”
Ryuji relinquishes his position, opting to lean his head against a pillar. “Yeah, definitely.”
Byleth, on the other hand, has hardly moved a muscle. “Mindfulness grants a new level of insight about your body. When you meditate like this, the goal is to acquaint yourself with your body in its resting state, to know its baseline.”
“Okay, I guess I follow so far…”
“Emotions are your body’s reaction to the mind. Or rather, to your mind’s reaction to the environment. By being aware of your body, you can feel and gauge how your body shifts when your emotional state changes. You can separate yourself from the emotion, ride it out like a wave and digest the feeling, rather than identify with the emotion and unconsciously react to it.”
He sighs, eyes pointed upward, surely dissecting the shapes in the wood. “Now you lost me. That helps me fight, how?”
“It keeps your consciousness uninhibited and more efficient in times of stress, allowing focus on the task at hand without distraction.”
“Oh, huh. I guess that makes sense. So I just gotta… really be in-tune with my body, yeah?”
“That’s the first step, yes. Do you want more guidance for this meditation, or--?”
He dismisses her with a palm. “I think I got the gist. Lemme try on my own for a sec here.” Then, he picks up where he left off, resuming his prior body position.
Byleth remains as she is, eyes open to read his body language and facial expressions. At first, he’s still tense. But in the coming minutes, his fists unfurl, his breathing slows. Byleth fears for a moment that he may have fallen asleep, until he opens his eyes, visibly frustrated.
“Dammit, I keep gettin’ distracted.”
“That’s okay. Don’t judge yourself for it.”
“Can we skip to the part where I stop bein’ so angry?”
“It really won’t work if--”
“Please. I wanna at least try.”
“...Okay. Just remember where you are, and that I’m right here with you.” He nods, then closes his eyes again. “Take the time to occupy the body. That feeling of the inside of your hand? Try to feel that with every part of yourself. Then once you’re rested and conscious… recall a time when you were furious . A memory so difficult, even the thought of it makes you angry.”
His eyelids clench, his hands curl into fists. Even just sitting like this, he’s shaking.
“Feel how your body shifts with that emotion, but don’t mistake yourself for that emotion. Just--”
Ryuji pounds a fist against the wood below him, giving up his meditative posture entirely. “Dammit! I can’t... Ugh!” Then, he swallows and looks Byleth in the eye. “Sorry, teach. I didn’t mean to yell, just…”
“It’s okay. This is pretty far outside of what you’re used to, so I appreciate that you even tried.”
“I’ve effed up a lot of my life because of shit I did when I was angry, teach. I want to get better, really.”
“So have a lot of other people. So have I. Again, don’t judge yourself for it.” She leans back against a pillar behind her, one leg dangling off the side of the porch. “We can talk, but do so quietly. Can’t interrupt the monks too much. What memory got you that upset?”
“That bastard, Kamoshida, breaking my leg and calling it self-defense. I coulda just let it slide, but I ended up ruinin’ my future when I lunged at him.”
“I know it sounds like I’m going against what I’m teaching right now, but I do want to say: Fuck that guy. He’s a human trash can, and you shouldn’t regret for a second that you made him confess.” She rubs the back of her neck, sheepish. “Also, I did end up getting my job because of you, so…”
Ryuji sputters a laugh once more. He never expects these things to come out of Byleth’s mouth. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Ryuji’s voice sinks. “After all of that, I owe it to my mom to keep my anger in check.”
“Then I think you’ll get the hang of this, eventually.”
“Okay. Lemme try again.”
“Not today. After that, you won’t make much progress for the rest of the day. It takes time.”
“Damn… now what am I supposed to do? I freed my whole schedule for today.”
“If I make a concession to go to the arcade with you, will you promise to study when you get home after?”
"...Deal.”
Byleth considers some possibilities. That gives me an idea…
They interlock pinky fingers, get up, and get to walking.