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Chapter Text

Harry walks into the coffee shop he’d agreed to meet Zac in.  He hadn’t seen the man in three months.  Three months since the truth of it all came to light.  He’d moved on… for the most part.  He wasn’t seeing anyone.  And his relationship with Louis was still strained.  But his job is going well.  He’d gotten a promotion already. He’s even taking a few classes to continue his education in history so he can continue to move forward in this job.

When he’d gotten the message from Zac, he had initially planned on simply ignoring it.  Something made him look, though.

Can we meet? I owe you an explanation.

It had taken Harry two days just to respond to the man.  He finally agreed, however.  He had almost called Niall to come with him.  In the end, however, he decided that he needed to do this alone.

Looking around the shop, he realizes that he’s the first one here.  He takes a deep breath as he steps up to place his order.  He’s just sitting down at a table by the window when he sees Zac walk in.  He frowns a little as he watches the man step up to the counter to place his own order.

It doesn’t take long for Zac to turn and immediately spots Harry.  He walks over, taking a seat across from Harry.

“Hi,” Harry says.  “You cut your hair.”

Zac gives him a small smile.  “Yeah,” he says with a slight shrug.  “It was time.  It’ll grow back again.”

“Do you donate it?”

“I couldn’t this time.  It wasn’t long enough.  But the last time I did.  I just couldn’t wait this time around.  It was driving me crazy.”

Harry nods.  “Looks good.”

“Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.  After you didn’t respond right away, I figured you were just going to ignore me completely.”

“I thought about it.  Something told me to see you again.”

Zac nods.  “I’m sorry for the way everything happened, Harry.  When I met you, I didn’t really think about what you would think about it all.  I should have been honest with you about it all.  I can’t change that now.  But I can tell you about it all.”

“Okay.  So you’re married?”

“I am.  Kate and I have been married for almost fourteen years.  We’ve been together since I was sixteen.  We have four amazing kids together.  I love my wife and my family.  But there’s something she can’t give me that I can’t seem to get away from.  We came to an agreement a long time ago.  I could get what I needed on the side and never tell her anything about it.  She knows what I do.  She knows I sleep with other men.  But she doesn’t want to hear about it.  So yes, when I’m with another man and get a call from her, I tell her something completely different.  It had never been an issue before.  Not until you.”

“Don’t blame…”

“I’m not.  Hear me out, please.”

Harry sighs but nods.  “Okay.”

“Before I met you, feelings were never involved.  It was always just about sex.  I thought that’s what I was going to be with you.  I figured that we’d have a few weeks of fun and that would be it.  I didn’t realize that you thought something completely different from the very beginning.  And that’s my fault.  I should have been upfront about it all.  But it wouldn’t have mattered in the end.  Because my feelings became involved, too.”

Harry watches Zac carefully.  “So you did care about me?”

“Yes.  I tried to deny it.  I tried to say it wasn’t anything.  I played it off as that for as long as I could.”

“What changed?”

“I met Louis.”  Zac shrugs.  “I was jealous.  I saw the way you two looked at each other.  And then when I questioned it, you wouldn’t give me a straight answer.”

Harry wrinkles his nose.  “I guess I owe you an explanation on that.”

“No, you don’t.  After what…”

“Louis and I were never exactly together.  What we had started on my twenty-second birthday.  He had recently gotten out of a relationship that didn’t exactly end on good terms.  I was as single as they come.  We were both lonely and he wanted to feel again.  So I helped him.  And it continued.  I knew going into it what it was.  Louis didn’t want a relationship.  Honestly?  I really didn’t either.  He was my best friend.  I just wanted my best friend to be happy again.  I think we both thought that it would last a couple of months, until he could finally move on from his ex.”

“But it continued.”

“Yeah.  And somewhere along the way, I fell in love with my best friend.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No.  I couldn’t.  Because I know how he feels about me.”

“You sure about that?  Because I saw him at Christmas.”

“I’m sure.”  Harry shrugs.  “I should have ended it then, knowing he would never feel the same.  But I couldn’t.”

“How did it end, then?  Because you said that when you and I had our thing, you two didn’t…”

Harry nods.  “Ten months, somewhere around there.  I had lost my job and texted him that I needed to talk.  It had nothing to do with wanting anymore than just being with my best friend.  He never responded.  I ended up at the pub and started drinking.  When Liam cut me off, I started arguing with him but Louis was there.  At one point, I even fell to the ground trying to pull away from him.”  He wipes his eyes when he feels tears start to fall.  “I um… he… he took me home.  I slammed the door in his face and passed out against the door.  Woke up the next morning in my bed.  He was in the kitchen.  I told him that I was done with it all.  Told him that we should only see each other when it was going to be the four of us or even just a group.”

“Something tells me you didn’t really mean that.”

“I did.  At first.  We needed a break from each other.  I needed to get away so I could regain control of my emotions.  But then it just got easier to avoid him than to talk to him.”

“So he doesn’t know how you feel about him?”  Zac nods when Harry simply shakes his head.  “Harry, you need to tell him.”

“I can’t.  It’s bad enough that I haven’t had my best friend in over a year.  I can’t tell him that I’m in love with him.”

“He knows, Harry.  He already knows.  And until you say something, you won’t know his reaction.”

“He doesn’t… I told him I didn’t.  We fought about it.  He told me to be honest with him after Fizzy and Lottie told him I loved him.  I denied it.  I denied it all.”

“I can tell you right now, that he didn’t buy that.  You may not see it, or you could just simply not want to see it, but I can.  Christmas and that game night?  If you would have just paid attention to the way he was acting with you.”

Harry shakes his head.  “Enough about that.  I can’t… I can’t let that bother me anymore.”

“Then…”  Zac shrugs.  “I’m sorry again for what happened.  It was never my intention to hurt you.  I don’t want to go back to what we had.  But I’d like to be friends.  Think we can do that?”

“Yeah, I think that can happen.”  Harry smiles.  “Can I ask you a question?  About your situation…?”

“Of course.”

“How don’t you get attached to anyone?”

“Easy, actually.  Most only last a few days.  I was here for a lot longer than I normally would be and I couldn’t bring myself to let you go.  And I’m sorry for that.”

“And your wife knows?”

“She doesn’t know everything.  She doesn’t want to know everything.  She knows that I get what I need when I’m away.  She doesn’t ask me any questions about it.  When I get home, we go back to how our family is.  It works for us, Harry.  But I love my wife.  If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be together after almost eighteen years.”

“And you have four kids?”

“Yeah.  Joshua, Hannah, Elijah, and Leah.  Oldest will be twelve and the youngest is almost four.”

“Can I see them?”

Zac grins.  “Sure.”  He pulls his phone from his pocket.  After finding a good picture of all four kids, he slides it across to Harry.

Harry smiles as he looks at the picture.  “Elijah?  Is that the younger boy?”

“Yeah.”

“He has your smile.”  Harry pushes the phone back to Zac.

Zac laughs softly.  “Yeah, between him and Leah, they act just like me too.  Kate’s threatened to send them to my brother’s to get them away from me.”

“Troublemaker?”

“Oh definitely.  But Kate seems to forget that it wasn’t just me.  Tay and Isaac were right there with me.  I was just the loudest of us.”

“What about your sisters?”

“Jessie and Zoe are quieter.  Avery has her moments.  She and I get in a lot of trouble now.”  He shrugs.  “And Mac is actually louder than me.  What about you?  What about Gemma?”

“Compared to your wild family?  We’re normal.”  Harry smiles as he shrugs.  “I don’t know.  We’re very close.  We can get a little out there.  But it doesn’t sound like anything like your family.”

“That’s not true.”

“What do you mean?”  Harry frowns as he watches Zac.

“Pretty sure Niall would have been swinging from the beam on the ceiling if you and Liam hadn’t talked him out of it.”

Harry laughs softly.  “Yeah, I suppose he would have been.  Honestly?  If Louis hadn’t hurt his hand, he would have been right there with Niall.  I’m surprised he didn’t even try.”

“I’m not.”

“Why?”

“Pretty sure he was glaring at me at that moment.”  Zac pushes his cup to the side after he finishes his drink.  “You can sit there and tell me he doesn’t have feelings for you, but I know what I saw.”

“Zac…”

“I won’t say anything else.  But you also can’t keep hiding your feelings.  Until you two talk this out, you will never have your best friend back.  And I know that’s all you want.  Right?”

Harry nods slowly.  “Yes.  I miss him.”

“Then tell him that, Harry.  Before it’s too late.”  Zac reaches across the table, taking Harry’s hand.  “You can sit there and tell me over and over that he doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do him.  But I think, deep down, you know the truth.  Otherwise, your little fling wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did.”

Harry wrinkles his nose.  “What if he’s changed his mind?”

“What if he hasn’t?”  Zac smiles when Harry rolls his eyes.

“Point taken.  All right.  I’ll find a way to talk to him.  On one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“Next time you’re here, no matter what happens with this talk, you have to hang out with me and my friends and not be a jackass like you were the last time.”

Zac squeezes Harry’s hand.  “That can be arranged.”

A short time later, they make their way out of the coffee shop.  Harry turns around once they’re away from the door to face Zac.

“Thank you for meeting with me,” Zac says.  “You definitely didn’t have to.”

“I’m glad I did,” Harry admits.  “I’m sorry for the way I reacted when it happened.”

“Never apologize for that.  You had every right to be upset.  I’m sorry I hurt you.  But I’m glad we can hopefully move on from that.”

Harry nods.  “Of course.  How long are you here?”

“I leave tomorrow.”

“Let me know when you’ll be back?  We’ll grab dinner or something.”

“Of course.  Let me know how it goes with Louis.”

“I will.”  Harry steps forward, hugging the larger man.  “Thank you, Zac.”

Zac smiles when they pull back.  “We’ll talk soon.”  He leans in to kiss Harry’s cheek.  “Bye, Harry.”

When Zac turns to leave, is when both men see who’s standing behind them.  Harry’s eyes widen.  He hadn’t seen the man approach.  How long has he been there?  It’s not even just him.  He’s with two of his sisters.

“Lou…”

“We better get going,” Louis says looking at Daisy.  “We don’t want to miss the movie.”  He motions for the girls to start walking again, following behind as they pass Harry and Zac.

“Lou, wait.”

“Don’t talk to me,” Louis growls.  He turns and stares at Harry.  “He broke you, Harry.  Look at what he did to you.”

“You weren’t even there.”

“No, but Liam and Niall were!”  Louis shakes his head.  “What happened to you, Harry?  This isn’t the Harry I know.”

Harry flinches at that.  “No, the Harry you know was broken in a different way.  And you can’t even see that, can you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Forget it.”  Harry shakes his head.

“Harry,” Zac interrupts.  “Don’t…”

“No, it’s not worth it.  Goodbye, Louis.”

Harry frowns as he looks at the pile of things on his bed.  He hates that it’s come to this.  But after running into Louis, it needs to be done.  Just when he thought he could finally open up about everything…

“Fuck,” he mutters.  He shoves as much as possible into the box.  Unfortunately, not everything will fit.  He’ll have to have Liam or Niall bring the rest at another time.

In all of the years he’s known Louis, he never imagined this is how they would end up.  Who could have imagined it?  They’d been inseparable for so long.  Harry only has himself to blame.  He’d fallen in love with a man who didn’t want his love.  Now he doesn’t even know him.

Harry uses his key to get into the building and makes his way up to Louis’ floor.  As he stands outside of his flat, he takes a shaky breath.  “You can do this, Styles,” he mutters.  He shifts the box to one arm again and knocks on the door.  He could easily just walk in, but he’s not going to.  Not today.

“Fucking shit,” Louis says loudly from the other side of the door right before he swings open quickly.  “What?”  It’s only then he sees who’s standing in front of him.  “Harry…”

Harry lifts the box slightly.  “I brought some of your stuff back over that’s gotten left at mine over the years.”

Louis frowns as he moves.  “Come in.”

Harry steps inside, trying to keep his distance from his best… no, his former best friend.  He turns, holding the box out.  “Not everything fit.  I’ll make sure that you get the rest.”

“Haz…”

“You know, it’s funny.”  He watches Louis put the box to the side.  “He had convinced me to talk to you about everything.  Then you act like that.”

“You were with…”

“He wanted to meet up so he could explain everything, Louis.  More than I can say for the two of us.”  Harry shakes his head.  “He and I aren’t getting back together.  What we had is done.  We are going to be friends, though.  Nice to see you’re focusing on him when I tell you that I was going to tell you everything.”

“Harry…”

“Forget it.”  He pushes past Louis to the door.  “No, no.  I’m done walking away.  You told me you didn’t want a relationship.  I was fine with that.  All I wanted was for you to be happy again.  I wanted to make sure you were happy again.  I never expected it to last as long as it did.  I certainly never expected to fall in love with you.  But I did.  And I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean for it to happen.  But you… I needed my best friend, Louis.  At one time that was you.  And you weren’t there for me.  Maybe I overreacted, but I was hurt.  At Christmas… I thought things were getting better.  I thought we were finally going to be us again.”

“I didn’t…”

“I was hugging Zac goodbye, Louis.  He’s leaving tomorrow.  You know what I was going to do the second we went our separate ways?”

“What?”

“I was going to text you to ask if we could talk.  Then you…”  He growls.  “Yes, he broke me in ways that I will never forget.  But you broke me even more, Louis.  And the part that hurts the most?  You don’t even know it.  Or care.  I don’t know which anymore.  I’m not the same Harry you once knew?  Maybe not.  But you aren’t the same Louis I knew, either.”  Harry pulls the set of keys from his pocket.  He looks down at them, unable to stop the tears any longer.  “Have it your way, Lou.”  He sets the keys on the table beside him.  “I can’t do any of this anymore.  So I’m done.”  He looks back at Louis.  “We’ll see each other when it comes to Niall and Liam, but that’s it.  I can’t have you in my life anymore, Lou.”

Harry doesn’t give Louis a chance to say anything.  Instead, he’s walking out of the flat.  The moment he’s in the elevator, he breaks down completely.  What did he just do?  He finds his phone, calling the first person that comes to mind.

“Haz, you’re calling…”

Harry gasps for air, unable to catch his breath.  “Where…?  I need…”

“Whoa, what’s wrong?  Harry?  Okay, you need to breathe, Love.  I need you to breathe.”

Harry stumbles off the elevator and outside the building.  “I can’t…”  He can hear another voice on the other end of the phone, not that he’s too surprised.  If he could only focus…

“We’re coming to get you, Harry.  Don’t move.  Please.  And keep breathing.  Slow, deep breaths.”

“Hurry…”

When he sees a familiar car pull up a short time later, Harry’s breathing has calmed down.  While he’s still having trouble, he’s no longer gaspsing.  He watches as the blonde woman climbs out of the car.

“Harry…”

Harry rushes over, practically falling into Lottie’s arms.  “I’m sorry.”

“Shh… it’s okay.  Let’s get you up to…”

“No!  I can’t!”  He pulls away quickly.  “Not there.  Anywhere but there.”

Lottie frowns at him.  “Okay.”  She guides him over to the car and opens the door so he can crawl into the passenger seat.

As he settles into the seat, he looks over at the driver.  “Fizzy…”

“It’s okay.”  She reaches over, giving his hand a squeeze.

The drive is quiet.  Harry isn’t even sure where they’re going.  He isn’t aware of much right now.  All he knows, is he’s lost everything.  He squeezes his eyes shut as more tears fall, covering his face.

“Oh, Haz…”

“I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t…”

Lottie shifts from her seat in the back, to rest her hand on his shoulder.  “Shh… it’s okay.  You don’t have to say anything right now.  We’re almost home.”

Harry lifts his head when he hears the engine shut off.  He takes a look outside and realizes that the girls brought him to their place.  He wants to argue, but he can’t find the strength to actually do so.  Instead, he lets Lottie help him out of the car.  Both girls take an arm as they walk into the building.  They make their way to their flat in silence.  Harry knows that once they’re in the flat, Lottie and Fizzy will want to talk.  He’s just not sure he can.

“Sit down, Harry,” Fizzy says.

Harry moves and curls up on the couch.  “I’m sorry,” he says.  “I shouldn’t have called.  I should…”  He goes to stand up again but is immediately stopped.

“You aren’t going anywhere.”  Lottie sits down beside Harry, pulling him back over to lay down.  “Want to talk about it?”

“No. Please don’t make me talk.”

“Okay.  You don’t have to.”  She combs her fingers through Harry’s hair as she looks at her sister.  “Grab water?”

“You got it.  Should we call Louis?  I think we should call Louis.”

“No!”  Harry panics again.  “You can’t.  He can’t know.”

Lottie wraps her arms around him, trying to him on the couch.  “Harry, it’s okay.  We won’t call Louis.  We won’t call him.”  She feels him relax slightly.  “I’ve got you.”

“He can’t know.”

“He won’t.  It’s just us, okay?”  She shifts along with Harry, letting him fall back against her.  “It’ll just be us.”

Harry falls asleep at some point.  He isn’t sure how long he’d been asleep, but Lottie’s no longer behind him.  He shifts as he listens to see if he can either of the Tomlinson sisters.  He isn’t surprised when he can hear their faint voices in the kitchen.  He pulls his phone from his pocket, frowning at the sight of several texts.  When he opens his messages, he realizes they’re all from Louis.

Please come back.

Harry, please?

At least let me know you made it home…?  I’m worried. I’ve never seen you like that.

Call me! Please? I’m very worried, Haz.

Okay… I get it. I’ll leave you alone… for what it’s worth, I am sorry.

Harry drops his phone on his chest and covers his face.  What is he supposed to do now?  He knows he needs to move on.  How can he let himself do that when the first person he calls is Louis’ sister?

“You’re awake,” Fizzy says walking in.

Harry drops his hands and looks over at her.  “I suppose so,” he mumbles.

“You hungry?  Lottie’s making food.”

“No, I’m fine.”  He sits up, moving his phone to the table beside him.  “How long was I asleep?”

“Almost three hours.  It’s almost nine.”

“Oh…”  He frowns at that.  He’d slept a lot longer than he figured.  “I should go.  Um… I should go home.”

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Lottie says as she walks in.  “Fizzy went to your place and grabbed a few things that you’ll need.  You’re staying here.”

“Lot…”

“It’s not up for debate.  I will not let you be alone tonight.”

Harry grabs his phone when it alerts him with a new message, frowning when he sees that it’s Louis again.

I’m beyond scared and worried, Babe. Please just tell me you made it home safe. Or wherever you are. I just need to know you’re not dead in the street somewhere. Please, Haz? Just… no one is answering me. I know I don’t deserve anything from you right now. Just… please?

Harry’s frown deepens.  He stares at his phone, trying to decide if he should answer.  He knows he should.  If everyone is ignoring Louis, it means Lottie and Fizzy are included in that.  He lets out a soft breath as he types out a quick response.

Not dead. Please stop texting me.

He looks over at the sisters.  “Stop ignoring your brother.”

“You ready to talk?” Fizzy asks.

“No.  There’s nothing to talk about.  Did you bring something to change into?”

“Yeah.  I put your bag in Lottie’s room.”

Harry stands up.  “Thanks for going to get my stuff.”

“I’ll have a plate ready for you when you come back out,” Lottie says.  “I don’t care if you say you aren’t hungry.  You need to eat something.”

Harry simply nods before walking to Lottie’s room.  As he closes the door, he looks at his phone.  He frowns when he doesn’t see any new message from Louis.  He knows the man had read the text.  He moves to sit down one Lottie’s bed.

Nothing?

You told me not to text.

Harry shakes his head as he sends another reply.  Right… I forgot how often you actually follow instructions. Not that it matters to you, but I’m not home. Staying at a friend’s tonight. 

Of course it matters! Fuck, Haz. Have fun with Zac.

Harry stares at the screen, unable to believe what Louis had just said.  He stands up, immediately throwing his phone across the room with a loud yell.  “I hate you,” he cries before collapsing to the bed.

It’s only a moment later when the bed shifts.  Harry flinches away from the touch.

“It’s okay,” Lottie says softly.  “It’s just me.”  She slides up behind Harry, holding him close.  “Harry…”

“It hurts.  Make it stop.”

“Shh…”

Harry curls further into himself as he continues to sob.  “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.  I’m right here.”

“I lost everyone.  Why?”  His hands shake as he reaches up to grip his hair.  “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t…”

Chapter Text

Louis pulls his phone from his pocket when it signals a new message.  He frowns when he sees Lottie’s name.

Call me when you can.

So now you have time for me?

Louis hates that it’s taken three days to get any kind of response from his sister.  After several messages begging her to call him, he gave up.  He didn’t want to call Niall or Lima.  They would just point out how much of an idiot Louis’ been.  He couldn’t even deny it.  He has been.  He just didn’t need to hear it from them.  But when he’s messaged Lottie and Fizzy, he got nothing.  And then he found out Harry was with Zac.

Stop being daft. Can you call or not?

Louis leans back and lets out a heavy breath.  Can he call?  Yes, he can.  Does he want to call?  No, not really.  But that doesn’t stop him from lifting his phone to his ear after making the call.

“Hi,” Lottie answers.

“Hey,” Louis says.

“I don’t know what to do, Louis.  I’ve tried everything.  But I can’t get him out of bed.  I’ve never seen him like this.  I mean, I’ve seen him depressed before.  But this is so far deeper than I’ve ever seen him.  I don’t know what to do.”

Louis frowns.  “Lottie, what are you talking about?”

“Harry!”

His heart sinks at that.  “Harry’s with you?”

“Yes.  And I don’t know what to do.  Gemma and Anne aren’t here.  I didn’t know who else to call.”

“I’m on my way.”

“My place.”

Louis closes the door behind him once he makes it to Lottie’s flat.  He finds her pacing the living room floor while Fizzy is sitting on the couch.  Both look exhausted.  He frowns at the sight.

“Where is he?”

Lottie stops and looks at her brother.  “My room.  Louis, wait.”  She approaches him slowly.  “We don’t know what happened.  He called me the other night in the middle of a panic attack.  He could barely breathe.  Every time we even mentioned you it sent him into another panic.  He didn’t want you to know.  But I just… I didn’t know who else to call.”

Louis nods.  “Things are worse between us than before.  So I can’t promise you won’t hear yelling.  Just… let us be.”

Lottie nods.  “Okay.”

Louis takes a shaky breath as he opens the bedroom door.  He finds the room in complete darkness aside from the light from the window.  He closes the door once inside before making his way to the bed.  He sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to rest his hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“Why are you here, Louis?” Harry asks.

Louis’ heart sinks at how small… how broken… Harry sounds.  “How’d you know it was me?”

“I know you.  Go away.”

“Can’t do that.  Come on, turn over.  Look at me.”  He grabs the blankets and tosses them off Harry.  “Come on.  Let’s get you up and in the shower.”

“Just leave me alone.  I don’t want you here.”

“I know you don’t.  But you have been out of bed in three days, Love.”

“Don’t call me that.”  

Louis’ about to say something else, but he stops when he hears Harry’s soft sobs.  “I’m going to go get you something to drink.”

“Whatever.”  

Louis steps out of the room, leaving the door open.  If Harry wants it closed, he can get up and close it himself.  He isn’t surprised by the look his sisters give him.  “I’m getting him water.  Don’t fucking touch the door.  If he wants it closed, he can get off his ass and close it himself.”

“Fuck off,” Harry cries out.

Louis walks into the kitchen, knowing that Lottie is following him.  “I know what I’m doing, Lottie.”

“I know you do.  But I can see what it’s doing to you already.  Maybe I should have called Niall or Liam.”

“No.  Because Harry and I need to talk about a lot of things.”

“Maybe now isn’t…”

“Lottie, I know I’m a jackass, but I also know Harry.  We need to do this.”

“Okay.”  Lottie steps forward, hugging her brother.  “We’re here if you need us.”

“I know.  Just be prepared… for anything.  I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“Just don’t push too much.”

Louis returns to the bedroom, closing the door behind him again.  He sighs when he sees that Harry hasn’t moved.  He walks back over to the bed.  “When was the last time you had anything to drink?”  He isn’t surprised when Harry just ignores him.  “I know you aren’t sleeping.  Might as well just answer me.”

“I don’t know.  I don’t care.  Leave me alone.”

“Can’t do that.”  He reaches over, pushing Harry’s hair off his face. 

“It’s very simple.  Fuck off.”

“Can’t do that.  So you might as well turn over and take a drink.”  

“And if I don’t?”

“I’ll turn you over myself.”

“I’m bigger than you.”

Louis snorts.  “And that has stopped me when?  I remember…”

“Don’t, Louis.”

“Make a choice, Harry.”  Louis pulls his hand back when Harry finally makes a move to turn over.  “Good choice.”  He grabs the glass of water from the nightstand.  “Drink.”

Harry shifts so he can sit up.  He doesn’t look at Louis as he takes the glass from him.  Louis shifts, bringing a leg up under him so he can face Harry.  Even if he won’t look at him, it doesn’t mean Louis can’t look at him.

“Happy?” Harry asks after taking several small drinks.

“Thrilled.”

Harry puts the glass down before he falls back against the pillows.  “What are you doing here?”

“You have to ask?  You’ve been in bed for three days, Haz.”

“Don’t call me that.”  He sits up again, crawling past Louis.

“Where are you going?”

“The loo.  You don’t need to follow me.”

Louis shifts, watching as Harry walks into the adjoining bathroom.  His heart breaks at everything about this situation.  He would ask how they got here, but he knows the answer.  He only has himself to blame.  

“Are you actually getting any sleep?” Louis asks.

“Like you care,” Harry calls out from the bathroom.

“Of course I care, Harry.”  He watches Harry return to the room a moment later.  

“You have a funny way of showing it.  I don’t want to talk.  I told them I didn’t want to talk.  I told them not to call you.  I don’t want to talk to you.”

“It’s been three days, Harry.  They didn’t know what else to do.  Don’t blame them for this.”

“I don’t.  I blame you.”  Harry moves to crawl back into bed, but Louis moves quickly to stop him.  “Move, Louis.”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“There’s nothing…”

“You come over and tell me all of that, then give me my keys back, but we have nothing to talk about?”

“No.  We don’t.  You had your chance.”

“I did?  I’m sorry, but when?  Because you didn’t let me get two words in.”

“For the last year and a half!”

“Oh, you mean the three months you ignored me completely?  Or the two months that were beyond fucking awkward whenever we were around each other?  Or the next three months you ignored me completely?  Or how about when I had to find out about your boyfriend when he walked into our Christmas party?  I tried, Harry.  I wanted my best friend back.  I was trying.”

“You did no such thing.”

“Right, because you were so fucking helpful with it all?  You are the one who locked me out, Harry.”

“I needed…”

“You ran away.  And don’t tell me fucking different.  You ran the fuck away because it got too hard.  I was supposed to be your best friend.  Yes, I fucking screwed up that day.  But it was you that pushed me away.  And for what?  Because I was a bloody twat?  I get it, I was.  I can’t change that.”  He shakes his head.  “Feelings got involved, Harry.  We both should have known it would happen eventually.”

“Right, and that’s why I stopped it.  Because I knew what…”

“No!  Fuck that, Harry.  I told you in the beginning I didn’t want a relationship.  And that was the truth.  I didn’t want one.  I wanted to feel again.  You made me feel again.  You are not the only one who had their emotions get involved.  Mine did too.  I fell in love with you.  I couldn’t tell you though.  Because I never imagined you could ever love me that way.  I was apparently fucking blind because everyone but me knew you did.  That night that Lottie and Fizzy set us up… when they told me…”

“Stop, just stop.”  Harry squeezes his eyes closed as he wraps his arms around his head.  “I can’t…”

Louis steps forward.  “Harry…”

Harry pushes him back.  “Stay away.”  He shakes his head.  “Don’t come near me.  I hate you.  You have ruined everything.  How could you do this to me?  To us?  All I ever wanted was my best friend.  You, Louis!  But you…”  He grips his chest.  “I can’t… breathe.”

Louis moves quickly when Harry stumbles, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s waist.  “I’ve got you.”  He closes his eyes when Harry simply lets himself completely fall apart in his arms.  “I’ve you, Haz.  I’m here.  I should have told you.  I’m sorry.  I never meant to hurt you.  I never meant for any of this to happen.  I thought I was doing the right thing by not telling you.  But when I found out you did feel the same… I thought it was going to be an easy transition.  Then you denied it and I snapped.  I was so wrong for that.”

Harry’s shaking at this point.  If it weren’t for Louis, he would have fallen to the floor already.

“I should have just told you.”  He squeezes his eyes closed around his own tears.  “I need you to know that I do love you, Harry.  You are my best friend.  I don’t care what happens between us after this.  You will always be my best friend.  And I will do anything and everything to show you that I am your best friend.  You deserve the world.  I hate myself for hurting you.  I hate myself for what this is doing to you.”  

He shifts enough to lift Harry into his arms, carefully walking into the bathroom.  After making sure Harry is settled on the toilet seat and won’t fall over, he reaches in to turn on the shower.  He wipes his eyes, trying to regain his own emotions.  At this point, he’s not sure he can.  Not when he sees just how broken Harry is right now.  He moves back over to stand in front of the other man.

When Harry looks up at him, Louis breaks all over again.  Right now, Harry is simply there physically.  His eyes are empty.  Louis has never seen him like this before.

“Let’s get you showered, Love.”

Harry doesn’t move.  He doesn’t even look up.  Instead, he continues to stare straight ahead.  Louis isn’t even sure if the man actually heard him.  He’s dazed.

“Harry, can you look at me?”  Louis smiles sadly when Harry does lift his gaze.  “Are you with me?  I see you looking at me, but I don’t think you’re really seeing me.”  He frowns when Harry continues to just stare at him.  “Lift your arms, Love.”

“What?” Harry asks.

“You need to shower.”

“No.  Oh?  You what?”

Louis grips Harry’s arms, pulling him up to his feet.  “Come on.  I’ll help you.  But you need to help me too.”  He takes hold of the bottom of Harry’s shirt.  “Lift your arms, Love.”

“My…?  Oh, okay.”

Louis pulls Harry’s shirt off.  “That’s it.”  He drops the shirt to the floor.  Think you can get your shorts off?”

“My…?  Oh, yeah.”  

Louis smiles sadly when Harry continues to stand there.  “Okay.  I’ve got you.  Hey, look at me.”  His smile comes out sad again as Harry does look at him.  “There you are.”  He pushes Harry’s short down over his hips.  “Come on.  Step out.”  He holds onto Harry as the man lifts each leg to step away from his shorts.  “There you go.”  He pulls the shower door open.  “Step in, Love.”

Louis keeps his hands on Harry’s waist as he helps the man into the shower.  It’s obvious that he’s going to have to help him with the entire process.  He doesn’t even think as he steps into the shower with Harry.  “Tilt your head back.”  Louis carefully washes the taller man’s hair, making sure to keep the soap from getting into Harry’s eyes.  “There we go.”

As he reaches for the body wash, he can feel Harry’s eyes on him.  Louis looks over to find Harry staring at him with sad green eyes.

“Why, Lou?” Harry asks.

Louis frowns a little.  “What do you mean?”  He isn’t too surprised when Harry doesn’t say anything as he lathers the soap over his arm.  “Harry?”

“What’s wrong with me, Lou?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.  Why would you…?”

“Then why am I not good enough?”

“Oh, Haz.”

“No.  It’s the truth.  I wasn’t good enough for Zac.  I’m not good enough for you.”

“Oh, Baby, no.”  Louis pulls Harry close when the man breaks down into tears again.  He slides an arm around his shoulders as Harry drops his head to Louis’ shoulder.  “You are too good for both of us.”

“No…”

“Shhh…”  He moves his free hand to Harry’s back, rubbing the smooth skin slowly.  “It’s okay.  It’s going to be okay.”

“Don’t leave.”

“I’m right here.”

Louis steps out of the shower a few minutes later after he manages to finish getting Harry washed.  He grabs a towel before helping Harry out of the shower.  Once he has Harry dried off for the most part, he wraps the towel around his waist.  “Sit down.  I’m going to find you some clothes.”  He makes sure that Harry is sitting before he walks out of the bathroom and out to the living area.

“Why are you wet?” Lottie asks.

“I got Harry to shower,” Louis answers.  “Does he have any clean clothes?”

“Yeah, they’re in his bag that’s in the room.  I have old shorts and a shirt of yours too.  Should be in the bottom drawer.”

Louis nods.  “Okay.”

“How is he?” Fizzy asks.

“Out of it.  Not sure he’ll even remember any of this.”

“Are you taking him home?”

“I don’t think he should be alone right now.”

“Not what I meant.”

Louis sighs.  “You know that’s not a good idea.”

“Louis…”

“Girls, there are still a lot of issues between us right now.  I can almost guarantee that he won’t even remember that I was here.”

“You’re leaving?”

Is he leaving?  The answer should be yes.  With everything that’s been going on between them, he’s the last person Harry would want to help him.  But can he actually leave?  “No, of course not.  Lottie, do you have clean sheets?”

“Yeah,” Lottie answers.  “You go back in with Harry.  I’ll change the bed.”

Louis nods.  “Thanks.”  He walks back into the bedroom.  After finding the old clothes of his and grabbing Harry’s bag, he heads back to the bathroom.  

Louis helps Harry get dressed before he changes himself.  He isn’t surprised at the way Harry just leans against the closed door.  He tosses both sets of clothes to the corner of the bathroom.  He’ll worry about them later.  Right now, he needs to make sure Harry doesn’t fall and hurt himself.

“I’m tired,” Harry mutters.

“I know, Haz.”  Louis steps over, resting his hands on Harry’s hips.  “Come on.  Let’s get you back to bed.”  He pulls Harry away from the door so he can open it.  “Hey, look at me.”  He smiles when Harry lifts his gaze.  “You’re okay.  I’ve got you.”  He keeps an arm around Harry as they walk out of the bathroom.

“Do you need anything else?” Lottie asks.

“Water would be good.  But I can…”

“No, it’s fine.”  Lottie smiles at her brother.  “You stay with him.”  She steps over, kissing Harry’s cheek.  “You get some rest.”

Louis covers Harry with the blankets once he’s laying down once again.  He reaches up, brushing the hair from Harry’s forehead.  

“Thank you, Lou,” Harry mumbles.  He grips Louis’ wrist as he closes his eyes.  “I miss you.”

Louis’ about to respond when Lottie walks back in.  He looks over at his sister as she walks over.  “Thank you, Lottie.”

“You’re welcome,” Lottie says.  “Holler if you need anything else.”

Louis looks back at Harry after Lottie leaves.  He smiles when he sees that Harry is already asleep.  Not that he’s really surprised.  He’s seen Harry has episodes before and they usually cause him to sleep more than normal.  This is the worst he’s ever seen.  He can only imagine what Harry’s body is going through right now.

Leaning down, Louis presses a soft kiss to Harry’s forehead.  “Sleep well, Love.”