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After the team goodbyes, Ryousuke pulls Haruichi aside, walks with him away from the fields and the dorms they’ve shared for just a short while.
“You can have him, you know.”
Haruichi already has questions. “Have… who?” It’s two questions in one. He doesn’t understand.
“Kuramochi.” Ryousuke, of course, hears them both. “You can sleep with him. I don’t mind.”
“Aniki!” Haruichi feels his face light up like the first time he hit a double. No, worse than that. This embarrassment sweeps in sudden, unexpected, burns down to his bones.
Ryousuke, unfazed, doesn’t even look at him. “You want to, don’t you?”
“...Maybe.” But it’s a poor attempt to cover up the truth that he thought he’d been hiding. He should have known better than to think he had Ryousuke fooled.
Ryousuke nods like Haruichi affirmed it. “He’s good. He’ll be good to you. But don’t put your heart into it.” He glances over at Haruichi with something like pity, like he knows Haruichi won’t be able to stop himself. “As little as you can, anyway. He belongs to Miyuki.”
Why does it feel like Japanese is a foreign language to him? “Belongs?”
“I don’t know if they’ve realized it yet. But before they do, you should have Kuramochi. At least once.”
At least once . Haruichi might combust on the spot, staring down at his shoes. “Why are you telling me this?”
Finally, Ryousuke stops and looks at him. “Haruichi. Did you think I wouldn’t notice the way you stare at him? Honestly, the face you make when he so much as glances at you is disgusting.” He smiles at Haruichi, eyes closed, and that’s when Haruichi realizes: Ryousuke is lying. It’s not okay.
“You like him still,” Haruichi blurts before he realizes his mouth is moving. Immediately, everything from Ryousuke’s face to the slope of his shoulders goes cold, defensive.
“Everyone likes him,” Ryousuke says. “He’s handsome and clever and kind. That’s what everyone thinks.”
“But?” Because he can tell there’s a ‘but’ coming.
Ryousuke smiles again, approving, relaxing slightly. “But our lives are moving in different directions. We knew when we started that it wouldn’t outlast Seidou. And, if you pursue him, you need to know that, too.”
With a nod, Haruichi silently follows his brother for a while longer, what he wants to say building in his chest until, finally, it spills out: “He’d follow you, if you asked.”
Ryousuke sighs. “I know. That’s why I won’t ask. He’s too selfless.”
“What do you mean?”
“He would follow me, but at his own expense. I can’t have that.” He smiles again, tipping his head toward Haruichi. “But we were talking about you.”
Flushing again, Haruichi keeps his eyes on the sidewalk. He doesn’t want to talk about himself. He feels like Ryousuke has never been this open with him, and he may not understand why , why now and why about this in particular, but he doesn’t want to squander the opportunity by talking about himself. Still, he’s not brave enough to ask another question, not nearly as bold or blasé as Ryousuke.
“The first time,” Ryousuke says, filling the silence that Haruichi doesn’t have the courage to, “you top.”
Haruichi’s blush is so fierce that his hair feels more pink than usual, scalding where it falls in his face. “Onii-san!” The images conjured in his mind are instant, if a bit murky from Haruichi’s inexperience, and nearly impossible to shake. Fire and lightning flash in his stomach, so sudden and fierce that his knees feel weak, and he doesn’t know how he’ll ever so much as look at Kuramochi again without melting, without imagining...
Ignoring Haruichi’s objection, Ryousuke continues: “Shortstops are spirited creatures, Haruichi, but Kuramochi is more adaptable than most; he’ll let you, if you’re firm enough.” He smiles. “Surprise him.”
Closing his eyes, Haruichi says, “I don’t know how.”
“You’re not stupid, Haruichi. Learn. And then don’t falter; if you hesitate, Kuramochi will pounce on the opportunity. He’s quick and decisive. So you have to be faster and more cunning than him.”
Faster than Kuramochi? Is such a thing possible?
“And if he does something really stupid, then you punish him for it.”
“Like what?” Another double question. Stupid like what? Punishment like what?
“Like call you by my name. Or call you Kominato. Don’t let him get away with it.”
Haruichi stops mid-step, and it feels like he maybe, possibly, starts to understand why Ryousuke is doing this. “You love him?” It’s a question, but one for affirmation, not clarification.
Several steps ahead now, Ryousuke pauses. He doesn’t look back, but Haruichi never expects him to. For Ryousuke, there has only ever been forward. He doesn’t answer.
“He would love you back, if you let him.” Haruichi doesn’t know Kuramochi as well as Ryousuke, obviously, but he feels confident in that. No one could not love Ryousuke back. It’s unthinkable.
“Haruichi, you’re naive.” Ryousuke looks over his shoulder, his eyes open and burning . “It won’t be endearing for much longer.”
A slap. That’s what the words are. Haruichi pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, wonders if he might cry.
Ryousuke sighs, almost apologetic, or as close as Ryousuke ever gets. “You’ll understand later. Just trust me, okay?”
“Of course, aniki.”
They’ve made it to the far side of campus, and now they take the turn to start heading back toward the dorms. Haruichi jogs a bit to catch up to Ryousuke, to walk beside him. “You’re sure it’s okay?” It’s stupid to ask; Ryousuke wouldn’t have said it was okay if it wasn’t. It’s Haruichi who’s still unsure.
“You were going to do it anyway, right? So it’s fine.”
Haruichi thinks about Kuramochi, about the way something as simple as a thumbs up or a disappointed frown from him can take Haruichi impossibly high or low instantly. He thinks about how he always looks at Haruichi from second base, trusting Haruichi to bring him home, or at least get him closer. He thinks, again, about what Ryousuke had said, about taking Kuramochi the first time, and every inch of his skin lights up, that fire still smoldering away in his stomach, licking up his spine. Ryousuke was right: Kuramochi is so handsome, strong and broad-shouldered and bright, every piece of him lovingly assembled by some deity. He’s observant and clever. He’s amazing and Haruichi wants him in a way he’s never really wanted anything before. “ Yes ,” he says. He would have done it anyway. Even knowing it was wrong, maybe even gross, knowing that he’d already been with Ryousuke, knowing that Ryousuke might hate him for it, Haruichi would have done it anyway. He is going to do it.
When Ryousuke looks over at him, he blinks at Haruichi’s sudden conviction, then smiles. It’s as much approval as he’s likely to get.
The silence between them is the most comfortable it’s been since they started walking, and Haruichi almost regrets what he’s about to ask because he knows it crosses a line, but he steels himself. “Aniki?”
“Hm?”
“Will you tell me how?”
“No,” Ryousuke says, immediate and firm. Before Haruichi can apologize or burst into flame with embarrassment, he continues. “I’ll tell you this much though: Kuramochi likes it a little rough, but what will ruin him is being gentle. He’ll try to make you go faster because he can’t take the anticipation. Listen to his body, not his mouth. And don’t do the things you see in porn. You’ll hurt him that way.”
Haruichi sucks in a sharp breath at just the thought. “Did you ever--?”
“Hurt him?” Ryousuke smiles darkly. “Never like that. Never on accident.”
Haruichi remembers what Ryousuke said earlier. “As punishment?”
Ryousuke pats his head, an uncommon sign of affection. “You’re a quick study. But sex is like baseball: everyone has their own style, and no match-up is ever the same. Find your style, and you’ll be fine.”
Haruichi nods, and when the dorms come into view, he shifts his weight between his feet, impatient.
“What, you want to go right now? He’s probably still practicing.”
“I want to… research some things.”
Ryousuke shakes his head, fond. “Okay. I’ll talk to you soon, then, Haruichi.”
It’s a surprise, when Haruichi darts in for a quick hug, but as quick as it happened, Haruichi is jogging off toward the dorms, waving behind him.
He’ll be fine, Ryousuke thinks.