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Exactly What I Want - A Caretaking Oneshot

Summary:

Nick’s hand moved against his chest and ran up the tattered remains of the shirt, smiling under his breath as he felt him shiver against the touch. The shirt came off easily and it was then that Nick paused to investigate the damage scattered across his ribs in all its raw blacks and blues. Hayko’s eyes fell away, blinking away new tears, “Yeah.”

 

“Did quite a number on you, didn’t they?” he mumbled, stretching out the bandages and scooting closer. “Arms up, love.”

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Hayko flinched away as he felt his chin lifted for their eyes to meet, where Nick could get a better look at the evidence of the abuse. A thumb swept over his chin and his split lower lip with a feather-light caress. The blood trickling down his nose painted a streak onto his nail. He wiped it away gently. Nick’s expression was unreadable as he kept the investigation going and Hayko didn’t know whether he wanted to feel his anger more. He felt the thumb press a bruise gingerly and he sucked in a breath from the sting but stayed otherwise quiet, trembling slightly. Say something. Do something.

Nick was looking him dead in the eye now, his jaw clenching the way it did when he was beyond pissed and with a voice that barely restrained his rage, “Who did this?”

Taking a shuddering breath, Hayko looked away. Who didn’t do it? he wanted to say but getting smart with people usually didn’t bode well for him. That, and he didn’t think he would live through another beating.

“Look at me,” Nick said, low, threatening. “Who?” His touch was so soft compared to that tone.

Despite this, Hayko thought it best to keep staring at the floor. Was he really expected to continue his humiliation? By now, he would have been hit hard enough to see stars but strangely, Nick’s hand stayed all but tender.

“You know not answering me usually doesn’t work out well for you.” Nick looked at him expectantly, the anger simmering in his eyes.

“I-I know,” he rasped.

“So, do you want to tell me who toyed with you?”

Even after all the pain, he could feel his anger burning in his chest at that shameful description, and he gritted the backs of his teeth, shooting him a look. “Just do it already.”

Nick raised an eyebrow after an instant of silence, “Do what?”

“Just d-do it,” he repeated. “I can…I can probably take it and I’m used to it by now so s-stop dicking me around and just do it.” Hayko’s voice broke at the end of the tangent. “I know I’m y-yours, I didn’t want this for fuck’s sake. So, spare me the show and do it already.” Bracing himself for the impact, Hayko let his eyes slip shut and waited for the air around him to change as Nick brought his hand back. But it never came.

“Look at me,” he ordered again.

Hayko stifled a sob as he turned his eyes up to face Nick at last. “What?...

Nick took and released a slow, even breath. In a way, it looked like he was holding himself back. “Who did this?”

“Oh, f-fuck you,” he finally sobbed and let himself fall against his chest as Nick’s hand drew him close. “Fuck you…” It was muffled by the shirt along with the other sobs that slipped out all at once.

As if he were someone besides Nick, Hayko felt Nick’s fingers coiling gently in his hair and raking through them softly, reassuring hushes swirling in his ears against the sound of his own body wracking with cries. His vision was blurry. All he could see was the dull grey of the shirt and the chest he shook against.

Nick’s voice was just above a whisper again, “Who did this?” His fingers scratched at Hayko’s scalp encouragingly, a gentleness he could take away in a second but didn’t. “I just want a name, love.”

He looked up to find Nick again, eyes red and stinging. What are you going to do with them? “Why?…”

“So I can have a chat with them about personal integrity,” he sneered.

Hayko felt his lip twitch up before leaning his forehead slowly against his chest and closing his eyes, swallowing. “I-it was Eladio. H-he…”

Nick listened patiently, soothing him with the caresses.

“…told me I h-had to…” he hicced a sob, “entertain this…group of…” He froze as he felt the caressing come to a sudden halt.

Entertain?” Nick asked darkly.

“N-Not that,” Hayko mumbled quickly into the polyester and moved a sleeve up to wipe his eyes, already swollen enough from the ordeal, let alone this. Upon hearing this, the tension sank out of his grip and the hand threaded through his hair again. “They…messed me up for a while and then l-left.”

He hummed, “What did they do?” Nick slowed down his movements, his fingers traveling to the back of his neck. There was an assortment of colors by the bruises left. Realizing the silence in that time, he glanced down. “Hayko?”

“Don’t make m-me say it…” he whispered. “Please…

Nick nodded, ignoring the fact he wouldn’t see, and tightened his grip on his body as his answer. Hayko’s sobs continued quietly, dampening his shirt at the ribcage level until eventually, there was no evidence that the shirt had ever been dry. “You know I’m not going to hurt you,” he said softly. “But I am going to be coming back late tonight…”

Hayko thought he heard a laugh and for once, he felt like he could have laughed too. He sniffled, “Y-you can’t…um…”

“Can’t what, kill them?” Nick chuckled. “Come on, I thought we knew each other better than that, love.”

“You can’t…just…” he stammered. “He won’t let you.” The silence that followed after gave Hayko an idea of what face Nick was making.

“Never said I was going to kill them.” Bending down to his height, Nick reached around Hayko’s legs and heaved him up, ignoring the surprised gasp and ensuing protest. He jostled him against his chest as he took him down the apartment hall from the hallway and into the bathroom. Once they were there, he slowly let him down on the edge of the bathtub where Hayko keened quietly at the unpleasant pressure of the acrylic against his bruised thighs.

For a few silent moments, the only sounds between them were the thud of bottles against each other, the tape hiss that tore from a roll, and Nick’s thoughtful hums in deciding amongst the disinfectants. Hayko’s mind wandered in the therapeutic silence to other places. Questions. He glanced up timidly, watching the man’s movements - paced. Why didn’t you just do it? Eventually, he turned around with his pick in equipment. You could have just hit me, just made me say I’m yours, just cut off my breath. You could have just done it. Why didn’t you do it?

“I’m over here, love,” Nick said, waving a hand in front of his face. “Back to planet Earth, if you please.”

Hayko blinked rapidly as his eyes found him, snapping out of his trance and he rasped, “S-Sorry…um…”

With a curious look, Nick stared in silence. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing, I just,” Hayko closed his eyes and shook his head, swallowing with difficulty, “I just spaced out for a second.” He hoped Nick would believe him. Please don’t make me say it. For a second, his heart skipped a beat at the intensity of his stare, almost as if Nick was trying to empty him out. But he didn’t seem to be out for blood today and simply shrugged in acknowledgment.

“Try to stay mostly here, yeah?” he laughed, sitting next to him on the tub. “I’m not sure what could possibly be more interesting than me.”

It is about you, idiot. Hayko scoffed - something he thought had the privilege of doing now. Nick’s hand moved against his chest and ran up the tattered remains of the shirt, smiling under his breath as he felt him shiver against the touch. The shirt came off easily and it was then that Nick paused to investigate the damage scattered across his ribs in all its raw blacks and blues. Hayko’s eyes fell away, blinking away new tears, “Yeah.”

“Did quite a number on you, didn’t they?” he mumbled, stretching out the bandages and scooting closer. “Arms up, love.”

Hayko obeyed, trying to stay still as he felt the bandages winding around his body, wracked with exhaustion, agony, and every fucking thing in between. As he had been entertaining, what kept him on his toes was the eventuality of facing Nick. Of facing his dangerous smile as he looked over the evidence of the torture and then finished him off with what they didn’t do. Couldn’t do.

Finding his strength, he had been ready for everything from a dark “Who do you think you are, getting used up by these other fuckers?” to a “Now I’m going to make you wish they finished you off.” What he hadn’t been ready for was the expert gentleness with which his hands moved over his skin, the touches burning in place after they left. He hadn’t been ready for the soft whispers and the comforting grip, holding him in place as he wept with such firmness that Hayko thought he would clatter to the ground if Nick’s arms hadn’t been there.

“A-Ah!-” Hayko suddenly gasped, feeling a sharp pain shoot across his chest from a misplaced touch.

“Sorry love,” Nick murmured apologetically, “Wasn’t looking.” His thumb swept over the skin as if to correct the mistake.

He nodded slightly, sighing. “A-Alright.” With a lilt that soft, Hayko could have listened to it forever, if only it could be forever. There was no doubt that this was something to cherish. After this day of pure hell, he just needed someone to touch him as softly as Nick was doing now, just needed someone to hold him as he had. God damn you. As the bandages were tightened and secured, those expert hands moved lower, lower until they reached his hips where he held them for a while. Hayko could have melted into the touch. God damn you. I hate you, you’re fucking vile. Fuck you. Giving me exactly what I want, and it has to be you. It just has to be you.

Nick glanced up, his voice quiet but coated with want, “You look damn good like this, you know?” His eyes roamed over the bandages and the bruises peeking from beneath them, hands still secure on his hips.

Hayko’s eyes found him slowly. Then, they lost him again.

I hate you.

Nick smirked.

Please keep holding me.

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