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Though this wasn't an unusual affair at all, John and Alex both treated it like these moments were both their first and their last.
Both of the men had shared a room in a house full of soldiers sense they had joined the military. No one questioned it, most soldiers stuck with who they were most aquatinted with in the first place.
They never suspected that Colonel Alexander Hamilton, the cocky aide de camp, would sneak into John Laurens’ bed at night after feeling especially cold from the lack of fire in their quarters.
John cherished these moments, because at every ball, any lass would flirt with the genius redhead.
John also knew Alex.
He knew that he was raised in such harsh conditions that one couldn't simply change over night.
Boys were supposed to like girls, boys were supposed to be wealthy and marry wealthy girls, together they would raise wealthy children and build a name for themselves.
Alex was brought here on the notion that he was to make something out of himself, create his own legacy.
And who was John to stop him?
So when Alex tried so hard to catch the attention of Eliza, while juggling the affection of Angelica, and the company of Peggy, John was only slightly mad.
Alex was doing what he was supposed to do.
And who was John to stop him?
"Are you so consumed by your feelings for Elizabeth, that you no longer seek the warmth of my own person?"
Alex looked over at John and smiled.
"I do say, I will miss this....you I mean, your presence was always so calming."
John sighed as he noticed that Alex hadn't made the notion to move from his spot, on his bed, across the room.
"You're saying this as if you've already left me? Does her presence exceed mine?"
Alex propped himself up on his arm. His red hair was down in curly tufts, his blue eyes piercing.
"It sounds as if you are jealous my dear Laurens. You know I wouldn't do this if I felt that I didn't need to."
John new this. He had known from the very beginning that Alex was on a mission.
Alex quietly tipped out of his bed and into John's, whose arms were wide and ready.
"You have no idea how much I wish it were me that you were marrying."
Alex lightly kissed the man's neck.
"Sadly not this lifetime, my love. We can try again in the next, were the people of this nation are more excepting, and marriage was based on love and not status."
John smiled. He loved this man. And he would in what ever next life he rambled about.
Alex looked up at John, expecting what he got every night.
John leaned in and kissed the red heads forehead, then his nose, and finally his mouth.
This would probably be the last kiss they share. And John couldn't dream of a last kiss being any better.
"I love you my dearest."
John hummed. He'd love Alex for a million life times.
______________________
And if Alex grew more distant as he watched John leave camp, and ride back home, he didn't let anyone notice.
Something ate at his heart. An evil thing that constantly whispered in his ear that John wasn't coming back, and that their kiss in his bad the previous week was truly their last.
So Alex wrote, he found an old leather bond journal and he wrote his feelings and all of his and Johns adventures down until there was no room left.
The journal had took the man exactly two weeks to finish, seeing as the two had spent so much time together. The last few pages signed off with tears, for missing his love and for not having his back.
because exactly two weeks later, Alexander received a letter. A letter that he held close to his chest and cried over their book for. Looking at the letter once more, he realized another envelope stuck to the back of the first. The name "Alex" next to the wax insignia showed that it was clearly a letter from John.
My Dearest, Alexander
I wrote this for you because the little angel on my shoulder told me that our last affair was truly our last. I do not regret hiding the wife my father forced me to marry, and I definitely do not regret you finding peace in Eliza. You deserve to be happy and this life time was not long enough for us both to experience it. I have a feeling that I will not be attending your wedding, the angel whispered that fact to me too. Though I love you and am extremely proud of you, I can't seem to shake the jealousy I hold towards the Schuyler sisters and their siren-like ways. In contrast of the angel that tells me to love you no matter the cost, the devil that sits across from him, personally says "Damn those Schuyler sisters to hell and beyond!"
But my heart is too large to give into the devil, so I will leave you with this. I love you Alexander Hamilton. Today, Tomorrow, and in the next life.
Yours truly, John Laurens
And suddenly Alex regretted so many things.
He regrets ever sending that letter to Eliza.
He regrets his banter with Angelica.
He regrets giving Peggy relationship advice.
And he regrets not going with John to Virginia, where he could have possibly saved John's life.
But he would never regret meeting John Laurens, nor would he regret falling in love with him.
"Goodbye my love, until next time."
The letters were neatly folded, and were tucked away into the journal. Alex closed the book, and placed it in an empty slot on one of the many bookshelves.
He quietly went back to work.