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This is usually his favorite time of the day. Runaan finishes up with the assassins and spends time with Ethari in his forge while the smith wraps up whatever project has his attention for the night. It's nice, Runaan even has his own chair in a corner that faces Ethari's work table. He'll sit and sharpen his bowblade and they'll talk about their day, or Rayla, or have a moment of intimacy before dinner.
Some days, like this particular day, they'll sit in silence and just enjoy each other's company. Ethari will tinker away and listen to the comforting whir of Runaan's whetstone grinding back on forth on his blades. This silence is not their typical silence of comfort. It's stifling. Ethari feels like he can't breathe. The usually welcome sound of Runaan's sharpening is frazzling his nerves. He feels pressure building until finally he slams the sword he was working on onto his desk.
"So are we just going to pretend like everything is alright?"
Runaan doesn't bother looking up at the outburst, just continues sharpening his blade, "We've been through this before, Moonlight. My decision is final." They've been fighting for a week, ever since Runaan told Ethari that he was going to take Rayla on the mission into Katolis to give her the opportunity to prove herself. It's been three days since they've even shared a bed. It's been awful and Ethari feels completely emotionally drained, but that doesn't stop him from approaching the topic again. "Runaan, you don't understand. Rayla is too good-hearted for the work of an assassin. She doesn't have the resolve to do whatever it takes! She's not hardened enough to kill someone!"
It's silent for a few heartbeats and Ethari feels hopeful that he finally got through to his husband, but Runaan angrily stands and shoves his weapon into his empty chair, "I have tried to be patient, but I refuse to have this discussion any longer. You have not been training Rayla for over a decade. I have. What is there that you would know about Rayla's battle instincts that I would not?" Ethari feels his eyes beginning to water as Runaan rounds his table. "Every day I have worked with Rayla, and she has far surpassed all of the other assassins. She has proven that she is capable on many occasions. Do you think that I would bring her on such a dangerous mission if I did not have one hundred percent faith in her abilities?" Runaan narrowed his eyes, "I am beginning to wonder if it's not Rayla who isn't ready, but you."
Ethari is many things, but selfish he is not. He wouldn't have said anything if he didn't have Rayla's best interest at heart. For Runaan to accuse him of such self-centered projection is the finishing blow to the week of emotional stress and exhaustion he's been going through. The dam breaks and sobs echo in the forge. Runaan immediately feels awful and reaches out a hand to comfort him but halts when Ethari wraps his arms around himself and backs away.
"Please don't. I can't do this right now." Ethari hugs himself tighter and leaves Runaan by himself in the forge.
Dinner is a solemn affair. Ethari has never been okay with fighting with Runaan in front of Rayla, so he puts on a happy face. He laughs when she recounts an adoraburr fiasco, he smiles when Runaan gives his usual complement of the food, he shares about a project he still has in its planning stages. It's all hollow. He feels like he's outside of his own body and watching himself play house. It's a relief when Rayla excuses herself to bed and he can distract himself from the strain with Runaan with the dishes.
Runaan comes up beside him as he's giving their countertops a final wipe down. "Love, I...I want to apologize. I took things too far and I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean it, honestly." He reached out to pull Ethari to himself, but was pushed away.
"You looked me in the eyes and accused me of being a selfish coward. You write off my concerns about Rayla as if I haven't been just as involved in her life as you. She's my daughter too, and I want her to feel redeemed just as much as you do, but sending her on a mission to fail isn't the answer. I'm going to bed. Goodnight." He tossed his rag into the sink and stalked into the living room to make up the couch for the night.
Runaan shook his head and followed to watch Ethari place sheets and pile blankets onto their couch. "Ethari I wish you'd come to bed, my love. I miss you." Ethari didn't look up, instead opting to swiftly pull off his shirt and undress himself to his underwear, being sure to carefully fold and place his clothing on the living room table.
"That's a no then?"
"Goodnight, Runaan."
It's kind of awful, Runaan thinks, to be laying in bed alone. Again. He feels terrible for his outburst. His husband does anything and everything he can to help others and Runaan accused him of choosing himself over their daughter. He closes his eyes, but sleep does not come. Loneliness is echoing off the walls of their bedroom. His heart aches for Ethari. He wants his husband to hold and kiss and snuggle while the smith runs hands through his hair. He's tired of the rift between them.
Runaan lies in bed, for he guesses another two hours before giving up and quietly heading into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. Before he makes it, he stops by the living room hoping to catch a glance of Ethari resting, but his blood runs cold when he hears sniffles. He's at the couch in an instant, reaching out to gently cradle Ethari's face and wipe away his tears. "Moonlight, this isn't healthy. Come to bed, let me take care of you."
Ethari held one of Runaan's hands against his face for a moment and then pushed him away. "I don't want to be selfish and take up your time."
"Okay, I deserved that. My heart, I can't bear to see you like this. We're both needlessly hurting. Come to bed. Please?" Runaan reached out and pulled the craftsman off the couch and into his arms. "I hate it when you cry."
"I'll come to bed." He pulled away to rub at his tear swollen eyes, "I've missed you too love."
Runaan's heart is overjoyed. He gets to hug Ethari from behind and kiss his neck and squish him while they walk to their bedroom. He gets to hold him and wrap his arms around his neck and have a quiet moment before they lie down. He gets to feel his husband's warmth when they curl up together in bed and Ethari cuddles up on his chest. He gets to revel in Ethari's touch as the smith plays with his hair in the way that only Ethari can. "Runaan, we have to talk about it."
He was so nice and comfortable and happy and he did not want to make Ethari cry again. It had already been a long day. "Moonlight, I really don't want to get-"
Ethari straddled his lap and shushed him with a kiss. Runaan tried to follow his lips when he pulled away, but Ethari gently cradled his face and kept him in place, "Runaan, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I don't approve of you taking Rayla on this mission. It's okay," he cupped Runaan's face and rubbed soothing circles behind his ear, "I may not approve, but I trust you. If you feel Rayla is ready, then I will stand by you and have faith in both her and your decision. Always. We've promised ourselves to each forever, and I have always and will always trust and believe in you. I love you and even though its been rocky these last few days, I'm always going to be on your side. I'm Team Runaan for life."
"Moonlight, I..." Runaan trailed his words as he choked on his emotions. Rather than speak he opted to pull Ethari back down and express himself with a kiss. A kiss he hoped conveyed the one hundred percent love, appreciation, and adoration he felt for his husband. "I love you too. So so so much."
Ethari understood. He always did.
"Being Team Runaan is great, but exhausting. Can we go to sleep now? I miss cuddling." Ethari nuzzled his head into the crook between Runaan's neck and shoulder.
Runaan choked out a laugh turned them so that Ethari's back was pressed against his chest. He snaked his arms around Ethari's waist and held his husband close. "Goodnight, my love."
Ethari intertwined their hands across his stomach, "Goodnight."