Chapter Text
Jinyoung didn't know what had changed, but something had. He might not have noticed it at first, but he did now. The director eyed him with concern, his stylist refused to meet his gaze. It made him nervous, if the director wanted a different feeling he would always tell him, would always give him advice. This wasn't about his acting, this was something different. They were nearing the end of filming and everything so far had been going well, the drama had premiered to strong ratings, Jinyoung was pleased with how things were going. Of course filming involved long nights and long hours, but once it was over, he would get a break, he would get time to rest.
Jaebeom always kept a careful eye on their schedules, ensuring that every member was getting the break they deserved (except himself, but he always said his break was working on music and Jinyoung wasn't one to deny him).
He glanced at his staff again, his manager speaking into the phone. He caught him staring and turned away quickly, but Jinyoung didn't miss the urgent look in his eyes, nor the fact that he spoke to the director as soon as the scene had ended. Jinyoung wasn't blind, something was happening, he just didn't know what. He wished he had brought his phone, but he often left it in his bag when he was filming. Was it something to do with him? Was it something to do with the other members? A scandal? His co-stars talked around him but if they said anything to him directly, he hardly noticed. He was too distracted, his mind coming up with every possible scenario.
There was always something when you were an idol, it never ended. He loved what he did, he loved his fans and the members, but things were rarely easy.
His manager waved him over, and Jinyoung approached him with a sense of dread in his stomach. No scandal had ever had his manager looking like this though, his face pale, his eyes uncertain.
"Did something happen, hyung?" Jinyoung asked, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice. It was bad, whatever had happened was bad and it left him on edge. He had barely even had the energy to open up his group chat with the other members in the last few days, had he missed something? What if someone had tried to talk to him and he had been too tired to reply, to read it even.
"Listen, Jinyoung-ah," said the director, gently. "We only have one more scene, but I can push it back a few days. After that, you have about a day and a half of filming left. I can make some changes, bring it down to about half a day, we'll finish up here for now, you just go and do what you have to do, okay?"
If he wasn't scared before, he was now. Jinyoung looked to his manager, questioningly and the older man let out a shaky sigh. "There's been... an accident," he said, carefully.
No.
Jinyoung had considered a lot of scenarios, but he hadn't considered this. He hadn't even thought about one of the members getting hurt, the thought alone made him feel sick. His heart rate picked up, and Jinyoung struggled to keep his emotions under control. If someone had been hurt the members would have tried to contact him, he needed his phone, he needed-
"It's Jaebeom."
He froze, his eyes widening. Everything seemed to stop and all Jinyoung could hear was the blood rushing to his ears, his heart pounding loudly. He swayed dangerously, and Jinyoung was only vaguely aware of his manager grabbing him by the arm and guiding him to sit down. He was talking but he didn't know what he was saying.
Not Jaebeom, it couldn't be Jaebeom.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no-
"Jinyoung listen to me," said the manager, his voice firm. "He's alive, it was bad, but he's alive and being taken to hospital, okay?"
'He's alive.'
That was good, that was something but what if it didn't stay that way? The manager said it was bad, the way they all looked said it was bad. The fact that they said 'he's alive', instead of 'he's okay' or 'he has minor injuries', said more then anything else could. Jinyoung felt like he couldn't breathe, someone handed him a bottle of water but he could hardly even hold it. Not even in his worst nightmares could he imagine something happening to Jaebeom. If something happened to the other members he always thought they would deal with it together, that they would look after the others together. That was how they operated, that was how they had started all this, together.
But this-
Jinyoung had to deal with this alone. There was no Jaebeom to lean on, no Jaebeom to talk too. He was the one that was hurt, and Jinyoung felt lost.
"Mark was trying to get into contact with you, I think he's coming here now. He's bringing Yugyeom and Bambam with him and then they're going to the hospital. Do you want to wait for them or I can call them and-"
"I'll wait," said Jinyoung, hoarsely.
His stylist ushered him off to change, even though his legs didn't want to work, even though his brain barely even comprehended what was going on. He was handed his things, and Jinyoung shakily pulled out his phone. He wanted to cry, but he refused to do so on set. There were so many people, all of them giving him looks of concern but he didn't care. He scrolled through the calls, listened to the terrified messages of his members, read what they had sent him. Youngjae was in a panic, having been visiting family in Mokpo. Jackson was in China but already organising a flight back. It was Mark that had taken charge in his absence and for that Jinyoung was relieved. He told himself not too, but he couldn't stop himself from reading the articles that had already been posted. His throat closed up when he saw photos of the wreckage, the car Jaebeom had been in, flipped and crumpled. They said a driver had run a red light, that he had been arrested. There were terrible, far too close photos of Jaebeom being packed into the ambulance. Jinyoung was grateful that they hadn't been able to get a good shot of him, for the sake of his own sanity (he still saw the stains of blood though). He should have stopped looking, but he couldn't.
Maybe they would hear about his condition before he did, maybe they would know if he was-
"Hyung!"
Jinyoung looked up, only for a set of long arms and legs to be wrapped around him. Yugyeom didn't look at him, only buried his face into his neck, his grip tight. Bambam was slower, hesitant (which said more then anything else could) but he too managed to wrap his arms around Jinyoung's waist. Jinyoung let out a breath, trying to hold them both, to give them some kind of comfort. They both worked so hard to show that they were grown up, but there were always moments when their age shone through, when they would look to him for comfort or advice, when they would look to Jaebeom for strength and safety. Jinyoung still remembered when they were trainees, how small they had been. They were only a few years younger, but it had felt like so much more, it still did. He remembered Bambam crawling into his bed because he missed home, he remembered Yugyeom trailing after him in their old dorm because he didn't want to be alone. Every group had their parents, and maybe they all played up to those roles in front of the camera, but that didn't lessen the responsibility any. They spent so much time together, away from their families, of course they had formed one of their own.
They were his kids, he had taken it upon himself to look after them, to care for them, to help Jaebeom in raising this little family of theirs.
And right now, his kids were fucking terrified.
So was he. Jinyoung had to be strong though, they needed him to be strong right now. If he broke, it would only worry them more and he didn't want that. Not with Yugyeom silently crying, his body shaking. Not with Bambam staying so uncharacteristically quiet, the only sounds coming from him being his breathing. Jinyoung wasn't okay, but he would worry about the others first. The rest could come later.
Mark met his gaze, his eyes knowing and sad. The oldest of them didn't need to speak, his eyes said all that they needed too. They said that everything would be okay, that they would get through this, that Jinyoung wasn't alone.
"Has there been any news?" asked Jinyoung, quietly.
Mark shook his head, "Not yet, he's still in surgery." The words made him cold, but the kids held onto him that little bit tighter and Jinyoung felt like he could breathe again.
Maybe they were scared for him too.
Jinyoung pushed Yugyeom back with gentle hands, and sensing the movement, Bambam unwound himself. Jinyoung let out a breath, staring at the pair. Their eyes were both red and puffy, he hated it. Yugyeom sniffled, his cheeks still wet and with a sigh, Jinyoung used the sleeve of his jumper to dry them. "Come on then," he said, his voice soft. "There's no use waiting around here, let's go to the hospital."
"Hyung..." started Bambam, his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you-"
"No, I'm not okay," said Jinyoung, interrupting the younger before he could finish. It was no secret how close he and Jaebeom were. They were best friends, they had known each other longer then all the others. They were the parents of this group, they were soulmates, they were meant to be forever and the members knew it, said it often, teased them often. There had been many complaints over the years about them being in denial over what their relationship really was, but neither ever paid it much attention (he did now, he did now that the future was dark and murky). Jinyoung reached out, taking Bambam's hand and giving it a squeeze. "But that's not important right now. Let's just get to the hospital, okay? I would rather be there then anywhere else right now."
That was where Jaebeom was, so that was where Jinyoung needed to be too.
It was as simple as that.
Mark nodded without a word, already wrapping an arm around Yugyeom and guiding the younger away. Jinyoung let out a breath, allowing Bambam to pull him along. As much as it terrified him to know how bad it was, how bad Jaebeom would be, he had to know, he had to be there to see him for himself, to see him breathing and alive. He wouldn't be able to function until he at least saw that much. Jinyoung had to know that he would be okay, even if he wasn't okay yet.
He was wrong, seeing him didn't make him feel better.
Yugyeom was crying again, Bambam too. Jinyoung felt like he should have been crying too, but in the last few hours he had gone numb. The panic had dulled the longer they had waited for news on their leader, the fear becoming a black hole inside him, swallowing every emotion up until Jinyoung felt nothing. Jaebeom's mother was there, his step-father too, waiting anxiously, waiting to see their son.
The members had told them to go in first when they had finally been allowed, when Jaebeom had finally left surgery and been rolled into recovery. The doctors said it had been a success, that the pressure on his brain had been relieved, that his broken bones would heal naturally and with the right treatment, neither injury should have any lasting effects.
Jinyoung thought he might have been relieved but he couldn't tell, he couldn't feel anything. He knew he should have, but his brain hardly even understood what was going on.
Was this what it felt like to be in shock?
Jaebeom's mother had an arm around his waist as the doctor explained to all of them the extensive list of injuries. A couple of broken ribs, a broken arm which had been realigned in surgery, ligament tears in the same shoulder, a fractured collarbone and swelling on the brain. The swelling had been alleviated, and the neurosurgeon expected there would be no lasting effects but they wouldn't be able to know for sure until he woke up and for now, Jaebeom was in an induced coma to ensure he healed properly. That wasn't even mentioning the bruising and lacerations he had sustained in the crash. Jinyoung both couldn't bear to look at him, and couldn't take his eyes away from him. His steady heart rate filled the room, but it wasn't comfort enough. It couldn't be, not with how swollen Jaebeom's face was, not with the bright purple bruising that covered his skin, the thick bandages wrapped around his limbs.
Jinyoung should have felt something, he knew he should have, but everything had become dull and grey. He moved to Yugyeom, clutching at Jaebeom's uninjured hand, sobbing quietly. Jinyoung placed a hand on his head, running his fingers through his hair, trying to soothe their youngest. Youngjae would be there soon, and Jackson, they would want to come straight to the hospital, be with everyone.
There was work to be done too.
Someone had to talk to management, Jinyoung had to organise his own schedule, no doubt the others would want adjustments made as well. Jabeom would be in a coma for days, if things were going to get done it had to be now. Once Jaebeom woke up, none of them would want to leave his side. He wondered if his parents would let the members stay with them too, that might have been asking a bit much of them. Maybe Jaebeom would prefer to stay in his apartment, maybe the company would prefer that too, in that case arrangements would have to be made, someone would have to stay with him. Jinyoung ought to finish his filming as soon as possible, that meant calling the director-
Yes, there was work to be done.
Jinyoung told himself to move, to make the calls that he needed to make but something held his feet to the ground. Jaebeom looked so vulnerable, so fragile. Jinyoung wanted to reach out too, wanted to clutch onto Jaebeom and never let go but if he did that, he wouldn't be able to do anything else. That would be it for him, he wouldn't be able to do anything else, go anywhere else. He had to be strong, that was his job. The kids needed him, the group needed him.
Mark gave him a concerned look as he stepped out of the room, but Jinyoung ignored it.
There was work to be done, he would deal with that first and then deal with anything else later.
A part of him knew that he wasn't coping, the logical part in his brain was screaming at him to stop, to take a breath, to feel. But he couldn't, he didn't want too, not yet. Jinyoung didn't want to think about how close Jaebeom had been to dying, to leaving them all forever. He didn't want to think about what that would have done to them, done to him. He didn't want to think about all the things he wanted to tell the other, how desperately he was needed. Jinyoung didn't want to sit there and see the other so still, the only thing telling him that he was still alive being the heart monitor he was connected too.
He didn't want to do any of that, he couldn't.
He would break if he did.
It hurt, everything hurt. It hurt to breathe, it hurt even though he wasn't moving, it just hurt. Jabeom thought there might have been an accident, but he couldn't be sure. It was a blur, everything about that day was a blur. Everything around that day was a blur, he couldn't even remember what the date was. Jackson was meant to release a new single soon wasn't he? Jinyoungie was close to finishing the filming of his new drama, right? That seemed right, but he couldn't be sure.
It was dark too.
Was it night time? It had been bright before, he was sure it had been.
Or his eyes were still closed.
Jaebeom would have shaken his head if he could. But his neck felt stiff, his entire body heavy and sore. He forced his eyes open, relieved that it wasn't so bright that he had to close them again. He blinked a few times, his vision clearing. A soft light came from the lamp at his bedside and it only took one look to know that he was not at home, but in a hospital. His lower arm was in a cast and a sling, but that was probably to support his shoulder, or collarbone, or whatever it was in that area that burned painfully. It hurt as bad as breathing did, Jabeom didn't have to look to know his chest was bandaged too. And his head, and god knows what else.
There was a sharp gasp at the door, and before he could even blink, Jinyoung was there.
"Hyung."
He looked awful, his face white and thin, the circles under his eyes darker then he had ever seen them. But maybe he wasn't one to talk at that point.
Jaebeom tried to open his mouth to talk, but Jinyoung was calling for a doctor before he could. There was a rush of movement and Jaebeom tried to pay attention, he did, but his gaze kept wandering to his best friend, standing off to the side, his entire body shaking. The doctor asked him questions and Jaebeom did his best to answer.
No, he didn't have a headache (his brain just felt a little slow, a little fuzzy).
No, he didn't feel nauseous.
No, he couldn't remember what happened.
No, he didn't know what day it was.
Yes, he was in pain.
Yes, he knew who he was, how old he was, what he did for a living.
Yes, he knew Jinyoung (as if he could ever forget his Jinyoungie).
They rattled off his injuries to him, but Jaebeom knew he wouldn't remember them all. There were a lot, the accident had been bad, he had been in a coma for three days, he got it.
It was a relief when they finally left, when the door clicked shut behind them. For a long moment, no one said anything. Jaebeom could do little else but run his eyes over Jinyoung in concern. He was so tense, holding himself together so tightly that he shook. Jaebeom had never seen him like this before but in his defence, the other had never seen Jaebeom this hurt before. He knew he looked far worse then Jinyoung, the few bruises he could see telling him how bad it really was.
"Your mother should be here soon," said Jinyoung, staying far enough away that Jaebeom wouldn't have been able to reach him even if he tried. He must have been so worried, Jaebeom could only guess how he would have been if the situation was reversed, if it was Jinyoung that had been in an accident. "I messaged her and the members telling them you'd woken up."
"Jinyoungie..." His voice was hoarse from lack of use, from exhaustion and pain but the name was clear enough.
Emotion flashed across his face so quickly that Jaebeom's slow brain hardly even registered it until the taut string holding Jinyoung together snapped. The younger choked out a breath, stumbling the last few steps between them and clutching his good hand, tightly. Jinyoung buried his head into the sheets of his bed, his sobs loud and painful. Jaebeom winced, his heart clenching. He knew there was nothing that he could have done to avoid that car accident, but he still wished there was. He couldn't stand the thought of Jinyoung trying to keep himself together for the sake of the group, of how stressed he would have been, how worried. They all would have been worried, Jaebeom knew that. His members, his parents, but he knew Jinyoung well enough to know that this was probably the first time he was letting it all out since it had happened. Who would he have turned too if Jaebeom was in a coma? Where would he have gone?
Jinyoung's breaths came out sharp and high, Jaebeom could hear how much he was struggling to breathe through his cries. "I'm okay, Jinyoungie, it's okay," he said, soothingly. If he could move, he would have wrapped the other in a hug, holding him as close as he possibly could until he calmed. He was in no condition to do that, but that didn't mean Jinyoung couldn't come to him. "Come on, come up here," said Jaebeom. His voice was stronger then he thought it would be, and without lifting his head, Jinyoung maneouvered himself carefully onto the bed. His head was tucked under Jaebeom's arm, his face pressed into his side, a leg thrown over his own. It was far too intimate for public eyes, but that hardly mattered when Jinyoung was still sobbing. Let them talk, let them spread their rumors, Jaebeom couldn't have cared less.
Besides, they danced around each other enough. They deserved this much, didn't they?
Jaebeom didn't know how long Jinyoung cried for, unintelligible words spilling from his mouth. Jaebeom tried to decipher what he was trying to say, but with the words muffled against his body and the sobs choking out the rest, he had no chance. He just hushed the younger quietly, whispering assurances, telling him that it was over now, that everything was going to be okay. Eventually, Jinyoung fell silent, his breaths evening out. He had fallen asleep, but Jaebeom didn't dare disturb him.
There was a noise outside and even without seeing them, Jaebeom was certain he knew who it was. Mark slipped into the room, his face one of relief as he moved quietly to his side. "You're awake," he whispered. The eldest of them looked tired too, but Jaebeom wasn't surprised. He knew their group would be okay with him looking out for them, bearing some of the load that Jaebeom physically couldn't. "The kids are outside but we'll come back." His eyes flickered to Jinyoung. "They want to see you, but it will just be quick. Jinyoungie needs his rest. I'm pretty sure he hasn't slept in days."
Jaebeom sighed, his eyes falling to the man tucked in close to his side. "Of course he hasn't," he said, quietly. Jaebeom longed to hold him closer, to run his hands through his hair. He knew that maybe, just maybe, their friendship was more then that. That it had been more then just a friendship for years, it was just that neither of them had been willing to voice it out loud. The desire to always be close, for one or the other to pull each other into a hug, the constant handshakes just so that they could touch each other, the looks. They knew each other so well that they only needed a look to convey everything they wanted to say. But maybe sometimes things needed to be said out loud too. Jaebeom hadn't died, but he almost had. He knew, they both knew, that anything more then friendship was complicated but were they just going to pretend that this wasn't more for the rest of their lives?
"You should talk to him," Mark voiced, his eyes all too knowing. Of course they were, all the members knew how close Jaebeom and Jinyoung were. They had all lived together once, how could they not know?
"I know."
Mark grinned, far too happy at what he considered as close to a confession as he would get. Jaebeom rolled his eyes, tearing his eyes away from Jinyoung long enough to see the eldest of them opening the door and waving the others inside. He held a finger to his mouth, and the members shuffled in. Jackson came first, he must have flown back from China. Jaebeom wanted to say something, wanted to tell him he didn't have to hang around when he was meant to be releasing his music but it must have been obvious on his face because Jackson gave him a sharp look, shaking his head.
"Don't look at me like that, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," said Jackson, doing his best to keep his voice low. It would take a lot to wake Jinyoung though, especially if he hadn't slept in days. Tears swam in the other's eyes but he refused to let them fall. "I'm just glad you're awake."
Youngjae's cheeks were wet as he squeezed his way in and placed a kiss to the top of Jaebeom's head. He didn't speak, he didn't seem able. Jaebeom knew that if he weren't so injured, their vocalist would have already thrown himself at him by now, clutching onto him as tightly as he possibly could. Of course, if he weren't so injured, Jaebeom would have likely been buried under all his members by now, not just Youngjae.
Mark ushered their two youngest members closer, both Yugyeom and Bambam looked like wrecks and Jaebeom's heart clenched. Neither would get too close, afraid they might hurt him, or afraid they might wake up their mother. Bambam was barely holding back his tears, his fists clenched by his side as he looked at the ground. Yugyeom was weeping openly, and not for the first time Jaebeom assumed, looking at his face.
"Yah..." Jaebeom whispered. "What are you crying for? I'm okay."
Yugyeom shook his head, his hand wiping futilely at the tears that streamed down his face. "Hyung..." He sounded so young, his voice small and unsteady. Not for the first time that day, Jaebeom rued his broken bones. He wanted to gather all of them in a hug, wanted to hold all of them tight and tell them it was going to be okay, he would be okay.
But he couldn't.
"We'll come back," whispered Mark, assuredly. "They just wanted to see you real quick, let Jinyoungie sleep."
"Thank you, hyung," said Jaebeom, his eyes fixed on the eldest member of their group. Mark just smiled again, gently guiding the others out of the room.
"No, thank you," he said, pointedly. Thank you for being okay he meant, thank you for living. "Take it easy, Jaebeommie, we'll be back soon." Mark left as quietly as he came and silence fell over the room.
Jaebeom let out a breath, glacing down at Jinyoung again. He hadn't stirred once, but he hadn't expected him too. Jaebeom wanted to stay awake a little longer, didn't want to miss if the younger woke up, or his family came to visit, but he already felt his eyes fighting to stay open. He might have been in a coma for three days, but his body was still exhausted. It had been through a lot, and the warmth coming from Jinyoung at his side only made him want to drift off even more. He always slept best when Jinyoung was with him. It didn't happen as often as it used too now that they all lived apart.
He hated that, maybe that was why he had become clingier in broadcasts, why they had become touchier.
Or maybe with age, with experience, they had just stopped worrying about what people would say. They weren't rookies anymore, and there were other groups with other members that were far more affectionate with each other. Well, maybe not "far more" but certainly "more". No matter what they did, they could always call it fanservice. It made Jaebeom wonder why they had forced themselves to be friends, to stay friends, when it would have been so easy to be more, when it was so easy to hide in plain sight.
The members probably wondered the same thing. Jaebeom and Jinyoung already acted married, acted like a couple, why didn't they just admit it to each other, then?
He sighed, letting his eyes slip closed. There was no use thinking about it too much, not until Jinyoung was awake. There were a lot of questions to be asked, but Jaebeom had the feeling they would have the time. Or at least, Jaebeom certainly would. His recovery would take months, just thinking about it made him bored. But if Jinyoung was with him, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
His head was pounding as he opened his eyes. Jinyoung could feel the muscles in his neck scream at him for sleeping in such an awkward position, but he figured it had only been a matter of time before he collapsed somewhere. His brain registered the hand he clutched at, the warm body at his side and the memories flooded back all too quickly. Jinyoung shifted, carefully, trying not to jostle the man next to him. It didn't work.
"Go back to sleep," muttered a voice, above him.
Jinyoung moved enough to look up, to meet Jaebeom's dark eyes. The tears welled before he could stop them, his heart constricting in his chest. "Hyung," he murmured, pitifully.
Jaebeom sighed, his hand squeezing his. "I'm here, Jinyoungie."
He had missed that voice.
It had only been a few days but through all the emotions, it was the one thing Jinyoung had wanted to hear the most. When he was worried or scared, when it all felt like too much, it was always the voice he wanted to hear most. They didn't live together, they didn't talk as much as they used too when they were younger, but Jaebeom was still the one constant he'd had since they had started this journey.
"I scared you, right?" said Jaebeom, softly. "I'm sorry."
Jinyoung clenched his jaw, tried to will his tears to stop. Hadn't he cried enough a few hours ago? "Don't apologise," he said, turning his head down, burying his face against Jaebeom's blankets. His voice was hoarse, but neither of them commented on it. "It's not your fault. How do you feel?"
"Like I've been in a car accident." Jinyoung looked up to a glare at him, and the older smiled. For a moment, Jinyoung couldn't breathe, couldn't think beyond the rush of relief and love he felt towards the other. Jaebeom continued, "Sorry, too soon? I just wanted to see your face again."
"You're an idiot," Jinyoung muttered.
Jaebeom hummed, "Maybe." His face turned serious, his eyes flickering with worry. "You should have looked after yourself better while I was asleep, you need to rest too."
Jinyoung frowned, turning away again as he pushed himself up. Jaebeom made a noise of complaint, but there was little else he could do as Jinyoung stood up, straightening out his clothes, trying to look a little more presentable. It had been foolish of him to sleep next to Jaebeom, even if someone had drawn the curtains around them. He wished he regretted it more then he did. The older continued to pout, and Jinyoung took up his hand again, holding it tightly.
"I was too worried to rest," said Jinyoung, honestly. He shook his head, "Don't look at me like that, you're in hospital, you don't need me taking up all the room."
"It was fine."
"People will talk, hyung."
"So? Let them talk." Jaebeom looked at their joined hands. "I'm tired of always pretending, I'm tired of us trying to be something we're not. It's been too long, hasn't it? Are we meant to pretend forever?"
Jinyoung could have sworn his heart really did stop this time. "What's the alternative?" he whispered.
"I-" Jaebeom frowned, his forehead wrinkling, his uncertainty clear. "I don't know, all I know is that I almost died." Jinyoung flinched, the pictures he had stared at flashing through his mind. The car, the glass, the blood.
"Don't you think I know that?" said Jinyoung, his voice thick. "B-but it's complicated, hyung. You know it is, that's why we- that's why we never-" He closed his eyes.
It was funny how even with something like this, they didn't have to voice what they really meant. They had never confessed their feelings for each other, as far as anyone knew (the other members aside) they were friends and that was it. They even tried to tell themselves that, and maybe that was how it had started, the two of them being just friends. It had changed though, Jinyoung couldn't have said when or where, but it did. It changed, those feelings deepened, not just for Jinyoung, but for both of them. He knew it, Jaebeom knew it. They only had to look at each other to know. They only had to share a long look, hold onto each other that little bit tighter, to know.
They never did need words to understand what the other was thinking.
"I know," said Jabeom, pained. "I get it Jinyoung, I do, but I'm tired. I don't want to get into another accident one day and-"
"Don't say that," Jinyoung snapped.
"It's the truth, and I know you feel the same way. Why else would you run yourself into the ground like this? You're tired too, Jinyoungie, I know you are." Jaebeom pulled at his hand, pulling him close. Jinyoung braced himself against the bed, careful to keep his weight away from Jaebeom, to keep from hurting him. "I love you."
Jinyoung sucked in a sharp breath, the tears slipping down his face again. "Hyung."
"I have for years, but you already know that. I had to say it though, I would always regret it if I didn't say it. Those words have been hovering over us for too long, and I know the risks, but we can make it work, Jinyoungie."
"The others-"
"Are probably about at their limits too. Do you really think they would have stayed quiet forever? They've been trying to get us pretty drunk in the last few months, haven't you noticed?"
Jinyoung had noticed, they hadn't exactly tried to hide it. There was no doubt in his mind that the members would support them, would fight for them no matter what happened. The logical part of his brain said that it was a bad idea, but that side had been growing quieter for years. It was his heart that spoke for him now, it was his heart that made the decisions. "You're right, I'm tired too, Jaebeommie," Jinyoung whispered. He tilted forward, resting his head ever so lightly against Jaebeom's. "So tired."
"Stop fighting it then," said Jaebeom, his voice also falling to a whisper. He leaned up, his soft lips brushing against Jinyoung's gently. He hissed in pain and Jinyoung gave him a scolding look.
"Stay still, you have too many injuries to be moving around," he said.
"I had no choice."
Jinyoung rolled his eyes, of all the things to be hurting himself over. Jinyoung closed the small distance between them, pressing their lips together, and Jaebeom hummed in contentment. "I love you too, by the way," Jinyoung murmured against his lips. He felt, rather then saw, the other smile.
"I know."
"Don't leave me, okay?"
"I promise."