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Blue danced across his hands, played truant with his fingers and sparked light at the edge of his nails. But no matter how hard Klaus tried, he couldn’t meld it into something useful. He couldn’t make it do what he wanted. His power surged inside of him, cold and calculating, but it was all regretfully out of his control.
Occasionally he’d grab hold of something, someone, squeeze his eyes shut as if it would help his concentration and not just scare him more, only to feel whoever it had been slip through his fingers like sand in an hourglass.
He’d grabbed the wrong spirit a handful times now, and they were always furious when he had to cast them out again. They swore and spat at him, fighting tooth and nail as he ripped their claws from him and banished them back into the afterlife with the others. Their screams echoed through his brain as they fell backwards, fast and heavy, and sometimes he thought he caught glimpses of a monochrome world, hidden somewhere in his peripheral. But it always went as quickly as it appeared, sudden and quick like the flash of a camera shutter, and the door was slammed shut in his face and he was back to square one.
Dave wasn’t here. Or if he was, Klaus couldn’t reach him. It was like he had all of this energy surging inside of him, finally freed after years of suppression, and yet he still couldn’t harness it. Sober or not, he was useless. And his incompetence stung so much more when he knew he was doing the best he could.
He wretched his eyes open and watched as the light fizzled like dying sparklers from his hands. He dropped the useless things into his lap and sighed heavily, carding trembling fingers through his hair.
“You’ll find him eventually.”
Klaus glanced over to where Ben sat, his arms resting on his knees where he sat propped up against the wall. He offered him a small smile.
At least he had Ben. He could make him corporeal too, now, like he had back in the theatre. Only for a few hours at a time; so that he could sit with their family as they watched a film, or they could enjoy a nice meal together. But he’d never felt as proud of himself as he did when he got to watch his family hugging the brother they thought they’d never see again. And he did that for them.
Of course, if he hadn’t become such a useless junkie he could have done it a hell of a lot sooner...
He shook his head. “I know,” he replied, smiling softly, and sat up from where he was sitting cross-legged on his bedroom carpet. He stretched out and cracked his knuckles back into place. A few blue sparks shot out of them. “Breakfast?”
The Hargreeves’ had averted the apocalypse. Or at least, that’s what Five had assured them. Klaus found it difficult to trust what Five said; more often than not he spoke only in half-truths and scientific jargon that he couldn’t even pretend to understand. But according to his eldest brother, they were safe for the moment and until that changed all they could do was hang around and wait for something to happen.
That suited Klaus just fine. He had spent most of his life waiting around for something to happen. For the last two weeks, (according to Ben; Klaus could’ve sworn it had been considerably longer than that) Klaus had put all of his time and energy into trying to conjure Dave. He ate, slept and breathed his powers. Every waking moment he spent trying to control his powers, and every sleeping one he spent dreaming of the day it would work.
And it would work.
Of course it would.
The others were already mid-way through breakfast by the time he arrived; Klaus thought he heard them saying something about Vanya’s powers but decided he didn’t care enough to listen properly. Five peered up from his coffee as Klaus traipsed in, rubbing his eyes sleepily as he made his way over to the coffee grinder.
“You look like death,” Five mused.
“And you look prepubescent, do you have a point?”
“Woah,” Five scoffed. “Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of bed.”
“You’re assuming he woke up at all,” Ben murmured, taking his seat at the table and sighing when he went unheard by the rest of the family.
Klaus glared at him, before rolling his eyes and focusing on making him corporeal. The routine gasps and stares ensued; Ben’s presence still shocked them after considering him gone for so long.
The others soon dissolved into mindless chatter once more as Klaus slipped into his own chair at the table. It didn’t take long for Grace to offer to make him something, and before long he found himself presented with a plate of pancakes and a fresh glass of orange juice. He thanked her absentmindedly before turning to focus on the conversation happening around him.
“I just feel so much better! Like, before I had feelings but now I have feelings , you know?” Vanya said hurriedly, throwing a glance at Allison who smiled at her warmly. “It’s like before everything was muted and now everything’s so big and bright and, I don’t know… it’s just so surreal.”
Allison reached for her pen and notebook to scribble something down.
“We’re so happy for you, Van.”
“I can’t believe how much more control you have now,” Five said.
Vanya winced slightly, despite there being no heat behind his words. “I’ll never lose control like that again, I promise. Never.”
Allison squeezed her hand. “We know.”
Klaus felt several gazes land on him as he absently chewed his pancakes.
“How about you, Klaus? How are your powers coming along?” Five asked, pouring out a second mug of coffee.
“Uh, great.” Klaus mumbled, “I can make Ben corporeal for longer now, obviously.” He gestured towards Ben, who was watching him sadly. “And my powers are getting stronger every day.” He shoved another piece of food into his mouth, wishing they would pay attention to somebody else.
“That’s great, Klaus.”
“I just don’t understand why he didn’t get sober sooner- ouch! What was that for?”
Klaus glanced up to where Luther was now rubbing at his leg; someone must have kicked him under the table. Probably Diego.
“For being an asshole.” Diego snapped, “You're doing great, Klaus. Is there anything we can help you with?”
“No, thanks.” Klaus smiled. “Everything’s fine.”
Klaus willed his fists blue and tried not to concentrate on the sparks of pain ricocheting like bullets inside of him. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth; the stinging sensation of his nails a welcome distraction from the shivers creeping across his skin. He pushed himself harder. Dave had to be here somewhere . Maybe he was just lost and Klaus had to find him. He could be hidden away somewhere and Klaus might only be mere seconds away from grabbing him, if only he could keep going for a little bit longer.
Maybe Dave was mad at him? Klaus had left him for dead, alone and bleeding in a foreign country. Abandoned. What was he supposed to think? What kind of monster does that to someone they claim to love? Klaus shook harder; how could he blame Dave for not wanting to spend his afterlife with him when Klaus didn’t even want to be around himself? He was a coward, and he’d proved that in the one moment where it had mattered the most.
Klaus dug his nails harder into his palms. No , he chided, he couldn’t think like that. Dave wanted him, and he loved him - he had told him as much. And Dave never lied, ever. He was too gentle, and kind, and good for that. Klaus had to find him even if it killed him. Especially if it killed him, because at least that would mean they could be together again. And death was a small price to pay if it meant seeing Dave again.
So he pressed on, and on, and on, until the daylight behind his lids turned decrepit and darkness engulfed the room once more.
He felt like he could sense him; somewhere within him there was something pulling him closer but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t reach it. It was like there was an impenetrable wall there and no matter how hard he bloodied his fists trying to punch through the bricks, it wouldn’t budge. And the worst part of it was he thought he could hear Dave behind it, calling out for him, but the harder he tried the further away it got. Dave was getting further and further away and if Klaus didn’t get there in time then he would be lost behind the wall forever and it would be all his fault because he had been the one to leave him behind-
“Klaus?”
Klaus gasped heavily, his lungs spasming as if they had been starved of air. He winced and peered up to where Diego stood over him, concern heavy in his eyes.
“Are you okay?” Diego asked, one hand carefully pressed to Klaus’ shoulder. “We haven’t seen you since breakfast.”
Klaus rubbed his eyes, “What time is it?”
“Almost nine,” Diego replied.
“Oh, well it hadn’t been that long-“
“At night, Klaus.”
Klaus squinted up at him, turning away to face where the moon was now shining brightly outside his window. “Oh.”
Diego crouched in front of him, both hands now coming to rest upon his shoulders. “Have you really been up here this whole time? We all thought you’d gone out, but then we saw Ben-“
“Ben?”
“Yeah, he’s been becoming corporeal in and out throughout the day. He kept asking someone to come and check on you.” He glanced over at Ben, standing in the corner with his arms wrapped around himself and a stubborn look on his face. “I’m sorry we didn’t listen.”
“It’s no worries,” Klaus assured them both, shakily pushing himself to his feet. “I was just practising my powers.”
“Obsessing over them, you mean.”
Klaus scoffed, “It’s important, Ben.”
“You’re trying to conjure the one you lost, aren’t you?” Diego asked, standing with him.
Klaus nodded. “It’s important,” he repeated.
“So is eating and sleeping,” Ben pointed out.
Klaus shook his head, “No.”
“No?”
“No,” Klaus confirmed. “Nothing else matters until I find him, okay? Nothing. He’s stuck out there, I can feel him, and he’s waited years. Years . I can’t just-“
“Hey,” Diego murmured. “It’s okay, bro.”
Klaus inhaled steadily, not realising he had been starting to panic again. “Sorry.”
“That’s okay, just come watch a movie with us downstairs. We’ve been waiting on you; we ordered pizza.”
Klaus glanced towards Ben, who still looked slightly put out but mostly just worried, and offered him an encouraging nod.
“I suppose it couldn’t hurt.”
“There you go, come on.” Diego smiled, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and making sure he didn’t stumble as they made their way downstairs. “We saved you a seat.”