Work Text:
Sunrise broke through the horizon. The sky now resembled a pink lilac sea of cotton candy.
As the sun slowly ascended, Taehyung sat up from where he had been previously laying on the pier. He had been here for almost an hour awaiting the breathtaking view of the morning sun.
It was worth it. The waves of the ocean seemed to kiss the sky as if it had missed the sun too.
Taehyung leaned back on his hands with his legs dangling off the edge of the pier. His eyes closed as his head fell back, just soaking in the morning rays of the sun.
It had been a while since he had been out on the beach to see the sunrise. The last time was the weekend before Jeongguk went missing.
This was the youngers favorite thing to do.
He would wake up way before dawn, show up at his best friend’s dorm with 2 fresh batches of coffee in hand. Immediately dragging the older off towards the beach no matter how much Taehyung protested. And they'd sit right here, at the edge of the pier. Dangling their feet off the edge, their toes almost grazing the top of the water, and simply wait in silence.
As soon as the sun would peak out from the horizon, the younger's eyes would light up. A wide smile would break out across his face.
Jungkook thought the sunrise was the most beautiful thing, but Taehyung’s fond eyes were always on him. Because to him, Jeongguk was more beautiful than a million sunrises put together.
Taehyung smiled to himself as he recalled the memory of his last sunrise with the younger. His eyes watered but he refused to cry right now. He had something more important to do.
He softly chuckled a bit nervously as he reached for the single cupcake he had carried to the beach with him. He pulled a small candle and a lighter from his front pocket, stuck the candle into the cupcake and lit it.
“Happy 23rd Birthday, Jungkookie!”
He smiled bitterly to himself, “You’re finally 23. That’s so crazy to think about. You’re getting so old.” A small chuckle escaped his lips.
Taehyung let the wind blow the candle out and sat the cupcake back onto the pier, laying the lighter beside it.
“God how I wish I could talk to you right now.” He gulped and took a few seconds gathering his thoughts. “The police still haven’t found you. They found your pants and shirt though. Your pants were found ripped to shreds, washed up on the beach. Some fisherman found your favorite old worn out shirt, he caught it in one of his nets while out on the sea.”
Taehyung took a deep breath and shakily let it out and said the words he still hadn’t spoken out loud, “They think you’re dead, Kookie.” A sob ripped from his chest as he tried to not fall apart.
He was doing so well holding back his tears before he couldn’t any longer.
The clothes were found almost 7 months ago but Taehyung had refused to accept it. Even if he knew it was more than likely true. The clothes were Jeongguk's. There was no doubt about it.
So, how can you admit to yourself that your best friend was possibly gone and never coming home? How can you mourn like everyone says you should.. when there was still no body? Taehyung couldn’t accept that the younger had passed away. It couldn’t be that simple, but what other option did he have? He couldn’t hope for the younger to be found now because the police have ceased all further investigations.
All he could do was talk to the wind and hope his best friend found his way back to him. Somehow.
“I miss you so much, Kookie.” Taehyung mewled as he tried to gather himself up. He took a few moments attempting to calm down and breathe properly, using the breathing exercises he had learned over the years.
Once he was okay he gazed down at the ocean, wiped the remaining tears off of his cheek, “There’s something I never had the chance to tell you. I was going to tell you on your birthday, but you disappeared and that opportunity never came. Every time before that, whenever I’d muster up the courage to say it, the words would never leave my lips. My anxiety would get the best of me. That pestering fear that you didn’t see me the way I saw you. I didn’t want to be turned down or even worse, risk losing you, but I made a promise to myself to tell you on your birthday. I can’t keep that whole promise, you aren’t here to hear my confession, but I can keep part of it. I never specified which birthday.” Taehyung chuckled ruefully to himself.
“I love you, Jeongguk. I love you more than a brother. More than a best friend. I love the way your eyes light up when you see something that takes your breath away. I love the way your laugh can be so contagious. I love the way you’ve always been here for me and supported me and my ridiculous dreams no matter what. I love spending every moment I can with you. I love letting you win at video games because your victorious bunny smile was just so damn cute. I love spending those mornings with you after you’d drag me out of my cozy warm bed to watch the damn sunrise. I love you more than I could ever simply love a friend, Jeonggukie.”
After silence filled the air, Taehyung tilted his head and laughed mockingly at himself, “Of course I’d have the courage to easily pour my heart out now of all times. The irony is bittersweet.”
“I’m leaving” He said after a few more moments of silence. “I got my bachelors degree earlier this year, you better be happy about that because I almost dropped out more times that I’d care to admit to. But I got offered an opportunity for a Semester at Sea. I can study oceanography while on a giant ship. I’ll get to live on the sea for a while. I think I’m gonna take it, Jeongguk.”
The older started fidgeting with the end of his t-shirt, “At first I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to leave here. I mean, what if you come back?” He sighed, “Namjoon talked me into going though. He said you would want me to and he’s right. You always pushed me to take any and every opportunity I was faced with.
He also said maybe a change of scenery would help me. I’ve been holding it together a way better lately than I used, but I still have my moments you know? I’m only human...”
“So, I guess this is goodbye. At least for now. I’ll be back. You didn’t have the luxury of leaving a goodbye, but I’ll be damned if I leave without one. I leave in 2 days. Wish me luck and safe travels, Kookie. Maybe with enough luck we’ll both make it back here, safe and sound." Taehyung murmured his wishful thinking. He sat for a few more moments, gazing at the now light blue sky. The sun was fully risen, shining brightly in the sky.
He slowly stood up, wiped his shorts off, turned around and walked away without a second look back. After a few moments a hand slowly reached out of the water, followed by another, both gripping the edge of the pier. A figure hoisted himself up, folded his arms on top of the edge and put the majority of his weight on them. To hold himself in that position. He scanned the pier, searching for Taehyung, but the older was already gone. He spotted Taehyung already on the beach far away, he still had the same brown hair he sported last time he’d seen him, and was wearing a hoodie he quickly recognized as his own. He stared longingly at Taehyung, his heart aching. Jungkook cursed himself for being too late at catching the older.
He moved all of his weight onto one arm as he lifted the other, shook it slightly to get the water droplets off and reached for the lighter Taehyung had left behind. He flicked it on and lit the candle that was still in the cupcake, that was also left.
“Happy birthday to me.” He mumbled as he blew out the candle and retreated back into the water. Wishing with everything in him that he would get another chance to speak with the older. Another chance to explain everything that happened that horrible night, to reassure him that he was healthy and alive, to tell Taehyung that he felt the same way about him…