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Due to the general lethality of their careers, Magnus had learned to expect the worst when Alec came stumbling into the loft, bleeding and shouting for him.
But years of knowing Alexander meant that Magnus also knew it was much worse when Alec came stumbling into the loft, bleeding, and didn’t shout for Magnus.
Magnus’s wards were attuned to Alec, which meant that the Shadowhunter could pass through them practically undetected. However, Magnus’s magic recognised Alec as happiness, a positive force - so much so that whenever Alec was near, Magnus’s magic sprang to the surface, alive and ready to embrace the comforting presence it sensed.
So when Alec came home early one rainy Wednesday afternoon, Magnus was aware of him immediately. He smiled and rose from the couch to greet his husband, but the sight that met Magnus’s eyes when he stepped into the foyer was decidedly not what he was expecting.
Alec was shivering and soaked to the bone from rainwater, his steps unsteady and his legs trembling with exertion. He clutched his side, which bloomed red underneath his fingertips. Most disconcerting, however, was the way his bright blue eyes were glassy with tears.
Magnus could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen Alec cry, and all of those times were in the midst of some extenuating battle, some terrible loss, something that he blamed himself for. Magnus could only imagine what horror Alec had been subjected to that day to make him so vulnerable, in a way that Magnus knew he hated to be.
When Alec whimpered and almost keeled over, Magnus sprang into action and rushed to his side. “Alec?” he murmured, wrapping his arms around his Shadowhunter’s tall frame to keep him upright. “Angel, what happened?”
“D-Demon attack,” Alec muttered, leaning on Magnus. “Shax demons, a dozen of them.” He whimpered in a very uncharacteristic way and buried his face in Magnus’s shoulder. “Jace got hurt.”
The last piece of the puzzle clicked into place in Magnus’s mind. Of course. One of his siblings getting injured would certainly explain the way Alec was acting.
“Come on, love,” Magnus crooned, wrapping his arms around Alec and lifting the Shadowhunter into his arms. Blue magic encircled Alec’s body, already mending and healing while Magnus carried him over to the couch.
“M-Magnus,” Alec cried when Magnus set him down. Magnus could practically feel his heart breaking as Alec reached for him, desperate for his touch.
“Shh, it’s okay, my love,” Magnus cooed softly as he began mending the broken ribs and various cuts and bruises that littered Alec’s body. “I’m right here.”
Tears slipped from Alec’s eyes as Magnus worked, and Magnus could feel his own eyes becoming wet, as well. It was killing him to see his husband in so much pain.
“Alright, I’m going to heal this now,” Magnus said, placing his hand over the gash in Alec’s side. “Can you stay still for me, sweetheart?” He locked eyes with Alec, who nodded obediently, still crying. “Good,” Magnus crooned, and he lifted Alec’s shirt to imbue the cut with cerulean magic. Alec watched in awe as the wipsy, smokelike tendrils worked to heal the large gash left in his side by one of the Shax demons. In a few minutes, the cut had closed and the blood that stained Alec’s clothes earlier had vanished.
“There you go, all fixed up,” Magnus said, reaching for Alec immediately. Alec leaned eagerly into Magnus’s embrace, burying his face in Magnus’s shoulder.
“Oh, darling,” Magnus sighed, running his fingers through Alec’s thick black hair. “It’s alright, I promise. Shh, it’s okay. You’re safe, sweetheart. I’m right here.”
Alec shook his head, sobbing into Magnus’s shoulder. “Y-You don’t understand...my fault, Magnus. It was all my fault.”
“No, it was not,” Magnus said firmly, pushing back just slightly so that he could look into Alec’s eyes. “It was not your fault at all, Alexander.”
“Yes, it was,” Alec cried. “Jace is hurt because of me, Magnus! It’s my fault!” He buried his face in his hands and Magnus felt his own tears spill over as Alec’s shoulders began to shake violently.
“Hey, look at me,” Magnus urged his husband gently. Alec reluctantly raised his head to meet Magnus’s gaze, blinking tears from his eyelashes. “You did everything right, sweetheart.” He reached out to stroke Alec’s cheek, wiping away the other man’s tears with the pad of his thumb.
Alec shook his head, looking away.
“You’re a Shadowhunter,” Magnus continued. “Injuries are pretty par for the course, Alexander.” He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Alec’s forehead. “You are not to blame when they occur.”
“B-But I - ”
“No buts,” Magnus shushed him. “You did everything you could.”
“You weren’t even there, Mags,” Alec protested. “How could you possibly know - ”
“Because I know you, Alexander,” Magnus interrupted him. “And I know you would never intentionally put your parabatai in danger.” Alec’s eyes filled with tears again and he whimpered softly. “You are a good brother, a good parabatai,” Magnus said, planting a soft kiss to Alec’s lips. He tasted the salt of Alec’s tears, but he didn’t care.
“I’m not,” Alec said, his voice breaking. More tears slid down his cheeks, and he choked on a sob. “I’m not a good brother, Magnus. I’m not a good leader, not a good Shadowhunter. I-I’m not a good anything. I led my team into danger, I got Jace hurt, I…” He trailed off, chest heaving as he broke into desperate sobs.
Magnus tugged him close and whispered sweet nothings into Alec’s ear. “Shh, yes, you are, my love,” Magnus said, rubbing soothing circles into his husband’s back. “You’re perfect, Alexander.” He placed a light kiss to the tip of Alec’s earlobe and whispered, “I love you.”
“L-Love you, too, Mags,” Alec choked out.
“It’s going to be okay,” Magnus promised him. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I’ve got you, Alec. I’ve got you.”
Alec shuddered and relaxed into Magnus’s arms, sobbing freely. He tried to form words around his cries, but all that came out were strangled sounds of despair that had Magnus pulling him closer and wrapping a warm blue blanket of magic around them.
They stayed like that for a few minutes while Alec cried into Magnus’s shoulder before he finally seemed to settle down. He removed himself from Magnus’s embrace and tried to wipe the tear tracks from his face. “I’m sorry,” he said, refusing to meet Magnus’s eyes.
“Don’t you dare apologise,” Magnus said firmly, catching his arm before he could pull away any further. “Alexander, look at me.” Alec trained his gaze resolutely on the floor. Magnus tightened his grip. “Look at me.”
Reluctantly, Alec lifted his head to meet Magnus’s stare, and Magnus reached out to catch Alec’s chin in his ringed hands, so the other man couldn’t pull away. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” Magnus said, enunciating each word carefully. “Do you hear me, Alexander? Nothing. You never have to apologise to me for something like that.”
Alec nodded and sent Magnus a grateful half-smile, which Magnus returned tenfold, happy to see his Shadowhunter in better spirits.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Magnus asked gently, stroking his hand up and down Alec’s spine in a comforting manner.
Alec winced and took a deep breath. “W-We were ambushed by Shax demons. It was just me, Izzy, and Jace out on patrol. We hadn’t heard of any demonic activity, so we thought we’d be fine on our own.” His voice broke and he paused, looking at Magnus. Magnus nodded encouragingly and intertwined his fingers with Alec’s.
“There were a dozen or more demons,” Alec continued in a tremulous voice. “We managed to take care of most of them, but we, uh, w-we missed a few.” He took another deep breath and Magnus could see that his eyes were glassy with tears again.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Magnus reassured him gently. “We can talk about it later, if that’d be easier.” He brushed his lips across the back of Alec’s hand.
“No, I want to get this out,” Alec insisted. He cleared his throat and steadied himself, holding tight to Magnus’s hand. “The remaining few attacked Jace and I when our backs were turned,” he explained. “One got a piece of me before I killed it, and Izzy took care of the other two, but one of them did a number on Jace.” His lip trembled. “It tore into him pretty good. The iratze wouldn’t take. We just barely made it back to the Institute in time.” The tears that Alec had been trying to keep at bay spilled over, but he continued on doggedly. “He’s in the infirmary now.”
“Why didn’t you go with him?” Magnus asked softly, wiping the tears that had escaped from Alec’s eyes away tenderly.
“I didn’t deserve to,” Alec whimpered. “Not after I wasn’t able to protect him.” He twisted out of Magnus’s grip and curled in on himself. “I should have known about a demon nest that big, Magnus. I should have known. It’s my job to protect him and keep him safe and I failed. I didn’t deserve to get looked at, fussed over, taken care of.”
“So you came here instead,” Magnus mused. He reached out to brush a strand of Alec’s hair back from his face. “You came home, to me. Thank you, Alexander.” He pulled Alec into a bone-crushing hug. “Thank you for trusting me to take care of you, Alec. Even when you don’t feel like you deserve it.”
Alec shuddered and clung to Magnus. “I always trust you, Mags,” he admitted tearfully. “Knew you’d help me.” He pressed his face into Magnus’s shoulder. “You always do.”
Magnus smiled and leaned back to place a soft kiss to Alec’s forehead. “Of course I do, my love. Helping you is my greatest honour.”
Alec chuckled wetly and tucked his head into the hollow of Magnus’s neck, sniffling. “Can we just...stay here for a while?”
“Anything you want, sweetheart,” Magnus agreed. He waved his hands and Alec watched in awe as the couch magically expanded to fit both of them. Magnus laid down, taking Alec with him, and magicked a blanket to lay over both of them.
“I’ve got you,” Magnus promised Alec. “Forever.”
Alec sighed and curled closer to his husband, his tears forgotten. Some days were hard. Some days were so difficult that they made him feel as though he’d never have another good day. But with Magnus by his side, Alec knew that he would never have to face them alone.