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“Sirius.” Sirius pulled the bedcovers tighter around himself, he could feel warm breath in his ear and a soft hand on his chest beneath his pyjama top. “Sirius, wake up.” Marlene whispered.
“Timesit?” He grumbled, opening his eyes. The room was pitch black.
“It’s about two in morning.” She said. Sirius groaned and pulled his pillow over his head. Marlene snatched it away and he felt it hit his feet. “I want you to come with me, get dressed.” He felt her stand. Where could she possibly want him to go at two in the morning? He reached out and grabbed hold of her waist, pulling her down on top of him. To her credit she kept very quiet. The pressure of her body on his, the way her hair was tickling his face…he suddenly felt awake, alert. He reached for her thigh and was disappointed to feel denim beneath his fingers instead of bare skin. She grabbed hold of his wrist and pinned it to the mattress when he popped open the button of her jeans. Probably a good thing too, James would never speak to him again if he had sex with Marlene while he was sleeping in the next bed. “Get dressed.” She whispered.
“Not until you tell me where we’re going.” He said quietly.
“It’s snowing. It’s my last first snowfall here.” Of course, snow. He couldn’t see her features but he knew her eyes were alive with excitement. Sirius reluctantly slid her off of him and got out of bed. It took him considerably longer to find warm clothes and boots in the darkness, but after five minutes and a stubbed toe he followed Marlene down to the common room. He noticed that she was wearing the thick jumper that he had actually been looking for under her coat. The rotten thief. It occurred to him, as they crept down the stairs to the sixth floor, that he should have grabbed James’s cloak. However, they didn’t meet Filch or any of the teachers along the way and, after a quick check to make sure the coast was still clear, they went through the door to the Astronomy corridor. Sirius was sure they would have had a better view when things were lighter a few hours from now, but he doubted Marlene would be told. They climbed the spiral staircase and out into the cold night air. “Look at it.” Marlene breathed, gazing out over the grounds and surrounding mountains. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Yeah.” He said softly, watching her. What possible interest could this view itself hold for him when he could watch her admiring it. There was a layer of fresh snow beneath their feet and she pressed her shoe into it, leaving a footprint. How was it possible that she treated every single snowfall like it was her first? It was still falling gently, dusting her hair…his own too he imagined. She looked down at it on her sleeve, before sticking out her tongue to catch some in her mouth like she was a little kid. Marlene sat down on the parapet, facing him, and he felt the smile drop from his face. “Get down.” He said quickly, but she just rolled her eyes. “Marley, I mean it. I’ve watched you fall through the air to what should have been your death once already. It’s not an experience I ever want to repeat.”
“Don’t worry, I’m indestructible. I’m never going to die.” She grinned.
“Marley—” She leant back, hovering right over the edge, sitting almost horizontal, and released her grip on the stone wall. Sirius could feel his heart pounding against his ribs. One gust of wind, one slip on the ice, and she’d fall head first off of the tower. “Marlene, please get down.” He begged. She must have heard the desperation in his voice because she sighed and sat up. Sirius lunged forwards, grabbing her wrist and pulling her into his arms. He backed right up to the wall and slid down to sit on the stone floor. Marlene settled herself down, her back against his chest, and looked up at the sky. His grip on her was a little tighter than normal, but if it bothered her she didn’t complain.
“Can you see your star? Wait, are you a star or constellation prize?” She shook with laughter at her own terrible joke.
“I hate you so fucking much.” He muttered, unable to stop a grin curling around the words. “If you listened at all in Astronomy—
“I didn’t.”
“—you’d know that I’m a star.” He finished.
“You’re just as pretty to look at.” She said it in a teasing voice, but the way she gave his knee a squeeze…he knew that she’d meant it. He bit down on his tongue to keep himself from saying something cheesy, he hadn’t caught her in a soft enough mood for grand declarations of love — he’d realised that as soon as she’d started leaning out over the edge of the tower — and she’d be sure to mock him for pointing out that he’d rather look at her. “Are you going to name your children after stars? If you have any that is.” She seemed to suddenly be choosing her words very carefully.
“I doubt it.” Sirius chuckled. “The whole star thing is a Black tradition, and I don’t want to saddle a child with anything to do with my family…probably best if I just don’t have any at all really.”
“You don’t want kids?” Marlene asked, her voice sharper than he was sure that she had intended.
“I don’t think it’s fair to inflict myself on a child.” Sirius shrugged, he’d hardly had the best role models…who was he supposed to model his parenting off? His mother? His father? He shuddered at the thought.
“Stop it, Sirius.” Marlene snapped. “Any child would be lucky to have you. You’re good, and brave, and you have such a big heart.”
They sat in silence for a long time. Sirius wanted, more than anything, to be able to see himself the way that Marley saw him. Marlene McKinnon, who would not hear a bad word said against him, who always defended him with a ferocity so blinding that it out shone the sun.
“What’s going on in that big brain of yours?” Sirius eventually asked. Her posture in his arms had changed, and while he couldn’t see her face, he knew that a darkness had crossed it.
“I keep thinking about those kids. And that poor woman…I can’t even imagine…” She choked. Sirius stiffened beneath her, trying to force his mind back out of that park. Bellatrix had been aiming at him. He had no proof that the Death Eater under the mask had been Bella, of course, but he knew it like he knew his own name. She’d followed him…to kill him? On some level definitely. Yet, she’d hesitated. It had been a fraction of a second, where they had shared some memory or another, but it had been enough for Marley to pull him out of the line of fire. Except, when she did, the Killing curse had hit a five year old.
There was nothing he could do to walk that back.
There was nothing he could do to walk back Bella firing Killing curses around in frustration and slaughtering so many innocent people that sunny afternoon.
There was nothing he could do to walk back that poor Muggle lady’s screams as the dust settled and she was confronted with the bodies of her two dead children.
That would haunt him for the rest of his life.
“So do I.” He muttered. “I wish we could have done more.” They had fought…Marlene had sent for Moody with some of the fastest magic he had ever seen in his life, they had battled the Death Eaters alongside the Aurors that had arrived on the scene…but it didn’t feel like enough. They hadn’t saved enough people. “It was Bellatrix, I don’t know about the others that showed up, but that first Death Eater was Bella.” He finally said.
“What?” Marlene asked, turning on her side in his arms. “You never said, how do you know?”
“I don’t know, but I know.”
“But she tried to kill you.” The outrage in her voice was adorable. Marlene was from a happy, normal, and more importantly, good family. There were just somethings about his life that she would never be able to understand, not fully anyway. She complained about her brother, but Jeremy was still a good guy…in fact, he was positively angelic in comparison to some of Sirius’s relatives.
“You’ve seen what my family is like.” Sirius shrugged. “They aren’t all awful, Andromeda is wonderful, and I think Narcissa is good deep down…very, very deep down. But, most of them think I’m a complete waste — though Uncle Alphard just left me fucking fortune, he always liked me.”
“Ah yes.” He could hear the grin in her voice. “You’re back to being a very rich man, I wasn’t looking forward to having to break up with you.”
“I hate you so much.” He laughed again. “I’m going to start looking for my own place, maybe move back to London. I’ve imposed on the Potters for too long.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Mr and Mrs Potter love having you.” Marlene sighed. Sirius made a non committal noise, his own parents didn’t love having him, why on earth would someone else’s? He didn’t want to get into an argument with Marlene over it now though, she always seemed to win. “Why do you call them Mr and Mrs Potter?”
“You call them Mr and Mrs Potter.” Marlene pointed out.
“Yes, but you’ve known them all your life, I haven’t.”
“I’ve never asked. James also calls Mum and Dad Mr and Mrs McKinnon. Maybe when Jeremy was born Mum just thought it would be the polite thing because they’re older and it stuck.” She said, pushing herself to her feet. "Let’s go back inside."
“Marlene McKinnon has had enough of the snow?” Sirius gasped. “Are you feeling alright? Would you like to go to the hospital wing?”
“Oh shut up.” Marlene said, holding out her hand. Sirius took it and she pulled him up.
“Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?”
“I hate you, Sirius Black.” She smiled. They hurried back down the spiral staircase, through the door at the end of the corridor, and back out onto the sixth floor. She slipped her icy fingers under his layers of clothing to touch his stomach.
“Marley!” He jumped.
“Shh.” Her hiss was impaired by her giggles.
“What do you think you are doing?” They spun around, McGonagall was stood behind them in her tartan dressing gown, her mouth pulled to a thin and furious line. “It is three o’clock in the morning!”
Sirius tried his best to stop himself from grinning, he really did, but compared to his usual misadventures, wandering around in the dead of night was pretty minor. “We were sleepwalking, Professor.” He said sweetly, trying to bite back his laugh. McGonagall’s face softened for a moment, clearly remembering the straight up lie the eight Gryffindors had told her in their first year when she’d caught them out of bed, before the stern expression was securely back in place.
“We’ll see how amusing you find it during a week of detentions.” McGonagall snapped.
“It was my idea Professor. You should just put me in detention.” Marlene said quickly, Sirius felt a rush of affection, Marlene was terrified of McGonagall’s wrath and she was trying to take all the blame. “I forced Sirius to come with me.”
“She’s a liar, Professor, prolific really. It was my idea.” Sirius said. “You shouldn’t give—”
“Enough! Go to bed, both of you! There will be hell to pay tomorrow morning if either of you so much as yawn in Transfiguration.”
Sirius didn’t dare speak until they were back up on the seventh floor. “Definitely worth it.” He grinned, squeezing Marlene’s hand.