Work Text:
The first time Felix heard it, he waved it off as having misheard something mashed together because of the clamor of a crowd.
By the fifth time he heard it, he knew there was no mistaking it.
“What,” he said, roughly grabbing the courtier by the arm, “did you just say?”
“I… uhhh…” The courtier looked around but the woman he’d been speaking to had apparently vanished around the corner the minute she’d seen Felix’s expression. “Your Grace?”
“Answer the question.”
Eyes darting nervously from left to right, the courtier said, “We were only saying that everyone knows you’re the person who gets things done in the kingdom because His Majesty listens to you.”
Felix shook his head, voice teetering on the edge of a growl. “Try again.”
“Your Grace?”
“The exact wording.” They were starting to attract unwanted attention but Felix couldn’t find it in himself to care at the moment. It wasn’t like he was particularly beloved for his jovial nature in the palace anyways.
The courtier swallowed hard and stared at the ground as he said almost too quietly to be heard, “Everyone knows the king listens to his duke consort about the running of the kingdom.”
There it was. Duke consort. Felix wanted to break something but he knew Dimitri would be less than pleased if that something was this man’s face so instead, he released his arm with a shove. “Leave. Now.”
Duke consort. The mere idea of stringing those two words together was absurd and the mere connotation of the phrase made him want to set the entire palace on fire and walk away. Gilbert had been telling Dimitri for years that he needed to take a wife and it had decidedly started to set Felix’s teeth on edge in recent years especially when Gilbert did so within Felix’s hearing which he was increasingly convinced he did on purpose. The older man had never said anything but Felix got the feeling he didn’t approve of his somewhat less than secret relationship with the king. Not that he gave a damn about what anyone else thought of him.
He did, unfortunately, give at least a fraction of a damn of what people thought of Dimitri. It was part of his job description as a royal advisor and probably also as the king’s shield although he liked that last title a lot better when it involved literally bashing a shield into the face of someone who sought to harm the king. This was a problem he was going to have to stomp out and quickly.
Therefore, Felix did the absolute stupidest thing he could think of to do: he went to talk to Sylvain.
“Oh yeah, they’ve been saying that one for a month,” Sylvain said, stretching his arms up to link behind his head.
“What,” Felix said flatly.
He continued on like Felix hadn’t said anything. “I’m surprised you’re just now hearing it. It’s been everywhere.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?”
Sylvain shrugged. “Thought you knew?”
Felix inhaled through his nose. “Does Dimitri know?”
“Don’t know.”
“What do you know?”
Tilting his head to the left, Sylvain furrowed his brow as if in thought before snapping his fingers. “It takes three solid days of riding to get from here back to Gautier territory. Two and a half if you really push it.”
“I hate you,” Felix said emphatically before dropping to sit in a comfortable looking chair and committing himself to the rest of this conversation.
“I know but you’re here anyways,” Sylvain said, taking one of the chairs near him. “So. Do you want to talk about it?”
He crossed his arms. “Absolutely not.”
“Great. Good talk.”
Felix gritted his teeth but stayed silent out of pure stubbornness.
Sylvain didn’t say anything for a few minutes and just fiddled with his belt knife, twirling it between his fingers. Finally, he said, “Look, you’re the one who came to me. And you know I’m gonna make you talk about it. So just spit it out already, Fe.”
“Don’t call me that,” Felix said, more out of habit than anything else. He inhaled through his nose then out and then in again. “They’re using words that--I’m not his husband. We’re not… they’re making this into one big joke.”
“Aww, Felix, come on,” Sylvain resheathed the belt knife and sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees. “No one’s making fun of you. I mean, sure, maybe it’s said with some humor but they’re not--”
“You’re contradicting yourself.”
“Humor as in fondly.”
“People,” Felix said deliberately, “are not fond of me.”
“I hate to break it to you but people are definitely fond of you.”
“You and Ingrid and the rest don’t count as people.”
“Wowww,” Sylvain said with a laugh. “Remind me to be offended about that later.”
Slouching down in his seat, Felix said, “You know what I meant.”
As was his habit, he stretched up and linked his hands behind his head, balancing it out by next extending out his legs and taking up entirely too much space. “Look, just because you haven’t noticed doesn’t mean it’s not true. Just because you’re prickly and grumpy doesn’t stop the people from liking you. I know you’ve noticed how they cheer whenever you’re arriving back after handling Dimitri’s latest problem.”
“I’m just an extension of the king. They’re cheering for him.”
“Uh-huh. Sure. And how do you explain all the servants keeping your and Dimitri’s little secret?” Both of Felix’s eyebrows shot up and Sylvain sighed. “Oh come on, people found out because you two couldn’t keep your hands off each other outside of the bedroom a few too many times. And all those longing looks you guys shot each other for years weren’t really subtle either.”
“We did not … ugh,” Felix said. Longing looks. As if that was something he would have ever done.
Sylvain grinned. “Oh yeah. You definitely did.” Raking a hand through his hair, Felix looked away but it didn’t help much because he could still feel Sylvain’s eyes boring into him. “The point I’m trying to make is that the people actually like you and they love Dimitri and if they’re calling you the duke consort--”
“Don’t say it!” Felix’s cheeks turned red.
“--the duke consort,” Sylvain repeated just to needle him, “it’s because they think you’re worthy of him and being his partner. Or something like that.”
It was at that point that Felix fled out of the room at a run without another word, ignoring everything Sylvain shouted after him.
With every second that passed, he was increasingly tempted to pack just enough of the essentials, jump on a horse, and ride until he reached the manor on Fraldarius territory where absolutely no one would dare utter that stupid sounding fake title at him. They’d leave him alone and he wouldn’t have to hear any gossip or see anyone. But that included Dimitri.
Felix sighed loudly and slammed his fist into his leg, making a passerby jump but he didn’t care as long as they didn’t call him that stupid fake title again. He needed a second opinion.
“No,” Ingrid said as soon as she opened the door and saw his face. “Whatever it is… no.”
“Ingrid--”
“Go talk to Sylvain about it.”
“Who do you think I went to first?”
She narrowed her eyes. “I feel like I should be offended that I’m your second choice.” Felix shrugged and after a long moment, she sighed and pushed the door further open. “Fine.”
Even though he’d been in them before, Felix still glanced around her quarters out of curiosity. Dorothea’s touches were readily apparent, more so since they’d gotten married, but they still felt very Ingrid with their neat functionality. Just about the only thing that wasn’t orderly was her desk which was covered with papers. “Were you busy?”
Ingrid shrugged. “When aren’t we? Speaking of which, aren’t you supposed to be knee deep in paperwork right now too?”
He blinked. “I… Dimitri will be fine without me for a bit.”
She raised her eyebrows but didn’t make the comment he knew she had to be thinking. Instead, she gestured towards the sitting area. “So what’s going on?”
For a few seconds, Felix mulled over a few different ways to say it in his head but none of them sounded anything less than slightly absurd so he went with the easiest one. “Apparently some people have taken to calling me,” he grimaced and choked on the words, “the duke consort.”
Ingrid’s expression was a perfect mixture of horror and surprise which was painfully relatable. “They’re calling you what?”
“You heard me the first time. I’m not saying it again,” he said.
“Doesn’t consort imply you’re…”
“Yes.”
“Did you…”
“Of course not!”
She blinked. “Does Dimitri know?”
This conversation was feeling irritatingly familiar. “I don’t know.”
“You’re going to have to tell him.”
“I know that,” Felix said between gritted teeth, “but I want to fix it first.”
Ingrid leaned forward, fiddling with her wedding ring and taking a moment to think before carefully saying, “Felix, you can’t fix everything.”
“Fixing things for Dimitri is my job,” he said, turning so he could stare at a wall instead. He couldn’t decide if he was annoyed or relieved that Dorothea wasn’t there too. On the one hand, she was better at this sort of thing but on the other hand, she’d be mercilessly teasing him right now even more than Sylvain. Actually, come to think of it, it was a good thing she was away because he didn’t think he could handle Dorothea and Sylvain combined right now. “So I have to fix this.”
“By which you mean stop them from calling you the duke consort anymore?”
He could feel his cheeks flush. “Stop saying it!”
“Listen, Felix…” Ingrid paused for so long that he had to turn and look at her again. “If things could change for me, then maybe they can… if you wanted them to…”
It was impossible to say whether he or Ingrid felt more uncomfortable by the conversation’s new direction which left him with precisely one course of action.
“I have to go,” he said, standing up so abruptly that his chair teetered backwards on its back two legs before landing on all four again.
“Felix…” Ingrid said resignedly but not like she actually expected for him to come back. Which was good. Because he wasn’t going to.
Talking was stupid. All of this was stupid. He needed to go do something that wasn’t stupid.
That was how Felix ended up in the training yard with a sword in hand and several hours’ worth of sweat upon his brow. “Pathetic,” he muttered, turning away from his latest opponent who was currently sprawled on his back, nursing his wrist. One of the youths who’d clustered around the yard to watch ran up with wide eyes and a waterskin. He murmured his thanks before taking a long drink from it and then another before handing it back. They must have been refilling it regularly because it should have been empty at least two hours ago.
Carefully, he rolled his neck first one way and then the other. Fatigue was slowly starting to set in which meant he’d have to start being a bit more careful if he wanted to remain undefeated today which was absolutely key. Whoever was in charge of training their army recruits now clearly wasn’t doing their job well enough if he was beating all of them this easily. “Who’s next?” he asked, raising his voice loud enough to be heard but not turning around. Oddly, only silence greeted him. He repeated himself louder this time, “I said who’s next?”
“Do you know, I heard the oddest rumor today.”
Now that was a voice he knew all too well. Slowly, Felix turned to see Dimitri standing there with amusement written all across his face.
“Apparently,” Dimitri said, taking a few measured steps across the field, “the Duke Fraldarius has been here all afternoon fighting anyone willing to step up to the challenge instead of being at his king’s side during his council meetings. Would you happen to know anything about that?”
He planted both of his feet and one hand on his hip. “I sent a runner to tell you I was occupied.”
“You did,” he conceded with a nod, “but your presence was still missed.”
They had an audience now and a murmur of whispers as background noise. It would have irritated him anyways but it especially irritated him now that he had a feeling what stupid words at least some of them were saying behind their hands. So much for all the effort he’d gone into pushing them out of his mind. Instead, Felix pointed his sword towards Dimitri; something that likely would have gotten anyone else killed. “Are you here to challenge me next then?”
“Not today, I’m afraid.” He was close enough now that he could lightly bat his blade aside and speak softly enough that no one else could hear them. “Besides, I prefer to spar with you without an audience.”
The innuendo was not subtle. Felix ground his back teeth. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Says the man who’s been out here fighting for the last three hours.”
“I’m your shield. It’s my job to keep my sword skills sharp.”
“Amongst other things. I’ve missed you today.”
“You saw me this morning.”
“That was many hours ago.” It was incredible how much of a presence Dimitri always seemed to have. Even dressed as he was for a day of court and negotiations, there was no doubting his prowess as a warrior if someone were to put a lance in his hand and maybe even if they didn’t. It was one of the things Felix loved about him.
What he loved a little less right now was how Dimitri was currently raising a hand and brushing his fingers against his cheek with an intent look in his eye. He didn’t flinch but instead firmly said, “Dimitri, don’t.”
For a brief second, he hesitated before dropping his hand to his side. “Of course.”
It wasn’t like Felix hadn’t shied away from demonstrations of affection in public before, even small ones, but it hadn’t happened as much lately which was probably responsible for the look of hurt in Dimitri’s blue eye. It was also probably why people had started saying things like--damnit. He tried to shove all of those feelings down and asked, “Did you need me for something?”
“I missed you,” Dimitri said again, clearly swallowing back some absurd term of endearment for which Felix was grateful. “Dine with me tonight.”
For a moment, he considered needling him further and asking if that was a royal command but he wasn’t really in the mood to see that kicked puppy look again so instead, he said, “Fine. But I need to finish up here and bathe first.”
“I’ll have a bath drawn for you,” Dimitri said, a smile slipping back onto his features again.
Felix sighed. “You’re a king, Dimitri, not a servant or a messenger.”
“It’s hardly any trouble to make the request since I’m headed back to our quarters anyways.”
There was something about how he so casually said ‘our’ that tugged at something deep inside of Felix and threatened to crack his scowl. They weren’t actually ‘their’ quarters, of course. As the Duke Fraldarius and someone who was certainly not keeping their monarch’s bed warm, he kept a suite of rooms in the palace but rarely slept there. Everyone just pretended not to notice that a fair number of the clothes in the king’s chambers were sized to fit someone far smaller.
Judging by his smile, Dimitri seemed to realize he’d won their verbal spar. “Half an hour, Felix. Or else I will send someone to come find you.”
“As Your Majesty commands,” Felix said with a healthy dose of sarcasm that just made Dimitri laugh as he left the training yard, taking much of their audience with him.
Despite all of his complaining, there was no stopping the sound of longing that escaped from Felix’s lips precisely twenty-nine minutes later when he saw the steaming tub of water that awaited him. “I take it back!” Felix said loudly as he quickly stripped out of his sweat-soaked clothes. “You’re an excellent messenger.”
“Am I forgiven then?” Dimitri asked, voice growing steadily louder until he was leaning against the door frame, arms folded across his chest.
“Don’t fish for compliments,” Felix said as he tossed his trousers and small clothes aside and climbed into the hot water that was just on the right side of too hot. Closing his eyes, he submerged entirely for a few seconds before surfacing again and pushing his now soaking wet hair out of his eyes. “And don’t make a fish joke either.”
“So demanding,” Dimitri said as he pushed off the door to approach. He crouched down so their heads were on level and gently caressed Felix’s cheek. Softly, he asked, “May I?”
A part of Felix hated how goddess damned considerate Dimitri could be some days because it filled him with guilt for shying away before. The other part of him settled for just grabbing Dimitri’s head with both his hands and yanking him the rest of the way down for a kiss. For a moment, he considered pulling him the rest of the way into the tub like had happened at least twice before but that seemed like an idea for another time so instead, he contented himself with making the kiss just this side of filthy. It was the first thing the entire day that felt simple and he reveled in it.
“The kitchen said they’ll have dinner sent up here in about fifteen to twenty minutes,” Dimitri said as their lips parted.
Felix’s head hit the metal side of the tub with a loud clunk. “Are you trying to torture me?”
Dimitri shrugged as he straightened back up. “Mostly, I’m trying to feed you.”
There was something about the way he glanced to the side for the briefest of seconds that made Felix narrow his eyes. “Did you remember to eat lunch?”
“Twenty minutes, Felix!” Dimitri said over his shoulder as he made a hasty retreat out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
“Idiot,” Felix muttered to an empty room before sliding under the water again.
Unfortunately, the silence and the stillness of the water left him with no choice but to confront the problem that had plagued him all day: that absurd farce of a title. There was no getting around it: he had to tell Dimitri about it because it could turn into a much bigger problem than just being embarrassing. He just wished he’d managed to come up with a solution while he’d spent the afternoon knocking people on their rears in the training yard. (That was also a problem: he was going to need to talk to whoever was in charge of their military training program because at least someone should have managed to come closer to beating him.)
Removed as he was from the front rooms of the royal suite, he could still hear the faint sounds of someone knocking on the door and then wheeling a cart inside. That could only be their dinner arriving which meant his time to think was rapidly drawing to a close. He glared at the ceiling as he listened to Dimitri say something to the kitchen staff. The door shut and he began to count silently. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Sev--
“Come eat with me. Please.”
For a moment, Felix considered staying in the tub just to be petulant but the water was starting to edge towards lukewarm and unless he decided to just quietly drown himself, there was no point in staying there. Still, it was with reluctance that he climbed out of the tub, dried himself off, and pulled on a pair of clean trousers and a too big shirt. Somehow, he seemed to have accidentally grabbed one of Dimitri’s instead but he just shoved the sleeves up past his elbows. It was less effort than changing again. Hopefully by now, Dimitri had also gotten around to shedding a few layers of clothing and even if he hadn’t, that was a problem Felix was more than capable of solving.
As he stepped into the front room, Dimitri had done precisely that and was pouring both of them glasses of wine but instantly paused to look up at him. “I thought you might stay there a bit longer.”
“I thought about it,” Felix admitted. He plucked the decanter from Dimitri’s hands and set it down before reaching up and drawing him into a kiss. Dimitri’s arms immediately wrapped around him, pulling him close and making it feel like more of a proper kiss than the one before. This was how he wished things could be between them: private and away from anyone else’s eyes. He knew why they couldn’t be: Dimitri was king and he ultimately belonged to the people. It was fine. He understood. Fódlan needed him more but selfishly, Felix wanted him too.
Their hands lingered on each other as their lips parted and for a moment, Felix thought that maybe they might skip eating entirely but then Dimitri stepped back and said, “Let’s eat first. I’m starving.”
“That’s what happens when you forget to eat lunch,” Felix said as he slid into his seat.
“I got caught up in a few matters.”
“I’m sure.” There were benefits to Dimitri being king and one of them was the food. The meals the kitchen served them on a regular basis were never extravagant but they were always good. It wasn’t until he shoved the first bite of meat into his mouth that he realized how famished he’d been. They ate in companionable silence for a few minutes before he said, “Sorry I missed the meetings today.”
Dimitri chewed and swallowed his own mouthful of food before speaking. “Your counsel was missed, of course.” Felix rolled his eyes and shoved another bite of meat in his mouth. “But nothing of particular note. I had the scribe make a copy of today’s notes to leave on your desk.”
“So boring then.”
“Well…” Dimitri hesitated. He was always loath to call anything about the running of the kingdom boring out of some strange sense of honor. “I suspect yours was a bit more exciting. Did you spend all of it sword fighting?”
His shoulders tensed. “No.”
“Oh?”
Felix scowled at his potatoes.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, of course.”
“You,” Felix said, jabbing at him with his fork, “are infuriating.”
Dimitri was unphased. “And yet you love me anyways.”
A few years ago, those mere words would have been enough to make Felix’s ears turn bright red and send him running from the room like he’d done earlier but now, he simply nodded. “For some goddess forsaken reason, yeah. I do love you.” He almost wanted to take the words back when Dimitri positively beamed at him. “Shut up,” he muttered before shoving his fork in his mouth. It probably would have worked better if the potato hadn’t fallen off of it first. Stupid root vegetable. He pretended not to notice the muffled snort from across the table.
Comfortable silence reigned again for another few minutes until both of their plates were just about clear. Dimitri set his wine glass down and asked, “Felix, did I overstep earlier in the training yard?”
To buy himself some time, he took a swallow of wine. The best answer he could come up with was, “Maybe.” Finally, he dragged his gaze upwards to actually look him in the eye. There was nothing but patience there mixed with the tiniest bit of confusion. He hated trying to put this sort of thing into words but he had to try anyway. “There were too many people there.”
Dimitri furrowed his brow. “I’ve kissed you in public before.”
“Everyone was watching.” He winced, annoyed by how childish the words sounded even to his own ears. “I know we stopped being a secret ages ago but there’s a difference between people hearing about it and…” Felix made a vague gesture with his wine glass.
“Actually seeing the king kissing his duke?” he finished for him.
“Yes. That.”
“I’ll be more careful in the future.”
There was something about how Dimitri was so earnest and open and concerned that made something inside Felix snap and he dropped his nearly empty wine glass and then his head into his hands with a groan. “That’s not—argh! I wanted to fix this before I told you.”
Carefully, Dimitri asked, “Is this whatever it is that kept you so occupied this afternoon?”
“Yes.”
“Were you planning on telling me about it tonight?”
“...maybe.”
“Felix, whatever it is, I have no doubt that we can figure out a way to fix it together.”
“I don’t think we can fix this.” That was the conclusion Felix had been avoiding letting himself even think, much less say, all day. Saying it now felt like admitting defeat.
“Whatever it is, we’ll find a way. Would you tell me what’s bothering you? Please?”
Ugh. The look Dimitri was giving him should have been classified as a weapon because it was one he could rarely say no to. Felix took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself for any potential reaction that Dimitri might have. “Fine. Apparently. There are people in the palace who have decided to start referring to me as your duke consort. Because of our relationship.”
For the longest time Dimitri stared at him with a bizarre expression on his face that Felix couldn’t quite read. And then, after what felt like forever, Dimitri laughed.
That was not one of the ones he’d prepared himself for. “Would you stop?” he hissed when it became clear he wasn’t going to.
“I’m sorry, Felix,” Dimitri said, decidedly not not laughing for a few more seconds before he finally stopped. “I just… as far as nicknames go, it’s rather creative. Endearing even.”
“It’s embarrassing!”
Almost immediately, his expression sobered. “I’m sorry,” he said again, this time actually sounding like he was. “It’s not exactly a typical sort of title but it is inventive given our relationship. Fairly accurate even.”
Everything about Dimitri’s reaction was confusing. How could he not see how this was a problem? Felix’s hands curled into fists on the table. “I’m not your damn wife.”
He frowned. “Of course not.”
Habit meant he kept his nails short but they were still biting sharply into his palms. “It’s what consort implies.”
“No, it indicates marriage to a monarch,” Dimitri said, any sort of mirth completely gone from his face now. “If you were to marry me, you’d be my husband and therefore also my prince consort.”
Felix scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“We’d have to do some research and see if there’s any precedent for keeping your ducal title.”
“Dimitri.”
There was silence between them for a few painfully long moments before Dimitri spoke, his voice just this side louder than a whisper as he said, “I would, you know.”
Felix gritted his teeth. “Would what?”
“Marry you.”
“You can’t just say things like that!”
“Even if they’re true?”
“Especially then!”
“I think that is precisely why I must say them.”
Everything had changed so fast. Dropping his head into his hands, Felix’s next words came out more like a plea than he would have liked. “Dimitri…”
There was a rustle of fabric and the sound of a chair scraping backwards followed by footsteps. “I need you to understand,” Dimitri said, voice loud enough that he had to be close now.
And then that suspicion was confirmed as he pried Felix’s hands away from his face so Felix could see that Dimitri had turned his chair and was kneeling in front of him. He muttered, “Get up, you idiot. You’re the king. You’re not supposed to kneel.”
Dimitri ignored him just like he usually did and instead pressed a kiss to the knuckles of first his left hand and then his right. “I need you to understand that if I thought there was a chance in the world you would accept a proposal of marriage from me, that I would ask.”
Marriage was something they never talked about because what was the point? Ever since he was a child, Felix had always understood his place in this story. He was the right hand of the king. His advisor. His shield. He was not the person who would sit at the king’s left hand in a throne that had been in storage for well over a decade. They both understood that. There was no point discussing it. And yet… Looking him in the eye was unbearable so Felix dropped his gaze down to their joined hands. It wasn’t much better.
“And sometimes I think that perhaps I should ask you anyways in case I am wrong and that you will say yes.”
He whispered, “You can’t.”
“Ask you? Why not?”
Because he might actually say yes. The thought rang through Felix’s mind and he clutched at Dimitri’s hands so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. “Because you have to marry someone who can have your disgustingly strong Blaiddyd babies who can grow up and wear your stupid crown.” And then he’d lose him.
“We’re making a new Fódlan,” Dimitri said. “Maybe I don’t.”
“Dima, stop,” Felix whispered and then immediately slammed his jaw shut. As if his day hadn’t been embarrassing enough, now he had to go use that stupid, childish nickname that he hadn’t let slip in ages. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“How can you possibly know what that is when you’re staring at the floor?”
“I can feel it,” Felix snapped.
“Felix.” Dimitri’s voice was so gentle that he couldn’t bear it. “Fe, would you please look at me?”
There was no way he could refuse him like that and so slowly, Felix raised his gaze up until he was looking Dimitri right in the eye and desperately wanted to look away again. This was all too soft, too much especially with Dimitri where he was. So Felix abruptly rose to his feet, tugging Dimitri up with him. Somehow, having to look all the way up felt less overwhelming. He reached for his habitual prickliness and wrapped it around himself like armor. “What.”
He hadn’t bothered to tie his hair back after his bath and it fell half over his eyes now like a shield. Dimitri brushed it back from his face gently. “I love you, Felix.”
“I know that, you idiot,” Felix said, shoulders tense. “You tell me every damn day.”
Dimitri didn’t seem all that bothered by how Felix was responding which in itself was an indicator of how far they’d come since the end of the war. There had been a time where he’d tread so carefully around Felix as if he was worried he might leave and not come back. But that had been years ago. “I see no reason not to do so. Not when I have every intention of loving you for as long as you will allow.”
Desperately, Felix tried to steer the conversation back into safer waters. “I didn’t tell you about that stupid title because I need you to-” he waved one hand vaguely, “I told you because it’s something I need to fix so it’s not a problem for your rei-”
“I only see it as a problem because it embarrasses you,” Dimitri said. “I find no shame in the entirety of Fódlan knowing how much I cherish you.”
That felt worse. Felix could take the soft, sweet nothings Dimitri liked to murmur into his ear when they were in bed but they weren’t in bed right now and it just made him want to squirm.
And then Dimitri kept talking. “Your input as my advisor is valuable and, as we have already determined, I love you dearly so how could I possibly object to others knowing?”
“Dimitri…” Now he really was squirming. This was definitely not what he’d had in mind when he’d brought the problem up. There was, however, one card he had left to play. Reaching up, he grabbed at Dimitri’s white linen shirt with both hands and yanked him down into a kiss. He was done with soft kisses and gentle words and he was done with thinking about stupid nicknames and things that couldn’t happen. He’d much rather think about the sound of surprise and then the one of longing that Dimitri made and how it was only his fourth favorite sound he could make him make.
It only took another few moments for Dimitri to wrap his arms around him and then Felix began to back them towards the bedroom, kissing him all the while. He’d thankfully left the door open which meant he didn’t have to fumble for the door knob and instead, he could keep dragging him towards the bed because if Dimitri was kissing him, then he couldn’t--
“Are you seducing me to get out of talking about this?” Dimitri asked, breaking their kiss. His lips were twisted into a wry smile.
Felix shook his head. “It’s not seducing--” the back of his thighs hit the bed, “--if we do this--” he tugged Dimitri on to the bed with him, “--all the time.”
“Felix…” Dimitri murmured the words against a sensitive spot on his neck.
“Later,” he said, wincing as he heard the implied promise. Whatever. Maybe Dimitri would forget. Except he probably wouldn’t.
But, Felix thought as he let his hands drift down to the laces of Dimitri’s trousers, he was certainly willing to try.
~
It was the absence of a warm body beside him that roused Felix from his sleep much later. The darkness meant it was still sometime in the night but his best guess was that it was closer to dawn than not. “Dimitri?” he said, voice still quiet and groggy with sleep. There was no response. Sighing, he pushed himself upright and tried to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. Dimitri hadn’t slept well since Duscur and it had only gotten worse during the war. It was somewhat better now and it had been awhile since Felix had truly worried when he’d woken up to only find cool sheets beside him but he still slid out of bed anyways just like he always did.
He grabbed a shirt from the floor and tugged it over his head before pushing open the door and stepping out onto the balcony. Immediately, he swore as the cold spring air hit him.
Dimitri turned to face him. “Felix, you don’t have to--”
“Shut up, I know I don’t,” Felix said, stepping forward and tucking himself under Dimitri’s arm and therefore into the warmth of the cape he’d draped over his otherwise naked body. “I’m here because I want to be.”
Silently, Dimitri pressed his lips against the crown of Felix’s head before letting out a somewhat shaky breath as he turned his gaze outward again. “I haven’t been out here long.”
He hadn’t asked but he’d been about to. They really had gotten good at anticipating each other like that. Absently caressing Dimitri’s hip with his thumb, Felix asked, “Nightmares again?”
Dimitri shook his head. “No, not tonight I just had too many things on my mind to stay asleep.”
“Like what?” He was probably going to regret asking that.
“Like what we were talking about last night.” Pulling back so he could actually look him in the eye, one corner of Dimitri’s mouth tugged upwards. “I know you hoped I’d forget about it.”
“I certainly put in the effort,” Felix said, shifting too so looking up was less strain on his neck. That part wasn’t a lie. He’d managed to coax his two favorite sounds from Dimitri’s lips and was probably going to be sore for a few days for his efforts although that was partially also due to having also spent so many hours fighting anyone who was willing to challenge him. The sex had been more fun. It’d been awhile since they’d gotten to enjoy themselves quite so thoroughly. The sight of Dimitri beneath him, grasping at the bedsheets, wasn’t one he was going to forget any time soon.
His smile turned full blown. “That was memorable for entirely different reasons.” Felix never grew tired of these sorts of moments: Dimitri relaxed and at ease. They felt all the more special because he was the only one who got to see him quite like this. Their rarity made it even more obvious when even the faintest hint of tension crept back in both Dimitri’s voice and posture. “We should talk about it. If you’re okay with that?”
Felix wrinkled his nose. “You know I don’t want to.”
“Yeah,” Dimitri said, expression starting to head back towards neutral. “Yeah, Felix, I know.”
He let out a sound that was half disgust and half frustration before unwinding his arm from around Dimitri's waist so he could drop his face into both hands. “This is so stupid.”
It was Dimitri’s turn to move his arm so he could gently pry Felix’s hands away from his face. “I find nothing about our relationship to be stupid.”
A lot of things from over the course of the many years they’d known each other immediately came to mind that Felix could classify as stupid but he somehow managed to bite his tongue for once. “You know what I meant.”
Dimitri acknowledged his response with a nod but didn’t speak immediately, taking the time to mull over his next words. Felix folded his arms across his chest, regretting that he hadn’t wrapped himself in a blanket instead of Dimitri’s shirt now that they weren’t pressed close together. It was another few long seconds before Dimitri finally started to speak. “I don’t care about nicknames and gossip. I care about you. I care about us. Anything else is secondary.”
“Fódlan is not secondary to me,” Felix said. “We both know that. We’ve worked too hard.”
He hesitated. “No, you’re right but…” He raked a hand through his hair which was already tousled by sleep. “I am a selfish man, Felix. I would not give up everything I love for her. Not for as long as you are willing to stay by my side.”
Suddenly, his mouth felt as if he hadn’t had a glass of water in weeks. He swallowed hard before replying. “Always. You can’t get rid of me now, Dimitri. We tried that once and it sucked.”
The sound of laughter that escaped from Dimitri’s lips was closer to an amused puff of air than anything. “I came close to proposing marriage to you earlier. I hardly want to get rid of you.”
“Yeah but you might. One day.”
“Felix.”
Stubbornly, he kept his gaze averted.
“Felix,” Dimitri repeated, this time nudging his chin up. He waited until Felix had met his eyes for a few seconds before he said, “Never.”
And just like that, the fight went right out of him. The tension he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding melted from his shoulders. Felix huffed and shifted closer so their bodies were pressed against each other again. “This is stupid,” he muttered into Dimitri’s broad chest.
Both of Dimitri’s arms wrapped around him, enveloping them both entirely in his warm cloak. “The court gossip you are subjected to by being in my orbit is perhaps. Your feelings about it are not.”
“I hate it when you do that.”
“I know. But Felix…”
“Yeah, I know.” Felix shifted so the right side of his face was flush against Dimitri’s chest which also meant he could hear the steady beating of his heart. Slowly, he breathed in deeply and let it out just as slowly. He repeated it twice more before he finally let himself admit the truth about why the duke consort nickname bothered him. Sylvain and Ingrid had, combined, been right: it wasn’t so much embarrassment as it had been an unintentionally painful reminder about what they couldn’t have. But he didn’t want to actually say any of that aloud. “They’ll talk about something else in a few weeks.”
“Most likely, yes.” Dimitri rested his chin on the top of Felix’s head, a comforting weight. They stayed like that for a few minutes, surrounded by nothing but the sound of their own heartbeats and breathing. The first hints of color were starting to make their way into the sky which meant it was later (or earlier?) than Felix had thought. When Dimitri did break the silence, he kept his voice soft. “It’ll be dawn soon.”
There was more they hadn’t talked about yet or rather, more they had hinted at but not resolved which was fine by Felix. They’d already talked about more than enough uncomfortable feelings for a lifetime and quite frankly, he was worried that if Dimitri brought up marriage again, he’d be stupid enough to say yes to a question that he might not have even been actually asked and then he’d really have to go back to Fraldarius territory for the next forever. Instead, he said, “Come back to bed then.”
Dimitri hesitated. “Go ahead. There is work to be done. A headstart wouldn’t be--”
“Come back to bed, Dimitri,” Felix said firmly, untangling himself so he could grab his hands and pull him towards the doors. “For at least another hour.” He opened his mouth to argue but Felix cut him off. “Fódlan can wait.”
“Whatever my duke consort desires,” Dimitri said with a wry smile, as they returned to the relative warmth of their bedroom.
Felix rolled his eyes but he also turned his head away to hide the faintest hint of a smile. Somehow, it didn’t sound so bad coming from Dimitri.