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Chifuyu stared up at the sky as he felt the first few raindrops touch his skin.
It was 5 in the afternoon, and he was still by the school’s main gate. After all, he had promised his best friend that he’d wait for him until he was over with the school council meeting.
Five years have passed since the first time he and Baji met. Twelve years old, so different from each other, yet once they took the time to talk and get to know each other, they became unstoppable together. They became Baji and Chifuyu. Chifuyu and Baji. One never seen without the other in close proximity. And in a way, it was exhilarating . With Baji by his side, he felt like he could do anything, accomplish any goal, destroy anything in his way. He felt like he was on top of the world.
Of course, things never stayed the same for too long. Once they entered highschool, they were separated, put into different sections so they couldn’t plot anything together. Chifuyu smiled almost involuntarily, remembering the time he and Baji had replaced every volleyball in the gym closet with styrofoam balls instead. That whole thing earned them detention for 2 weeks but it had been worth it to hear Baji’s laugh as the overhead speakers called their names to the office.
Being separated hadn’t stopped them from plotting things, though. Over the span of those five years, they had pulled off almost 50 different pranks, got detention almost 27 times, and did 3 days worth of community service. Even with that, Baji never complained, not even once. He made it a habit of clapping Chifuyu on the shoulder and saying, “You did well. For a loser anyway.” And Chifuyu would always grin and punch him in the gut back.
He stepped into the shade of a small gazebo, watching as dark gray clouds slowly came into view, covering the dawn sky. A shame. Dawn was his favorite part of the day. Sometimes he would watch as the sky overlapped shades of orange and purple and pink until it became something almost too beautiful to look at. Once Takemichi had caught him looking and asked him what was so special about it.
“Are you crazy?” He had demanded. “Look at the sky. Tell me what you see.”
Takemichi had turned his head up, pulling his hood over his head. “Hmm. I see clouds. The sun is setting. Some stars. I mean, it’s cool, but you look at it as if it’s art.”
“Because it is,” Chifuyu had insisted. “You’re just stupid.”
“Explain it then,” he then retorted, clearly perplexed.
He had hesitated, feeling blood rush up into his cheeks. How could he explain what he felt when he looked at the sky without sounding like a complete idiot? This was Takemichi, though. One of the only other people he considered a best friend after Baji. He could trust him. “It’s like watching the sun let go of it’s layers, you know? It sheds off all these colors and it makes it look all muted and soft, and then the sun finally rests after giving light to the world. And then the moon takes its place, but you know the sun isn’t completely gone? Because the moon wouldn’t be as pretty as it was if the sun wasn’t near it.” He had bitten his lip. “Forget it, that was so cheesy. God, Takemichi, if you even try to make fun of me right now—“
“No, I get it.” He was surprised to see the look on his friend’s face. Something like sadness, maybe understanding. “I get it completely.”
“Chifuyu!!” He lifted his head now as he saw Takemichi, Mikey, and Draken approach him. Looks like the other sections were finally being dismissed. Takemichi ran forward and shoved him forward. “What are you still doing here? Isn’t today your rest day?”
He nodded. His section got to be dismissed two hours earlier than usual every Friday. Sometimes it was great, other times it was downright annoying. “Yeah, I promised Baji I’d wait for him.”
Mikey snickered. “Did that idiot get stuck in another council meeting? How lame is that?”
Draken leaned in, grinning. “What’s the council trying to fight for this time?”
“Higher quality toilet paper,” Chifuyu sighed, unable to keep the smile from his face. The trio immediately broke into laughter and it warmed his heart to see them like that. Best friends came and went, but after everything he and Baji and the others went through when they were still a gang in middle school, their bond was something that would stay for life. “According to Baji, everytime he took a shit, it felt like sandpaper against his—“
“Ugh, Chi, shut up before I puke all over your bike,” Draken groaned, Takemichi howling in the background. “You guys are disgusting, you know that, right?”
“Alright, enough,” Mikey said, exasperated, ripping off the plastic from a red bean dorayaki. “Chi, make sure to tell Baji not to wait up for me. I’m heading somewhere for the night.”
“He’s having a sleepover at Draken’s house.” Takemichi translated. “I’m also going.”
“Alright.” He pointed at them jokingly. “Ya’ll better not do anything stupid while I’m not there to watch you.”
Mikey rolled his eyes. “Hakkai will be there to watch us, don’t be so stiff, everything’ll be fine. We gotta go, we’re buying nachos for the midnight snacks.”
“And salsa!” Draken howled, strapping on his helmet.
Chifuyu raised a hand as the three got onto their bikes. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”
“Don’t wait up, Matsuno!” Takemichi yelled as their engines revved up and they sped away, leaving nothing but plumes of smoke in their way. He checked his watch. It was already 5:30. Where the hell was—?
“Matsuno!” He turned around quickly to see Keisuke Baji running toward him, his black hair a mess as he tried (without any success) to rip the necktie from his collar. He looked rumpled and harassed. It took everything in Chifuyu not to smile as he kept his mouth in a straight line. “What took you?” he asked him.
“Man, they were at my NECKS today,” he growled, finally ripping the damned thing off and throwing it haphazardly into his bag. “What do these assholes not understand when it comes to toilet paper? We need that! Do they want highschoolers going to the clinic just for the nurses to treat losers with gashes and wounds?”
Chifuyu winced. “Can you not be so specific? You are painting a really vivid picture in my head right now and I’d like it to stop.”
“That was the point,” Baji said, taking off his polo. Chifuyu felt his mouth go dry for some reason. God, maybe we could pass by a vending machine on the way back. “I hate this stupid school and its vendetta against cotton soft toilet paper.” He gave him a grave look. “Chifuyu, I hope when we start our own school, each and every bathroom in the campus will have only the best.”
Chifuyu put one hand on his chest and the other one held up. “Scout’s honor.”
Baji grinned, his “vampire fangs” popping out. “You’ve never been a scout in your life.”
He shrugged, finding his bike and hooking a leg over it. The sky was finally beginning to mix its colors together, the pinks and the purples and the oranges and the yellows that he had described to Takemichi almost two years ago. The sky never disappointed him, not even on a completely ordinary day like this.
Ordinary. He snuck a glance at Baji, who was tying his hair back, exposing the line of his throat and the curve of his jaw to the soft colors of the sunset. Maybe not so ordinary. He cleared his throat, not wanting to acknowledge the gigantic lump that had suddenly developed there. “Could we stop by that vending machine before going home?”
Baji gave him a quick look. “You okay?” His eyes were glittering.
He looked away, putting on his helmet and securing it under his chin. “Yeah, I’m just—kinda thirsty.” He put a disapproving hand on his hip. “You did make me wait out here, you know. You could let me have this.”
He put a hand on his chin. With his jacket tied around his throat and his bag slung over one arm, he would’ve looked funny to other people. But to Chifuyu, he seemed every bit as cool and intimidating as when he saw him beating up that guy behind the school when they were twelve. Keisuke Baji. “Okay, I guess I did,” he acknowledged. “But I definitely will not let you have this. Yeah, we’ll go to the vending machine. And I’ll be picking your drink.”
Chifuyu made a face. “You’re just gonna make me try your weird Yakult Sake again. I’m telling you, I’m never putting that into my mouth!”
“And I’m telling you that it’s delicious, you just have no taste!” Baji shook his head. “Let’s go, loser.”
“Poindexter.” He couldn’t see him, but he knew that Baji was smiling.
*****
When they were on the road, it felt amazing.
He remembered the first time he had tried to ride a bike. He had borrowed Mikey’s and he could very clearly remember Mikey and Shinichiro’s calm voices as they tried their best to get him to learn how to balance. That hadn’t stopped him from crashing his headlights. He had apologized again and again and offered to pay for the repairs but Mikey had declined, saying that Shinichiro could take care of everything.
Now, though, he knew firsthand the thrill and excitement of knowing how to ride the bike. It was something he would always owe to Mikey. It felt like something alive in his hand, like a monster that could tear down houses and destroy walls, something that only he could control with each press of the pedal, with each grip of the handlebars. It felt like magic itself.
Roaring down the road with his best friend and leaving nothing but dust and smoke in his way felt like salvation. Maybe it was stupid, maybe it was selfish, maybe it was almost reckless, the way he was allowing his emotions to take over his head but he would sacrifice anything to keep this moment to himself forever.
He turned his head up and let out a quick shout, the cold evening wind whipping at his skin and the inside of his mouth. He looked to his left and saw Baji let out his own cry of laughter. Chifuyu couldn’t see his eyes but he knew, he knew that they were wide open and filled with unadulterated joy.
“You up for a race, Matsuno?” He crowed in delight.
He grinned and revved his engine up, plowing forward into the beyond. Baji made a little noise of surprise in his throat but didn’t miss a beat, almost falling into sync with his speed. He kept accelerating, going higher and higher, his heart beating so fast it felt like the world was about to burst before his very eyes.
He stopped just as fast, parking neatly beside the vending machine that was home to Baji’s disgusting Yakult Sake. Baji got down from his bike, shaking out his unruly hair. “I think I want to get a haircut,” he frowned, pulling at one of his locks. “It’s getting so annoying putting it into a hairtie only for it to fucking snap.”
“Don’t.” The words were out of his mouth before Chifuyu could think about it. “It felt almost instinctive.
Baji smiled slowly. “Jealous, Matsuno? You know, if you tried hard enough, we could get you to shoulder length by your sophomore year in college.”
“Shut up,” he said lightly, trying to diffuse the tension that had suddenly enveloped them. It wasn’t a bad tension, exactly. He couldn’t describe what it felt like. It felt like stars exploding in his head. It felt like butterflies in his stomach. It felt like sand coating the back of his throat.
More than anything, he could never let Baji know how desperately in love he was with him.
He looked up at the sky as Baji fished around in his pockets for spare change. The sky was still a beautiful shade of soft rose pink. He could see the sun on the horizon, barely there, but there nonetheless. It was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as—
“Here.” He looked up in surprise as Baji handed him a bottle of his favorite yakult sake. “You looked a little out of it.”
Chifuyu accepted it gratefully, ignoring the clenching in his stomach when their fingers brushed briefly. “You’re the one treating me now?”
The other boy shrugged, popping the bottle cap of his own drink with a flick of his finger. “Eh, I thought I’d owe it to you.” He sat down beside him, their shoulders touching. The heat emanating from Baji was almost too much to bear. Chifuyu shuddered, trying to pass it off as a cough. “You’re a weirdo.” He lifted his drink. “To us?”
The look in Baji’s eyes was indecipherable as he raised his bottle in agreement. “To us.” Clinking their drinks together, he allowed himself three swallows. Whoa. “Yo,” he said in wonder. “This isn’t half bad!”
“What did I tell you?” Baji demanded. “‘Oooooooh, it’s gross!’ ‘Ugh, Baji, you’re gonna get diarrhea!’ I was right, you great fucking idiot.”
Chifuyu snorted, downing the drink with a single gulp. “The day you’re right is the day I give up my dignity.”
“That day is today!” Baji cried out in triumph. He burst out laughing. He was in love with a total loser. Why couldn’t he like someone with more common sense? He wouldn’t have it any other way, though. What he wouldn’t give to keep this moment frozen in time forever. Just him and Baji, under the setting sky, laughing, cracking jokes, and drinking stupid drinks together. Just them, being best friends forever.
A cold feeling settled in his stomach. Best friend. The word was like poison to him. As much as Chifuyu hated to admit, he knew deep in himself that he would be wrecked if Baji didn’t return his feelings. He would be a mess. He silently cursed himself for letting it go this far. Falling in love with your best friend was always a one way trip to anxiety and doubt. You never knew if it could work out. If it didn’t, you fell apart, you became undone completely because how were you going to replace the walls that you had let down for the one person you thought would understand you?
But if it did…
“Chi!” He blinked in surprise. Baji’s hands were on his shoulders and he was looking down at him with a worried look in his eyes. Beautiful, Chifuyu thought, still in a daze. The word fit Baji’s profile completely, what with his long black hair and light brown eyes that he could lose himself in if he allowed himself. He imagined pushing his fingers into Baji’s hair, drawing him in and kissing him. The thought sent chills down his entire body.
“Chi,” he repeated again. “Are you alright? You look terrible?” He leaned in forward and Chifuyu involuntarily flinched, the proximity almost too close for him to bear. Baji drew back, his face betraying nothing but a quick flash of pain and surprise. “What’s wrong?”
“I—“ Chifuyu was miserable. This was their first time alone together in a few weeks and he was acting like a total asshole. What was wrong with him? How was he supposed to tell Baji that he himself was the cause of his pain, his stupid emotional pain? “I just—I don’t feel so good. Maybe we should go home already.”
He narrowed his eyes, and for a split second, he thought he would rat him out, force himself to spit out the truth and he tensed because he knew that once he started, he wouldn’t stop, and it would ruin their relationship forever. Then Baji sighed, gripping his shoulder to the point of it hurting. “Alright, Chi. I believe you.”
He sighed in relief as his best friend threw the bottles away and offered him a hand. He took it and hoisted himself up, until he was looking straight into his eyes. People said that brown eyes were boring but to Chifuyu, Baji’s eyes were the most interesting thing about him. It wasn’t just one shade of brown, it was a whole mess of colors, and right now they looked like crystals, like little gems in a kaleidoscope.
“Chifuyu,” he said seriously, his name in his mouth sending icicles down the nape of his neck. “You know that you can tell me anything, right?”
He swallowed, and forced himself to smile. “Of course.”
The entire ride back to his home was quiet. The joy and fun of riding his bike was still there, but it wasn’t the same, not with this weird invisible tension between him and Baji.
Let him hate me, Chifuyu thought bitterly to himself. You’re the reason this is all happening right now. If only you weren’t such a coward and you told him how you felt, maybe then…
Before he knew it, they were home. He got down his bike, pulling off his helmet and unconsciously ruffling his hair. Baji watched as he parked it on the side of his gate. “Thanks,” he said, his voice sounding pinched. He coughed and tried again. “Thanks for the drink.”
Baji waved a dismissive hand. “Nah, thank you for waiting for me. I shouldn’t have asked you to, you clearly look sick. Tell me next time before you dry your ass out, will you?”
He managed a small smile. “I’ll try my best.”
Baji turned around, revving his engine up as Chifuyu bitterly took out his house keys. Great going, Matsuno. You’re just a real piece of sunshine aren’t you?
Sunshine. Chifuyu glanced up and saw the sun settle slowly into the horizon, disappearing slowly from view. Pretty soon, the moon would come up and take its place, reflecting the sun’s light. The conversation he had with Takemichi came to mind again, almost out of nowhere.
“Because the moon wouldn’t be as pretty as it was if the sun wasn’t near it.”
He knew, then, that he wasn’t going to let Keisuke Baji go so easily.
“Baji!” He shouted, not realizing that he had never left. He was still there, but he was standing, no, he was walking toward him and he jumped as Baji grabbed his arms and looked at him. Chifuyu couldn’t decipher his face. Was he angry? Was he going to chew him out?
Then he smiled at him. Smiled. “Matsuno,” he said. “You’re a fucking idiot.”
And he kissed him.
It wasn’t just some quick peck on the cheek, this was a full on kiss on the mouth. Chifuyu closed his eyes, feeling as if he were going to melt, as if he were going to disappear from the world, as if the earth was going to swallow him up whole. He went limp, but Baji gripped his arms and Chifuyu realized with a jolt that he was shaking. His best friend, the Keisuke Baji that everyone knew as brave and fearless was shaking at his hands.
This was the most vulnerable that Baji would ever be.
Shivering, though not from the cold, Chifuyu put his hands into Baji’s hair drawing him closer, closer, closer. He could literally not get close enough. It felt like too much, he felt like infinity was expanding in his heart, like the universe had said “This guy deserves a break, like, right now.”
Baji’s mouth parted and he could taste the barest hint of yakult on his lips and while they were kissing, Chifuyu could see the images pressing against his eyes. Baji and him running across the library with phone books in their hands, Baji and him racing across the forest to beat down a rival gang, Baji and him stopping by the vending machine to drink disgustingly good yakult sake.
Baji and him. Always inseparable. Never seen without the other.
He pulled away with a gasp. Baji’s eyes were blown wide open, his hair was an absolute mess and his lips were swollen. But all his attention was still on Chifuyu, as if he was a living miracle. “I—“ he stuttered. “You—we—“
Chifuyu grabbed his hand, interlocking their fingers. “Yeah, we did,” he said breathless. “Baji, I—“
“Chifuyu,” Baji said gently, a gigantic smile slowly growing on his face. “Will you shut up and just let me—“
The sun set completely as their mouths collided again and this time they were more sure, more confident, not only in this, but in themselves, in what they wanted. Chifuyu could almost feel the stars spinning happily in his head.
When Baji drew away again to look him in the eye and laugh, Chifuyu swore that he could see the moon, and the sun not so far from it, just on the horizon.