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All it took was one touch…
Iruka really didn’t understand what was happening. At first it was just all so new, so different that he hadn’t connected the pieces of what it meant. Something was changing about the mask in front of his face, something was different. A brightness flowed into the markings on the ANBU mask like water spilling from a cup.
So this was what color looked like…
“You ok?” a voice above them asked. Iruka wasn’t sure if they were talking to him or to the other ANBU. The ANBU in front of him, a man with a dog or wolf like mask, had grabbed his hand to pull him up from the ground, but as soon as they’d touched they both paused.
“We’re fine,” the ANBU said. There was a finality to it as if Iruka had to stay silent. It wasn’t like he was about to spill the secret, this wasn’t his fault. Well, at least not his fault alone.
The other man pulled back his hand as if he’d been burned, but it was too late. Iruka’s world filled with color, and it wasn’t going away.
Everything was so different now, and it took Iruka a while to relearn his colors. They had been taught what color was, what colors things should be, but really, it had never meant anything until now. Before, everything was just shades of grey; what used to be two seemingly identical colors had two different names. But now Iruka could see the differences, he could see that orange and purple were two completely different colors even though they had often looked the same before.
It was amazing to him to see all the colors in the world, and those that comprised people. Their hair, their clothes, their eyes.
Eyes…those were becoming his favorite thing to look at. People had truly gorgeous eyes, and they had so much depth to them.
Iruka remembered when he looked at his soulmate and saw the red eye staring back at him. A red that matched the markings on his ANBU mask. Red eyes were rare. He hadn’t seen too many of those. So far the only people he knew of with red eyes were the Uchihas, and Iruka hadn’t gotten a chance to try and figure out if any of them were his soulmate.
The first time it happened, Iruka thought it was just a gloomy day. The rain had moved in and he was stuck teaching his class indoors for the whole day.
Iruka was lecturing his class when he realized that something was wrong… very wrong. The chalk dropped from his hand and he never finished what he was saying. Looking around his classroom, Iruka could see that the colors had all faded; it all looked so dull. The color hadn’t gone completely, but too much was missing. Having a class full of kids was the only thing that stopped him from throwing up his lunch.
“Sensei?” Sakura called out. “Are you okay?” Iruka looked at her and noticed that her normally vibrant pink hair was looking about 3 shades lighter than it should.
He swallowed and bent down to pick up the chalk. While he was hidden behind his desk he took a shuddering breath and then pulled himself together.
“Of course, everything is fine,” Iruka said, reappearing with a forced smile on his face. He turned back towards the board and continued on with his lesson.
Just make it through the next hour, he told himself when he glanced at the clock to see how much of the school day was left.
After about twenty minutes Iruka was having trouble keeping himself focused. He’d finished most of the lesson, so he summed it up and encouraged the students to spend the rest of the time working on their homework.
As he walked up and down the stairs to look over his students’ shoulders, he was really taking the time to observe and see how much color had been lost. If it didn’t freak him out so much it would have been fascinating to see how muddy colors could look when they’ve become more grey.
Soon his mind started to wander. Had his soulmate been captured? Were they just lying, dying somewhere? Would this be permanent? Was he about to lose a soulmate he’d never really gotten to know?
The questions were all too much. Iruka had to sit down. He got to his chair and just breathed.
He hoped his students wouldn’t notice, after all most of them wouldn’t even understand. The statistics said that most people didn’t meet and touch their soulmate until they were in their teens. Iruka was about 17 when it happened for him.
The only thing he knew about his soulmate was that they were part of ANBU, so it wasn’t really surprising that they had never met. Iruka had been a bit late making it to chunin and now he was taking a completely different path from most people by being a teacher. Teachers and ANBU didn’t really mingle.
The minutes ticked down on the clock until it was finally time to let his students out for the day. It was a comfort and a burden to be alone again. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do at this point. Was he supposed to tell someone? How was he even supposed to say it? “Hey I think someone out there is dying?” Wasn’t that part of their life as shinobi? His life didn’t have much danger to it, but he’d never really thought about it when he was growing up. He was taught to expect a soulmate when he was younger, but it had never occurred to him that their lives were prone to death. How did people live with this fear of losing everything?
That’s it! Iruka was angry and worried all at once, but he was going to do what he could to make sure he tried. He packed up for the day, grabbed some papers that needed to be graded later, and left, taking a different path than normal. He saw the Hokage Tower in view and sped up, feeling a need to get there faster.
He walked through the building until he got to the door of the Hokage’s office. Someone was standing outside guarding the door, and Iruka didn’t like the look of that. But he went towards the door as if he was supposed to be there.
“Sorry, I can’t let you in. The Hokage has asked to not be disturbed,” the man said, holding a hand up to stop him.
“I need to see him,” Iruka said, going for the door again, only to get pushed back this time.
“You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”
“This can’t wait til tomorrow, I need to talk to him now!” Iruka could feel the anger rising. He wasn’t used to being pushed aside like this, he’d always been able to speak to the Hokage whenever he wanted to.
“I’m sorry I can’t let you in,” the man apologized, but it meant nothing to Iruka.
“Someone is dying, and he’s the one that needs to know.”
The guard startled at Iruka’s statement, but pulled himself back to attention, “Isn’t there someone else you can tell? I don’t think the Hokage can really help with that.”
“No! It has to be him, I-” Iruka wanted to pull out his hair. It wasn’t like he knew anything, so he couldn’t ask someone to send a medic team, even then it’d probably still require someone’s approval above him. But since the other party was an ANBU only the Hokage would know about their mission, so really it was his only choice.
Before Iruka or the guard could say anything else the door opened to Hiruzen giving him a questioning smile, “Ahh so it was you Iruka…”
“Sorry sir I wa-” the guard tried to apologize.
“That’s all right, I trust that this is urgent if Iruka is making such a fuss,” the Hokage said beckoning Iruka into the room behind him. “Iruka I’m sure this is important, but I can’t be at your beck and call all the time.”
Iruka looked back at the door behind them waiting for it to close. The sound ringing through his heart.
“One of your ANBU is dying out there,” Iruka said as soon as he was sure they were alone.
Hiruzen sat down watching Iruka carefully, “That doesn’t seem to be particularly unusual. Our ANBU are always out making sure the village is safe from threats. It is their job, and unfortunately that means that they put their lives on the line every time.”
“I understand that sir, it’s…” Iruka paused. He wasn’t quite sure what to say to make the Hokage understand, “I think he can be saved… and the color is almost gone.”
The Hokage paused. “Ahh.”
“I only know them as an ANBU,” Iruka admitted, “the one with the dog-like mask. He’s hurt, badly, but still alive.”
“How long has it been?”
“At least two hours, I didn’t realize it at first, and it started while I was in the middle of my lesson.”
Hiruzen nodded and then in a flash two ANBU appeared on either side of the Hokage’s desk. They looked between Iruka and the Hokage, waiting to hear their orders.
“Hound. Severely wounded, but not dead. You should be able to find him coming back from a mission in the Land of Earth.”
The two ANBU nodded then disappeared.
“Will you sit with me for a few moments?” the Hokage asked, but Iruka knew that it was more than just a request.
Iruka sat down on the other side of the desk and took in a deep breath. He’d been so bothered by the situation that he hadn’t really tried to calm down.
“First, I must ask that you keep the details you heard just now completely confidential. ANBU missions are given only by the Hokage for a reason.” Iruka nodded. He largely already knew that information and he wasn’t one to discuss such things, but he understood why the Hokage had to say it.
“Iruka…” Hiruzen sighed, “I can’t do this for you again.”
Iruka chewed at his lip… maybe he hadn’t done the right thing… maybe he was just supposed to let his soulmate die instead.
“I can’t tell you who they are, but you are going to be in a lot of pain. I can’t let go of a good shinobi because they have a soulmate.”
“I know,” Iruka replied halfheartedly. He didn’t like this.
“Is this the first time?”
Iruka nodded, “It’s the first time I’ve noticed at least. It’s only been about two years since his ANBU team had to come rescue us,” Iruka explained. “I’m sorry, the color was almost gone and I just couldn’t leave it alone.”
“I understand, Iruka,” the Hokage gave him a sad smile. “But it will happen again. And again. And again.” Iruka’s heart felt like it was being stabbed by the words. “One day, the colors may fade away completely and never come back.”
The Hokage was making it clear that even though Iruka didn’t know his soulmate he could still lose him.
“Does it get any easier?” Iruka asked. He desperately wanted to know, even though he was pretty sure the answer was no.
The Hokage laughed. “I’m not sure I can give you an answer to that. Each of us handles that knowledge differently. Besides, I think I’m the one that put my wife through that pain, so it’s hard for me to give you the answer you want.”
Iruka wanted to laugh with the Hokage, but it was too hard. It hurt too much.
“Go on,” Hiruzen shooed Iruka, “you must have things to do, as do I.”
Iruka nodded and headed towards the door giving a bow before he put his hand on the door.
“Thank you.”
The Hokage nodded and Iruka took it as his sign to leave.
He made it home before it got dark, but Iruka wasn’t really in the mood to do any work. The papers from his class were strewn across his table and he had a cup of tea sitting to his side. As he started marking through the papers he watched as the marks turned from rust color to the bright red he knew.
Iruka let out a sigh.
Maybe he wouldn’t ever be able to ask the Hokage for help again, but this time… maybe just this time, it had been worth it.
The Hokage had been right. It happened again. It happened a lot.
After a while his worry turned to anger. Iruka wanted to curse the man for being so reckless. There were moments when Iruka was ready to kill his soulmate himself.
The only positive thing Iruka could think was that at least the man was resilient.
Even with all the times that the colors had faded, every single time they came back.
Iruka had his suspicions. After the Uchiha massacre the idea had been set pretty solidly in his head.
Kakashi Hatake.
There really wasn’t anyone else that it could be. All the pieces fit, and the only other people he knew with red eyes didn’t match. Itachi was too young, and Kurenai was female. He may have only met his soulmate once for a brief period, but Kakashi fit that memory.
Besides, after Kakashi became Naruto’s teacher it was pretty easy to notice when he was down for the count because Naruto complained about it endlessly. And each time lined up perfectly to when his vision had been affected. It wasn’t always washed out, but it seemed like every time Kakashi wore himself out of chakra, Iruka’s vision had become muted.
Iruka took the opportunity to get to know Kakashi better. It was easy while Naruto was in the village, Iruka didn’t even have to try. Naruto needed people around him so there were a lot of times when they ate together. Kakashi was actually really nice to be around. Maybe it was just that Iruka was constantly around children, but the three of them eating together comforted him.
Unfortunately when Naruto left for his two year training mission with Jiraiya, the dinners practically disappeared. There was an occasional meeting here and there, but Iruka missed the dinners and the conversation.
The part of him that was so sure of Kakashi being his soulmate started to doubt it. Why would Kakashi so willingly ignore him when he knew who Iruka was?
It left Iruka with so many questions.
That was the moment Iruka knew. Kakashi saved him, and it left no doubt in his mind.
“Take him and get out of here,” Kakashi said, “Leave this to me.” There was a finality to it that Iruka couldn’t argue with.
He desperately wanted to wish Kakashi luck, but it just didn’t feel right to say it outloud.
Iruka took off and headed towards the hospital to get help for the injured man he was carrying. He followed instructions that Sakura gave and helped by bringing back injured villagers.
As the battle raged on Iruka worked through his vision dulling. Kakashi had already put so much into the fight. It wasn’t surprising because Kakashi put everything into all of his fights, and Iruka didn’t expect that to change now.
Everytime his vision had dulled like this it had always come back, and Iruka had to believe that’s how it would happen again. Kakashi was strong and resilient, and he was going to make it through this, so Iruka had to keep going too.
Soon the only color Iruka could see was red. The red was everywhere, in the blood of the people that he found and brought back to the safety of the hospital. It had always been the color that tied them together, the first color he saw, and the last one to leave every time. But it had never been quite like this before. This time felt different, like they were on the edge of a cliff, and Iruka was just trying to hold on.
Then in a moment it was gone.
Everything had turned grey, but Iruka had to keep going. He couldn’t stop now no matter how much it hurt. He really didn’t want to believe it was possible. Kakashi couldn’t die. Kakashi had always seemed so invincible, but now… now what was he supposed to do?
He’d never taken the time to take the first step and talk to Kakashi about it. He’d just let it go. Iruka had a taste of the world and it was gone… he was gone.
Iruka kept going. He had to be strong for the village, for the children, but it was so hard.
The destruction stopped and they had to start working through the rubble to pick up the dead. There were so many. It echoed that night when the nine-tailed fox attacked. He looked at everyone with a completely new view. Did they have a soulmate who was now seeing the world colorless? Were they both gone? Who lost the color first?
They laid out the people who had died. Burying them would be their first task. It felt so fitting that Iruka’s world was grey once more for this.
Before they could pull everyone out, a strange light came from the sky and enveloped each of the dead. In seconds, they were starting to sit up again. They were being brought back to life by something.
Iruka was helping someone off the ground when the colors came back. It wasn’t the same slow transition as it had been that first time, or all those other time Kakashi had been so hurt. No, it was like a lightswitch, everything just flicked on as if it had never been off. The overwhelming situation dropped Iruka to his knees.
“You ok?” someone asked him.
He tried to nod, but then shook his head. It felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“I’m sorry, I have to go,” he said and ran off. He went through streets of people who were all amazed by the dead rising back to life. Iruka didn’t know what had changed, but he knew where he was going.
He made his way back to the spot where Kakashi had rescued him.
Iruka looked around, but it was all so different since he’d been there, looking like there had been an earthquake in that time.
“Looking for something?” a deep voice asked.
Iruka’s head snapped to see the worse for wear Kakashi standing there. “You… how,” Iruka couldn’t form the words as the questions raced in his head.
“I’m not sure, but it seems as if I’d been all patched up,” Kakashi said, evaluating himself. It was as if dying and coming back to life was an everyday occurrence for him.
“Maybe you can be a little more careful next time.” The words flowed from Iruka’s mouth without a thought. They were somewhere between harsh and teasing, but it was the only thing that felt right.
“I’ll try,” Kakashi countered with his own light tone, and a smiling eye.
Iruka could feel the tears starting to flow down his face, and Kakashi pulled him into a hug. He cried into the dirty flak jacket not caring who saw them.
When he’d finished crying his heart out, Iruka finally pulled away. Kakashi pulled back too, but Iruka caught his hand before it was shoved into one of his pockets like usual.
“So do I get to know why you’ve been avoiding me for all these years?”
Kakashi's hand went tense in his, but when he squeezed it they both started to relax.
“When it first happened, I wasn’t exactly happy about it. That’s probably obvious to you,” Kakashi started. Iruka nodded, it wasn’t as if Kakashi had said anything specifically, but it was telegraphed pretty heavily at that time.
“After a while I found it was pretty good to see in color. It helped a lot while on missions. But then I hurt myself on that mission. The Hokage told me afterwards that you’d come to see him, to save me.” Iruka felt his cheeks heating up. “But I had to keep doing those missions, and it meant you kept having to deal with that feeling. I started to think you would hate me for it.”
“I did, a little…” Iruka admitted.
Kakashi scoffed. “When you got hurt protecting Naruto, I got a little taste of it myself. It wasn’t much, but I couldn’t imagine how you’d dealt with it all those years. It was nice to use Naruto as an excuse to get to know you.” He scratched the back of his head as if he was nervous. “I guess I chickened out a bit when Naruto was no longer there as a barrier. But I guess you already knew.”
“I suspected,” Iruka admitted. “Your missions with Naruto always seemed to go awry didn’t they?”
“Speaking of…” a small voice chimed in as a slug inched over Kakashi's shoulder. Iruka almost jumped back, but he remembered seeing them around as he helped the victims of the attack. She told them of what Naruto had done. How he had talked to the Akatsuki in charge and that Akatsuki had also given his life to bring back everyone in the village. She had a request from Tsunade that Kakashi would go make sure Naruto made it back to the village in one piece.
Iruka smiled and nodded to Kakashi. “Go bring our Naruto home. I think there are going to be a lot of people that want to thank him.”
Kakashi nodded and almost leapt off before turning back to Iruka. He pulled down his mask and leaned in to kiss Iruka. He smiled before putting his mask back into place and jumping off towards the forest, leaving Iruka to think about everything that had just happened.
Iruka watched and waited. He stared at the forest until he saw the two people he cared about come back into view. Naruto was carried by Kakashi as the village came together and cheered.
He was so proud. Naruto had done something amazing for the village and finally, after all these years, he was getting recognized for his fighting spirit and courage.
Iruka stayed back, not wanting to intrude on the moment, knowing that Naruto needed to feel wanted and needed by the village that had pushed him aside for so long. He deserved all of the love and praise they had for him.
When the crowd died down, Iruka made his way over and stood by Kakashi as Naruto talked with his friends. He was probably exhausted, but his exuberance was taking over and keeping him standing.
“So, what do you say to some dinner later?” Kakashi asked him.
“That might be a little hard with the village in this state,” Iruka said looking around at the massive amounts of rubble and destruction.
“Or you can come to my place.”
“You cook?” Iruka teased.
“Why don’t we find out?”
“I think that’s a risk worth taking.” Iruka knew he wasn’t just talking about the food, and he was pretty sure that Kakashi knew that too.