Chapter Text
Have you ever noticed how when you are anxious, every little noise that usually goes unnoticed can suddenly become the loudest, most obnoxious sound you have ever heard? Kirby was sitting on the edge of the bed, barely capable of keeping still, and all she could think about was just how loud the ‘tick-tock’ of the watch on her wrist was. She was almost hypnotized by it while trying to remind herself of the breathing exercises she had learned in therapy a few years ago. So far they hadn’t been very helpful in calming her down, but to be completely honest, she wasn’t sure anything actually could. Even the birds chirping outside the bedroom’s windows were considered an annoyance today. She usually loved hearing them sing first thing in the morning - it made her feel like Cinderella getting woken up by all of her animal friends. Today, though, Kirby wasn’t in the mood to play pretend. It wasn’t that she had woken up on the wrong side of the bed - she wasn’t even in a bad mood at all - but her stress levels were high, and her mind could only focus on one thing. Feeling her palms getting sweaty, she wiped them down on her pants and started nervously tapping her right foot on the hard wooden floor. She felt like she was going to get sick. Eyes glued on the bathroom door, she couldn’t wait for it to open. How much longer would it take?
“Fallon?” She heard herself call out. It had escaped her mouth before she even had the chance to realize that she had spoken, her impatience getting the best of her. She had said it loud enough that the other woman could hear her in the other room. Kirby waited for a few seconds. When no answer came, she got up from the bed and walked up so close to the bathroom door that the tip of her nose could almost touch it. She pressed one hand to it for balance and knocked softly with the other.
“Fal, are you ok in there?”
Still no answer, but Kirby could hear movement on the other side. She backed away from the door quickly, right before it opened and Fallon walked out of the bathroom. She had a full face of makeup on, just like any other morning. She looked like she was ready to get her day started, except for the perfectly put together outfit that still needed to be pulled out of her closet. Studying her carefully, Kirby noticed that her wife seemed a little paler than usual, but it was so faint that it was unlikely that anyone else could see the difference from how Fallon usually looked, especially since she was already naturally pale. Everything else was on point, including her sharp liner. No shaky line there. She looked in absolute control and like this morning was the beginning of any other normal day. Except it wasn’t.
“We have to wait eight minutes,” Fallon said, her voice sounding a little deeper than usual but showing absolutely no other sign of anxiety. Kirby had already sat back down on their bed, expecting Fallon to join her so they could anxiously wait for the test to be ready together. Instead, she watched the other woman wrap herself in her long silk kimono robe, tying the belt in a perfect bow around her waist before walking up to their walk-in closet.
Kirby got up again and silently followed Fallon. She stopped herself in the doorway and quietly rested her back against the wall. Fallon wasn’t looking at her. In fact, she hadn’t really looked at her since coming out of the bathroom. She was now focused on the clothing rack full of expensive dresses in front of her. Examining her options carefully, Fallon eventually pulled out one of her favorite dresses and took it off the hanger. She took off her silk robe, letting it drop at her feet and she stood there for a moment in nothing but lingerie, with Kirby still watching her from the doorway. The redhead couldn’t take her eyes off of Fallon. Now was clearly not the time to get horny, but she couldn’t ignore how hot her wife was and how much she wanted to touch her. It was like her skin had some weird magnetic power that Kirby couldn’t resist. Fallon took her time to slip into her dress, slowly pulling it up her legs, past her hips and all the way to her chest. She tried to pull the zipper on the side by herself; meanwhile, Kirby continued to watch her in silence. Growing frustrated, Fallon blurted out a few curse words when she realized that she couldn’t zip it all the way. Without another word, she turned to Kirby and silently pleaded for her help.
“Here,” the redhead walked up to her wife and took matters into her own hands. “Let me,” she said as she effortlessly pulled the zipper, successfully closing the dress.
“Thank you,” Fallon mumbled.
Kirby stayed close to her and pressed her lips on Fallon’s bare shoulder. “What’s wrong?” She finally asked.
Fallon tried to pretend she hadn’t heard the question and ignored her. Kneeling down on the floor, she kept looking through her closet for the perfect pair of shoes to go with her dress. Kirby put one hand on her, moving it gently across her back. She grabbed a pair of red bottoms on a higher shelf and handed them to her wife. Fallon looked up, a little surprised.
“I like it when you wear these.” Kirby held out a hand to help the other woman up. Both of their hands were warm and a little sweaty. Kirby smiled.
“What’s wrong, Fallon? Talk to me,” Kirby tried again.
The shorter woman was now looking up at her, holding the pair of high heels in her hands, obviously not sure of what to say or do next. Just looking into her eyes was enough for Kirby to understand that they needed to have a serious talk. She pulled Fallon by the hand and led her back to their bed. She sat down and tapped the empty spot next to her. The brunette rolled her eyes, but she dropped the shoes on the floor and accepted the invitation to sit down.
“Now, tell me. What is it?” Kirby was looking at her expectantly. She didn’t look mad, but she did seem to be bit concerned. Without a doubt, she wanted answers and she wasn’t about to drop the subject.
Fallon felt bad for how she was behaving, but she also felt scared and she didn’t know how to hide it from Kirby. Mentally admitting this to herself instantly forced her to realize that she didn’t have to. In fact, she shouldn't. Kirby was right there next to her, practically begging her to spill whatever was on her mind.
“...What if it’s negative?” Fallon asked nervously. “I mean, what if I can’t get pregnant?”
Finally allowing herself to feel the wave of emotions she had been trying to push back, Fallon looked like she was on the verge of a meltdown. She wasn’t crying, but her eyes looked sad, and Kirby could tell that she was struggling to breathe comfortably. Her chest kept rising up rapidly, and she soon had one hand holding her throat.
“Breathe.”
That sounded like a good idea - if only Fallon could actually do it. She tried, but it felt like she was helplessly gasping for air, the weight on her chest too heavy for her to just let go and relax.
“Breathe with me,” Kirby repeated as calmly as she possibly could.
She took Fallon’s free hand and pulled it up to her chest, making her feel where her heart was. She slowly inhaled and exhaled a couple of times, trying to ground them both and make the brunette feel better. Fallon had closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on Kirby’s breathing.
“You’re okay,” Kirby whispered.
It wasn’t unusual for Fallon to freak out or even to experience anxiety. She had always had a tendency to struggle with her emotions. No matter how hard she tried to get better at it, it was like second nature for her. Her natural initial reaction was always to try and hide what she was feeling inside and how upset she truly felt when something bad or stressful was happening. Since being in a serious relationship with Kirby, this had become one of their biggest issues they had to work through together. To be honest, the redhead wasn’t always good at communicating and navigating through her own emotions either, but at least she had an easier time trying. This was definitely something they both struggled with. In many ways, they had gotten better, but they still had a long way to go, especially Fallon who, for some reason, always had the strongest anxious reactions.
Kirby waited for Fallon to calm down before talking again. ”You need to get out of your own head, babe. If it’s negative, we’ll try again,” she said slowly but firmly. “And if the IVF isn’t working, we’ll try something else,” she added simply, as if it all made perfect sense and there was no reason to worry about it at all. “We’ve talked about it already. We’ll figure it out together.”
Kirby offered her best reassuring smile. She had successfully put aside her own stress over the result of the test to take care of Fallon. The test... she had almost forgotten about it. She gave a quick glance at the clock on her night table. The eight minutes were up. That meant the test was ready and the results were already showing in the bathroom where Fallon had left the stick she had peed on.
This was their second try at reciprocal IVF. They were at a stage in their life and in their marriage where they both felt ready - and even impatient - to start a family. They had talked about it for a long time before deciding to start the process. Everything had felt pretty natural to them, every decision coming easily, without needing to argue or debate too much. Like in most other aspects of their marriage, and despite their differences, they were in almost perfect sync when it came to procreating and how they wanted it done. It had been decided that for their first kid that Kirby would the egg donor and Fallon, the one to carry the baby.
Their first IVF failure a few months ago had crushed Fallon. Both of them, really. But Fallon and Kirby had gotten back up on their feet quickly, ready to try again as soon as they were able to. The process wasn’t a fun one. The worst part hadn’t even been something that Fallon had to go through herself - the worst part for her was when she had to watch Kirby give herself a daily shot of fertility drugs for two weeks straight. Maybe Fallon had cried a few times, letting her irrational fear of needles get the best of her. Maybe this whole thing had turned her into a bit of an emotional mess before she even had the chance to get pregnant. But somehow, they had made it through a second round together, hoping with everything they had in them that this time around things would be good and that there would be a tiny little red-headed baby in their arms in a few months. But as positive as they had tried to be throughout their second round of IVF and as supportive and encouraging their doctors had been, assuring them that it wasn’t unusual for the first try to fail, Fallon still wasn’t able to completely shake off the feeling of guilt their first try had initiated in her.
“All the testing we did was good, Fallon. Remember? There’s nothing wrong with you, everything is working great. You’re in the best shape of your life, you’re healthy. There’s no reason that you wouldn’t be able to carry our child,” Kirby continued.
“But what if I have some weird abnormality that the doctors can’t detect or explain?” Fallon asked, obviously still in need of reassurance.
“I highly doubt that’s the case,” Kirby answered with an encouraging smile.
“What if I’m a terrible mother?” Fallon’s face dropped as soon as she had blurted it out. She couldn’t look at Kirby anymore, too embarrassed by the thoughts that were suddenly worrying her.
Feeling overwhelmed by a need to love Fallon a little harder, Kirby scooted closer to her on the bed. She gently pulled her chin up, forcing her wife to make eye contact again.
“Where is all this coming from? You were so excited last night,” the Australian asked, feeling genuinely concerned about these new fears that seemed to have appeared all in one night and found a way into her wife’s head.
“I–” Fallon hesitated. She struggled to keep her eyes locked into Kirby’s. “I’m freaking out, Kirbs.”
“Yeah, no kidding?!” Kirby laughed lightly.
“I’m serious,” Fallon complained. “Aren’t you scared of messing this up? We’re talking about an actual walking, talking, and breathing human being that you and I will be in charge of. We could mess them up like our parents messed us up. Isn’t that terrifying?”
“Honestly?” Kirby pretended to think for a few seconds. “Not really,” she shrugged. “I mean, when I think about having a baby with you and raising a family together, I don’t feel scared,” she said. “I feel happy.”
A tiny smile appeared on Fallon’s face. It was faint, but it was there. Kirby knew she was going in the right direction, saying exactly what her wife needed to hear to feel better.
“Plus, we’re not our parents. We’ve both learned from their mistakes, and we both know what we absolutely don’t want for our kids. Maybe it won’t be perfect, but we’ll do our best.” Kirby took Fallon’s hand and squeezed it into hers. “We’ve got this, Fallon.”
For the first time this morning, Fallon felt a little lighter. The heavy weight on her chest, although not completely gone, didn’t make it impossible for her to breathe anymore. Carried by Kirby’s strength, she was slowly feeling confident again.
“Not only do I think that you’ll be an amazing mum, but I also think you’ll be the hottest one in Atlanta. How could I be terrified of that?” Kirby asked, her eyes falling on Fallon’s cleavage.
Following the other woman’s gaze, Fallon looked down at her breast and rolled her eyes.
“You’re an idiot.” The brunette laughed and reached forward to kiss Kirby. “I think I’m ready,” she whispered, just as their lips were separating.
Kirby nodded. They were both ready.
They had agreed that the taller woman would be the one to get the test in the bathroom, but she wasn’t allowed to look at it. She had to bring it back to the bedroom where they would look at it together. Following through on her promise, Kirby picked up the test where Fallon had left it near the sink, her eyes barely open, afraid that she would accidentally read the result before getting back to Fallon, who was sitting still on their bed when Kirby came up to her again, her hands behind her back.
“Did you look?” Fallon asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Of course not!” Kirby exclaimed. She frowned, feeling a little offended that her wife wouldn’t trust her not to peek.
“Should we look now then?”
There were a few seconds of heavy silence before Kirby started to pull the test from behind her back.
“Wait!” Fallon screamed suddenly.
Kirby sighed. “Fallon...”
The brunette covered her eyes with both of her hands and insisted, “I can’t look, I’m too scared. You do it first.”
“That’s not what we agreed on, Fallon. Are you sure?”
She nodded, her hands still fully covering her eyes. “Just tell me when you’re about to look,” she added.
There were another few seconds of silence.
“Ok,” Kirby warned. “I’m gonna look now.”
Fallon kept her eyes shut and her hands securely on her face while Kirby brought the pregnancy test in her line of vision. She stared at it for a few seconds, not sure what to do or say.
“One line means not pregnant, two lines means–” Fallon’s reminder was suddenly interrupted by a loud sob. Opening her eyes again, she looked at Kirby who was standing in front of her, holding the test in her hands, her face covered in tears. “Are you crying?” Fallon asked carefully, even though the answer was obvious.
She wasn’t sure if it was a good sign or a bad one, but all she knew was that she also wanted to cry now. She got up, and before she could say anything else, Kirby held the pregnancy test right under her nose.
“It’s–” Fallon’s voice cracked and she covered her mouth instantly, refusing to let out the surprised gasp that was begging to come out of her.
“Positive!” Kirby finished for her.
Before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face too. It was a mix of happiness and intense relief. Kirby laughed and opened her arms to envelop her wife in the tightest embrace she could offer. Fallon wasn’t sure if she had ever been squeezed this hard in her entire life.
“You’re pregnant!” Kirby squealed.
They were both smiling and laughing through the tears, mumbling words that neither one of them could really comprehend, but they didn’t need words to know that both of their hearts were throbbing in unison at this very instant. They both felt it, wrapped in each other’s arms. Kirby picked up Fallon from the ground and twirled at the foot of their bed, Fallon’s face buried in her flamboyant red hair, until she felt so dizzy that she made them both fall back onto the mattress. Wrapping herself around Fallon’s body like a koala, Kirby covered the other woman’s face with kisses. Her forehead, the tip of her nose, her cheeks, her mouth… There wasn’t a part of her face she didn’t press her lips on.
“I can’t believe this.” Fallon was out of breath from the laughing and the twirling and all the excitement. This was, without a doubt, the best day of her life. Suddenly everything felt possible, every dream, every goal… and every battle or hardship they had gone through was worth it. Suddenly, life made sense in the biggest most beautiful way.
“We’re having a baby,” Kirby blurted out with a big smile. She wanted to scream out the good news from the rooftops, just so that it would be even more real. Although she was incredibly happy, she also hadn’t completely wrapped her head around the fact that this time, their biggest dream was really set to come true. She would still need to say it a few times out loud to believe it.
She detached herself from Fallon to roll onto her side and looked at the other woman, who did exactly the same. They held hands with their fingers intertwined and Kirby moved her arm back around her wife. Neither one of them feeling ready to let go. In fact, they were pretty sure they would have been happy cuddling each other for the rest of eternity. Fallon could hardly believe that soon enough, a newborn would be joining their nest and sharing their forever. This was the craziest thing they had ever done; their wildest adventure. Yet, it was the one thing they were both absolutely sure about.
“We’re having a baby,” Fallon repeated enthusiastically.
And just like that, they were a family.