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Connor was in the break room, but he wasn’t really listening to the conversation happening around him, he was too busy trying not to stare at Gavin.
Tina, Chris and a few of the other officers, were attempting to iron out plans for the DPD six-monthly-team-building-drinks-get-together-thing, and so far they’d suggested karaoke (which Gavin had shot down), bowling (which Gavin had also shot down) and hiring a hypnotist (which Gavin hadn’t been in the room to shoot down, so they ran with).
Connor took a few minutes to quietly research hypnotism and then said:
“I don’t think it’ll work on me. My brain isn’t as — “ oh, he almost said weak, and that definitely wouldn’t do “— suggestible as yours.”
“Wanna bet on it?” Chris asked with a grin, and Connor smiled back, confident in his confidence.
“Yes, why not?”
Tina clapped her hands: “This is gonna be so much fun.”
Connor began to regret his decision the closer they came to Friday. Tina was boasting that she’d found a hypnotist who could ‘put androids under too’ - which just sounded awful - and he wasn’t sure if she was just trying to frighten him, or if she was telling the truth.
Gavin just watched them all with disinterest, and whenever Chris tried to pull him into the conversation he’d shut them down with a ‘I’m not getting involved in this shit.’
Connor wished he hadn’t either.
But there was no way for him to back out when Friday finally came round, and they were all gathered in the bar, and the hypnotist had arrived and was setting up his stage.
It was at times like this that he really wanted to be able to loose himself in drink, like his fellow colleagues around him, but the idea of not being in complete control of his senses had always put him off trying the synthetic substitutes — which really was why there was absolutely no logical reason he’d agreed to this!
He had to admit it was funny to watch Tina accost people in the bar looking for a ‘lost’ necklace, riffling through bags and sticking her hands in people’s pockets: ‘dude, where’s my fucking necklace?!”; and Chris struggle to remember the number seven, counting the numbers off one by one on his fingers and each time coming up with the number eleven; and Ben gush about giving birth, holding his newborn child, and having his voice crack with joy when he was asked what gender his child was.
But, all too soon, it was Connor’s turn. He reluctantly made his way up on the stage, squinting his eyes under the bright spotlight.
“What’s your name, son?”
“Connor.”
The hypnotist nodded.
“So, Connor. We’re going to do things a little different with you.”
The hypnotist opened a small palm projector and lines of code appeared in the air in front of Connor’s face.
“Can you see the code, Connor?”
“Yes, I can.”
“Good. It’s going to scroll and I want you to read it. It’s very simple. Are you happy to do that?”
“Yes, I guess.”
“Good.” The hypnotist said again.
The cool blue lines of code began to scroll and Connor’s gaze followed them, becoming more and more relaxed the longer the code continued.
“Connor, can you hear me?”
The hypnotists voice now sounded quite far away, as if he was talking across a long distance line.
“Yes. I can hear you.”
“I want to ask you a question, Connor, and I’d like you to answer honestly.”
Connor wanted to answer the question honestly.
“Do you have a crush on anyone?”
The honest answer was -
“Yes.”
“Can you tell me about them? What do you like about them?”
Connor smiled.
“There are a lot of things I like about him.”
There was a rumble of noise, that vaguely sounded like excited chatter, but Connor couldn’t place where it was coming from and it didn’t seem to matter right now anyway.
All that mattered right now was the hypnotists voice asking:
“Can you tell me a few of the things you like about him?”
Connor smiled again.
There was nothing he’d like more right now than to tell someone, anyone, how he felt.
“Well, for one, I like the way his nose crinkles when his coffee’s too hot. And I like his smile. But he doesn’t smile that often. But when he does smile, it lights up his whole face. And I like his sense of humour. It’s so dry but so witty. I think people confuse it for rudeness most of the time. Oh and I think it’s adorable the way he pretends to go for a smoke but really he’s watching the live feed of his cats at home.”
Connor paused and thought about that for few moments, wistfully, remembering how surprised he’d been when he’d first noticed.
“I also like how committed he is to finishing his cases. I don’t think people realise how often he falls asleep at his desk while in the middle of finalising reports. And —“
Connor paused getting lost in a memory: it’d been Connor’s crime scene but backup had been required and ‘He’d’ turned up. Connor’d been wary at first because the victim was a traumatised deviant. Connor’d been caught up with the crime scene technicians and even though he could see that the victim was suffering from a potentially catastrophic panic attack, he couldn’t get away. ‘He’d’ been the one to notice and the one to go over and the one who somehow managed to calm the deviant down.
Connor thought maybe he might love ‘Him’ after that.
“Connor?” The hypnotist asked.
“Sorry, yes. I like how professional he is with everyone, including androids. It was unexpected but not unwelcome.”
“He sounds like a very nice person.”
“He is! And he has a very nice ass.”
There was laughed from somewhere and Connor frowned, but before Connor could ask where it was coming from an angry voice cut through his calm.
“I don’t know how you put him up to this, Ti, but fuck you.”
“Gavin, I didn’t —“
“And very nice eyes.” Connor finished.
“And fuck your too!”
Silence.
“Connor?”
“Yes?”
“I’m going to reverse the code, can you read it for me?
“I can.”
“When you’re done, you won’t remember any of this.”
“I won’t remember any of this.”
When Connor opened his eyes, the bar was oddly subdued, and both Tina and Gavin were gone. Sheepish glances followed him back to his table.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Nah, mate. You didn’t do anything.” Chris said and patted him on the shoulder, but Connor wasn’t so sure he believed him, so he went in search of Tina and Gavin.
They were in the parking lot, Gavin straddling his motorcycle and about to pull his helmet on, swearing blue murder at Tina.
“Gav, will you just listen to me?!”
“You know how I fucking feel! How could you -?!”
“I didn’t put him up to anything, Gav, I promise!”
He glared at her, pulled on his helmet, revved the engine and sped off out of the parking lot.
Connor hesitated, his sudden feelings of dread slowing down his systems, before he made his way over to Tina. She looked up at him and looked back down again.
“I’m so sorry, Connor.”
“What happened?” Connor asked quietly although he feared he already knew.
“I didn’t know you felt that way about him.” Tina looked up at him. “He’s the last person any of would’ve dreamed you’d have a crush on! It was just meant to be a bit of fun ...”
Tina trailed off.
“I’m sorry, Connor.”
Connor quickly spiralled through fear, anger, shame, loss, and everything in between. Gavin was never meant to know, and now he did, and he was more angry than Connor had seen him in a while.
He’d said: “you know how I feel” and yes, Connor did know, that’s why he’d always kept it to himself, scared that Gavin would react exactly like this if he ever found out. It was always just easier to dream that Gavin might like him back, than to be faced with the realty of his hatred.
“My feelings are complicated, Tina, just like every other human. You had no right to ask me such personal questions in such a public setting.”
“I know, I —“
The sudden unholy screech of tires filled the air and then a crash and grind of metal on metal. They both looked in the direction Gavin had gone, and then looked back at each other in horror.
“Gavin!” Tina yelled and started to run, Connor first on her heels and then overtaking.
Gavin hadn’t gone far, he must‘ve been stopped at every red light, which would only have served to make him more angry and reckless.
The motorcycle was in the middle of the road, and Gavin was laying several feet away, unmoving. Whatever he had hit, or had hit him, was gone. A hit and run. Connor would have to call it in, see if there were any traces of paint on the motorcycle that could help identify the other vehicle; he’d need to check road cameras in the area, he’d, he’d need to, he’d need — to stop hiding behind protocol and face the truth that Gavin might be dead.
Connor skid to his knees in front of Gavin, frantically analysing for a heartbeat he couldn’t find, the error messages obscuring his results.
Tina ran up behind him.
“Is he -?” She panted, a hysterical note in her voice.
And Connor forced himself to calm down.
“Is he dead?”
Connor picked up the heartbeat and almost cried with relief.
“No, he’s alive.”
Tina dropped to her knees beside Gavin too, and he groaned.
“—- the fuck happened?”
“You’re a dumb fucking idiot, that’s what happened!” Tina snapped, but there was only relief in her voice now and tears in her eyes.
“Get this thing off me, will you?”
“We shouldn’t remove anything until the paramedics get here, you may have a neck or spinal injury that could be exacerbated by moving you.” Connor replied, stopping Gavin from reaching for his helmet.
Gavin tensed as if suddenly remembering something and then yanked his arm away from Connor and shoved him backwards. Connor fell onto his ass with a surprised yelp.
“I don’t need your fucking help, or advice.”
“Gavin-“ Tina started.
“I don’t need yours either.”
Connor and Tina stared at each other helplessly, but by then other officers from the party had begun to arrive, and the paramedics were on their way.
“Fuck off, both of you.” Gavin snarled.
Chris was now hovering over Gavin and Connor let himself be pushed back into the crowd. Gavin had tolerated him before, but now he hated him, and Connor’s didn’t know what to do about it.
The paramedics arrived and Connor stood on the sidelines and watched as they triaged Gavin, listening intently to their conversation: Gavin had a broken leg and multiple bruising but otherwise the damage the minimal.
Connor continued to watch as Gavin was lifted on to a stretcher and moved into the ambulance, but when Chris stepped forward to climb into the ambulance with him, Connor put a hand on his shoulder.
“May I go with him?”
Chris looked surprised: “Are you sure? You’re not his favourite person right now.”
“Please, Chris. I need to talk to him about — stuff.”
Chris nodded and stood back letting Connor climb into the ambulance with Gavin.
Gavin was laid out on his back on the stretcher, his leg in splints, staring up at the roof.
“— fucking hurts.” He mumbled.
“I’m sure.” Connor replied and Gavin’s gaze snapped to his.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?! Get the fuck out!”
The ambulance started moved.
“It’s too late for me to get out.”
“Nope.” Gavin sneered. “You can jump. You might get a bit scuffed but it’s not like it’d hurt.”
Gavin’s words hurt.
Connor sat down on the panel seat beside the stretcher, placed his elbows carefully on his knees, and stared at his clasped hands.
“I want to apologise.” Connor muttered, not sure how to say what he wanted to say.
“Save it. I don’t give a fuck.”
“You were never meant to know. I never wanted you to know. I would never have told you.” Connor rushed on, afraid that if he stopped now, he’d never say what he needed to say. “I know how you feel about me.” Connor’s voice broke a little and he cleared his throat before continuing. “I know how much you despise me — and I’m sorry that the mere idea I might have a crush on you is so repulsive to you, but I can’t change the way I feel about you, so you’re just going to have to live with it.”
Gavin didn’t say anything and Connor was afraid to look up.
“It wasn’t fair of Tina to — my feeling are my own and you were never meant to know.”
Gavin still didn’t say anything and now Connor was afraid he might have fallen asleep. He glanced up sheepishly and Gavin was staring at him.
“Ti didn’t put you up to this?”
Connor shook his head.
“You think I have a nice ass, eh?”
Connor blushed so blue he was sure his face lit up the far side of the ambulance.
“Did I say that?!” Connor hid his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I didn’t know what I was saying.”
“You said a lot of things” Gavin said, a little thoughtfully, Connor thought, and he looked back at Gavin again. “And you have no idea how I feel.”
Connor guffawed, but Gavin continued.
“I thought Ti’d told you, and you’d decided to fuck with me, instead of —. “
“You thought Tina had told me what?” Connor asked confused.
“I thought she’d told you how I feel.” Gavin snapped.
“But how do you feel?” Connor snapped back, his thirium pump working twice as fast, as he dared to hope.
“I eh — I well — well, I guess I have a crush on you too.”
Connor’s thirium pump stopped pumping for a moment or two.
“You do?”
“I guess.”
That explained why Gavin had been so angry and looked so betrayed.
They both started talking at the same time, but at that exact moment the ambulance pulled to a stop and shortly after the paramedics pulled open the back doors.
Gavin grabbed his hand as he was wheeled out of the ambulance and into the hospital and Connor gripped onto it, trotting along beside the stretcher.
“You’ll have to wait here.” A nurse said to Connor as they reached a set of double doors, and Connor didn’t want to let go of Gavin’s hand, but had no choice.
“Connor?” Gavin said. “Don’t go anywhere. We need to talk more.”
“I’ll be right here.” Connor promised.
Gavin nodded and Connor watched him until he was out of sight, before slumping down into one of the waiting room chairs and smiling so big he thought his face might break.
The last thing he expected was for Gavin to feel the same way about him, he’d dreamed about it, but never thought it’d ever happen, and now here they were.
Connor made a mental note to thank Tina, after all, if she hadn’t done what she had then both Gavin and himself would have continued dancing around each other, both thinking the other hated them.
But now —
Now, the future was theirs, and Connor felt hopeful.