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The apartment felt incredibly empty without you – that’s all Ethan could think for the six months you were gone. He was on vacation, as his team was sent on various missions of their own. Brandt made it clear to Ethan, and the rest of the agency, that Ethan needed a well-deserved break from missions, protocol, and traveling. Nobody believed this more than you, and you were excited to have some time off with your best friend, a feat that seemingly never happened despite the fact that you live with one another. You’ve been best friends with Ethan since your first mission together. After Will accepted a promotion from Hunley, Ethan, Benji, and Luther were all that was left of his team; this left them rather shorthanded on missions.
You and Benji had met at the academy. You were two years ahead of him at the time, but that mattered little to either of you. Benji, at the time, had no field training, which meant that he had no combat training. So, when a few hotshot agents in training decided to pick on him one day as he was working on a programming assignment, Benji had little chance to make it out without a scratch, that is until you stepped in. You knocked out the leader quickly, making the others run off as they didn’t want to meet the same fate. Benji was flustered, but of course, he thanked you for saving his ass. You gave him a bright grin in response, which was not something he expected from a woman who just took down one of the top students in his class. You decided to train him in self-defense yourself since the academy wasn’t in any hurry to do so and thus, continued to surprise him every day after your first meeting. You were badass and could hold your own, which Benji already knew from your first meeting; however, he also learned that you were gentle, kind, and a wicked sense of humor to match his own. When Ethan brought up the idea of looking for another teammate for the first time, Benji couldn’t pass off throwing your name in the ring, and a matter of weeks later you were a part of the team. It all happened very fast. Ethan had recruited you for a single mission to test out your abilities and see if you were a good fit for the team; you clicked with the team in a matter of days.
Luther was immediately drawn to your optimism and quick-wit, both qualities he figured would have been trained out of you after the many years in the IMF; however, here you were. He loved having someone that could keep up with Benji, as his brain seemed to function twice as fast as the average human which was helpful on missions, but not in conversations. He also loved having someone who complimented Ethan’s nature, you are both optimists at heart and could see possibilities and opportunities that others couldn’t due to risk factors and a hundred other things that would ward off any other agents; however, both you and Ethan could see every variable and every outcome regardless of the risk. You and Benji seemed to just pick up where you had left off at the academy. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t think about asking you out once or twice since you reentered his life. At first, he believed it was fate that had brought both of you together again, but he was immediately taken aback as he saw the effect that you had on Ethan. When you were with Benji and Luther, you seemed to egg both of them on. There were constant jokes and remarks thrown back and forth between you and Benji, while you through various facial expressions at Luther who couldn’t help but explode in fits of laughter; however when you were with Ethan, you seemed to slow him down. Ethan was known to be reckless and was prone to throw himself into danger without a single thought, but with you he found himself thinking about his actions prior to actually doing them as he didn’t want to risk your life as well; being his right-hand man usually meant that the people that shot at him would end up shooting at you as well at some point.
So when an easy, three month in and out mission for you turned into a six-month fiasco, Ethan was more distraught than he had ever been in his entire life. Every night we sat on the couch waiting for you to walk through the front door and every night when you didn’t come back crushed his heart. You had been couch hopping after your second mission with the team after your lease ended and the owner decided he wanted to sell rather than rent it out anymore. Finding a place in D.C. to lay low while staying close to headquarters was extremely difficult. You had stayed at Benji’s for a while and then Luther’s after you felt that you had overstayed your welcome. You had a few other friends in the area from the academy that let you stay for a couple of days, but after weeks of bouncing from one apartment to another, you found yourself at Ethan’s door. He was the last person you went to, even though you considered him to be your closest friend, mostly because you knew he enjoyed having time to himself after missions and you really didn’t want to get in the way of that; however, after a week of sleeping on his couch, Ethan gave you the spare key he had to his apartment and told you that the guest room could be yours if you wanted it. After that, you and Ethan continued living together, for now, a little over three years.
Tonight for Ethan was just like all the others since you left. Luther had brought take out earlier in the evening, a gesture that either Benji or Luther did a few times a week as they were worried that Ethan was more concerned for your wellbeing than his own at this point. He enjoyed the short time they would spend with him in the evenings, it made everything seem normal for just a little while until you were brought up in the conversation. Once Luther left Ethan sat on the couch with a beer, watching late-night TV while watching the door intently. He figured it was time to call it a night at around two in the morning, but his phone buzzing on the coffee table stopped him in his tracks. He groaned when he saw Brandt’s name flash across the screen, but answered it regardless of how he felt at the moment. If Brandt was calling, it must be pretty damn important.
“Hunt,” Ethan grunted into the phone while preparing to shoot his empty beer can into the trash at the other end of the apartment.
“She’s here Ethan,” Brandt said and the empty can he had thrown seconds ago missed the trash entirely, clattering to the floor; however, that was the least of Ethan’s worries right now. He remained silent for a few moments, determining whether this was real or one of the many dreams he’s had like this since you went missing.
“Y/N is here,” Brandt repeated softly and that’s all it took to kick Ethan into action. He immediately sat up and ran his free hand through his messy hair.
“How is she? Is she okay? Is she hurt?” Ethan questioned. Question after question slipped through Ethan’s lips, concerned only for your wellbeing and safety.
“I don’t know Ethan,” Brandt muttered in response. Ethan let out a frustrated sigh at his response. “She hasn’t really talked since she showed up. She’s only asked for you. Hunley wanted to debrief her before we contacted you, but I think you should get down her Ethan. She doesn’t look too good.”
Ethan had already grabbed his jacket and begun his descent down the eight flights of stairs to the garage as Brandt explained the situation to him.
“Tell her I’m on my way,” Ethan ordered before hanging up the phone. He immediately got into his car and peeled out of the garage. He was lucky he didn’t get pulled over on his way to you as he sped his way to IMF headquarters; 15 over, 20 over, 30 over – nothing seemed to be fast enough for Ethan as he weaved through the limited traffic. He stopped only to pass through security and then continued to race his way to the parking garage.
Ethan was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, but the mere thought of being in your presence again gave him enough energy to propel himself out of his car and jog towards the debriefing rooms. He silently cursed whoever designed IMF headquarters as he was now painfully aware of how maze-like the entire building was. Ethan was now in a full sprint, earning concerned looks from other agents, but he couldn’t care less as he knew that you were somewhere in this God-forsaken building. Ethan could feel his heart pounding in his chest with each step he took but ignored it in order to turn a corner.
He stopped dead in his tracks. There you were sitting at the end of the hallway with your head currently in your hands, your elbows propped up on your knees. Brandt was correct in his observation that you don’t look good. Even though Ethan couldn’t see your face, he knew by your body language that you felt not only exhausted but also defeated. The more he watched the scene before him, the more his heart ached for you. Ethan had known you for many years now. He saw you in your best moments and your worst; it was one of the best and worst aspects of living with one another. He’d seen you upset before. He remembered all the times on missions when something didn’t go the way that you had planned it to, so you spent the rest of the night softly cursing and reassessing the mission only to frustratingly slam your hands down in defeat. He remembered how furious you looked after the several failed dates you had gone while on breaks from missions. You would slam the door to the apartment and grab a beer from the fridge before slumping into the couch to rant to him about how terrible your night was. He remembered all the nights that he would frustrate you because of something he’d said or his inability at times to take care of himself properly. He would watch you intently as you furrowed your eyebrows and gritted your teeth, attempting to hold your tongue; however, it rarely worked. He remembered the mornings after those fights. He remembered eating breakfast in silence until you’d say “Ethan you’re my friend, but dear God you drive me crazy sometimes”. He’d crack a smile and everything seemed to go back to normal. So, Ethan had seen you upset many times; however, he’d never seen you anguished before. He’d never seen you so beaten down and distraught that you seemed to have lost hope. And now that he was seeing it for the first time, Ethan knew that he would do everything in his power for you to never feel this way again.
You had heard the sound of shoes squeaking against the tile flooring of the IMF headquarters but simply wrote it off for an eager agent or someone who had taken a wrong turn; however, once you felt a pair of eyes on you for more than a few seconds you were forced to look up from your hands. You were about to ask what the person staring at you wanted when you met his gaze. You blinked once, then twice, and then a third; you needed to make sure that he was actually real this time. You’d seen him many times in a hallucinated state over the past six months, but now that he was actually standing before you, you couldn’t believe your eyes.
“Ethan?” You whispered, hoping that this time he would respond back to you. Ethan couldn’t have heard you at the end of the hallway, but he must have read your lips because he gave you a soft nod in return. Your whole body relaxed as you knew that Ethan was finally standing in the same room as you once again. You’d put on a tough exterior after you were back at headquarters, only breaking slightly when you and Brandt were finally alone as you considered him a close friend, but Ethan’s presence seemed to have crumbled the walls that you had to put up to protect yourself from questioning. The tears you didn’t know you were holding in began to fall down your cheeks. Ethan was immediately kneeling down in front of you. He placed both his hands on either side of you on the bench, afraid of how you’d react to his touch until you slowly lowered your head to rest against his shoulder. Ethan brought one of his hands to hold your bicep while the other went to the back of your head. He softly combed through your hair, while tilting his head to rest against yours. Neither of you knew how long you both stayed like this; Ethan holding you tightly while you crumbled further into his chest, but neither of you seemed to be wanting to move anytime soon. You were more than content in Ethan’s arms while slowly breathing him in, but you knew that you’d both need to move sometime soon. You began to pull away from Ethan, but Ethan’s grip on you tightened slightly in order to stop you.
“Just give me a few more seconds of this,” Ethan whispered into your ear and you nodded against his shoulder. He let out a slow, exhausted sigh as he held you for just a few more seconds and just as he had promised, he let you go. His hands now rested on your knees as he looked up at you. A ghost of a smile danced across his lips, but his eyes said everything that he wasn’t. You knew that he was hurting too and judging by the dark circles under his eyes, he seemed to have rarely slept since you left. You’d known that your disappearance would have an effect on him, but you weren’t expecting this. Nevertheless, you offered him a slight smile in response, knowing that you’d have a real conversation about everything the two of you were feeling right now at home.
“Are you okay?” Ethan breathed as he searched your eyes. You were glad that he didn’t expect the full story here and you were even more content to hear him ask a question you’d heard almost every day since you’d met him. Ethan knew that you could handle yourself and he was aware of the fact that sometimes your skills bested his at times, but that never stopped him from worrying about your safety whether it be in the field or at home.
“I am now,” you responded and Ethan let out a relieved sigh as he gently squeezed your knees reassuringly. Although he looked beyond exhausted, the smile on his face was as bright as ever. The sight of Ethan’s grin was almost enough to break you once again, but you managed to keep it together for the time being.
“I’ve got to talk to Brandt,” Ethan started as he moved his hands to gently hold yours. “Will you be okay here until I’m done?”
“I’ll be okay Ethan,” you assured him. Ethan’s heart stopped as he heard his name roll off your lips. He had dreamed of you saying his name once more countless times since you had left and every day he wished to hear it once more. He didn’t even care if it was because you frustrated with him, he just yearned for you to say his name once again. He let his head fall onto your interlocked fingers as he tried to regain his composure. He kissed the back of your hand softly, causing your heart to flutter like it had a million times since you met Ethan; you had hated the feeling six months ago, but now you were happy that something felt normal once again.
“I promise I’ll be right back,” Ethan spoke softly but his words were full of conviction; however, you knew that Ethan would never leave you no matter what. If you were sure of anything, it was that fact. He softly squeezed your hands before he began his trek towards Brandt’s office. He sent you one last reassuring glance before he turned the corner. He mentally cursed himself for leaving you by yourself, but he needed answers now and he knew that pressuring you would only end badly. Ethan didn’t bother knocking on Brandt’s door but instead flung it open. This caused Brandt to jump out of his set, but he relaxed slightly at the sight of Ethan standing in his doorway.
“What the hell happened out there Brandt?” Ethan asked through gritted teeth. He hated to be mad at him, but right now he needed someone to blame for your current condition and Brandt seemed like the best option. Brandt motioned for Ethan to come further into his office, causing Ethan to let out a frustrated sigh; however, he did as he was told and closed the office door before collapsing into one of the chairs in front of Brandt’s desk.
“We completely underestimated him, Ethan,” Brandt began while running both of his hands through his hair unusually messy hair.
“Yeah no shit,” Ethan spat but immediately regretted his outburst. Brandt gave Ethan a frustrated glare and Ethan offered him an apologetic look in response while allowing him to continue.
“The mission isn’t exactly what you think it was,” Brandt informed Ethan while choosing his words as though he were stepping through a minefield. Ethan knit his eyebrows together in confusion, but let Brandt continue. “Y/n had no team, no backup, it was a completely solo mission. She gave you information on a different mission because I was worried about how you’d react to the real mission we were sending her on.”
“Y/n has done plenty of solo missions,” Ethan informed Brandt. “Why would I react any different to this one?”
“Y/n was sent undercover to extract information from a man who we believed had information on an underground arms operation that was selling nuclear weapons to dangerous clients,” Brandt explained while Ethan raised an eyebrow at him as he still didn’t understand why he couldn’t have been informed to the real mission at hand. “Her job was to get close to him in order to get this information. He seemed to be just any other rich, playboy that we’ve come across before and we knew that y/n could certainly grab his attention.”
Ethan gritted his teeth, now understanding the true nature of this mission. Plenty of agents were sent on undercover missions like this, hell, even Ethan had done a few of them earlier in his career; however, the thought of sending you on one of those missions made him sick to his stomach. Ethan wanted to be angry at Brandt, but he knew why he had ordered you to lie to him about the mission. If Ethan had known about the real details, he would never have let you leave.
“What went wrong?” Ethan asked. He didn’t even know if he wanted to know the answer to this question, but now it was all that he could think about. Brandt let out a long sigh before responding.
“It turns out he did have a lot of information on the underground arms operation because he was the one leading it. I would never have sent her in there if I knew who he really was, but by the time I was informed I had lost contact with her. From what I know, he knew who she really was within the first three months she was there and l lost contact with her after the second month, but I couldn’t do anything about it until she called in yesterday,” Brandt finished and Ethan’s mind was reeling from the information.
“How was she able to call in?” Ethan questioned.
“She killed him, Ethan,” Brandt muttered. “She had gathered all the information that we had asked her for months ago but she had to wait until just the right time to escape. I don’t know what he did to her Ethan, but from what I’ve heard about him over the past couple of months it was nothing that anyone should ever have to endure ever.”
Ethan looked up at the ceiling, clenching and unclenching his jaw as he tried to hold in the tears that started forming in his eyes as Brandt continued. He knew that there was nothing that Brandt could have done due to the agency’s protocol, but if Ethan had known about the real mission then he could have done something. Instead, he sat in your shared apartment for six months while you were going through hell.
“I’m so sorry Ethan,” Brandt apologized not knowing that Ethan had already forgiven him. “I would do anything to turn back the clock and stop her from leaving too.”
Ethan nodded before getting up from the chair slowly. Brandt seemed to brace himself instantly, not certain as to what Ethan was going to do next. He was surprised when Ethan extended his hand out towards him, but he shook it immediately.
“You did everything you could Brandt,” Ethan assured him. “And she’s still here. Don’t carry any guilt, you know she wouldn’t want that.”
Brandt nodded in response and offered him a small smile.
“Go,” Brandt almost ordered. “She needs you more than anyone right now.”
Ethan nodded at Brandt once more before exiting his office. Ethan agreed that you needed him right now, but he also knew that he needed you just as much.