Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PRIVATE MESSAGE

WTGhost: hey did you end up getting that promotion??

D’Ville: No, I was passed over in favor of a coworker.

WTGhost: thats unfortunate but you weren’t really qualified anyway [shrug]

D’Ville: I truly wasn’t. I did not know the extent of the disaster that is the current archive. I’m not sure the preceding Head Archivist did any work whatsoever. It’s horrendous. Sasha has a degree in Library Science and is working on completely revising the labeling system, which is something I doubt I'd be capable of.

WTGhost: Thank god thats not your problem

D’Ville: It is still my problem, thank you very much. I will be working very hard to help get everything in order.

WTGhost: but at least it isn’t your responsibility

D’Ville: True.

WTGhost: hows the band? I havent seen anyone since the last concert

D’Ville: The last concert was on Friday, Georgina.

WTGhost: And your point, Jonathan?

D’Ville: Today is Tuesday.

WTGhost: my point stands

D’Ville: I will see if they would like to meet up.

WTGhost: hell yeah [emoji stream]

GROUP CHAT “The Aurora”

9 members

D’Ville: Georgie wants to know if you would all like to hang out.

YesSir: of course!

GPTim: We always want to hang out with your ex girlfriend

Any ex of yours will do really

Nastya: Rude

But accurate

D’Ville: I suppose I will let her know.

GPTim: Hold on, did you get the promotion??

Jonny boy

Hello

D’Ville: I was passed over in favor of a more qualified coworker.

Nasta: So the mighty has fallen at last. Press F to pay respects.

GPTim: F

Nastya: F

YesSir: F

Ashes: F

Drumbot: F

theDoctor: F

Raphaella: F

Ivy: F

D’Ville: You need to show more respect for your captain.

GPTim: First mate

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Nastya: You beat me to it

D’Ville: Captain.

Raphaella: First mate

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D’Ville: I hate you all.

GPTim: See you on Friday for rehearsal then?

D’Ville: Absolutely. I could stand to sing about gore and violence right now.

Nastya: My place at 7. Bring Georgie, we haven't seen her in ages.

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D'Ville: It has been precisely three days since you have last seen her.

But yes. I'll bring her.

D’Ville, GPTim, and 7 others have logged off

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT, 10:22 am

Tim Stoker has added Sasha James and Martin Blackwood to the chat

Tim Stoker has changed the chat name to MA Fam

Sasha: was this necessary

Tim: absolutely

Tim Stoker has changed Sasha Jame’s nickname to Bosslady

Bosslady: I will allow this

Bosslady: on one condition

Bosslady: We can only have a work group chat if everybody is included.

Tim: But Sashaaaaaaaaa

Tim: I straight-up can’t find him in the system

Tim: I know I’ve seen this app open on his phone but there is no “Jonathan Sims” ANYWHERE

Bosslady: I’ll track him down

Bosslady: I'm sure his personal email address is in these records somewhere, and if not I'll hack it

Martin: All hail Sasha James, technological miracle worker

Bosslady: you know it!

Tim Stoker has changed his nickname to Stoked

Martin: do I get a nickname?

Stoked has changed Martin Blackwood’s nickname to Martino

Martino: oh come on, you can do better

Stoked has changed Martino's nickname to Tea-king

Tea-king: much better

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 11:11 am

Stoked: we need to come up with a nickname for Jon

Tea-king: okay but if you choose anything mean I’m nixing it

Stoked: mr.grumpy

Tea-king: nixed

Stoked: book.boy

Tea-King: nixed

Stoked: tea-lover

Tea-king: ASDFHDKFL;SDKFSLDFJS NIXED

Stoked: I’m onto you

Tea-king: please dont.

Stoked: it’s okay man, i’ve got your back

Stoked: I don’t understand but i’ve got your back

Stoked: we are no closer to a nickname, however

Tea-king: Why can’t we just let him choose his own?

Stoked: you’re no fun

GROUP CHAT: MA Fam, 11:33 am

Bosslady has added D’Ville to the group

Bosslady: found him!

Stoked: Jon?

Tea-king: Jon?

D’Ville: What is this?

Stoked: it’s a work group chat my man!

D’Ville: is typing

D’Ville: is no longer typing

D’Ville has changed his nickname to JSims

Stoked: but but but NICKNAMES

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, 11:35 am

9 members

D’Ville has changed his nickname to JSims

GPTim: Hey hey my man, what is that for?

GPTim has changed JSims nickname to D’Ville

GPTim: You don’t get to abandon us that easily

D’Ville has changed his nickname to JSims

D’Ville: you dont UNDERSTAND my coworkers just started a group chat and apparently nicknames carry over to all of your conversations!!!

Ashes has changed JSims nickname to D’Ville

Ashes: Boo hoo. What are they going to do, tease you about being in a band?

D’Ville has changed his nickname to JSims

JSims: THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE BAND

JSims: THEY THINK IM NORMAL AND PROFESSIONAL

JSims: I WOULD LIKE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY

YesSir: sucks to be you lmao

YesSir has changed JSims nickname to D’Ville

D’Ville: what have I done to deserve this

GROUP CHAT: MA Fam, 11:35 am

4 members

JSims nickname has been changed to D’Ville

D’Ville has changed his nickname to JSims

Stoked: what is happening

JSims nickname has been changed to D’Ville

Bosslady: beats me

D’Ville has changed his nickname to JSims 

Tea-king: is he okay?

JSims nickname has been changed to D’Ville

D’Ville: I have given up.

Stoked: So… what was up with that?

D’Ville: My friends from college have used this app to keep in touch since graduation. They find it quite entertaining to humiliate me.

Tea-king: Are they the ones that first gave you that nickname?

D’Ville: Not exactly.

Stoked: is typing

D’Ville: I am not explaining further.

Stoked: is no longer typing

Bosslady: I’m still curious how you got nicknamed after the lady from 101 Dalmations, but I think enough time has been spent here.

Bosslady: back to work, everyone

Stoked: But SASHA

Bosslady: you heard me

D’Ville and Tea-king have logged off

Bosslady: Timothy.

Stoked and Bosslady have logged off

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, 11:40 am

D’Ville: I’ve given up. You all win. I hope you’re happy.

D’Ville: they think I’m nicknamed after the lady from 101 Dalmations?

D’Ville: what even is that?

Ivy: Its a kids movie

Ivy: Don’t tell me you’ve never seen it

Ivy: Even Toy Soldier has seen it

Ivy: And they’re immortal

YesSir: what do I have to do with this

Ivy: Nothing at all my dear

YesSir: [thumbs up]

D’Ville: I googled it. There’s an evil lady who kills dogs?

D’Ville: My evil backstory is way sexier

D’Ville: and so is my character

D’Ville: Clearly I am the superior D’Ville.

GPTim: Never said you weren’t

GPTim: but I may start calling you Cruela

D’Ville: No need. I'm Captain D’Ville, terror of the galaxy

Ashes: First mate

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D’Ville: fuck you

D’Ville: at least on Friday I can heal my soul with some Old King Cole

                 8 people have liked this message

9 people have logged off

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: MA Fam, 7:45 am

4 members

Bosslady: The hubris of this man

Bosslady: Our esteemed boss Elias Bouchard himself called me in to come to his office early this morning

Bosslady: I’d been hoping to show him my revised filing system that I finished last night, so I made sure to show up extra early to go over it

Bosslady: Guess what he did.

Bosslady: He bitched about my decision to hold off on digitizing the records

Bosslady: The hubris of this man

Bosslady: I’m the one with a degree in Library Science. I am the one who is qualified to do this job. If he wants these records digitized, he can wait for me to do them in the proper fashion or he can do it himself, the prick.

Stoked: You tell him, Sash

Stoked has changed his nickname to IStan1Queen

Tea-King: Amen 

D’Ville: Did you tell him this to his face?

IStan1Queen: Please tell me you said this to his face

Bosslady: I absolutely did

Bosslady: You should have seen it

Bosslady: He reacted as if I’d just spit all over the grave of his most esteemed ancestor

IStan1Queen has changed Bosslady’s nickname to TheQueen

TheQueen: I now have just over an hour before our actual work shift starts, and beginning early feels too much like conceding a victory to Elias. I think I’m going to do a coffee run (on institute money of course). How do you all take it?

Tea-King: Not at all, but I would love a pastry or two

IStan1Queen: Black with cinnamon

D’Ville: With an ungodly amount of sugar and 4 extra shots of espresso 

IStan1Queen: Holy shit dude 

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D’Ville: Are we allowed to swear in a work chat? Is that professional?

TheQueen: I’ll allow it

D’Ville: Then fuck off, Tim, its my coffee

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Tea-King: Jon getting feral in the group chat this morning

Tea-King: Thanks for the breakfast Sasha!

Tea-King: Best boss ever!

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TheQueen: See you all at 9!

8:45 am

TheQueen: Did one of you leave a box on my desk?

9:15 am

TheQueen: Emergency meeting. My office. Now.

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 11:02 AM

IStan1Queen: So… how much of that note do you think was legitimate?

D’Ville: To be honest? I’m not certain. 14 fears seems excessive.

D’Ville: The Web, though, that’s real.

IStan1Queen: So’s the Stranger. What was your run-in?

D’Ville: A Leitner. You?

IStan1Queen: A mannequin stole my brother’s face

D’Ville: is typing

D’Ville: is no longer typing

D’Ville: That sounds quite… traumatic.

IStan1Queen: Sure was. 

IStan1Queen: I see why you hate Leitners so much now

D’Ville: I’ve always thought of them as the epitome of evil.

D’Ville: I was more correct than I could have guessed.

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 12:06 pm

D’Ville: Are you still on for Friday night?

WTGhost: Sure am!

D’Ville: Could we meet up beforehand? I would like to talk to you about something from work.

WTGhost: Oooooh, something Spooky happen at the Magnus Institute?

D’Ville: Its not SPOOKY

D’Ville: But yes, I learned something… unsettling, and am uncertain what I think about it.

WTGhost: Just call it spooky like a normal human and move on

WTGhost: But sure. See you at 5 for dinner?

D’Ville: Thank you. Indian?

WTGhost: What else?

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Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: MA Fam, 9:42 am

4 members

IStan1Queen: We need to do a team bonding activity!

IStan1Queen: Since were apparently stuck with each other now

IStan1Queen has changed his nickname to PartyTim

PartyTim has changed the group chat name to shots shots shots

TheQueen: I’m down for a bonding activity, but not on a Thursday.

TheQueen: Something tomorrow night perhaps?

PartyTim: I could accept that

TeaKing: I’m free tomorrow

D’Ville: I am not sure it is professional to socialize after hours.

D’Ville: Also I have other commitments.

PartyTim: Stop being such a stick in the mud

PartyTim: You’re not our boss

PartyTim: And you’re stuck with us

TheQueen: You could really stand to lighten up a little bit, especially since you’re stuck with us for life now

TeaKing: Leave him alone, guys

D’Ville: Thank you, Martin

TeaKing: :)

D’Ville: And as I have stated, I have other commitments on Friday.

TheQueen: And if I make it a mandatory work event?

D’Ville: It’s not like you can fire me.

PartyTim: What could possibly be more interesting than a work event for Mr Workaholic himself?

PartyTim has changed D’Villes nickname to Mr Workaholic

Mr Workaholics nickname has been changed to D’Ville

D’Ville: The friends that won’t let me change my nickname. Its jam night.

TeaKing: Jam? As in biscuits and jam?

D’Ville: is typing

D’Ville: is no longer typing

D’Ville: Actually we will go with that.

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 10:05 am

PartyTim: “Actually we will go with that” what could POSSIBLY be more embarrassing than ‘jam night’ meaning biscuits and jam

TeaKing: what makes you think he’s embarrassed?

PartyTim: he changed his mind about whatever he was typing

PartyTim: embarrassment

TeaKing: it's something with his friends, and they’re clearly a little odd, so thats probably it

TeaKing: seriously, Cruella D’Ville? Why does he have that nickname?

PartyTim: its probably the hair

PartyTim: [cruellahairstreaks.jpg]

TeaKing: ASDFDKSA;FLJASLDFJSLADFA

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 11:11 am

D’Ville: hey Tim, what do you think of doing King Arthur?

PartyTim: Are you talking about BBC Merlin’s Arthur? Because I’d totally “do” him, if you catch my drift

D’Ville: I have made a terrible mistake.

D’Ville has changed PartyTims nickname to WorkTim

WorkTim: how many Tims can you possibly know

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 11:11 am

D’Ville: Since you’re already in the archives, could you bring me the lightning monster statement? 

GPTim: The what now?

GPTim: and also no, I cannot

D’Ville: I am so sorry, I mixed up messages with you and my coworker

D’Ville: [screenshot]

D’Ville: can you BELIEVE this guy

GPTim: asdhfkdsal;fjsalkf what else could you have possibly meant?

D’Ville: LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE

GROUP CHAT, The Aurora: 2:15 pm

9 members

D’Ville: Ulysses has been a fun go, but I think it's time to start writing the next set. What do you all think of doing the legend of King Arthur?

Ashes: I love that idea.

Ivy: Sounds good to me.

GPTim: I like it

ToySoldier: I’m just happy to be included!

Ashes: We know, Nikola

Nastya: Let’s do that, but we need a twist

Nastya: I propose gunslinging western

Ivy: All in favor?

GPTim: aye

Nastya: aye

Drumbot: aye

D’Ville: aye

Ashes: aye

ToySoldier: aye

Raphaella: aye

Marion: aye

Ivy: There we have it, gunslinging King Arthur is on the to-write list

Ivy: who wants to help Jonny out with it this time?

Nastya: I can help out

Drumbot: oh oh oh I want to be Merlin!!!

D’Ville: You can’t just be Merlin, Brian

Drumbot: you let Basira be Hades

D’Ville: That’s different

Drumbot: why?

D’Ville: [lotr meme, one does not simply say no to Basira]

Ivy: I’m slightly concerned that you had that ready, but it is very true

Drumbot: merlin merlin merlin merlin

D’Ville: No.

Ashes: Let him be Merlin.

D’Ville: Fine.

GPTim: lol pushover

Ashes: You wanna go, timboy?

GPTim: actually

GPTim has left the chat

Ashes: lol chicken

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: shots shots shots, 9:44 am

4 members

DashingSash: Hey y’all I’m making this quiz mandatory for work purposes

DashingSash: [radiantorderquizlink]

ImStoked: what is this?

Tea-King: it looks like something book-related?

DashingSash: it’s a personality quiz of sorts, puts you in a Knights Radiant order

Tea-King: Knights Radiant?

DashingSash: have none of you read the Stormlight Archive series?

ImStoked: not all of us like books that can be used as weapons, Sasha

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DashingSash: well in that case

DashingSash: its sort of like a Hogwarts house, except there are 10 possible results, and they’re all bands of superhero-ish people, and the author isn’t a TERF

Tea-King: preach

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DashingSash: each Radiant order comes with its own set of powers

DashingSash: and a spren, which is… a spirit? Of sorts? It gives them the powers. Unique kind to each order

ImStoked: I followed precisely none of that but I’ll still take the quiz

DashingSash: oh and tell me your second order as well, it’ll rank them by how well you fit

D’Ville: It says I’m an Elsecaller. I don’t know what that means but it says I’m probably wise and a scholar.

ImStoked: bullshit on the wisdom

D’Ville: My second was Truthwatcher.

DashingSash: “I will reach my potential” and “I will seek truth” says a lot about you.

DashingSash: Who is next?

Tea-King: I’m Edgedancer and then Truthwatcher.

DashingSash: eeeyyyyyyyyy Edgedancer club! “I will remember”

DashingSash: The Edgedancers have my favorite character in the series!

DashingSash: My secondary one is Bondsmith. “I will unite.”

ImStoked: I got Willshaper and Lightweaver. Freedom, personal fulfillment, and personal truth, I guess?

DashingSash: “I will seek freedom” and “I will speak my truth”. This has been surprisingly enlightening

Tea-King: We’re still not reading your books.

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DashingSash: You’re no fun.

D’Ville: Do you deny that this was a play to get us to read the series?

DashingSash: …. 

D’Ville: Gotcha.

GROUP CHAT, The Aurora, 3:15 pm

9 members

Nastya: Don’t forget, my place at 7!

Nastya: Marius, if you even think about touching my violin I will personally end you.

Marius: But we both play violin!

Nastya: That has no bearing on this.

Nastya: You pull too many dumb stunts and my violin is worth more than your pitiful existence.

Ashes: Oh burn

Marius: Fine, I’ll leave it alone.

ToySoldier: Do you want me to bring dinner?

Ivy: Absolutely not.

ToySoldier: :(

Raphaella: You can bring takeout. Just please, don’t cook.

ToySoldier: :)

Ivy: And no surprise teeth this time, Nikola.

ToySoldier: :(

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 4:22 PM

Nastya: Do we want to cover the Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot love triangle at all?

D’Ville: Absolutely not. I hate romance lines.

Nastya: Liar. Cinders/Rose was your favorite bit of OUATIS, you can’t deny it

D’Ville: Actually I mostly just like singing about death.

Nastya: Liar

D’Ville: back to the point

D’Ville: what if… trio

Nastya: poly? Yes please

D’Ville: I refuse to write a cishet if at all possible.

Nastya: oh mood

Nastya: That’s why I’m dating The Aurora

Nastya: robosexual ftw

D’Ville: that wasn’t an invitation to invite your obsession with robots to this discussion

Nastya: Rude.

Nastya: I’ll have Aurora throw you out the airlock again.

D’Ville: I’d like to see you try.

GROUP CHAT, The Aurora, 4:28 pm

9 members

Nastya has kicked D’Ville from the chat

Ivy: Why?

Nastya: He insulted my robots again.

Ashes: lol rip

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 5:01 pm

WTGhost: where r u

WTGhost: ur late

D’Ville: it is precisely 5:01 pm, Georgie. Give me a second to pack up.

D’Ville: It’s not like I can make it all the way to the restaurant in 1 minute anyway.

WTGhost: Who said anything about meeting at the restaurant?

D’Ville: …

D’Ville: Are you outside?

WTGhost: :)

D’Ville: Please don’t talk to my coworkers. You’ll embarrass me.

WTGhost: Martin seems like a lovely fellow.

D’Ville: GEORGIE

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, Friday 11:22 pm

8 members

Nastya: Thanks again for cleaning up, hope you all got home safe!

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Nastya: Hang on where is Jonny boy

Nastya has added D’Ville to the chat

D’Ville: It took you that long to realize I was still kicked out?

Nastya: You still owe me an apology.

D’Ville: I apologized at your house. And I brought you cupcakes from your favorite bakery. Was that not enough?

Nastya : What cupcakes?

Ashes: Those were for Nastya?

D’Ville: BASIRA

Nastya: BASIRA

Nastya has kicked Ashes from the chat

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 11:33 pm

Ashes: I was joking. They’re in your fridge.

Nastya: They better be.

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, 11:35 pm

8 members

Nastya has added Ashes to the chat

Nastya: They’re in my fridge. You two are forgiven.

Nastya: For now.

Nastya: Thin. Ice.

GROUP CHAT: shots shots shots, Saturday 2:01 am

4 members

ImStoked: Thanks again for the great time guys!

TeaKing: you;re all the besr

TeaKing: the besg

TeaKing: best

D’Ville: Go drink some water, I beg of you.

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 4:02 am

ToySoldier: The Computer Says You Are Online, Jonny

ToySoldier: You Should Not Be Awake!

ToySoldier: You Are Human! You Need Sleep!

ToySoldier: Sleep Is Necessary For Optimal Skin Health!

D’Ville: I am not human anymore. I am a being fueled by caffeine and rage, plagued by the incessant sound of the harmonica.

ToySoldier: A Joke?

D’Ville: Yes, Nikola.

ToySoldier: A Jolly Good Joke! Put Away The Harmonica And Get Some Sleep!

ToySoldier: Protect The Beautiful Skin!

D’Ville: You’re incredibly strange.

D’Ville: But at least you care I guess.

D’Ville: Good night.

D’Ville is offline

D’Ville is online

D’Ville: If sleep is so important to good skin, how do you always look so good? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you offline.

ToySoldier: I Am Made Of Plastic!

D’Ville: I should have known better than to get a straight answer from you.

D’Ville is offline

PRIVATE MESSAGE, Monday 8:28 am

Ashes: I’m stopping by your office today btw

D’Ville: ????

Ashes: I was called in to investigate the murder of the former archivist? I think Sasha James is the one who called me?

D’Ville: Good for her

D’Ville: But also

D’Ville: Do NOT acknowledge me

D’Ville: We are not friends

D’Ville: We do not know each other

Ashes: I thought you liked being my friend.

D’Ville: I do. And you’re wonderful.

D’Ville: But I know you.

D’Ville: They’re going to ask you how we met and you are going to tell them the truth.

Ashes: You don’t want your coworkers to know that you dress up in steampunk and scream about blood and gore on the weekends?

D’Ville: I do NOT.

Ashes: No promises.

GROUP CHAT: shots shots shots, 8:59 am

4 members

DashingSash: Quick reminder that I asked the police to come investigate Gertrude today. I mean, we know Elias did it. Or at least the note said so. But we don’t know who left the note yet. So I decided to call a formal investigation.

TeaKing: Does Elias know that we know yet?

DashingSash: That’s an excellent question. 

DashingSash: Let’s assume yes.

DashingSash: Nobody meet with him alone if you can at all avoid it.

DashingSash: Also let me know when the police arrive so I can meet them.

ImStoked: Will do boss-a-roo!

DashingSash: Never say that again.

9:02 am

TeaKing: The police are here

DashingSash: Coming up

10:31 am

ImStoked: Spill the tea, D’Ville, how do you know the cop lady

D’Ville: I don’t.

D’Ville: I just really hate the song she was whistling.

TeaKing: What was the song? It sounded nice.

D’Ville: I’m not telling you because I don’t want to hear it for the rest of forever.

ImStoked: The tune has nothing to do with this

ImStoked: She said something about Friday and you agreed

ImStoked: It sounded like a date

ImStoked: Are you dating the cop????

D’Ville has left the chat

ImStoked: I’ll take that as a yes

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 10:40 am

D’Ville: Congratulations, my coworkers think we’re dating.

Ashes: Gross

Ashes: As if I’d ever date you.

Ashes: [lesbianpride.jpg]

D’Ville: The feeling is mutual.

Ashes: You could never achieve a wonder such as myself.

D’Ville: Who said you were a wonder?

Ashes: Literally everyone attracted to women

D’Ville: [acepride.jpg]

Ashes: fiar enough lol

D’Ville: fiar

Ashes: FIARREEEEEEE [fire emoji] [fire emoji] [fire emoji]

D’Ville: I can’t even tease you about misspellings. You play it off so well.

Ashes: I’m just cool like that.

D’Ville: I thought you were [fire emoji] hot?

Ashes: …. Well played.

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: archives gang, 7:45 am

4 members

daBoss: I’ve finally finished the new statement filing system based around the fears!

daBoss: I’m going to go present it to Elias

daBoss: He can’t avoid me forever

TimStaker: It’s dangerous to go alone!

daBoss: That’s why I’m letting you know I’m going.

daBoss: If I don’t come back, tell the cop.

daBoss: @D’Ville, you’re in charge of telling the detective if I don’t come back.

D’Ville: For the last time, we aren’t dating.

TimStaker: I’ll believe that when I see it.

TeaMaker: I believe him.

D’Ville: Thank you, Martin.

TimStaker has changed TeaMakers nickname to Traitin

Traitin: What is that supposed to mean?

TimStaker: Traitor. Martin. Traitin.

D’Ville: That’s a ridiculous nickname.

TimStaker: Shut up Cruela

TimStaker has changed D’Villes nickname to Cruela

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, 8:00 am

9 members

Cruela has changed his nickname to D’Ville

MoonSlayerTim: Hey wait thats hilarious

MoonSlayerTim has changed D’Ville’s nickname to Cruela

Cruela: You’re a traitor

Ivy: Just run with it, Jonny. It’s less painful that way.

Cruela: *sigh*

GROUP CHAT: archives gang, 8:59 am

4 members

daBoss: I have survived the meeting with creepy eye boss!

Traitin: How did it go?

daBoss: Elias for sure knows that we know. And we know that he knows that we know.

TimStaker: And he knows that we know that he knows that we know.

Cruela: Can you all please stop?

TimStaker: Fine.

Traitin: Are we safe?

daBoss: He’s willing to leave us alone as long as we do make the effort to record the statements. We’re allowed to go slowly, 1 or 2 a week.

daBoss: He seems surprisingly pleased by my new filing system.

TimStaker: of course he is. He seems like the type that does spreadsheets for fun.

Cruela: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him do that through his window actually.

TimStaker: Jon. Jonathan. Have you been spying on our boss? [eyes] [eyes]

Cruela: Its not my fault he has a weird technological setup! You can see everything when you walk by his office!

Cruela: You’d think someone who serves the god of being watched would be better about setting things up so he can’t be watched

Traitin: Maybe that’s the point. He feels like he’s always being watched so he forgets to account for normal people watching him.

daBoss: Could be that. Could just be an idiot

Cruela: That’s not outside the realm of possibilities here.

10:02 am

Traitin: I’m making tea! Would anyone like a cup?

daBoss: You are a saint and a champion among men.

daBoss has changed Traitins nickname to Champion

TimStaker: yes please

Cruela: I’d greatly appreciate one.

Champion: 4 mugs coming up!

2:15 pm

TimStaker: Yo @Cruela are you ever going to explain the nickname?

Cruela has changed TimStakers nickname to ShutUp

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 3:02 pm

Champion: Hey, Georgie, can I ask you something?

WTGhost: Absolutely, Martin!

WTGhost: Do you need help wooing?

Champion: I’m not wooing

WTGhost: [somehow portrays skepticisms in a string of emojis]

Champion: I’m not

WTGhost: Whatever you say [shrug]

Champion: Well if I’m going to ‘woo’ him I at least have to get to know him first! He won’t talk to any of us!

WTGhost: Oh he’s doing the thing again

Champion: The thing?

WTGhost: The thing where he is intensely aware of his lack of social skills and overcompensates by being as formal as possible.

Champion: oh

Champion: OH

Champion: yeah that tracks

WTGhost: Now ask your question

Champion: oh yeah I almost forgot

Champion: What’s the best way to get him to talk?

WTGhost: Ask him about something he’s passionate about and be prepared for an intense infodump

WTGhost: he likes cats, music, and Indian food, and has very strong opinions on all of those

Champion: Thank you Georgie!

Champion: I’m going to ask him to come to lunch with me tomorrow!

WTGhost: Good luck!

WTGhost: You’ll need it

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 4:35 pm

ShutUp: What is he humming over there??

ShutUp: It’s familiar, but it’s not, and if I don’t figure it out its going to drive me bonkers

Champion: I think its a version of Poor Wayfaring Stranger

ShutUp: You’re the best, Martin

Chapter Text

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 7:52 am

Ashes : Hey Jonny boy

Ashes : I was supposed to come by and check up on some things with your boss again today but I’m feeling under the weather

Ashes : Daisy is going to come instead

Ashes : Can you give Sasha a heads up?

Cruela : I can do that, or I can send you her contact information so you can do it yourself.

Cruela : Up to you.

Ashes : Send me her info plz

Cruela : [sashajamescontactlink]

Ashes : thank you

Ashes has changed Cruelas nickname to HonoraryPyro

HonoraryPyro : oh you do love me

GROUP CHAT, The Aurora, 8:02 am

9 members

Ashes : The new nickname stays.

ToySoldier : aye aye Quartermaster

      7 people have liked this message

HonoraryPyro : How come you all will never “aye aye” me?

HonoraryPyro : I’m the Captain (or the closest thing here) and I have never gotten an Aye Aye

Marius : Well you see

Marius : Its for the same reason we refuse to let you have any rank higher than First Mate.

Marius : First of all, an actual Captain would have to be capable of wrangling our chaotic gang

Marius : Which is clearly impossible

Marius : And secondly

Marius : None of us respect you enough for it

      7 people have liked this comment

HonoraryPyro : Ouch

GROUP CHAT, archive party, 11:18 am

4 members

KayaKing : … did that just happen

MarTEAn : it sure did

Miniboss : What did I miss? I was recording a statement 

KayaKing : This incredibly tall cop lady ran in, threw Jon over her shoulder, and ran out

Miniboss : wat

KayaKing : He was laughing

Miniboss : what the HELL @HonoraryPyro

KayaKing has changed the chat name to what the HELL sims

MarTEAn : Im not sure he’s capable of responding to a message right now

MarTEAn : Actually, are we sure he’s okay? Do we need to go make sure he wasn’t just kidnapped?

KayaKing : He was laughing, I’m sure he’s fine

KayaKing : You’re good, right @HonoraryPyro?

HonoraryPyro : I’m alright. This is Detective Alice Tonner, also known as Daisy.

HonoraryPyro : Basira’s partner.

HonoraryPyro : I apologize for that. She’s here to see you, Sasha.

Miniboss : Oh yes. I’d forgotten about that. Send her in.

KayaKing : Detective partner or romantic partner? [eyes] [eyes]

HonoraryPyro : Yes.

KayaKing : That wasn’t a yes or no question!!!

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 11:30 am

MarTEAn : I’m going out to lunch today. Would you like to come with me? 

HonoraryPyro : I’m going out with Daisy today, but you’re welcome to come with if you would like!

MarTEAn : perhaps not, I don’t know her really after all

MarTEAn : rain check?

HonoraryPyro : [thumbs up]

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, 11:45 am

4 members

KayaKing : WAIT

HonoraryPyro : now he gets it

HonoraryPyro : [theyrelesbiansharold.jpg]

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 11:52 am

KayaKing : But you’re dating the other cop??

HonoraryPyro : I literally never said that

KayaKing : then what’s on Friday???

HonoraryPyro : no comment

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: archive hell zone, 8:52 am

4 members

D’Ville: Who is in Sasha’s office?

SashaDash: Just me!

GROUP CHAT: 8:53 am

D’Ville has added KayaKing and TeaMaker to the chat

D’Ville: I don’t know who that is but that is not Sasha

KayaKing: What are you talking about?

KayaKing: I’m almost there btw

TeaMaker: I’m on my way too. What do you mean it isn’t Sasha?

TeaMaker: She didn’t say anything about being gone today 

TeaMaker: And she answered her phone when I messaged her about being late

D’Ville: [imposter.jpg]

D’Ville: That is the person in her office

KayaKing: Holy shit that’s not Sasha

TeaMaker: Yikes

D’Ville: I’m going to go confront her

TeaMaker: Hang on I’m almost there. I can take her some tea

KayaKing: That’s a great idea actually. Have Martin ask the awkward questions

TeaMaker: I’m literally 2 minutes away

D’Ville: Okay, that is probably a wise plan

9:05 am

TeaMaker: Well she takes her tea the same way as our Sasha

TeaMaker: I tried to politely say that something seemed different, ask if she’d done something with her hair or something

TeaMaker: She just laughed and said she did the same thing she always did

KayaKing: Alright I guess politeness didn’t work. What should we try next?

TeaMaker: Perhaps we should ask Elias if he replaced Sasha or something?

D’Ville: Okay I’ll do it

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 9:08 am

D’Ville: Have you replaced Sasha?

El.eye.as: What do you mean? Sasha is in her office.

D’Ville: I don’t know who that is but it is definitely not Sasha.

El.eye.as: That is Sasha James. 

El.eye.as: If you do not believe me, I have the paperwork to prove it.

D’Ville: I would like to see that.

El.eye.as: Come up to my office in 5 minutes.

GROUP CHAT: 9:12 am

3 members

D’Ville: According to Elias Bitchard’s paperwork, Sasha has apparently always looked like that.

KayaKing: What the hell is going on

KayaKing: I’m going to start asking her questions in the main chat

KayaKing: but before that

KayaKing has changed the group name to Archival Assistants

KayaKing: I’m too stressed to think of anything more clever than that

GROUP CHAT: archive hell zone, 9:18 am

4 members

KayaKing: hey bosswoman, what would you like us to work on today?

SashaDash: Same thing as yesterday.

KayaKing: And what is that?

SashaDash: Second corridor from the left, the 3rd section of shelves on the right hand side. Reading through the statements and categorizing them into which fears they likely are, then boxing them accordingly.

KayaKing: Thanks Sash!

GROUP CHAT: Archival Assistants, 9:23 am

3 members

Kayaking: Well that was a bust

TeaMaker: I’ll give it a try

GROUP CHAT: archive hell zone, 9:25 am

4 members

TeaMaker: Hey Sasha, what was the name of the place we went out drinking that one time? I was telling my friend about it and can’t remember the name

SashaDash: Honestly? I don’t really remember, but its 3 blocks west of here between a Chinese place and that cell phone repair shop

SashaDash: I’m notoriously bad at remembering store names but I could walk you there in a heartbeat

TeaMaker: That’s valid

TeaMaker: Thanks!

GROUP CHAT: Archival Assistants, 9:28 am

3 members

TeaMaker: Is she always that bad at remembering store names?

KayaKing: Yes, actually. Its kind of annoying

TeaMaker: well thats unfortunate

GROUP CHAT: archive hell zone, 10:02 am

4 members

SashaDash: I can see all of you on your phones, you know.

SashaDash: As much as I also appreciate downtime, let’s do try to get a shelf or 2 done this morning, please?

D’Ville: Yes ma’am.

GROUP CHAT: Archival Assistants, 10:04 am

3 members

KayaKing: @D’Ville you’re no fun

D’Ville: She has a point though.

D’Ville: Shall we meet at lunch to discuss this further?

TeaMaker: I like that plan

KayaKing: Sounds good to me

11:59 am

TeaMaker: Lunchtime!

D’Ville: I will be in the break room shortly.

KayaKing: It may be better to talk outside the office. Should we buy something?

D’Ville: Absolutely

TeaMaker: works for me!

1:03 pm

KayaKing: That’s Sasha????

TeaMaker: That’s our Sasha????

KayaKing: Sasha is BACK baby!!!

D’Ville: I have no idea what is happening here.

D’Ville: I’m going to look at Elias’s paperwork again if I can.

1:22 pm

D’Ville: He let me look at the paperwork again, insisting it was the same sheets as this morning.

D’Ville: Except this time, it had our Sasha’s face. Not the face of whoever that was.

TeaMaker: This has been the strangest morning at the archives.

GROUP CHAT: archive hell zone, 1:30 pm

4 members

KayaKing: Sasha.

KayaKing: Explain.

SashaDash: I have no idea what you mean.

KayaKing: So be it.

2:11 pm

SashaDash: Tim, please do some actual work. No more headstands at your desk.

KayaKing: Not until we get an explanation.

TeaMaker: How are you even typing while in a headstand?

KayaKing: I’m too cool for physics.

2:13 pm

D’Ville: sending that last message made him fall down.

KayaKing has changed D’Villes nickname to ShutUp

ShutUps nickname has been changed to D’Ville

2:25 pm

SashaDash: One of you was bad enough. No more acrobatics protests.

D’Ville: Not until we got an explanation.

SashaDash: Fine.

SashaDash: But I gotta say, this was the prank of the century.

SashaDash: [screenshot] [screenshot] [screenshot] [screenshot]

PRIVATE MESSAGE, the day before

SashaDash: Elias

El.eye.as: Miss James

SashaDash: I would like to request your assistance

El.eye.as: In what manner?

SashaDash: As you are aware, I have an appointment tomorrow morning that will cause me to be absent until after lunch.

SashaDash: I would like to use this opportunity to play a prank on my assistants, but my idea requires your cooperation.

El.eye.as: I’m listening.

SashaDash: I have a cousin who’s name is also Sasha James. She’s an actor and quite good. If you agree, I have asked her to be my replacement for the morning.

SashaDash: I will leave her with detailed instructions on what needs to be done and how to interact with the boys.

SashaDash: Would you be willing to play along as if she has always been here?

El.eye.as: I will, just because I will greatly enjoy watching the chaos.

El.eye.as: If you send me a picture of her tonight I will draft some false employment paperwork to aid with the deception.

SashaDash: As long as it truly is false.

SashaDash: I don’t need her stuck here as well.

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sash, June 30, 8:01 am

4 members

theRealOne: Happy 51st riot anniversary guys!!!

theRealOne: [SashAndSash.jpg] [it is a picture of the two Sasha James. One is tall and dark-skinned with braids and sunglasses; thats our Sasha. The other is short, pale, and blond, wearing a hat; she is Not-Sasha. They appear to be at Pride, both decked out in trans-flag attire.)

Softie: Oh! Are you at Pride right now??

theRealOne: I wish! This is from last year.

Softie: You are both very pretty!

theRealOne: Thank you, Martin!!!

KayaKing: Well I guess if we are sending Pride pics for Riot Day

KayaKing: [imBi.jpg] (It is a picture of Tim Stoker wearing a pink shirt, blue pants, and random purple items: sunglasses, belt, shoes, hat. He’s holding a very purple drink in one hand. He looks ridiculous but like he’s having a great time.)

Softie: I’ll get in on this I guess

Softie: [rainbowmartin.jpg] (Martin is wearing a rainbow scarf that he quite obviously knitted himself. It has some holes from dropped stitches but looks very well cared for otherwise. Martin is smiling, curly hair sticking up in all directions because he is walking in the wind.)

KayaKing: Your turn @D’Ville!!

D’Ville: *sigh*

D’Ville: I don’t have anything current.

Softie: Old pictures are fine too!

theRealOne: Show us the old pictures @D’Ville!

D’Ville: No.

Softie: Fine, I’ll ask Georgie.

theRealOne: I’ll ask Basira.

D’Ville: OH HELL NO

D’Ville: Give me one second to track it down.

8:12 am

D’Ville: [firstprideparade.jpg] (It is a picture of Jon and Georgie at Pride. They look to be much younger, perhaps college aged. Both of them have bi flag colored hair; it looks to be self-dyed or possibly spray painted. Georgie has continued the bi theme with her clothes. Jon is wearing an ace flag t shirt and some intense eyeliner. They are smiling and appear to be having a good time.)

D’Ville: This was my first pride parade, junior year of college. 

KayaKing: Who did the hair???

KayaKing: I need to know so I can do that next year.

D’Ville: Georgie did it.

Softie: Well you look lovely!!

Softie: And now I have blackmail material on Georgie.

D’Ville: Good luck with that.

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 8:17 am

Softie: Guess what I was blessed with today!

WTGhost: A picture of me from college.

Softie: how did you know??????

WTGhost: Bold of you to assume Jon would share my picture without informing me.

WTGhost: He knows better than to risk himself like that

Softie: … what is that implying, exactly?

WTGhost: Easy. He pisses me off, I withhold the Admiral.

Softie: You’re evil.

WTGhost: [sinister smile]

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, 9:05 am

9 members

Ashes: Happy Pride everybody!!

Ashes: [nonbinarypride.jpg]

Ivy: [lesbianpride.jpg]

Brian: [aromanticpride.jpg]

Raphaella: [lesbianpride2.jpg]

Marius: [gaypride.jpg]

D’Ville: [acepride.jpg]

Toy Soldier: [agenderpride.jpg]

GPTim: [pansexualpride.jpg]

Nastya: [robosexualpride.jpg] (While the other memes have been the relevant flags overlaid with Happy Pride Day, this one is a poor line drawing of what appears to be Nastya kissing a robot. The backdrop is the lesbian pride flag with extra lines of gray and black added. The caption reads Robosexual Pride.)

D’Ville: Bloody Hell Nastya

Nastya: You love me :)

D’Ville: Like a particularly annoying sibling.

D’Ville: Not that I would know, being an only child.

Nastya: Well you have 8 particularly obnoxious siblings right here, and we all love you.

      7 people have liked this comment

D’Vile: The feeling is mutual. [black heart] [purple heart] [white heart]

Nastya: And if sometimes we wish that we were truly Mechs so that we could shoot you with impunity, well, siblings be Like That.

      8 people have liked this comment

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sash, 8:20 pm

4 members

DashingSash: Does anyone know if the sound of the harmonica is associated with a specific entity?

DashingSash: I know bagpipes are associated with the Slaughter, so it feels like a valid question.

KayaKing: Harmonica could also be the Slaughter

Windrunner: same vibes(™)

KayaKing: absolutely same vibes

DashingSash: oy Martin you’re reading the Stormlight Archive!!!!

KayaKing: oh NO Martin you can’t just give in to reading her books!!! You’ll never escape!!!

Windrunner: Not sure I want to. I think I’m in love with Kaladin.

DashingSash: aren’t we all <3 <3 <3 <3

Windrunner: in any case, why are you asking about harmonicas at this time on a Wednesday night?

DashingSash: BECAUSE I CAN HEAR ONE IN THE ARCHIVES AND ITS FREAKING ME OUT

Windrunner: oh god

KayaKing: were worms not enough?????

KayaKing: the Corruption came for my beautiful beautiful skin and now the Slaughter is here for our lives

DashingSash: don’t be so dramatic Timothy, we don’t know for sure that its the Slaughter yet

DashingSash: and when did the Corruption come for you?

KayaKing: in every single nightmare I’ve had for the last week

Windrunner: valid

DashingSash: back on topic, it might not be the Slaughter

DashingSash: we don’t have any reports on harmonicas after all, just bagpipes

DashingSash: I just wanted to ask before I go check it out

Windrunner: No Sasha! Its dangerous to go alone!

Windrunner: Take Jon!

Windrunner: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

DashingSash: I don’t think he’s here. Didn’t he leave when you guys did?

Windrunner: No, he said he was going to stay late and try to do another shelf today

Windrunner: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

DashingSash: Well, he isn’t answering

KayaKing: Maybe the Slaughter got him

Windrunner: oh no

DashingSash: I’m going to go check it out

KayaKing: be careful!!

Windrunner: be careful!!

DashingSash: Don’t worry, I’ll be sneaky about it

DashingSash has changed her nickname to SneakySash

SneakySash: going in

KayaKing: I can’t look

8:25 pm

SneakySash: So guess who decided to set up a cot and stay overnight in the archives

SneakySash: @D’Ville stop ignoring your phone, I’m watching you

SneakySash: all sneaky like and such

Windrunner: oh my god

SneakySash: I can see his phone going off. He’s just ignoring it

SneakySash: @D’Ville

KayaKing: but but but what about the Slaughter person

SneakySash: you mean the harmonica music?

SneakySash: [apparentlyJonPlaysHarmonicaWTF.jpg]

KayaKing: oh my god 

KayaKing: can you get a video???

SneakySash: maybe!

8:27 pm

SneakySash: [harmonicabits.vid]

SneakySash: he keeps stopping and writing something down but then plays again. Same bit over and over

SneakySash: oh shit he saw me

D’Ville: Are you spying on me, Sasha?

D’Ville: oh

D’Ville: shit

D’Ville: I can explain

SneakySash: get out of my fucking archives, Sims. We can discuss the harmonica in the morning.

SneakySash: Sounded good though

KayaKing: it really does, for a harmonica!

Windrunner: You should be in a band!

D’Ville: Nope. I can’t take this today.

      D’Ville has left the chat

KayaKing: are you going to add him back in @SneakySash?

SneakySash: tomorrow morning, perhaps. Right now, I’m gonna let him have this

SneakySash: now lemme go make sure he doesn’t try to sneak in and stay overnight after all

SneakySash: good riddance

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, 9:18 am

3 members

Stoinks: what kind of band would even use a harmonica though???

Stoinks: the only things i can think of would be those weird american country people

Stoinks: and that music SUCKS

COWS: hey the old stuff is good

COWS: modern american country can go hang though

Stoinks: fair

Stoinks: but my point stands

Stoinks: can you really see Mr Boring Stuffy Jonathan Sims Himself playing in a country band

Stoinks : can you

daBoss: speaking of our dear Jon

daBoss: he is late for work

daBoss: this is unlike him

daBoss has added D’Ville to the chat

daBoss: @D’Ville, you coming in today?

9:25 am

COWS: @D’Ville, everything okay?

9:40 am

Stoinks: @D’Ville

Stoinks: my man

Stoinks: coming in?

10:45 am

D’Ville: Sorry I am late.

Stoinks: eeeeeyyyyyyyyy there he is

Stoinks: can we ask about the harmonica now

D’Ville: If you would PLEASE give me a chance to explain

daBoss: why were you late Sims

D’Ville: I’m getting there.

COWS: give him a minute, guys

D’Ville: thank you, Martin

COWS: :)

D’Ville: I had an encounter with the Distortion this morning.

daBoss: oh

COWS: oh

Stoinks: oh

Stoinks: and how is our dear Edward Scissorhands this morning

COWS: you caNT JUST CALL HIM EDWARD SCISSORHANDS

D’Ville: His name is Michael, actually.

D’Ville: Michael Shelley.

D’Ville: or was, I suppose.

daBoss: is he… THE Michael Shelley?

daBoss: of Gertrude’s Assistant fame?

D’Ville: Yes.

Stoinks: shit

daBoss: What happened to him?

D’Ville: We didn’t get into that. I have a lot to tell you though.

D’Ville: I’d like to just come in and make a statement, if that’s alright with you, Sasha.

D’Ville: I think it will be easier to tell you everything with a little Eye help.

daBoss: Fair enough. On your way in?

D’Ville: Be there in 15.

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, 4:15 pm

9 members

Ivy: I’m hosting a pizza/movie night tonight so we can practice one more time before Saturday’s concert, since its the end of the Ulysses bit for now.

Ivy: Are you all up for that?

Ivy: All in favor say aye

      7 people have liked this comment

Ivy: I will count those as “ayes”

Ivy: You too busy for practice, @D’Ville? 

D’Ville: No, I just had a rather… unsettling experience this morning.

D’Ville: Practice will probably be good for me. I’ll come.

Toy Soldier: Oh Yes! Michael Said He Saw You! Hope He Didn’t Give You Too Much OF A Fright!

Ivy: Michael who?

D’Ville: NIKOLA HOW DO YOU KNOW MICHAEL

Toy Soldier: He Is An Old Friend!

Toy Soldier: Would You Like Me To Come Walk With You Tonight?

D’Ville: …. I would, actually

D’Ville: But mostly so I can get more answers out of you.

Toy Soldier: Jolly Good! I Have Teeth To Share With You!

D’Ville: Bloody hell TS now is not the time

Toy Soldier: I Will Leave The Teeth At Home!

D’Ville: Thank you.

Ivy: Seriously, Michael who?

Chapter Text

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 2:12 am

COWS: SASHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

COWS: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

COWS: I just hit THAT part

COWS: You probably know which one

theNamesSash: I absolutely do not. Remind me which book of the series you are in?

COWS: The first one!

theNamesSash: ah

theNamesSash: the Jasnah bit?

COWS: no????????

theNamesSash: lmao

theNamesSash: [honeyyougotabigstormcoming.jpg]

COWS: … is that a pun on Stormlight Archive?

theNamesSash: absolutely.

theNamesSash: go to bed, Martin. We’ve still got work tomorrow you know, and I’m not letting you call in sick for a book

COWS: You would understand if I did tho

theNamesSash: true lol

theNamesSash: but if you come in we can gush about it together

COWS: tru

theNamesSash: have a good night!!!

COWS: HOW

PRIVATE MESSAGE: 7:55 am

NotPeach: Don’t forget about movie night tonight!!

NotPeach : If you don’t show up on time I WILL come kidnap you

D’Ville: I’ll try to avoid being late then

D’Ville: … what time was I supposed to come, again?

NotPeach: you’re hopeless

NotPeach: I’ll come pick you up

D’Ville: at what time???

NotPeach: :)

D’Ville: DAISY

PRIVATE MESSAGE: 7:59 am

D’Ville: what time are we having movie night tonight again?

Ashes : Ask Daisy

D’Ville: she’s being threatening again

Ashes: lmao sucks to be you

D’Ville: BASIRA

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, 9:15 am

4 members

Stoinks: hey we should do a team bonding night again

D’Ville: didn’t you just do one of those

Stoinks : two whole weeks ago!!

Stoinks: you didn’t even go!!

D’Ville: I apologize for having outside plans?

Stoinks: Apology half accepted! You’re coming tonight.

KaladinNo: do the rest of us not get a choice in this either? I’m too tired for this

Stoinks: Nope!

theNamesSash: Timothy, it is too early in the morning to even be thinking about this.

theNamesSash: Stop harassing your coworkers and get back to work.

theNamesSash: Martin, do you want coffee or something? You look like you had a rough night.

KaladinNo: I am not talking to you.

Stoinks: oh shoot

KaladinNo: I’m making tea. Anyone want some?

theNamesSash: Can I have a mug?

KaladinNo: ABSOLUTELY NOT YOU BOOK-SHARING ASSHOLE

KaladinNo: YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS AND YOU CAN SUFFER FOR IT

Stoinks: oh no Martin

Stoinks: This is why we don’t read Sasha’s books

theNamesSash is typing

12:52 pm

Stoinks: Seriously though lets do a team bonding night tonight

Stoinks: I’m thinking burritos and then Karaoke

D’Ville: I still have other plans tonight, Tim

Stoinks: Come on, just reschedule

Stoinks: We’d really like you to come with us

Stoinks: right @KaladinNo @theNamesSash ?

KaladinNo: oh it would be great if you came!!!

theNamesSash: I’m officially making it a mandatory work event. You’re coming

theNamesSash: If you don’t come I’m going to give you all the worst grammar-mistake-ridden statements for the next month.

KaladinNo: Ouch

D’Ville: *sigh*

D’Ville: I have plans with friends tonight. I can attempt to reschedule, but if it does not work I probably won't be able to show up either way.

D’Ville: I’ve been threatened with kidnapping if I’m late.

theNamesSash: Well then I’ll just message your friends and get it cleared up

D’Ville: You don’t know my friends.

Stoinks: Dude, you’re at work all the time, you have pretty much no social life. 

D’Ville: I do too have a social life.

D’Ville: I have 10 entire friends

D’Ville: Not even counting you lot

D’Ville: And you’ve only met 3 of them.

theNamesSash: 3???

D’Ville: You’ve met 2, Sash

KaladinNo: I met Georgie :D

KaladinNo: She is very nice!

Stoinks: I saw him walking home with somebody else the other night

Stoinks: Did a double take, didn’t know if it was a real person at first

Stoinks: who tf dresses in weird old-fashioned military outfits?

D’Ville: Nikola is… rather strange.

D’Ville: Very sweet though

theNamesSash: Well I’m going to message Basira in case your plans are with her

KaladinNo: I’ll message Georgie

Stoinks: You’re not getting out of it this time!!

D’Ville: *sigh*

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 1:03 pm

NotPeach: We will postpone movie night to a later date. Go get to know your coworkers, nerd.

D’Ville: *sigh*

D’Ville : I will do that.

2:15 pm

D’Ville: Hang on

D’Ville: What later date are we postponing movie night to?

NotPeach : :)

D’Ville: DAISY 

Chapter Text

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 1:15 am

D’Ville: I am letting you know that I arrived home safely, as requested.

NotPeach: Glad to hear it. Would you like Thai?

D’Ville: Absolutely. But right now?

NotPeach: Of course

NotPeach: Its in your fridge

D’Ville: …

D’Ville: How did you get in my house

NotPeach: :)

D’Ville: Daisy.

NotPeach: Don’t worry about it :)

NotPeach: How was socializing?

NotPeach: Actually hold on, let’s take this to the other chat

GROUP CHAT: 2 lesbians and a nerd, 1:17 am

NotPeach: So how was socializing?

D’Ville: Can we PLEASE change the chat name

D’Ville: Also @Ashes your girlfriend broke into my house again

Ashes: Why? It’s accurate

Ashes: And good for her

Ashes: highfive @NotPeach

NotPeach: [highfive]

D’Ville: I feel bullied

Ashes: Fine. I’ll change the chat name

Ashes has changed the chat name to A Hopeless Case and his Two Moms

D’Ville: That is NOT what I meant.

D’Ville: But I will concede the point.

D’Ville: It was… enjoyable, I suppose.

D’Ville: Tim(work) dragged us to a karaoke bar.

D’Ville: And before you ask, I neither sang nor drank. Chips were decent though

Ashes: You’re no fun.

Ashes: Are you glad you went?

D’Ville: I suppose so. They’re nice enough people. I just don’t know how to get to know new people. I’ve never really made friends before

NotPeach: But you’ve got us!

D’Ville: I met you all through different people, which is different. Georgie didn’t really give me a choice in being her friend; she kind of just adopted me on sight. Then she introduced me to Tim(fun) and Nastya, and before I knew it the band was coming together which is how I met Basira, and of course with Basira came you. So I don’t really know how to make my own friends. I’ve always just followed Georgie around.

Ashes: Sure, let the extrovert do all the work

D’Ville: It's been a functional strategy so far.

NotPeach: It works fine for me!

Ashes: Point

Ashes: But you’ve gotta learn sometime

Ashes: Sasha is a gem I can already tell

D’Ville: She’s wonderful to work for.

Ashes: She’d probably be a lovely friend too

Ashes: Promise you’ll try to be friendlier?

D’Ville: I wouldn’t promise, but I get the sense that I don’t have much choice in the matter.

NotPeach: :)

D’Ville: Case in point.

NotPeach: So if you didn’t drink or sing at the karaoke bar, what did you do?

Ashes: Please tell me you at least tried to be good company.

D’Ville: In my defense, I panicked.

Ashes: Oh no.

Ashes: Which exposition did you deliver today?

D’Ville: HEY

Ashes: Am I wrong?

D’Ville: … I talked about tannins for probably 15 minutes straight.

NotPeach: You’re hopeless

NotPeach: You’re lucky I love you

D’Ville: I am.

D’Ville: Can I go to bed now?

Ashes: You better.

Ashes: Don’t forget we have the last Ulysses concert tomorrow night.

D’Ville: Technically it’s tonight.

Ashes: Time is imaginary and we did a poor job of making it up

Ashes: Go to sleep.

D’Ville: [thumbs up] Good night. Love you

NotPeach: Love you too, doofus

Ashes: Just go to bed already

3 members have logged off

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 9:20 pm (earlier that evening)

Stoinks: You have a crush on a man who can talk about tannins for 15 minutes straight

Windrunner: Isn’t he wonderful

Stoinks: I have so many concerns about your taste in men

Windrunner: Let my gay ass yearn in peace

Stoinks: He won’t even sing

Windrunner: he’s probably just nervous

Windrunner: And I’ll take somebody who just WONT sing over YOUR tone-deaf screeching any day

Stoinks: feeling the love marto </3

Windrunner: Good.

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, Sunday 11:52 am

9 members

D’Ville: Nastya and I have finished the rough outline of the next set

Nastya: [gunslinglingarthur.doclink]

D’Ville: You know the drill. Claim a character, make any story edits you like, and put in ideas for songs you want to do. We will hash out the details once everyone has had a go-over.

Ashes: Fuck, Sims, we just did the last Ulysses concert last night, did you even sleep?

D’Ville: … yes?

Ashes: [skeptical emojis]

Nastya: Can confirm, he did sleep at least a few hours

Nastya: [JonnyAsleepOnTheCouchInFullMakeup.jpg]

Nastya: passed out mid-debate on Morgause/Mordred

Ashes: how many hours are we talking?

ToySoldier: It Is Not Good To Sleep In Makeup Jonny!

ToySoldier: Your Skin Does Not Like That!

D’Ville: So I have noticed.

ToySoldier: Your Skin Is Generally Oily. Try Witch Hazel!

D’Ville: In general or for recovery from this?

ToySoldier: Yes!

D’Ville : Thanks Nikola

Ashes: You never answered my question

D’Ville: I got at least 5 hours of sleep

Ashes: That’s half as much as you need

D’Ville: Its twice as much as I’ve gotten all week!

Ashes: JONATHAN SIMS

Ivy: That is not healthy Jonny!

Drumbot: Go take a nap or something

GPTim: holy shit dude

Marius: As the doctor of the friend group I prescribe you several hours of sleep!

ToySoldier: Humans Need Rest For Optimal Health

Raphaella: What a way to summon the whole chat

Nastya: He’s still here, I’ll force him to rest

D’Ville: you can’t make me do anything

Nastya: Watch me.

Ashes: ooooooooooooooooooooh

Raphaella: Challenging Nastya never goes well, Jon

D’Ville: *sigh*

D’Ville: If I go nap, will you all do your thing?

Marius : yes

Marius: just go sleep dude

D’Ville: don’t forget Brian has dibs on Merlinskalanknnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Brian: You good man?

Nastya: he’s asleep

GPTim: ALREADY?

GPTim: how the FUCK did you do that Nastya

Nastya: Easy. Wrap him up in a weighted blanket when he isn’t paying attention and he will almost always immediately conk out.

Ashes: I’m going to need to remember that.

Nastya: I’ve got an extra one if you want it

Ashes: Yes please

3:15 pm

D’Ville : Are you all happy now

Drumbot: [ZukoImNeverHappy.jpg]

Drumbot: But yes, we have all edited the document

D’Ville: Okay I’ll check it out

3:22 pm

D’Ville: You can't just give yourself prophetic powers Brian

Drumbot: I can too

Ashes: Sure he can

D’Ville: I refuse to accept that gaining a robotic body would somehow give you prophetic powers

Drumbot: It’ll be a great gag for shows though

D’Ville: You’re not wrong

D’Ville: But

Ashes: Let him do the thing you old stick in the mud

D’Ville: I’m younger than you

Ashes: and who has the grey hair here?

D’Ville: touche

Ivy: hold on

Ivy: hear me out boys

Ivy: The official Drumbot backstory is that you crashed onto a planet with no memories, correct?

Ivy: And we are planning on yeeting Arthur into space

Ivy: He could lose his memories in the long journey, crash, and become Brian

Ivy: So his ‘prophecies’ are actually memories but he doesn’t realize

D’Ville: Ivy, you’re a genius, but we can’t write that into the story

Ivy: Then don’t

Ivy: We can put the theme from Lost in the Cosmos somewhere in the background as a hint for the stowaways to figure out if they want

Ivy: Then we can still use the prophecy gag and you have the explanation to soothe your demented mind

D’Ville: Hey

Drumbot: You’ve always got my back girl <3

Ivy: <3

D’Ville: I can deal with that.

D’Ville: Now that that’s settled, I like the rest of this

D’Ville: I like the idea of the song for the camp, @Ashes

D’Ville: The Saxon song sounds interesting

D’Ville: Thanks for not ignoring my dibs on Gallahad, I’ve got an excellent idea for that song

D’Ville: Did you touch it up a bit before I woke up @Nastya? This all looks much cleaner than it usually does after the doc thing

Nastya: You caught me

D’Ville: Good work

Nastya: [thumbs up]

D’Ville: I hate to admit that I feel better after that nap, but apparently I was in need of more rest. Thank you

Nastya: Of course <3

Nastya: Now take better care of yourself, dipshit

Nastya: I love you but making you get sleep is not my job

D’Ville: That’s fair, and I’ll try

D’Ville : But no promises

Ashes: I’ll sic Daisy on him if he doesn’t rest better this week

Nastya: Good

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, 11:52 am

4 members

Timotea: Thanks for the snacks, @Sash! What is this veggie dip?

Sash: It’s hummus!

Timotea: What the heck is hummus?

Sasha: 🎵 is it a smoothie 🎵

D’Ville: 🎵 or is it bean paste with A DREAM 🎵

Sasha: eeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy

D’Ville: [FinallySomeGoodFuckingReferences.jpg]

Timotea: first of all, What The Fuck

Timotea: and secondly, what is hummus???

Marto: hummus is NOT a smoothie

Sash: its not

D’Ville: Well

Timotea: oh no

Timotea: I recognize that tone and I do NOT like it

D’Ville: it would depend on how you define ‘smoothie’

Timotea: there he goes

Marto: a smoothie is blended up fruit with milk

D’Ville: And vegetable smoothies?

D’Ville: And what about dairy-free smoothies?

Marto: Even vegetable smoothies have at least 1 fruit in them

D’Ville: Point

Marto: but I guess the definition would be fruit (and possibly vegetables) blended up with a liquid, whether dairy or water

D’Ville: And nut butter additives in smoothies?

Marto: jfc Jon

Marto: Fine! Smoothies are blended up usually-healthy things! Contains at least 1 fruit and some liquid!

D’Ville: then by your own definition

D’Ville: Hummus is blended up fruit (lemon juice) with some liquid (olive oil, tahini) as well as various other ingredients, and is usually considered a healthy snack

D’Ville: a smoothie.

Marto has changed D’Villes nickname to SmartAss

SmartAss has changed his nickname to D’Ville

D’Villes nickname has been changed to SmartAss

SmartAss: Dammit

Timotea: Well since none of you would answer my question I googled it. Its chickpeas?

Sash: yeah

Timotea: cool I’ll try it

Marto: I refuse to accept hummus as a smoothie

SmartAss: well then tighten your definition :)

Marto: the liquid used has to be either dairy or a widely-recognized dairy replacement, such as soy or almond milk

Sash: mm I love a good almond milk

Timotea: yeah yeah you’re lactose intolerant, we know Sasha

SmartAss: Well that would preclude hummus as a smoothie

Marto: THANK YOU

SmartAss: But do you know what still qualifies?

Sash: Oh no

Timotea: Don’t say it

SmartAss: Tomato soup.

Marto: NOW LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

Timotea: Whelp things are about to go down, guess I’ll get back to work

Sash: Me too

SmartAss: Bring it on @Marto

Marto is typing

Sash and Timotea have logged off

Chapter Text

PRIVATE MESSAGE, Monday 10:56 am

Mahtin: I just realized that I haven’t cashed in that rain check for lunch. Would you like to go have lunch with me today?

D’Ville: As much as I appreciate the invitation, I have a lot to get done on this statement, and I don’t think I will have time to take a full lunch hour today. Perhaps tomorrow?

Mahtin: Let’s plan on that!

*****

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, Tuesday 10:22 am

4 members

RadiantLift: I’ve got some assignments for you boys

KayaKing: Lay it on us Bosswoman 

RadiantLift: @Mahtin I’d like you to do some follow up on the flesh monster puzzle lady. I’ve found somebody who might be the lady, and I’d like you to go talk to her since you’re my most non-threatening person.

Mahtin: Are you sure you want me?

RadiantLift: Absolutely.

RadiantLift: @D’Ville, I’d like you to look into Breekon and Hope, just for kicks and giggles. They’re mentioned too many times. I’d like to figure out if they’re very entity-touched people, or something else.

D’Ville: Roger that.

RadiantLift: @KayaKing You’re going to use those muscles you’re so proud of and help me move some boxes.

KayaKing: Aye aye cap’n

RadiantLift: @Mahtin, come to my office and we’ll get you some train tickets and money for lunch. If you leave soon you should be able to be done by the end of the day.

Mahtin: I’ll be right there 

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 10:30 am

Mahtin: Try again tomorrow?

D’Ville: Yes.

*****

GROUP CHAT: A Hopeless Case and His Two Moms, Wednesday 7:52 am

3 members

Ashes: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

Alice: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

Ashes: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

Alice: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

D’Ville: That was unnecessary.

D’Ville: Also @Alice WHY

D’Ville has changed Alices nickname to Daisy

Daisy: Just thought I’d try it out for a bit but I guess that’s being shut down

D’Ville: Why did you summon me.

Ashes: We were wondering what time the Institute opens. We stopped by and nobody seems to be there yet. I wouldn’t let @Daisy break in.

D’Ville: Thank god

Daisy: :(

D’Ville: Official opening is at 9. Sasha is always there when I arrive at 8:30 but I’m not sure when she gets there.

Ashes: I’m surprised you don’t come in even earlier than that.

D’Ville: She gets mad if I come in too early.

Ashes: I knew I liked her

Daisy: Somebody has to keep you from working yourself to death

Ashes: Speaking of the legend herself, Sasha has just arrived. See you in about 30 min then

Daisy: Bring me a coffee

D’Ville: No. 

Daisy: :(

Daisy: Please?

D’Ville: Fine.

Daisy: :)

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 10:32 am

Mahtin: Are we still on for today?

D’Ville: As far as I know, yes.

D’Ville: Is a late lunch okay with you? I should finish this bit around 12:30.

Mahtin: Okay by me :)

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, 11:58 am

4 members

KayaKing: I think the cops kidnapped Jon again

Mahtin: You think?

KayaKing: Okay they absolutely kidnapped Jon again

KayaKing: Carried him out over her shoulder and everything

KayaKing: Bets on how long he will be gone?

D’Ville: Just for lunch, it appears.

KayaKing: You’re no fun

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 12:12 pm

D’Ville: My apologies, Martin. Daisy isn’t somebody I’m good at saying no to.

Mahtin: Did you even have a chance to say no? She threw you over her shoulder and left. You looked very embarrassed about it.

D’Ville: I have resigned myself to my fate.

Mahtin: Rain check, again?

D’Ville: Absolutely.

*****

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, Thursday 9:15 am

4 members

Mahtin: Has anyone seen Jon yet today?

RadiantLift: Is he not in yet? 

RadiantLift: I didn’t hear him come in this morning but he doesn’t always stop by my office so that wasn’t unusual.

KayaKing: I haven’t seen him yet. Is he lost in the stacks maybe?

Mahtin: I guess I’ll go check.

9:30 am

Mahtin: I didn’t see him. @D’Ville, where are you at?

RadiantLift: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

KayaKing: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

10:30 am

Mahtin: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

RadiantLift: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

KayaKing: @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville @D’Ville

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 10:45 am

Mahtin: Hey, Georgie, Jon hasn’t come in today, and he isn’t responding to his messages. Do you know if he’s okay?

WTGhost: Not personally, but I’ll ask some of our friends and get back to you

Mahtin: Thank you

WTGhost: Of course <3

GROUP CHAT: the jonny sims protection squad, 10:47 am

10 members

WTGhost: Double order of business, guys

WTGhost: first of all, petition to add a certain Martin Blackwood to the group

Ivy: Oh isn’t that the coworker he talks about all the time?

Marius: The one he’s obviously pining over?

      WTGhost has deleted this comment

WTGhost: That’s him, yes

Ivy: Petition granted

WTGhost has added Mahtin to the group

WTGhost: Alright guys, this is Martin. Martin, say hi

Mahtin: Hello I guess

Mahtin: what is this group

Nastya: Exactly what it says on the tin.

WTGhost: Second order of business

WTGhost: @Everyone does anyone know where Jonny is? He’s apparently not come into work and is not answering his phone.

Nastya: Oh that’s concerning

Nastya: I haven’t seen him since jam night last week

Daisy: Neither I nor @Ashes have seen him since yesterday at lunch

Mahtin: What’s jam night?

WTGhost: LIPS SEALED, HE DOESN’T KNOW YET

      7 people have liked this comment

Marius: Ditto on the jam night

Ivy: Better line of attack: @Everyone, if you have seen Jonny since yesterday at lunch, like this comment

      1 person has liked this comment

Mahtin: He did go back to work after lunch, but I haven’t seen him since about 5 yesterday.

Ivy: New plan. @Everyone, who is closest to Jonny’s house to go check on him?

GPTim: I’m at work

Marius: I’m at school

Ashes: I’m on patrol with @Daisy

Raphaella: I live a good hours drive from his house

Mahtin: I am also at work

WTGhost: I’m about 30 minutes away I suppose

Nastya: I’m also at work

Brian: Georgie is closer than I am

Ivy: Looks like it may be up to Georgie

ToySoldier: I Can Do It!

WTGhost: Are you sure, Nikola?

WTGhost: Are you even in the area? We still don’t know where you live

ToySoldier: It Will Not Take Long To Get There!

ToySoldier: It Is No Trouble For A Friend!

Ivy: Thank you, TS

11:20 am

ToySoldier: Jonny Is Sick Today!

ToySoldier: [SadJonnyInABlanket.jpg]

WTGhost: Thank you, TS. Do you guys need any help?

ToySoldier: No, Thank You. I Can Help Him

ToySoldier: Does Jonny Like Soup? I Will Make Soup

ToySoldier: Soup With Teeth! [teeth] [teeth]

Raphaella: How about you focus on making sure he’s okay, and I’ll order soup to be delivered for both of you

ToySoldier: A Jolly Good Plan! I Will Do That!

ToySoldier is offline

Raphaella: [whew] disaster averted

Mahtin: … is this standard for your group of friends?

Raphaella: If you’re referring to the teeth, TS is just… like that, I guess

Raphaella: I think the rest of us are a little more functional

Marius: Speak for yourself

Raphaella: I am

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, 2:15 pm

4 members

D’Ville: I’m sorry to worry you this morning.

D’Ville: I believe I contracted food poisoning, and spent most of the night in absolute misery.

D’Ville: Fortunately one of my friends came to check on me. Not sure how they knew I needed it.

KayaKing: Oh you can thank @Mahtin for that

Mahtin: Or Georgie, really, I simply passed on the message.

D’Ville: In any case, thank you.

D’Ville: @RadiantLift, Apologies for the lack of notice. I apparently fell asleep this morning without hitting send on my message about calling out sick.

RadiantLift: Understandable. You rest up and get feeling better, okay?

RadiantLift: Take tomorrow off as well.

D’Ville: It was simply food poisoning. I feel much better now and should be able to work just fine tomorrow.

RadiantLift: Send a selfie as proof.

D’Ville: *sigh*

D’Ville: [RollingEyesAtTheCamera.jpg]

RadiantLift: Alright @Mahtin @KayaKing how would you guys rate those eyebags?

D’Ville: excuse me?

RadiantLift: I’d give them an 8/10. Not quite designer but a good knockoff

D’Ville: HEY

KayaKing: 9.5/10. Long lost sibling of a racoon.

D’Ville: This is uncalled for.

RadiantLift: @Mahtin?

Mahtin: 7/10. Perhaps an unruly clown went strange directions with the makeup.

D’Ville: Bloody hell 

RadiantLift: Get some rest this weekend. You can come back to work when the eyebags are at a 4/10 or lower.

KayaKing: Our ruthless queen

D’Ville: I can’t believe this.

D’Ville: See you Monday, I suppose.

Mahtin: Take care, Jon.

Chapter Text

PRIVATE MESSAGE, Friday 9:15 am

Ashes: So I hear you forced Jon to stay home for once in his life

Ashes: How did you do it?

Edgedancer: It helps that I’m his boss

Ashes: true

Ashes: wait

Ashes: hold on

Ashes: you read Stormlight Archive???

Edgedancer: You know it!

Edgedancer: Did I just find a Cosmemer in the wild?

Ashes: I’ve never heard that term before but yes, yes you did

Edgedancer: Cosmere + memer. The fandom needs a real name :(

Ashes: It does!

Ashes: Isn’t Kaladin just the best?

Ashes: I could almost be straight for him

Edgedancer: asdkfjslda;dfksalf

Ashes: [IJustThinkHesNeat.jpg]

Edgedancer: but also, yes

Edgedancer: while I’ve got you online, do you have any updates on who could have killed Gertrude?

Ashes: unfortunately, no

Edgedancer: It was worth an ask

Ashes: I’ll let you know if anything comes up

Ashes: In the meantime, are you excited for Rhythm of War?

Edgedancer: AM I EVER

*****

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, Saturday 11:52 am

9 members

DrumbotBrian: Anyone up to come jam tonight? I’ve got lots of ideas for the next album and could use a few more instruments/voices

D’Ville: Please tell me you didn’t write the entire album already

DrumbotBrian: I did not

DrumbotBrian: But only because I’ve been forbidden to do that

D’Ville: I don’t know what devil you sold your soul to in order to be able to compose at the rate you do. It’s impressive and a little worrisome.

DrumbotBrian: So are you coming to jam night or not

D’Ville: I think I’ll rest tonight if its all the same to you

Ashes: Jonny? Resting? [shocked faces]

Ashes: I’m going to hold you to that

Nastya: I’ll come to jam night

Ivy: I will too

Marius: I’ll pass, but I do have a list of puns I’m compiling

Marius: [kingarthurpuns.doc]

Ashes: @Marius, these are atrocious

Ashes: X (ten) Caliber gun? That’s horrible. I love it

Marius : I aim to please

Ashes: you can’t aim worth shit with that goggle thing

Marius: It’s called a monoggle and it serves a very important purpose, thank you

Ivy: MONOGGLE?

Ivy: M O N O G G L E

Marius: Did I stutter

Marius: I’ve been calling it that this whole time

Ivy: WHAT IS A MONOGGLE

Marius: It’s a cross between a monocle and goggles, obviously

Ivy: THIS IS A WORSE CRIME THAN YOUR BOOT BELTS

Marius: YOU TAKE THAT BACK, MY BOOT BELTS ARE BEAUTIFUL

Ivy: THE BELTS ARE TAN AND YOUR BOOTS ARE BLACK

Ivy: YOUR BOOTS DONT EVEN NEED BELTS

Nastya: Here we go again.

      Marius and Ivy are typing

*****

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, Sunday 8:42 pm

4 members

D’Ville: Do I have clearance to return to work tomorrow?

Edgedancer: That depends. I think I need selfie evidence that you are feeling better.

D’Ville: Is this truly necessary?

Edgedancer: I said 4/10 eyebags, Cruela D’Ville. You need to look a little less gross than your namesake.

D’Ville: Fine

D’Ville: [AdmiralOnMyShoulders.jpg]

Edgedancer: IS THAT A CAT

GoodCows: CAT

ImBiBabey: CAT

GoodCows: [cat] [cat] [cat] [cat]

ImBiBabey: what is this good kittys name???

D’Ville: This is The Admiral.

Edgedancer: Is he yours??

D’Ville: Not quite.

D’Ville: He was mine originally but Georgie got him in the divorce.

Edgedancer: He looks so soft [heart eyes]

D’Ville: He is the softest.

D’Ville: Am I good to come to work then?

Edgedancer: Yes

ImBiBabey: Please bring the cat?

Edgedancer: NO ANIMALS IN THE ARCHIVES.

ImBiBabey: even cute ones?

Edgedancer: no.

ImBiBabey: please?

Edgedancer: no.

ImBiBabey: If no animals are allowed

ImBiBabey: Am I allowed

ImBiBabey: cause i’m a party animal

Edgedancer has kicked ImBiBabey from the chat

*****

PRIVATE MESSAGE, Monday 9:20 am

D’Ville: I believe you said something about wanting to get lunch. I do apologize for all the delays of the last week.

GoodCows: Oh, it’s fine! :) It’s not like you had control over any of it!

D’Ville: I do still apologize.

GoodCows: It’s perfectly alright. Would you like to go today?

D’Ville: Where are we going, exactly?

GoodCows: Well I heard that a new Indian place opened up just around the corner. I was wondering if you wanted to try it out?

D’Ville: Is it the one between the chinese shop and the grocery store?

GoodCows: That would be it, yes

D’Ville: I’ve tried that place. It’s atrocious

GoodCows: Really? I heard good things about it

D’Ville: My grandmother would roll in her grave if she knew that the slop they served claimed to be Indian food

GoodCows: Oh

D’Ville: There's a place I know that serves MUCH better stuff. I doubt we could make it there and back for lunch, though.

D’Ville: Do you have any plans for dinner?

GoodCows : No??

D’Ville: Then I’m going to show you REAL Indian food.

GoodCows: Okay!!

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 9:28 am

GoodCows: I think I just got a date??

Georgie: Really? You managed to get Oblivious Jonny Himself to agree to a date?

GoodCows: I think so?

GoodCows: [screenshot]

Georgie: oh you poor baby, that’s not a date. He’s genuinely offended by the restaurant.

Georgie: it’s a good start though!! He’s agreed to spend time with you and that is not a small step!

Georgie: Have a nice night!

Georgie: Good luck wooing!

GoodCows: *sigh*

GoodCows: Thank you, Georgie. I will do my best

Georgie: [thumbs up]

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, 10:52 am

4 members

D’Ville: What on earth is that racket?

SashaJamesBond: Well there's some drama happening upstairs but I’m assuming you’re referring to the yowling from the archive stacks?

Marson: What do you mean there’s drama happening upstairs?

SashaJamesBond: Elias dress coded Rosie for too bright of a green shirt when his tie is even more horrifyingly neon and she is rightfully chewing him out

Marson: And you know that how?

SashaJamesBond: …

SashaJamesBond: shit

SashaJamesBond: I think I need to take the statements a little slower.

SashaJamesBond: They’re just so interesting!

Marson: We will keep you in check

SashaJamesBond: Thanks Martin

D’Ville: So what is the yowling in the archives?

SashaJamesBond: I forgot that you’ve never heard @Stoinks sing before

D’Ville: He’s SINGING?

D’Ville: That is NOT singing

D’Ville: @Stoinks you cannot carry a tune in a bucket

Stoinks: Rude

Marson: He isn’t wrong

Stoinks: You’ve pointed that out to me before

Stoinks: but

Stoinks: when the song is in your soul

Stoinks: you just gotta sing

Stoinks has changed his nickname to TheTrumpet

D’Ville: I don’t even know the song you’re singing

TheTrumpet: Really? You dont know Mambo No 5?

D’Ville: I don’t listen to a lot of music

TheTrumpet: Probably just classical and the like, am I right?

D’Ville: Folk, actually, but you were on the right track

SashaJamesBond: That’s still no excuse for not knowing this song

Marson: It is kind of a classic

TheTrumpet: hold on 

TheTrumpet: [MamboNo5LouBega]

SashaJamesBond: I’m going to play it from my computer, get in here

D’Ville: I should never have accepted the transfer to the Archives.

11:32 am

D’Ville: What is he singing now?

Marson: Oh thats Blue

Marson: or Da ba dee da ba die

Marson: Or whatever the song name is

SashaJamesBond: Its Blue (Dah Ba Dee) by Eiffel 65

SashaJamesBond: You really don’t know any late 90’s music do you

TheTrumpet: Time to correct that

D’Ville: Do I get any say in this?

Marson: Nope

TheTrumpet: Nope

SashaJamesBond: Absolutely not.

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, 1:53 pm

9 members

D’Ville: Why are we here?

D’Ville: Just to suffer?

D’Ville: Every day I have to deal with Timothy Stoker.

Ashes: Is this related to the music I heard when I came to see your boss today?

D’Ville: Yes. Yes it is

Marius: @Ashes what music?

D’Ville: Please no

Ashes: Blue (Dah Ba Dee)

Marius: hell yeah

D’Ville: Why are you here, Basira? I thought the case went cold.

Ashes: It did. I’m lending Sasha my copy of Legion.

Ivy: The friendship must be getting serious

Ivy: It’s at book-lending levels

Ivy: That’s no small feat

Raphella: You would know, wouldn’t you @Ivy

Ivy: I know you want to borrow my copy of A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor but the answer is still no

Ivy: Go to the library if you want to read it so bad

Raphaella: It just came out!! The library doesn’t have it yet!! Is this so hard for you to understand?

Ivy: You have stains from your experiments on every book I’ve seen in your house!

Raphaella: Most of those are food actually

Ivy: YOU ARE COMPLETELY MISSING THE POINT

Raphaella: Is that a no on borrowing your book then?

Ivy: I will throw you out of the airlock.

Ivy has kicked Raphaella from the chat

Raphaella has joined the chat

Ivy: How did you do that

Raphaella: I’ve got wings, sucka, you can’t get rid of me that easily

Ivy: The answer is still no

Raphaella: Please?

Ivy: Hell no

Raphaella: Fair enough

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: the jonny sims protection squad, 9:23 pm

11 members

WTGhost: eyyyyyyyyy I’ve got news for you peeps

Raphaella: oh do tell

WTGhost: @Mahtin went on a date with jonny boy earlier this week and I just remembered that he never told me how it went

Raphaella: a date? [eyes] [eyes]

Mahtin: you said it wasn’t a date!

WTGhost: did I now?

Mahtin: I have proof

WTGhost: [screenshot] [Georgie: oh you poor baby, that’s not a date. He’s genuinely offended by the restaurant.]

Marius: Oh yeah he’s like that with food

Mahtin: So it wasn’t a date!

WTGhost: well I still need to hear the story and im going to guess everyone else would like to too

WTGhost: @Everyone come get your juice

      9 people have liked this comment

ToySoldier: A Date? Jonny Went On A Date?

GPTim: fucker didn’t even tell me

Ashes: he didn’t tell you? He didn’t tell ME

Ashes: What day did this happen?

Daisy: It was Monday night, I’d guess, since he had leftovers from his favorite Indian place on Tuesday

Mahtin: …

Mahtin: How did you know that

Daisy: oh I broke into his house tuesday morning

Mahtin: … why?

Daisy: needed something

Mahtin: …

Brian: chill out @Daisy, he’s not used to you yet

Mahtin: @Raphaella I thought you said the rest of the group was more functional

Raphaella: I thought Marius made it clear that I was primarily speaking for myself

Raphaella: Ivy and I are the braincells of the crew and nobody else should be taken seriously

Raphaella: Besides @Ashes of course

Ivy: @Raphaella [highfive]

Ashes: Damn straight

Ashes: btw martin I’m Basira Hussain, the police officer that drops by every so often

Ashes: @Daisy is my partner

Mahtin: That would explain a lot, actually

WTGhost: we have gotten waaayyyyyyy off course here

WTGhost: @Mahtin, date details, stat

      9 people have liked this comment

Mahtin: fine, fine

Mahtin: it wasn’t a date though

Mahtin: we took the subway out to this little hole-in-the-wall Indian food place 

Mahtin: they seemed to all know Jon by name which was kind of funny

Daisy: yeah he’s there at least once a week

ToySoldier: Hush, Daisy, Let The Man Continue!

Mahtin: he spent quite awhile explaining what all the dishes were which was kind of cute and kind of nice bc i don’t actually eat much Indian

WTGhost: oh for shame, Indian is amazing

Mahtin: i can’t afford to eat out much and my mum only ever made Polish food

WTGhost: okay that’s valid

WTGhost: so what did you guys talk about?

Mahtin: food, mostly

Mahtin: he was quite scandalized about my lack of knowledge on food in general and indian spices in particular

WTGhost: how long did he spend explaining different types of spices

Mahtin: a long time

WTGhost: oof

WTGhost: his infodumps are A Lot(™)

Mahtin: it wasnt bad actually, especially when he started venturing into spices i recognized from herbal tea blends and then it became an actual conversation and i quite enjoyed it

Mahtin: i did some infodumping of my own tbh

Mahtin: told him all about the time i tried to infuse honey with ginger. It did NOT go well

ToySoldier: It Is Too Cute!

ToySoldier : You Seem Nice! How Is The Condition Of Your Skin?

Mahtin: … normal?

ToySoldier: Jolly Good! I Shall Approve The Union!

Mahtin: IT WASN’T A DATE

ToySoldier: Approved!

Brian: @Mahtin with Nikola it’s best to just let it happen

Brian: You’re one of us now. Just accept the chaos

Chapter Text

Group Chat: The Aurora, 4:22 pm

9 members

Ivy: Have we figured out the shape of the space station yet?

Raphaella: I think we decided it was cylindrical. Why do you ask?

Ivy: Because if its cylindrical, and the “sun” on the inside lights up the entire middle, wouldn’t the sun have to be cylindrical in order to reach the entire inside?

Marius: Ivy

Marius: You’re a genius

Brian: That would make sense actually

Nastya: of course it reaches the entire length, they’ve all got to be able to see

D’Ville: No

D’Ville: I refuse

D’Ville: How are we going to have it be high noon if the sun is a tube? It ruins the aesthetic

Marius: All in favor of Tube Sun say aye

Marius: Aye

Brian: Aye

Ivy: Aye

TS: Aye

Nastya: Aye

Raphaella: Aye

Ashes: Aye

GPTim: Aye

D’Ville: Absolutely not

Marius: Ayes have it. 8/9 Mechs approve the Tube Sun

Marius: ALL HAIL THE TUBE SUN

D’Ville: NEVER

Marius: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

Brian: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

Ashes: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

TS: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

D’Ville: Are you going to stop this nonsense?

Marius: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

Ashes: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

Ivy: There’s a zero percent chance they will.

Brian:  TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

Marius: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

TS: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

D’Ville: Sometimes I hate you all.

Ashes: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

D’Ville has left the chat

Brian: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

Ashes: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

Ashes: party pooper

      7 people have liked this comment

Marius: TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN TUBE SUN

Nastya has changed the group name to All Hail The Tube Sun

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 4:31 pm

Ashes: Hey James can you do me a favor

Sashings: Is it spooky?

Ashes: Make a joke about the sun being a tube in your work group chat

Sashings: ??????

Ashes: Its to annoy Jon

Ashes: He left the other group chat but I refuse to let this go

Sashings: Other group chat??

Sashings: Oh for your band

Ashes: Did he finally tell you about the band?

Ashes: It’s about fucking time

Sashings: YOU’RE IN A BAND WITH HIM?

Ashes: You and your spooky nonsense I swear

GROUP CHAT: the jonny sims protection squad, 4:32 pm

10 members

Ashes: @Martino @Daisy and @WTGeorgie, I need a favor

WTGeorgie: Discourse again?

Ashes: You know it

Martino: What?

Ashes: Just message him and say the sun’s a tube

Martino: ????

Daisy: [thumbs up]

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, 4:34 pm

4 members

Sashings: Hey @D’Ville

Sashings: Sun’s a tube

Timbo: ???

Martino: *gun cocks* Sun’s a tube

D’Ville is typing…

GROUP CHAT: the jonny sims protection squad, 4:36 pm

10 members

Martino: @Ashes He is going ballistic

Ashes: lmaooooooooo

Chapter Text

PRIVATE MESSAGE, 4:45 pm

Sashings: so…. Were you never going to tell me that you and Sims are in a band together?

Ashes: He asked me not to

Sashings: but why not?? That’s so cool!!

Sashings: I’ve worked with him for 2 years and I never knew he was in a band!! I don’t understand why he kept it secret

Ashes: I don’t know either, James

Sashings: Well I guess I’ve just got to get to the bottom of this

GROUP CHAT, 4:46 pm

Sashings has added Ashes O’Reilly and Jonny D’Ville to the chat

Sashings: @D’Ville you have a lot of explaining to do

Ashes: And before you ask I didn’t tell her

D’Ville: Tell her what, precisely?

Sashings: That you are in a band!!!

D’Ville is typing....

D’Ville has left the chat

Ashes: Oh no you don’t

Ashes O’Reilly has added Jonny D’Ville to the chat

Ashes has changed D’Ville’s nickname to Coward

Coward has changed his name to D'Ville

Ashes: Stop running away from your problems

Sashings: Im sorry to have intruded on your privacy, Jon

Sashings: I haven’t quite mastered the Spooky yet

Sashings: And that’s not an excuse

Sashings: I am actually very sorry

D’Ville: Apology accepted.

Sashings: I just don’t understand why you kept it a secret?

Ashes: Same here, actually. I thought you liked us

D’Ville: I do like you all! And I would have liked to tell you. I have a perfectly rational explanation.

Ashes: It better be a good one.

D’Ville: Elias

Sashings: Oh

Ashes: What?

Sashings: He’s the freaky eyeball boss

Ashes: OH

D’Ville: I, of course, wasn’t aware of his supernatural abilities at the time, but he knew about the band. He didn’t say it outright, but I knew that he knew.

D’Ville: He told me that I needed to be at my most professional at all times if I wanted to succeed at this job. “You’re welcome to spend your free time however you please, but if you wish to rise in the Institute then those… activities… must remain private.”

D’Ville: He never specifically denoted the band, but I just Knew, you understand

Ashes: What a douche

Sashings: Eli-ass Douche-ard

Sashings has changed the group name to Douchard Hate Club

Sashings: Well now that you know you aren’t fireable, were you ever planning to tell us?

D’Ville: Not really. The secret-keeping and fear of being caught by Elias kind of moved to the back of my mind. Haven’t been thinking about it really

D’Ville: …

D’Ville: THAT BASTARD

Sashings: ugh he was enjoying a free meal for the Eye wasn’t he

Ashes: well now that that’s all out

Ashes: Are you going to tell the rest of your friends?

Ashes: Martin and 

Ashes: and

Ashes: the other one?

Sashings: Tim?

Ashes: No, Tim is in the band

D’Ville: Work Tim

Ashes: oh. Two Tims. That’ll be fun

D’Ville: Yes, I will let them know.

Sashings: So do I get to hear about the band now? All I know is that you’re in one. I don’t know what music you do or anything

Sashings: How long have you been playing together?

Sashings: I need ALL the details

Ashes: You or me, Jonny boy?

D’Ville: by all means go ahead, Basira

D’Ville: I need to run to the store so @ me if you need a specific comment.

D’Ville has logged off

6:10 pm

D’Ville has logged on

Sashings: So let me make sure I’ve got all of this straight

Sashings: Your band is called the Mechanisms because you basically roleplay immortal space pirates, and you were each made immortal by a Mechanism (mechanical body part)

Sashings: Except for the Toy Soldier (and I still don’t know what is going on there but apparently it has a pretty voice?)

Sashings: You all have backstories and some of you have songs

Sashings: You take myths and fairy tales, set them in space, make them tragic (and very queer), and set them to folk tunes

Sashings: You’ve so far done general fairy tales and Greek mythology

Sashings: Did I miss anything?

D’Ville: We were made immortal by a vampire

Ashes: oh yeah I didn’t explain Carmilla

Sashings: a VAMPIRE????

D’Ville: She originally got the band together but had to leave, for various personal reasons. The in-universe joke is that she had an accident with the airlock

D’Ville: I miss singing with her. Have you kept in touch @Ashes?

Ashes: Not as much as I would like, but she’s still making music

D’Ville: Good for her

Sashings: Not a real vampire I hope???

D’Ville: Heavens no.

Sashings: Do I have the rest of it straight?

D’Ville: You seem to. It took you an hour to get all of that?

Sashings: Basira got a little too involved in the backstories of the specific characters and I got lost pretty quickly

Ashes: I get very enthusiastic about my main non-work pastime. Sue me

D’Ville: That’s fair

Sashings: So when’s the next concert??

Ashes: We actually have a mini one coming up next weekend, with just the backstory songs

D’Ville: Nastya won’t be able to make that one though

Ashes: Her and Ivy, right?

D’Ville: Oh yes, Ivy too

Ashes: That’s okay, you can meet them later

Sashings: I will look forward to it!

PRIVATE MESSAGE: 7:11 pm

Ashes: I just had a thought

Sashings: fire away

Ashes: knowing Jonny, he’s going to forget to tell your coworkers about the band unless you prompt him

Ashes: How about you don’t do that

Ashes: and you just bring them to the concert as a surprise?

Sashings: I’m sold

Sashings: This is going to be chaos

Ashes: I can’t wait

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT, Monday 3:52 pm

Bosslady has added Dracula and COWS to the chat

Dracula: whoa Sasha made a group chat without somebody in the office?? [eyes emoji]

Dracula: what are we plotting

Bosslady: quick on the uptake as ever, I see!

Bosslady: Are you two doing anything this weekend?

COWS: I was going to go to a poetry reading but I’d rather hang out with other people to be honest

Dracula: There’s plotting in the works. All other things are cancelled

Dracula: What are we doing?

Bosslady: Its a surprise :)

COWS: And why is this a secret from Jon? Is there a reason he isn’t invited?

Bosslady: Basira Hussain (cop lady, Jon’s friend) has invited the three of us to a concert this coming Friday. Jon will be there with his other friends, but we’re invited as a surprise, so don’t mention it to Jon please

Bosslady: I’m really excited to meet his friends because I’m half convinced they don’t exist. They just seem really wild, you know?

COWS: You haven’t even been in a text exchange with Nikola. You have no idea how wild they are

Bosslady: Exactly! :D

Dracula: Concerts aren’t usually my thing but I’m absolutely down to embarrass Jon, let’s do it!

Dracula: When and where?

Bosslady: 7 pm Friday! I’ll send you the link to the location

Bosslady: [concertdetailslink]

COWS: Oh, and what kind of music is it? If it’s going to be loud I need mental preparation time

Bosslady: It’s folk-inspired concept music. Basira says it can be kind of rowdy. Do you need some earplugs?

COWS: I’ve got some [thumbs up]

Bosslady: Now back to work!

GROUP CHAT: what the HELL sims, Wednesday 10:04 am

4 members

Dracula: So

Dracula: Theoretically speaking

D’Ville: Oh no.

Bosslady: That is never a good conversation starter from you timbo

Dracula: im not that bad!

D’Ville: You are ABSOLUTELY that bad.

Kaladin<3: You’re bad enough to make Jon do all caps, that’s pretty bad

Bosslady: ^^^

Dracula: Rude.

D’Ville: Prove me wrong then.

Dracula: Okay then

Bosslady: oh no

Dracula: Theoretically speaking

Bosslady: @D’Ville you have made a mistake

Dracula: If you could have chosen any of the 14? Entities to end up serving, which would you have chosen?

Dracula: Assuming you absolutely had to choose one

Bosslady: Oh that was not nearly as bad as I thought

Dracula: See? Have some faith in me

Bosslady: never <3

Dracula: -.-

D’Ville: I probably would have ended up with the Eye in any case. I’m just too curious for my own good.

Dracula: That is very true

Dracula: second choice?

D’Ville: The Slaughter.

Kaladin<3: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Dracula: seriously?

Bosslady: is it because of the evil music?

D’Ville: It is absolutely because of the evil music.

D’Ville: More entities should be inclusive of the harmonica.

Dracula: ALKSLDFKLSAD;

Dracula: Alrighty then! Anyone else? @Kaladin<3?

Kaladin<3: I was probably a pretty good candidate for the Lonely before I became good friends with all of you! Wouldn’t ever choose it though. None of them really call to me tbh

Bosslady: Martin’s vibes are too pure for fear entities

Dracula: Amen to that

D’Ville: Absolutely.

Bosslady: I’d probably put you as Web though @Kaladin<3

Kaladin<3: Really?

Bosslady: You’re smarter than you let on and from what you’ve said of your past, you’ve had to learn to manipulate to survive. You’re good at it now. I don’t think it would claim you because you have done it out of necessity rather than desire, but you’ve got the skills

Bosslady: I don’t mean that in a negative way, you did what you needed to to make it out of that situation

Kaladin<3: I guess that makes sense

Kaladin<3: I do love spiders!

D’Ville: To each their own.

Dracula: Your turn @Bosslady

Bosslady: I’m very eye myself! I like the Spiral though. I think we’d vibe

Dracula: Funky colors?

Bosslady: Funky colors!

Bosslady: Alright @Dracula your turn!

Dracula: I think I’d be the End. So much in life feels inevitable. Danny is gone. I am here. I am stuck in a job that I cannot escape, and I have friends I would not have necessarily sought out but came to anyway. Someday I will die. It’s all inevitable and I think I’m coming to peace with that

Dracula: To reword it feels like I would be here in this Archive in any version of the timeline and there’s something inevitable about that. And that’s End shit

Bosslady: Interesting

Bosslady: I would have pegged you for Vast

Dracula: Really? Why?

Bosslady: Infinite Kayaking.

Dracula: INFINITE KAYAKING

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, Friday 4:45 pm

9 members

Nastya: Best of luck with the concert tonight everybody! Hope it goes well!

Marius: Same to you! Hope your stuff goes well too!

Nastya: You can’t remember what it is, can you.

Marius: No [crying emoji] but I support you anyway!

Nastya: <3 <3 <3

Ivy: Good luck from me as well!

Marius: Good luck on the exams tomorrow!!

Nastya: Oh, so you remember Ivy, but not me, your fellow strings player?

Nastya: I’m wounded! </3

Nastya: jk Marius I’m not mad, play well tonight :) I’ll see you all in a few weeks

Marius: In a few weeks???

D’Ville: She’s visiting family in Russia.

Marius: IM SO DUMB I KNEW THAT HAVE FUN NASTYA LOVE YA

Nastya: Love you too dumbass <3

D’Ville: The rest of you lot need to be there by 5:30, don’t forget. I don’t have Nastya here to help me with the wires and I’m not technologically proficient enough to get this all set up alone yet.

Brian: omw

Raphaella: Be there soon!

GROUP CHAT: the surprise squad,, 6:15 pm

3 members

Cows: I’m here! Where are we sitting?

SalsaSash: I’m not sure. Basira said somebody named Georgie would be holding seats for us.

Cows: Oh, I know Georgie! One sec

6:18 pm

Cows: Okay we are on the left side when you guys get here

KayaKing: Be there in about 2 min!

SalsaSash: I’m 5 min out with chips for all of us!

Cows: You’re the best

6:21 pm

KayaKing: I can’t find you??

Cows: look to your left, I have been waving for 30 seconds

6:25 pm

SalsaSash: I can’t find you and there’s a lot of people here!

Cows: Wait by the door. I’m coming

GROUP CHAT: concert squad, 6:45 pm

Cows has added 3 members to the group

Cows: Between the noise and the earplugs I cannot hear a single thing, can we move the conversation here?

WTGeorgie: Absolutely!

KayaKing: Sure thing Marto!

SalsaSash: Great idea, I was having a hard time too

Cows: Sasha, didn’t you say Jon would be here with his other friends? I’ve been watching for them but haven’t seen anyone yet.

WTGeorgie: Oh, they’re here! You’ll see them in a bit

KayaKing: I gotta say this isn’t boding well for the “his friends aren’t real” theory that’s been passed around

Cows: Nobody could pretend to be as strange as Nikola obviously is just over text

WTGeorgie: Amen to that! Love her though

SalsaSash: I’m very excited :D

WTGeorgie: Me too :D

WTGeorgie: Did you grab any drinks? These chips are salty

SalsaSash: I didn’t :/

KayaKing: I’ll get some from the bar

WTGeorgie: Thank you King 

6:58 pm

SalsaSash: Stop flirting with the bartender and get back over here, there’s just 2 minutes til the show starts

Cows: And I still haven’t seen Jon

SalsaSash: You will, don’t worry Marto

Cows: If you say so

7:01 pm

KayaKing: Is that?

Cows: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?

WTGeorgie: Lmao they’re having sound issues again, I’m guessing Jonny had to set up

Cows: HOLY SHIT IS THAT BASIRA

WTGeorgie: I’m so glad I got those faces on camera

WTGeorgie: flabbergasted.pic [Tim and Martin sitting at a table. Tim is leaning back in his chair, about to fall over. Martin looks like he has just choked on a glass of water. They have equally shocked faces.]

SalsaSash: Basira looks so good! Who is the guitar guy? He’s hot

WTGeorgie: Oh that’s Gunpowder Tim

Cows: “I’m singing a song into the microphone” I love it

WTGeorgie: And that would be Nikola

Cows: really?

KayaKing: What kind of music did you say this was going to be? I wasn’t expecting steampunk outfits!

KayaKing: I also wasn’t expecting Jon to be singing but cool I guess!

SalsaSash: folk-inspired concept music!

WTGeorgie: They’re a band of immortal space pirates! :D

KayaKing: They’re WHAT

Cows: Shh they’re starting

Cows: DID HE JUST SAY D’VILLE

KayaKing: IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

Chapter Text

GROUP CHAT: concert squad, 8:02 pm

4 members

SalsaSash: So.

SalsaSash: What did you all think?

WTGeorgie: I am most excited to find out!

KayaKing: That

KayaKing: That was

SalsaSash: Spit it out Timothy

KayaKing: But I have no words left!

SalsaSash: Fair enough I suppose

WTGeorgie: How about you, Martin?

Cows has changed his nickname to MoonKaiser

MoonKaiser: That was incredible!!!

KayaKing has changed his nickname to Gunpowder

WTGeorgie: No, you can't use Gunpowder

WTGeorgie: I'll get you mixed up with the other Tim too easily

Gunpowder: >:(

Gunpowder: Oh wait that explains something actually

WTGeorgie: You're taking too long

WTGeorgie has changed Gunpowder's nickname to TimothyLaCognizi

TimothyLaCognizi: You know what

TimothyLaCognizi: I'll take it

WTGeorgie: Well I'm glad you all liked it

WTGeorgie: I'm going to go help them tear down, and then we are all going to the bar for a round. You all want to come?

TimothyLaCognizi: Absofrickinlutely

SalsaSash: Sure

MoonKaiser: I should probably go home :/

WTGeorgie: Aww :/ well, hope to have you next time!

PRIVATE MESSAGE: 8:05 pm

TimothyLaCognizi: Everything okay, Marto? You don't have to go if you don't want to

MoonKaiser: I'll be alright

MoonKaiser: I'd really like to go

MoonKaiser: But I've had as much noise and people as I can take in a night

MoonKaiser: As much as I would really like to stay, it probably wouldn't end well, earplugs or not

TimothyLaCognizi: Noted

MoonKaiser: Give Jon my regards

TimothyLaCognizi: Just regards? ;)

MoonKaiser: TIMOTHY STOKER

GROUP CHAT: The Aurora, 8:10 pm

9 members

Nastya: So, how did it go?

Marius: Excellently, actually!

Nastya: So Operation Coworkers was a success?

D'Ville: WAS I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE COMING??

GPTim: Yeah, pretty much

GPTim: Basira arranged it

D'Ville: Hey @Ashes!

Ashes: Yeah?

D'Ville: Thank you.

Ashes: You're welcome

Marius: [confusedblinkgif]

D'Ville: Were you expecting a different reaction?

Marius: Yes, actually

Marius: You've been so adamant about not telling them about us even though you consider them friends and talk about them a lot

Marius: Basira passed on why, of course, once she knew

Marius: But I figured you would want to tell them yourself

D'Ville: Well, you're right.

D'Ville: I did want to tell them myself.

D'Ville: I actually intended to invite them to this concert.

D'Ville: But how do you just bring that up in conversation?

D'Ville: "By the way, we've been friends for like 4 years, and all that time I've secretly been in a band I didn't want to tell you about. Can you come to our concert this Friday?"

Ashes: You do it just like that, dumbass

D'Ville: Fair enough.

D'Ville: But this was admittedly more epic.

Drumbot: Nastya, you should have seen their faces!

Nastya: Oh, I did

Ivy: Georgie sent us a picture

Ashes: I'm going to need a copy of that

Ashes: For non-blackmail related reasons, I swear

PRIVATE MESSAGE: 9:25 pm

D'Ville: Martin

MoonKaiser: Hi Jon

MoonKaiser: The concert was excellent by the way

D'Ville: Thank you.

D'Ville: I was a little worried you wouldn't like it.

D'Ville: Steampunk folk music isn't for everyone.

MoonKaiser: I liked it a lot!

MoonKaiser: The venue was a little loud for my taste but the storytelling was excellent

MoonKaiser: and your voice is even better!

D'Ville: Thank you, Martin. That's very kind.

MoonKaiser: I had a question actually

MoonKaiser: Would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow?

MoonKaiser: As an actual proper date this time

MoonKaiser: I want to hear all the band

MoonKaiser: All the stuff I probably missed out on at the party tonight

D'Ville: ...

D'Ville: I would love that, Martin

D'Ville: See you tomorrow?

MoonKaiser: See you tomorrow :)