Work Text:
A solitary male sat alone on the peak of a cliff he usually unwinds on his younger days in the mafia. He hums an empty tune, perhaps waiting for someone to come by and watch the sunset with. But the thing is, it's not just someone that he wants to be here. It's Dazai Osamu.
"If you're lonely, come be lonely with me." A voice belted out from behind. Chuuya lets out a sigh before swinging his head to Dazai who resumed singing that dumb song about loneliness and comfort, being there for each other. It was sickening to the bone. Mostly that voice of his. Is his voice being grated or something? It's making Chuuya's ears bleed. "Remember that song, chibi?"
"Call me chibi one more fucking time and I will fucking ground you six feet under." Comes the brief retort. Chuuya returns his attention to the enriching scenery that might ease him down instead of actually depending on this lanky mummy for peace of mind. Dazai friskily shrugs with a frolic smile and giggle, taking his place beside the mafioso, grinning at him before watching the still waters with the pearls and fiery tangerine hues of the sky scattered around the horizon. They remained still, the warmth of the silence blanketing over them with a comforting atmosphere.
The sound of paper fluttering with the wind causes Dazai to examine what was in Chuuya's grasps but failed to see the contents of it. Curious, Dazai points on Chuuya's hand and opens his mouth. "What is that, chibi?" Chuuya groaned. He just told Dazai not to call him that. A vexed sigh escapes Chuuya's lips and he folded the paper neatly before hiding it in his gloved hands. "None of your business, bastard." Chuuya spat out with a click of his tongue earning a "Ehh?" from his ex-partner. "Is that a love letter from someone then?" For the first time, Chuuya only heard genuine curiosity from the bandaged male. He could be trying to tease him after this "sincere" question. Another mental sigh in his head.
Dazai watched as Chuuya unfolded the folded corners of this paper that holds some meaning to him, observing the faint movements of his slim fingers. Chuuya read the insides of the letter and closes his eyes, having the need to crumple it and throwing it to the ocean to never lay eyes on it ever again, for the crashing waters will keep the secret hidden within the letter instead of him. But instead, Chuuya holds it closer to his chest, signifying its importance to him.
A scoff.
"In some way, yes." Dazai hummed as his reply and returns back to the sinking sun, having no desire to continue the conversation. Chuuya was somehow relieved but at the same time a bit disappointed for not blabbering more bullshit out of that filthy mouth of his. Minutes of Chuuya thinking whether he should say something to break the barrier of silence or continue agonizing himself by staying quiet, the sun finally welcomes its lover the waxy gibbous and Chuuya fails to find the words. Instead, Dazai stands up and offers his hand without saying anything. Chuuya looked up to him, his eyes trailing from his hazel eyes to his hand. Chuuya takes it and stands up with Dazai's assistance. "I should go." He finally says after repeating it in his head without rest. Dazai shrugs but smiles. "If you ever feel lonely, come by again. I'll be there for you."
Chuuya tries his absolute best not to smile, covering his eyes with the shadows of his hat and turning away completely from Dazai. "Yeah. Thanks." And Chuuya leaves. Dazai could only watch him from afar.
The following day, Chuuya felt like utter shit and didn't want to be in his home so once more, he goes to the peak of the cliff. Though, he could see the familiar figure already waiting for him. "I knew you would come back."
"You're fucking early for once."
"It's a special occasion, chibi's here!"
"But why the hell are you here?"
"Am I not supposed to be here? Chibi's pushing me away." Dazai feigned sadness and emphasizes his drama with frolic movements and giving him a look in the eyes. Chuuya stared back.
"What."
"Nothing. You're just so boring to be with now."
"THIS IS MY SPOT FOR YOUR INFORMATION. YOU CAN LEAVE FOR FUCK'S SAKE." Dazai laughs, really laughs his ass off. Chuuya resides his anger as soon as he heard it, not wanting to miss a second of it. Dazai wipes a tear from his eyes and sighed, content. "Your temper really is the size of your height." Chuuya growled but looks away, unfolding the same piece of paper as yesterday. "Why do you still have that?"
"Same question." Chuuya rereads the entire letter again, despite having memorized it by heart. He looks to Dazai and gave him a small smile. "Maybe it's because it came from a loved one."
"Loved one, huh." Dazai dared not to question any further but he could feel his chest tightening from some feeling. He couldn't exactly name it. Chuuya hums the song Dazai was singing the other day. "Our fingers dancing when they meet," Chuuya finally sang out and resumes singing, not caring if Dazai would tease him later on about his "ugly" voice. "So if you're lonely, darling, you're glowing."
"If you're lonely, come be lonely with me." Dazai clapped slowly, an unexpected turn of events as Chuuya saw that Dazai was clapping for him. "I never knew you would actually sing that song since you despise it so much." Chuuya rolled his eyes and held the letter close to him once more. The sun sets and disappears into the horizon as the moon rules over the evening, the sound of the crashing waves interrupting Chuuya's little train of thoughts as he closed his eyes.
"You liked it after all."
On the third day of returning to the peak, Chuuya could tell this would be his final visit here with a purpose. He'll go back to just unwinding himself hereafter missions at the end of this day. Chuuya sits down near the edge and has himself indulged in the spectacular view of the extending sea with the sun just barely above. "You really are lonely, chibi." A voice pops out of nowhere. The source of the voice takes his place next to Chuuya and held his hand. Chuuya scoffed sarcastically. "If you didn't leave me here, I wouldn't be."
"That's why you have that letter after years, I presume?" Chuuya gripped on the grass as he finally accepted the truth of everything. Dazai's not here anymore. Dazai is not with Chuuya, anymore. "Why a damn letter? You could've said something before you left."
"How could I? You would stop me, you know that."
"Don't you want to be stopped?" Silence. Dazai only closed his eyes as the orange tints of the sunset graze on his bandaged skin. He glows, quite literally, and pecks Chuuya's cheek.
"I'm here, aren't I?"
"You're not. I'm just imagining." Dazai looked crestfallen for a moment before completely disappearing with the wind. Chuuya lays on the grass and felt the pearls forming on the corners of his eyes, sobbing. Next to him was a grave with Dazai's name engraved onto it. That tragedy where he ran into the night and finally succeeded in killing himself. Why didn't he atleast jokingly drag Chuuya into a double suicide that evening? He might've actually said yes.
Chuuya opens the letter one more time and reads the hidden guilt enclosed with eloquent lettering with a heavy heart.
If you're lonely, come be lonely with me. Remember that song, chibi? I only remember how much you "loathe that shitty song" every time I play it around the house. Are you doing well? Of course, you're not. I could only guess as much. But I do wonder about the future you reading this.
Chuuya, if you're reading this now or whenever at some time in the future, I love you. I always do. It's not your fault. But you're a stubborn chibi. It's bad blaming yourself, chibi. Hmph. Don't be sad, Chuuya. I know you are and these words may seem empty and half-assed for your liking but I promise, things will get better if you aren't. Was I ever wrong?
And Chuuya, knowing you, you have the option to live on a new life finally without me or you could always follow me to hell. And knowing you, you couldn't choose and live a hellish life instead, trying to pick. Do what you've always wanted to do, chibi. Living, drinking those awful wines of yours, choosing the worst outfits possible when shopping and being the best version of yourself. You know I couldn't do the last part, hence this letter. Take care of them, Chuuya. Take care of yourself the most. Je t'aime. I always do. I always have. I still do. I love you so much. If you're ever lonely, I'll be there.
Sincerely Me, Osamin.
Chuuya laughed and wept bitterly as he finally realized what it means to be lonely; only me. He laughs as if he lost sense of himself and sits up. He recalls the times Dazai spacing off with an expression that does not possess a name but speaks enough words to know. It was like he was in love. Had he been in love with the thought of dying? Chuuya's face scrunches up in jealousy. Like love, he hates that face. Chuuya stands up and folds the letter into his pocket before watching the moonlight's luminescence wavering on the calm waves. He thinks about following Dazai by jumping off and finding the salvation Dazai found the same way as he did but pushes the instinctive thought away, wiping his tears from his eyes. "Let us be two on another night, Osamu."
You won't have to feel lonely anymore soon.