Archive of Our Own

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

She awaited the response with bated breath she didn't dare to release for fear the caller would be scared away by how much dread it held. Her voice was unstable enough, she thought. Not in an immediately recognizable way, but if someone listened a little more closely, paid a slightly more attention to the person on the other side instead of focusing on the possible tragedy unraveling in front of them, they might just tell that something wasn't quite right even in the place they sought their ultimate help in. 

Tina Chen had been sitting in the uncomfortable chair of a 911 dispatcher for just a couple of months, not enough time to adequately numb herself down to the horrific scenarios she had to witness on a daily basis. It seemed that people just couldn't stop hurting, not for one single moment in time. And for all the means she could have contributed in trying to put an end on someone’s sudden, unexpected pain, Tina chose to sit behind a screen, having speech as her only tool of rescue. It was her one chance to make a difference, and there wasn’t one single reason that would justify letting go. So she convinced herself to just bear with it, one call at a time. Because being able to save someone’s life gave a way to a hope of one day being able to save herself too. 

So she let the newest plea of desperation flow inside of her, bracing herself to do the one thing she had so painstakingly trained for. 

“He just gave me the look . I swear it’s like he can phcking see right inside my brain.” 

Truly one of the worst ones yet.

“That’s impossible, because you don't have one.”

Her sheer lividness was about to split the room in two, since her subdued voice couldnt contain a mere sliver of it.

“If you call one more time, I swear I’ll personally see that you get fired. Now stop acting like a child and realize that there could be people with real problems trying to reach me right about now. So get a f- … goddamn perspective, if you want to keep your job. I can’t and have no desire to keep covering for you”

Before there could be any reaction from the other person she had cut the connection, wishing they were using the old fashioned landlines just so she could smash the phone handle as hard as possible. 

Why was she friends with him again? It had been so many years she could hardly remember what made her lean towards Gavin Reed of all people. 

Like an annoying little brother one couldn't get rid of and when it came to the truth the hidden endearment she held for the rascal would come to the surface, persuading her to continue enduring their scathing codependency. 

Sometimes, when she found herself in a somewhat happy place, she wished she could just erase their relationship from existence. 

Other, more honest times, she couldn’t imagine living without this one particular walking disaster of a man. 

With a heavy sigh Tina picked up another emergency, hoping there would be something she’d be able to do about it this time. 

===

It has been almost a month, exactly twenty seven days and two hours, since the menace that dared to call itself a human being had barged into Gavin’s life. He had been content just doing his job and fooling around, sometimes simultaneously. Waiting for the day when he’d himself turned into a casualty in a place of someone much more decent and worthy of life than him. 

Becoming a firefighter had been an exceptionally easy decision for him, there was nothing more enticing than putting himself in danger while looking conventionally attractive… and maybe saving a life or two in the process. He had been on the force for ten years already, yet at times he still felt like a beginner, like he hadn’t accomplished anything during that time. 

Sure, he had been successful in preserving said lives, and the appeal of his uniform had lended him more dates than he could count, but at the bottom of it all he was still there, alone in his own mind, fumbling through life without any profound vision of what his destination should even look like. 

He had no certains goals, nothing but the adrenaline his job plentifully provided that kept him moving. If he indeed was, at all. It felt more like he had been stuck in time, standing still while the world went on around him, leaving him behind like perished goods someone couldn§t bother to discard properly. 

Up until a month ago that was. Then he had met someone that had been able to uproot his way of thinking with just a one single look. With the fact that when the person was around, life would become much more tolerable and yet so insufferable at the same time. 

It rained like no other time that day, and he was getting ready to get soaked to the bone. A weather befitting the body splayed on the ground some feet away. The fall had made it so no one could recognize its humanity anymore. But Gavin couldn't unsee it, the fatality which could turn something so perfectly alive and well into a pile of death in a matter of seconds. 

Maybe it wouldn't weigh so heavily on him if it was the deceased’s own choice to cut his life short in this manner. 

Maybe if the girl wasn't so ruthlessly pushed down by what appeared to be her own mother, he would be able to put this all behind him and go on to another call with little to no afterthought. That was what first respondents were all about, after all. Making themselves forget all about empathy towards the dead, at least temporarily, so they wouldn't make some lethal mistake. 

Like crying. 

Gavin couldn't tell whether those were tears or just the remnants of the onslaught of raindrops seemingly set to keep him company for some time. 

They weren't alone in that though. The police were there doing their job of arresting the distraught woman who just couldn’t stop wailing and performing their magic with the former human being on the ground. 

Checking on people around.

For one second Gavin let himself hope that they would somehow forget him and he could be left alone, in the solitude he deserved. 

The next one there was a body moving towards him, shielding himself with a large umbrella befitted for a funeral scene, obscuring himself from Gavin’s curious eyes. 

Even then he was able to tell that it was someone he was seeing for the first time ever.  

He didn’t even have the time to catch up to his thoughts when he noticed the cold rain suddenly stopped attacking him. One look gave away the actions and appearance of the man next to him, his brain having a hard time computing any of it. 

Mesmerized by the painful brown eyes, the ethereal paleness of the skin, the immaculately messy dark hair, the statue-like frame. 

“Could you hold this for a minute, please?”  The indescribably smooth voice. 

Dumbfounded he met the tall stranger’s gaze, bracing himself for disappointment. What he got instead shattered something inside of him, in the best way possible. 

There was something beyond his comprehension in the glint of his eyes, it felt like he was peeking through it inside the man, seeing something he really had no business to ever set his sights at. 

Maybe he was just overly sensitive that time given the circumstances, but that itself wasn’t a reason enough to assign any less significance to that moment. 

Finally holding the heavy umbrella in his slightly trembling hand he didn’t dare to say anything or look anywhere but his feet in fear of confirming that this situation was nothing but a delusion born out of exhaustion mixed with a healthy dose of trauma. 

“Do you want one?” So much for not looking. He just had to give way to his damned curiosity, didn’t he. 

A cigarette. This fucking cop was blatatly having a smoke break at a crime scene, like he was beyond the law and nothing could touch him without his explicit concent. 

“Yeah.” A god-sent. He didn’t give a damn about the rules, that day most of all. Besides, they were far back enough that it was likely that no one would see to reprimand them there, in a damp corner next to an unassumingly dilapidated building.

They were standing dangerously close to each other, trying to keep dry under the protecting shield, and all Gavin could feel was the pent up tension and existential horror slowly dissipating. So much so that he was convinced that all would be good if they could stay like this long enough. He wasn’t at a place where a dreadful murder had taken place just half an hour ago anymore, he was somewhere safe, protected. 

“I saw you up there. You did everything I would do to save her. Sometimes that’s just how things go, no point in dwelling on it for too long.” That was just what he wanted to hear, another “don’t blame yourself” speech. 

“Well tell that to the girl on the sidewalk. Oh right, you can’t, because she’s dead. I failed her, clear and simple.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, if someone failed the girl it was her own mother, not you.”

He didn’t care either way. Those words though, they at least managed to make his burned lose some of its weight. Not a lot, but enough to consider smiling, next time they get a chance to talk. 

“I’m Connor Anderson, by the way, just transferred here a couple of days ago.”

“Gavin Reed.” He wanted to add something stupid like ‘nice to meet you’ or ‘hope we’ll see each other again soon’, but luckily his innhibiton was still in check, so he was spared an undoable embarrassment. Or getting mistaken for a nice, reasonable person. 

Instead, he let the silence drape over them, enveloping them from head to feet like a snuggly blanket made out of unspoken promises and assumed understanding. 

It lasted way too short, the last drag of the cigarette pushed him back into reality without a hint of kindness, leaving but a faint trace of the magic he had somehow stumbled onto burning slowly in his chest. 

Then there was the cruel scent of reality, making him do such things as leave official statements and fill in forms which was all part of the dull routine, nothing out of the ordinary. 

Except everything felt a bit different since their first encounter, a breath of fresh air to his festering wounds. Painful yet quite soothing at the same time. 

The only issue was there wasn’t nearly enough of it. 

==

Connor was always watching. Since the moment Gavin Reed had entered his life his thoughts had mainly compiled of how to get that peculiar man out of his mind, because the alternative would be letting him in and that was something he couldn’t afford. There was a reason he moved back in Detroit and not one of a pleasant nature. 

A burden so heavy he was sure there wasn't a space for anyone else in his life anymore, lest they wanted to get crushed by it.  

It didn’t matter if he was a little bit infatuated with a strange firefighter who had decided to act like they had made a pact to avoid each other at any cost.

Making friends wasn’t something he had ever struggled with and thus he had won the favours of most of his colleagues and the friendly firefighter crew that he worked with at times. He was always welcomed in the fire station by all but that one person he was specifically coming to visit. 

Never to talk to him or do anything other than to just observe, from a safe distance, far away enough as not to make the other man think that there was something hanging between them. 

He prided himself for doing a good job at his new favourite not-so-social activity, until today that was. 

Idly chatting with the newest recruit Markus who he had grown to admire quite a lot, he had barely paid any attention to what was being said. Markus might have been telling him how he enjoyed brutally slaughtering people and he would have nodded in a disinterested agreement. 

His sights were set on the family’s black sheep, the perpetually grumpy creature who was munching on a cookie while being consumed by whatever was so interesting on his phone screen.

The others indicated that they had got used to Gavin’s disagreeable personality, developing a habit of not asking too many questions and getting into any kind of arguments with him. They worked well like that and no one seemed bothered by the gruffy man anymore. 

But no one had tried to break through to him too. Connor was sure there had to be something much different from his outward personality locked inside. Call it a hunch.   

Gavin must have overlooked him otherwise he wouldn’t be just casually going on about his business like that, or so he assumed. A rare occasion, really. Now nothing would be able to stop him from getting absorbed in the man’s movement, the small details in his face, the expression that betrayed vulnerability. There was a scar across the man’s nose, something that intrigued him deeply. He felt something inherently familiar when watching Gavin, yet he knew that he had never met anything quite like that in his entire life. He was getting carried away, for the thousandth time this month already. 

Suddenly the relaxed expression morphed into pure terror mixed with something else, a feeling he couldn’t define. Their eyes met and for a brief moment time ceased moving forward. There were so many things written in those green-grays, all unintelligible to him. They were too distant. And in a flash, Gavin disappeared. Ran away like a hunted prey. 

His heart was steadily catching up with what had just happened, when finally Markus’s words managed to reach his ears. 

“Seriously? The resident asshole Gavin?”

So it was. Beyond his own comprehension, but easy to entertain. He didn’t have a clear answer to why he reacted this way, but the truth was he didn’t really want to know. It was better just to let it have its natural course and then maybe, hopefully, it would leave him for good. 

If he stopped fueling it, that was. 

…

“Where did you get this?” He regarded the older man exasperatedly, wanting to do anything else but to have this conversation again. 

“In a store. I can walk, you know.” Connor received a smirk followed by a waft of booze and sweat.

He put the almost empty whiskey bottle back on the table with a passive aggressive thud, giving the heavily inebriated man a scathing look of disappointment iced with a hefty dose of anger. 

“Do you want me to confiscate your wallet again, Hank?” The name was spoken with an utmost emphasis on his righteous indignation. It had a power of a hundred of swear words, leaving the old unkempt man at a loss for words. 

Or maybe it was the alcohol that had rendered him speechless. 

“I have a secret stash.” 

Of course he would. He proceeded to swiftly comb the area for any signs of a gun or other means of inflicting harm, letting out a sigh of relief when he couldn’t find any. At least he could have that. 

It had been his own decision to come and take care of his suicidal alcoholic step-father, the only family he had left in this world. He had never met his real father and had been eager to adopt Hank as one when his mom had brought him home back when he had been a small boy longing above anything else to have someone like that, a father-figure to guide him through life.  

And they had been happy, for some time. Then together with his mother they had given him a little brother, officially becoming a perfect family. 

Unfortunately, that hadn't lasted very long. 

It was losing his child first, then his wife, and suddenly there was nothing keeping him on this earth anymore. 

Which should have hurt, implicating that Connor wasn’t good enough of a reason for him to stay alive, but it didn’t do much of anything to him, not anymore. He was very much used to this, being let down by the universe, that’s why he hadn’t let it affect him to the extent it wasn’t healthy anymore.

It took him half a year to get here, to a point where he was willing to offer a helping hand. Connor was set to do anything that would redeem him, even if it meant sacrificing his own life. 

In the beginning, it had been about proving something to himself, to be able to sleep better at night knowing he wasn’t an utter piece of shit, but now, he genuinely felt like he couldn’t leave the broken man alone.   

There was progress. Minimal, at best, but still, he was helping. And as long as he had something to offer to his father, there was nothing capable of making him abandon his resolve to finally be supportive of his remaining family. 

Because in the end, that was the most important thing to him. Having one. No matter how dysfunctional or incomplete, but still, a family. 

===

“Oh, so you are able to contact your friend like a normal human being and not like an unhinged psychopath, which at this point I’m not really sure you aren’t.” 

Her long shift was finally over and instead of enjoying her well-deserved time off in peace she was being bugged yet again by the same person who caused nothing but annoyance to her lately. 

“Oh come on Tins, I’m having an awful phcking time here, be a dear and help a guy out would you?”

She glared at the phone, confident that her anger would without a doubt pierce him through.

“Please?” 

Gavin sounded like a lost child in need of his mom then, which she figured was supposed to be played by none other than Tina herself. There was no way she’d deny him that help, no matter how unwarranted. 

Her social life left much to be desired, so she was a little glad when she got invited to a friendly date, which was supposed to take place on the upcoming Saturday. 

There was just one tiny problem. 

On the following Friday, a day as mundane as they get, Tina was enjoying her lunch break away from the office while watching the early spring weather forcing its chaotic self onto the world behind the glass wall she was sitting at. Nothing out of the ordinary, really, up to the point her senses got overwhelmed by a familiar, panic-inducing fragrance, and before her brain could connect the dots, the only woman she had ever allowed herself to love was sitting casually in front of her, like she was transferred to five years ago when she hadn’t been afraid to feel something more than superficial notions. 

“North.” 

Tina’s heart had failed her and without thinking she reached out her  hands to make sure it wasn’t a mirage that brought her to tears.

Before she could withdraw them, they were already tightly held making her unable to fight. She was supposed to, having sworn that if she ever saw that woman ever again she would damn well show her how much damage she had done to her. But reality wasn’t always as we had planned it, so instead of words of blame and accusation, she softly reassured herself.

“You’re alive.” 

The tear-stricken response had made her fall apart for good. 

“I’m so sorry, Tina.” There were a million questions hanging in the air between them, but none would take shape. It was too much to handle, she wouldn’t even know where to begin.

It hadn’t been a unique story that the two of them lived through. 

They had been happy, sickeningly in love, and nothing in the world could have prevented them from being together till death. 

And then one of them had disappeared without so much as a goodbye, leaving her other half confused, hurt, lacking any sense of purpose.

But she had got over it. At least she thought she had. 

Now,  having her one true love in front of her, she was able to put all the pain aside, at least for a moment. 

“I-.. I can't talk right now, please meet me tomorrow.” 

All words got stuck in her throat on their way out, so North was able to place a small piece of paper onto her palm, closing it into fist with a gentleness she thought she’d never experience again. 

It took her a long time to recover to the extent her ability to move was restored, and when she got home, she for once didn’t care about missing work, because today she was dealing with one of the worst types of emergencies yet - a personal one. 

No matter how hard she tried to figure this out, there was always only one clear answer. She had to go see her, no matter what.

===

Really fucking delightful.  

He had been sitting there for almost half an hour now with no response from the person he was so anxiously waiting for. Each passing minute was filling him with more and more tension and general displeasure, bringing him on the verge of a deliberate human combustion. And he wasn’t sure that he’d be the one ending in flames.

Granted, the diner Tina recommended had a very nice ambience - the smells coming in from all around were sure to evoke a sense of home inside the usual guest, complimented by the cosy decorations and motherly figure as a servant, making for a great recipe for an enjoyable experience for most. 

Not for Gavin who didn’t notice any of this, for the smoke that was coming out of his ears was sure to obscure all things good. 

After a few more minutes considering giving up and leaving, the door opened again and the person who came inside wasn’t just another stranger this time. 

It wasn’t Tina, either. 

Gavin’s fight or flight instinct kicked in so he was bewildered when he hadn’t moved an inch even when Connor sat down, facing him directly. 

“Wh- what are you doing here.” 

He felt held down by the sheer gravity of being caught off guard, a flesh fresh and ready for the vultures to feast on. 

“Tina asked me to come. Well.. ‘demanded’ would be a more accurate term. She sounded… distraught.”

He wasn’t surprised that Connor was able to make friends with Tina, there was no one else on this godforsaken planet who had issues with that guy but Gavin, it seemed. 

What stung was the fact she didn’t tell him. Not even a mention. He would be seething with fury right about now if it wasn’t for the stupid policeman gifting him the softest of smiles, making his vexation turn into an ache stemming in his chest, slowly inflicting the whole of him. 

“She said that we should start acting like adults before it’s too late. I think she’s right... We really have to talk.”

He waited for someone to shoot him and end his misery, to snuff out his fear of the scarring words he would have to endure. If he could he’d shut Connor up by fighting him mouth to mouth like a man. 

Just that thought itself had made him change into a ridiculous display of red, the blood rushing in his veins and his heart beating just too much being the only thing he could hear. 

And now he was inappropriately staring at Connor’s parted lips, sure to invite even more embarrassment to the table. 

“I think I like you.” 

Stunned to the core, he realized that the words didn’t come from his end, but from the other most unlikely source. 

The shock made him look up, only to see a mirror image of himself, the flushed cheeks, the averting gaze, the twitch in the hand placed on the table, the revealing factors of this not being a joke. No, this was far more ungraspable. 

“Hello, what can I get you?” A perfectly timed servant regarded Connor with something akin to a sympathy written in her eyes, smiling just a little bit too brightly for Gavin’s liking. 

“Uhm.. I’ll have the same, thanks.” He gestured at Gavin’s half empty mug of black bean water which he hated but was the only thing grounding him. Well, at least before Connor had shown up. Now not even a whole bottle of rum would be able to stabilize him now.

“Sure thing.”  She might have just given them a wink but Gavin was too busy studying the patterns in the wooden table to notice. 

He was supposed to say something, anything. 

A terrific fuking human being he was, not having a single response ready. The thing stopping him from opening his mouth was that the only thing coming to mind was the truth. 

He had nothing to lose here but he couldn’t say the same thing for Connor. The problem was he knew next to nothing about this guy, so making assumptions wasn’t really the most productive thing to focus on. His mind was about to set this whole damn diner on fire at this point. 

“Gavin..”

“Yeah okay, okay..” Hearing his name spoken like a plea, an intoxicating breath of a one word question that stole his stubbornness away for the sneaky honesty to silence and overrule everything else. 

He muttered a voiceless curse under his nose before letting the words out. 

“I guess I like you too.” That was probably not how he wanted it to come out. It was The worst confession in history of confessions, he was certain. But the truth was on the table and now there was a hot wave of uncertainty trying to put him under. 

“You guess?” A splash of incredulousness all over his face, punishing him for daring to lift his gaze up. 

“Pretty sure.” What a great recovery.  

Connor refused to face him in their eye battle, half closing his eyes, almost as in disappointment. 

“Okay.”

Gavin repeated the word, as if doing so would close a deal. All done, now we’re dating! .. Yeah, right. 

Just as that particular nonsense crossed his mind, the grinning servant carefully placed the mug in front of Connor, who was still oblivious to anything that wasn’t happening exclusively inside his own brain, it appeared. 

Without even as much as looking at his order, Connor locked his eyes with Gavin, and right then he knew he wasn’t about to hear anything that wouldn’t hurt him. 

“That’s going to be a problem then.” There it was, the sharp knife about to gut him clean. Who was he kidding, it was a problem. Anyone could see that he was no match for the too-handsome-to-be-real policeman. Or was he. His thoughts became all muddled up, it was getting difficult to figure out anything anymore.   

“Yeah, you’re right…. He replied with a subtone of casualty.  “-wait, why?” 

If this was a love story they would have shared their first kiss by now, flying away to the sunset or something like that. He had never actually read or saw one to be sure on that front.

Just.. anything but whatever this was.  

“Because we can’t do anything about it.” Gavin couldn’t see the true meaning behind those words, so he retaliated with a flimsy attempt at flirting, because his brain was content just watching this whole trash fire unfold instead of participating in putting it out, ...obviously. 

“I’d know a thing or two we could do.” 

He bit his tongue to prevent further humiliating himself. 

“No. I just.. I can’t.”

Surely, this had to be some callous joke. Making him admit that he had some weird feelings for a stranger he had talked to only once and then saying it doesn’t matter because … because of reasons that went beyond him.  

“Why?... then why did you tell me? To mock me?” Gavin scoffed at the thought of that possible reality. 

“No.. I.. I’m sorry, I just wanted you to know. Couldn’t help myself when you’re so… ”

Connor didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, because all conversations in the diner were cut short by a patron just two booths away from them, screaming swears at his companion, a gun recklessly aimed everywhere and nowhere. 

===

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll put a hole int that fucking face of yours!” 

Their not-date was bad enough without them having to be caught in a potential shooting. 

What had been his brilliant idea, coming clear and then immediately contradicting his initial statement. The look on Gavin’s face was heart-wrenching. All he had wanted to do was to hold his hand and tell him they could one day maybe become something. Even if it was a lie.  

There was no way he could fit a whole other person in his already cramped life. But there was no way back, especially now when literal bullets were about to fly. 

A heated argument that escalated a little too much. At least it wasn’t them. They were doing quite alright in comparison to those two young blokes. 

As with a flick of a finger he turned into his professional self, cursing himself for not having a firearm on hand.

So he promptly scanned his surroundings, noting that the older servant was whispering into a phone, most likely calling 911. So alerting authorities had been taken care of. 

Right as he finished that thought the perpetrator noticed too, rapidly aiming his handgun at her. 

“Don’t you fucking dare you old cunt!” His voice was raspy, befitting his overall image of a tough kid who went a little bit overboard with his persona. 

Someone screamed and a small child started weiling. The rest of the guests were generally cowering under tables with hands placed on their heads, trying to protect themselves, some of them even being brave enough to take care of the other, slightly more terrified patrons. 

It wasn’t anything new for Connor, and he was sure Gavin lived through his fair share of scenarios similar to this - in their gravity at least. 

But for most of the people inside this was a once in a lifetime horrific occurrence. No one was sure if they’d make it out alive, not even Connor was able to tell for sure. 

A mother was desperately trying to sooth her child, a boy about four years of age, with a face as red as Gavin’s had been just a moment ago. 

He turned to quickly make sure his companion was doing fine, skipping a heartbeat when he witnessed him slowly taking out his own gun, aiming at the criminal with a professional precision. 

“Drop the gun, NOW.” His demand sounded intimidatingly enough to possibly work. Gavin clearly knew how to behave in this kind of situation, ...they'd be alright. 

There was no need to really worry, so why was his heart about to leap out of his chest with how fast it was beating. 

He wiped his unusually sweaty palms on his pants, placing himself at ready was something to happen. He wasn’t really sure what he would do… what he could do in his position, but he knew that sitting around doing nothing wasn’t an option, not now, not ever. 

Instead of complying, the potential attacker ran towards the inconsolable child and pried it from its mother’s tight hold without a single sign of remorse. 

“No, no, please, don’t hurt him, please, he’s just four, Jaky, oh please, please, please..” The fear the mother displayed was nearly palpable, making everyone much more agitated than before. It was a scene of pure terror by definition. 

“Shut up!! Shut. the. Fuck. up. Or I’ll put a bullet straight into his stupid little head.” The mania in the mad man was apparent now, soaking through, unrestrained by anything.

“Enough, Timmy, stop!!” It was his original target who dared to call him out, and it was also him who received the first bullet. As far as Connor could tell he didn’t hit any vital points. The responders should be here any minute, and with any luck this would be over faster than it had begun. 

Hopefully. 

“Phck, it’s too risky.” It was a whisper meant for him, creating an opportunity for Connor to get Gavin’s attention. Communicating to him that he was going to try and negotiate without having to utter a single word. Gavin didn’t look too thrilled about it, but there was no time for further convincing. 

“Now put the gun down or I’ll blow his fucking brain out.”

Gavin refocused his sights at the shooter, slowly lowering his hands to the ground while maintaining an eye contact with Timmy. Once the gun was safely disposed of, Connor took it upon himself to try and fix this messed up situation. 

“Timmy, the police are going to be here soon. But there is still a way for you not to spend the rest of your life in prison. Just put your gun down and let the boy go.” 

He had done this before several times, but it always felt like it was his first-ever try. One could never be able to tell from the way he presented himself though. Voice firm and steady, exuding authority while remaining the right amount of desperate. 

Connor could feel the man next to him tense up, positioning himself at ready.

This would be over soon. 

“Yeah, alright, so I’ll just shoot you instead.” 

It all happened in a blur, the nuzzle pointing straight at him, the finger a milimeter away from pulling the trigger.

The body jumping in front of him. 

Gavin was covering him, risking his own life for a man he didn’t even know that well. It made something swell inside of him. 

But there was no loud noise accompanied by terrified screams. 

Okay, some people were still hysterical. 

Gavin was just inces in front of him, and as far as he could tell there were no bleeding wounds on his body. He was perfectly fine. 

There was not much time to think about anything but what the hell just occurred. He stepped to stand next to the firefighter sporting an expression of a sheer disbelief. 

Timmy was repeatedly pressing the trigger, obviously puzzled by why it was not working. Having the chance to observe him properly Connor was able to estimate that the gunman was most likely on all the drugs right now, the signs had the subtlety of a wildfire.      

“Drop the gun!” Gavin was now again holding his weapon, this time finally being successful in his demands. Seeing as Timmy’s gun was useless, being empty and all, he discarded it, sitting down and then immediately started to dissociate. 

The police arrived right after, taking care of the aftermath. Timmy’s not-so-friend was carried to the hospital on time so he figured his life wouldn’t be in danger. The mother was crying in relief, squeezing her child like her life depended on it. Maybe it did. 

Before he could say something to Gavin he was being dragged away by some of his colleagues. Cases like this never ended with the criminal being taken away in cuffs, in fact that was just the beginning. 

Coming it naturally that he had to spend the rest of the day working. 

A task which he couldn’t get involved in fully, since his mind wandered away, to Gavin, to the gesture he had shown. To their unfinished conversation.

He hadn’t seen him since they had gotten separated inside the diner. It was unacceptable to leave things as they were - unresolved and ambiguous. Gavin at least deserved his gratitude if nothing else. 

So when he was finally able to go home, Connor was genuinely happy to see the man standing in an alley near the precinct, enjoying his evening cigarette. The nicotine craving hit him hard that moment, so when Gavin offered him one he took it without further consideration. 

They smoked together in silence, just like they had the first time they had met. It was a lot more peaceful now, given the exhausting day they had, and even despite the lingering questions, it had a soothing effect on him. Or maybe it was the nicotine’s doing, he wasn’t really sure of that. 

But soon enough the cigarettes turned to ashes, being replaced by the uncertainty that was pulling them apart. 

“Thank you, for trying to save my life back there. Just... don’t do it ever again.”

He loathed to be in that position, his time alive being traded for someone else’s. He wouldn’t be able to get past that, lugging it with him everywhere he went. The guilt would be enough to make the life he received a true hell. 

“I’ll do it as many times as necessary.” 

Gavin’s glistening eyes were making him about to lose everything holding him in place. 

He wished there was some way around, for them to stay together a little while longer. 

He wanted to take those kind words and give some of his own in return. 

“I.. “ He had to take a deep breath, for his chest was threatening to suffocate him. 

Which accomplished effectively nothing, because Gavin took both his shaky hands in his, his touch doing little to calm him down. 

It set alarms inside his mind, since it felt… right, above all. Like their hands were made for each other. 

“I want to give it a try with you, I really do, but-” Connor started looking for the least painful words that’d be able to let him down gently but Gavin just wouldn’t let him even go there. 

“Stop. … wait, you’re not married or something, are you?” 

“No, of course not.” 

“So okay, there is no reason to go back to where we were. I can’t continue ignoring this… ignoring you. So just... we could .. let it happen. Doing what feels right. Whenever you want. I.. I’m just lucky to have ever met you. So..”

Connor was sure there were tears in his eyes, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t deny this proposal, his heart wouldn’t let him. 

Because someone was there, trying so hard to get close, and deep down that was  all he ever wanted. 

No matter where it would lead them he wouldn’t stop it from growing. As long as he wasn’t alone in this. 

“Okay.” There was a weakness in his voice, a sentimentality he didn’t know was in him. 

A fragility that made him press his forehead to Gavin’s, letting him know just how much of himself he’d given away already just by agreeing to open himself someday to the still a mystery of a man completely, unrestrainedly. 

To maybe one day having been fully let in by Gavin as well.