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Dean contently examined the menu of the newest diner that they had agreed to stop and get a second lunch at, which Sam surprisingly didn’t say anything about. Dean had suggested the idea, in fact, fully expecting, hoping, for some snide remark about his eating habits and one of his brothers patented bitch faces, likely followed by a carefully thought out and logical list of reasons of why Dean was dumb and all his ideas were dumb too. If Dean was perfectly honest he wasn’t even all that that hungry in the first place, he had just proposed the idea of stopping at a diner despite haven eaten less than three hours ago just to get a rise out of Sam. Dean would do anything to get his beloved moose of a little brother to stop moping. But Sam had, to Deans utter bewilderment, just looked at him thoughtfully before quietly nodding his agreement, not that Dean was really going to complain, because hey, just because Dean had expected him to say no doesn’t mean he couldn’t go for a burger and some pie.
Dean glanced up over the menu to look at Sam sitting across from him in the little booth they had staked out in the back, only to find his little brother eyeing him warily again. As though Dean were some frightened animal who was going to snap or back into its cage if he got to close, like any minute now he might suddenly go on a murdering spree or have some kinda stroke and die on the spot, Sam was looking at him like he was like he was some fragile little vase just waiting to crack and Dean had no idea what to do about it. Dean pushed the thought down and shot Sam a weird look who at least had the dignity to look embarrassed to be caught staring. Truth be told though, Sam looked at him like that a lot these days, Dean wasn’t really sure what was eating at his little brother so damn much, but he hadn’t said anything thus far and Dean certainly wasn’t going to bring it up and let Sammy launch into one of his beloved chick flick moments, girl that he was. It was a constant source of tension between the two of them but it wasn’t getting in the way of hunting so it was probably best to ignore the whole thing and let his little brother get over it himself. Dean shrugged the weirdness about the whole thing off and glanced over to Castiel, who was sitting quietly beside him, hands folded in his lap, back rigid and face blank as usual. The angel had seemed to be around more and more as of late, as if he was making up for all the times he wasn’t there, just quietly following behind them wherever they went as though he were a little lost angelic puppy. Dean was dimly aware that he never seemed to be present in the midst of a hunt or when Dean was preoccupied, but he was always there when Dean looked for him, and always ready to offer an adoring look and an impromptu staring contest (which seemed to grate at Sam with ever increasing frustration if the concerned looks and sympathizing glances where anything to go by).
Cas would never fail to meet Dean’s eye and smile that too earnest and impossibly innocent little smile of his that never disappointed to make Dean’s heart flutter in his chest, and Dean would smile back at him and go back to whatever he was doing, refreshed. He was mostly quiet and unobtrusive, rarely saying anything despite Dean’s adamant, albeit few, attempts at real conversation, he would just nod and listen intently to whatever Dean was saying, simply offering Dean a comfortable companionship with his presence instead, it could be a little frustrating at times but it was enough, more than enough to get Dean though the hell that he called his life.
Dean caught Cas’ eye, smiling like an idiot in return to his angel when Cas offered that cute little head tilt and tiny confused smile of his. Sam looked at him despairingly again, as though the whole thing made him want to scream and start crying, Dean honestly didn’t know what to do if Sam started crying for no good reason in the middle of a diner (it was mostly empty but the point still stood) so he stared pointedly down at the table in search of conversation to wipe that confusing look off his little brothers face.
“Hey Sam,” He started uncertainly, giving himself a mental high five when it seemed to pull Sam out of whatever depressing head space he had managed gotten himself into this time, although he still had that underlying worry in his face that he seemed to just wear around recently, but he met Dean’s eye and waited patiently for him to continue so Dean had probably at least avoided the crying.
“Do you think Cas would like that?” he asked easily, pointing to the burger advertised on the daily special. It seemed an easy topic to start at, Dean was never really sure what the angel would like or wouldn’t, although burgers seemed to be a safe bet. So Dean was taken aback when Sam’s face fell again, looking at him with those heartbreaking puppy eyes of his, his face full of concern and pity.
“Dean…” he started, reaching across the table to place his hand over Dean’s in what was likely supposed to be a comforting gesture but wound up a little desperate. Dean started at the first touch of Sam’s hand to his, they had never been ones for physical contact, and it was rarely more than a pat on the back after a hunt well done or maybe a quick hug after someone had come back from the dead, certainly no hand holding.
“Dean please, this isn’t healthy…” Sam pleaded; he squeezed Dean’s hand and barely contained a sniff as tears threated so forcefully to fall. Dean blinked at him; he glanced to his left to look at Cas, as if he would have all the answers, only to find his angel starting back at him with a sad smile. He swallowed hard and looked back at his brother just in time to see the first tear fall. “Sam, we're in public-“ Dean started desperately but was cut off by Sam’s outburst.
“Dean, please!” another tear fell, and damn it all if Dean didn’t feel his own eyes growing wet, although he wasn’t really sure why.
“Look I know it’s hard, trust me- I do. I know it hurts right now, but please just let me in...” Sam sniffled, eyes pleading and voice desperate.
“Sammy, I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about…” Dean said gently, watching in confused concern as Sam brought his other hand up to join the first on Dean’s hand, squeezing hard and not letting go. Dean felt the feather light touch of Cas’ hand on his shoulder, he looked just in time to see a heart breaking smile as his angel flicked away, leaving an empty booth and a gaping hole in Dean’s chest that he hadn’t realized was there. Sam brought there joined hands to rest on his forehead, as his little brother sobbed quietly, Dean felt his own tears run down his cheeks. Sam looked up at him despairingly again, pressing there joined hands to his mouth as he said what Dean had tried so hard to forget.
“Dean, Cas has been dead for months.”