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Within weeks of finding out he was pregnant, Sam made the decision that he would deal with the birth at home.
After all they had been through, it just didn’t seem right to have the Winchesters go to a hospital for labor. Of course, Dean had tried to talk Sam into it. He was worried that something would go wrong, and insisted that medical professionals were the best way to go… but Sam just kept telling him that at-homes births happen all the time. That it was perfectly safe. That his pain tolerance was high and he would refuse an epidural anyway.
It took days for Dean to finally agree, and it was only on the condition that Cas helped him through labor. Sam whined about not wanting their friend to see him in such a compromising position, but Dean had insisted that the angel would be more than happy to help.
It was five months into his pregnancy when Sam finally built up the courage to ask. He and Dean summoned Cas on a random Tuesday afternoon and asked him if he would help Sam with the birth. He was beyond willing to oblige.
“Human labor is astronomically painful, and it can be more complex than you might think. Of course I’d be willing to help you when that time comes, Sam.”
He went on to talk about the many other births he’d both seen and aided during his millenium as an angel, but Sam and Dean were too relieved to care.
They hadn’t talked about the birth since then. Sam and Dean focused on the cravings, mood swings, sex, names, the nursery… but never labor. Maybe they were avoiding the subject, or maybe they were literally just not thinking about it. It seemed so far away from then.
Until Sam hit an even six months. He was huge when he looked in the mirror and it suddenly hit him that he was meant to push a baby that size -even bigger in three months- out of his body. How was that possible?
Suddenly the far-off thought of birth became the right-now fear of labor.
Sam Winchester had been through hell. But this? This was scarier. And it wasn’t the pain that made it so. It was the thought of screwing it up. If he messed up in the cage, he bore the consequences. If he messed up during labor? He would be putting their child at risk. Dean’s child.
He was staring at his reflection with a crease in his brow when Dean walked into their bedroom. His brother paused in the doorway when he saw Sam, a confused and somewhat worried expression seeping onto his face.
“You’re overthinking something, aren’t you?” He asked with a raised brow and knowing smirk.
Sam looked away from the mirror and turned to see Dean. He cleared his throat and inquired with a puffed out bottom lip, “What makes you think that?”
Dean breached the doorway and brought a hand up to his face, waving his pointer finger at his own eyebrows in a gesture as he replied, “You got that crease between your eyebrows.”
Sam raised his brows and flushed a bit in embarrassment that Dean could read him so easily. He turned away and shrugged it off anxiously, stuttering, “I’ve got… No I don’t.”
He reached a hand up to check between his brows, covering up the skin self consciousnessly. Dean shook his head just barely as he approached. He reached up and took Sam’s wrist in his hand, pulling it away from his face.
“Stop that,” He reprimanded lightheartedly, “I think it’s adorable.”
He smiled softly as he brought his own thumb up to swipe over the little wrinkles between his brows. When he dropped his hand back down, he spoke sweetly. Patiently.
“What are you thinking about?”
Sam tilted his head a bit, before turning back to look at his reflection in the mirror. He let out a shaky breath before turning to Dean once again. He avoided his brother’s eyes and instead looked down at his shirt when he responded.
“I was thinking about labor.” He answered honestly, “How it’s gonna go. The pain. The risk. There’s…” He cleared his throat, “It’s just a lot to take in.”
Dean closed his eyes softly as he nodded in understanding, and there was a hint of sympathy in his features. It was in the way his eyebrows pulled together just slightly and his lips drew thin. When he opened his eyes again, it was with a deep, thoughtful breath.
“I’ve thought about it too.” He admitted, bringing a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck in a nervous gesture, “More so, recently.”
“Really?” Sam knit his eyebrows together, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Dean pushed his lips over to one side of his mouth and rocked his head back and forth a bit in debate. After a few seconds, he spoke with his features in a somewhat tight expression, like he was afraid of Sam’s reaction.
“Uh… I guess I just didn’t want to freak you out.”
Sam jerked his head back a little and pressed, “How would it freak me out? What were you thinking about?”
Dean sighed.
“The pain, man. Cas said… well, you know what Cas said.” He crossed his arms over his chest, “I didn’t want to tell you I was thinking about how painful it would be for you. Not unless you brought it up. I didn’t want to kickstart that fear for you.”
Sam nodded in understanding, looking at Dean with conflicting emotions patent in his eyes.
“The pain will be astronomical .”
How could he forget what Cas said? How could he forget that word?
“I get that.” He replied simply, clearing his throat before admitting, “But I wasn’t really thinking about the pain. I mean, sure that’s worrisome, but… my pain tolerance is pretty high, and I know that it will be worth it, so.”
Dean looked down for a second and Sam knew he was trying to shake himself out of thinking about exactly why Sam’s tolerance was so high. When he looked back up, there was a newfound curiosity on his face.
“What were you thinking about, then?”
Sam didn’t know how exactly to answer, but apparently the look on his face was enough, because Dean was suddenly reaching out to grab his shoulder and squeezing it.
“Oh, man, Sammy…” He exhaled, “You aren’t going to hurt the baby.”
Sam bit down on his lip and turned away from Dean.
“You don’t know that.” He rejected Dean’s comfort.
Dean shook his shoulder firmly to get Sam to look at him, “Hey, look at me.”
Once Sam reluctantly turned to make eye contact, Dean spoke determinedly, “You are not going to hurt the baby. Your body was made for this. Everything is going to be okay. I’ll be with you the whole time.”
Sam shook his head, “But, what if-”
“No buts.” Dean immediately cut him off, but he could clearly sense Sam was still hesitant because he grabbed him by the chin and went for another approach.
“And if…” He swallowed, “If something does happen… God forbid… but, if it does… it won’t be your fault. I will never, ever blame you. Never think that. I am on your side, always and forever. First and foremost. You got me?”
His eyes were drilling into Sam’s, words dripping desperation. Sam nodded slowly.
“Good.” Dean responded, and then he leaned forward and kissed his cheek, “You hungry? I got burgers going.”
Sam pulled away from Dean and nodded subtly, running his hand down his shoulder once before they were both walking out of the room, leaving the mirror far behind.