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He sort of knew what it was like to have a broken heart, numbness and the incoherent feeling of everything. He knew the symptoms and aftermath. Burnt candles, the stale odor of wax .DVD player on repeat, the buds of freshly finished cigarettes piled in assortments across his bed table. He never was the person to risk his heart anyway. He was more of the ‘give in, let go ‘types.Taking what he wanted and Right now he felt like he wanted everything in order for this night, he felt inhuman. He always had a striking face, lured everything he wanted straight to him. Beckoning of his hand and he was soft, destructible Zayn was.
And right now he wanted to fall, muscles softening under the very touch, slender, curly hair bouncing under his chin. Plaid blue shirt, and he really despises plaid but he thinks it might be his favorite along with chocolate swirls of brown. Peaks of gold and light brown have him doing a double take back to four years ago, when he was younger than he thought he was. To messy blow jobs in public bathrooms, and ‘oh so bumpy careless car make out sessions.’ When he was just learning just what it was that made Ant so cool and Danny so pliant when they smoked joints behind the school building waiting, waiting for anything to plant itself in their life.
He could've left the 17 year old , with the very, very pink lips and messy smile, given everyone their rightful bets as holder of most successful” hit it and quit its”, but dammit, there’s something about this boy, with long fingers and a sturdy laugh, who gave the term “wicked mouth”, a strong definition of amazing, made his mouth feel like dripping gold. Liam did something to him and Zayn, he can’t believe it. He didn't know if that scared him, or eventually would. But he knew nothing now could , not even the tugging of the boys ,“Liam” as he corrected mouth full of Zayn’s dick , soft curls and the sinful moans that followed nor even when he took him home making no time to carve beautiful words into his smooth skin.
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He sort of didn't know what falling in love was like. the tender touches , which ached , and the sweet smiles , because seriously if Liam gave him another one while getting up from a long nap or because plainly liam was his then Zayn wanted no more , all this and more was sickeningly sweet and new . He never said it directly, and he never explained, just how much Liam, his Liam was to him.
He figured a few nights of “please babe” and another of “let’s go see the new batman movie it sounds sick" would be enough but instead it turned into “move in with me ". and yet two nights from one year they met, when Liam, still in his late teens , shaved his curls and facial hair prowled upon his nicely sculpted jaw and Zayn fucked his brains out completely with a " it looks good, now I can see your eyes when I come in your mouth babe " and a scarlet stain on Liam’s cheeks he knew he needed this, he wanted it.
Like the smokes he craved when Liam was gone on the road for a track game or when he was visiting family , he filled his lungs till Liam took their spot and he remembered he can finally breathe . And Liam with his ever eager, still a ‘teenager at heart’ smile has Zayn fucking wrapped around his thumb. He felt vulnerable, always making his way to prove who's actually superior to everyone he meets because just what the fuck did Liam do to him?
"Whipped babe , completely and utterly controlled by him " Louis would say ruffling his strong hands through his hair , smiling as he saw Zayn cuddling up against his babe and reply with a " fuck you tommo " with a small smile as strong hands gripped his sides and nuzzling into Zayn’s shoulder, but it was alright. It was perfect. Liam could ask for the world and Zayn would gladly give it to him, including on hands and knees.
He’ll do anything to keep a smile upon his face, because every time Liam smiled everything looked better. His world went from grey to gold; from black to pale lilac. Like the smudges under Liam’s eyes when he come in late from practice and falls into his - no their- bed, only wanting a cup of warm tea and soothing smile. Zayn would get up and fix that cup and relax into this routine as he realizes that he likes this better than hanging out at the bar with a couple of his mates having a good smoke, because Liam has taken his air and he’s not sure if he wants it back. So he settles for this life , the one he created on a whim , and he figures that love wasn't a bad thing after all .He'll give up his reputation for being reckless and inconsiderate , because he'll be a damned fool if he ever lets Liam go.