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Eddie Diaz had never struggled to keep his emotions in check. Dampening those parts of him down and remaining stoic and professional was one of the things that he had learned to be good at a very long time ago. In fact, he actively struggled to express his emotions, his default being to keep them locked deep inside himself.
So why he couldn’t control a single facet of himself in the presence of Evan fucking Buckley, he had no fucking idea. Eddie had been through a war, a failed marriage, the struggles of raising a child with a serious medical condition, and he managed to get through it all with his teeth grit and constantly on the edge of a breakdown, never boiling over.
Evan Buckley, though? He was Eddie’s kryptonite. His weakness. One look at that innocent face and those puppy eyes and the words would just tumble out of Eddie’s mouth like he had no control of it, like he’d been temporarily possessed by a very flirty demon who liked tall, blonde, pretty guys named Evan. “Been working out the arms this week, Buck?” he’d blurted out earlier when he passed his friend coming out of the gym room wearing a tank top, leaving his biceps exposed. And sweaty.
Buck had just smiled shyly and chuckled at Eddie as he walked off to the showers, leaving Eddie to immediately have a meltdown over the words his brain had just made him spew. This wasn’t the first time, was the problem. It had been happening more and more frequently as of late, and Eddie was seriously going to punch himself in the face soon.
The other day it was, “looking good, Buck,” when he saw his friend wearing a coral colored shirt that made his eyes pop. Last week he’d accidentally slipped, “it’s a good thing you’re so pretty,” when Buck said something kinda dumb. That one had made Buck flush right away, looking like an absolute cherub.
The worst thing, though? The absolute worst thing he’d said out loud with his own mouth? Had to be this, right now.
He and Buck were lounging around on the couch at the 118 near the end of their shift, just joking and laughing with Hen and Chimney like usual. Everything was fine until Buck told a stupid joke that he didn’t understand was pretty dirty until everyone gasped in shock and started choking on laughter.
“Oh my god, Buck!” Hen wheezed, bent over with the force of her laughter. Buck just looked around at them, starting to realize he was the one missing the joke.
“Okay, it wasn’t that funny,” he laughed, confused as he looked at Eddie for help. Chim was too busy shaking with silent laughter to say anything, but Eddie - all Eddie could focus on was how pink Buck’s face was starting to flush.
“Uh, Buck,” Eddie started, unable to suppress another giggle while he tried to school his face into indifference, “think about that joke for a second.” Buck stared at him dumbly for a second before Eddie could see the realization dawn on him. Slowly, impossibly, his friend’s face flushed even more. Eddie could practically feel the heat radiating off him from where he was seated a mere foot away.
“Oh. Ohh,” Buck quickly said. “Well fuck, how was I supposed to know that’s what that meant? You guys are gross,” he grumbled, lips pulling down into a slight pout. Eddie could see that there was still playfulness behind Buck’s eyes, but he knew his friend was embarrassed. Just because Buck had a very sexual past doesn’t mean he didn’t still get embarrassed. And fuck, Eddie couldn’t stop staring. He just couldn’t tear his eyes away from how sweet Buck looked like this, shying away from the teasing and the laughter of his friends. He felt like his heart was going to climb out of his chest and give itself to Buck.
Suppressing emotions was always Eddie’s strong suit. That’s what he told himself right before he blurted, “God, you’re so fucking cute.”
Silence.
You could almost hear the eyebrows raising and heads turning around the room. Buck’s head snapped up to look at Eddie, surprise coloring his pink face. Eddie was frozen, panic quickly spreading throughout his entire body. How was he supposed to explain that? Everything he’d said before could be brushed off as a joke, a silly offhanded comment, but this? Guys don’t tell their best friends how cute they are when they blush. There was no coming back from that.
Eddie was already preparing himself for an awkward conversation, mentally mapping out what he could say to salvage his friendship and pretend this never happened, but then Buck smiled. He just fucking smiled like he was pleased with Eddie and at this point he resembled a tomato, those cheeks just flushing deeper than Eddie had ever seen on Buck before. An apology was on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, but. But.
“Well, I must be doing something right if someone who looks like you thinks I’m cute,” Buck said smoothly, that fucker. Even with everything that just happened, Buck exuded so much confidence. It was one of his most attractive qualities. He said the words like he knew exactly how they would affect Eddie.
Maybe he did.
For a few moments, the two just stared at each other, challenge and question behind both of their eyes. The sexual tension between them was nearly palpable until Chim cleared his throat pointedly, causing their gazes to finally break and snap back over to their friends. Chim’s eyebrows were so high that Eddie was worried they’d get stuck there. Hen was wearing a million-dollar smirk, clicking her tongue like she always knew this was going to happen. To Eddie’s horror, Bobby had wandered over and was looking between them, astonished.
“Shift’s over, boys,” Bobby said awkwardly when it became apparent that nobody was going to say anything. And just like that, things seemed to snap back into motion, the firehouse resuming it’s regularly scheduled programming.
Buck and Eddie walked down the stairs, ignoring the snickering behind their backs, and headed for the locker room to change and gather their things. Eddie had barely buttoned his jeans when Buck crowded into his space and looked at him with more determination than Eddie had ever seen on the younger man’s face before. “Why’d you say that up there, huh?” he asked, confusion still clouding his eyes. He was calm, but serious. “Why’d you call me cute? Why do you look at me like that? Why do you flirt with me all the time?” The questions came so rapidly that Eddie could barely wrap his head around them.
“I- what?” Eddie asked dumbly, blinking fast as he looked up at Buck. Their height difference was very evident like this, and Eddie’s brain absently filed away how much he liked it. After a brief pause, Eddie took in what Buck was actually asking him and he drew a nervous breath. “I...think you know the answer, Buck.” As much as he hated it, there was shame in his tone. Shame that he let himself feel like this for his best friend, shame that they would never be the same again and it was all his fault.
Moving even closer, Buck let out a frustrated little grunt. He faltered for a second, unsure of himself, but then that confidence was back and he looked straight into Eddie’s eyes, fire staring down at him. “Kiss me,” he said. It wasn’t a question.
Eyes widening into saucers, Eddie struggled to comprehend what was happening. “What?” he repeated for what seemed like the millionth time. Buck couldn’t possibly be asking for this, right? He couldn’t. He’d never made it seem like he was interested in Eddie as anything more than friends. Right?
Groaning in frustration again, Buck repeated, “I said, kiss m--”
Apparently, Eddie really didn’t need to be told twice. He interrupted Buck by surging forward and kissing him hard, desperate, hands coming around Buck’s neck to slip into his hair. One of Buck’s hands slammed against the locker behind Eddie to balance himself, the other hand gripping Eddie’s waist. The whole thing felt so urgent, like it was the last kiss either of them would ever get and they were going to make it count.
Kissing Buck was everything. Absolutely everything Eddie had ever needed or wanted. His stomach was so full of butterflies that he almost felt nauseous, and all he could feel was Buck’s soft lips, taking him apart piece by piece and then putting him back together again. Eddie absently tugged on Buck’s hair which caused him to make a sound Eddie was absolutely not prepared to hear. It brought him back to his senses, made him pull away after one more soft kiss.
“Holy shit,” he breathed, panting and feeling like he could float away. He kissed Buck. He kissed Buck, Buck kissed him back, and it was really good. “That was the best kiss I’ve ever had,” he said honestly, chancing a glance up at his best friend. Buck looked just as disheveled and out of breath, his lips kissed pink and slightly puffy. It was a good look for him.
Smirking, Buck smoothed his hand up Eddie’s side all the way to his mouth, swiping at his bottom lip. “I have that effect on people,” he grinned, laughing softly when Eddie rolled his eyes and extracted himself from underneath the taller man. “That was amazing,” he said more seriously, catching onto Eddie’s hand and pulling him closer again like he was stubborn to let go. “Can I come over to your house?”
Eddie raised an eyebrow at him.
“Not for- no, I just,” Buck fumbled, eyes going wide at the implications of his question, “I just mean to hang out, like always. And to talk, you know? About us.” He chewed on his pink lips and Eddie stared at him, so disgustingly smitten. God, he was really fucked.
“Of course you can come over, idiot,” he rolled his eyes, taking Buck’s hand and dragging him out of the locker room. “Always.” He pretended like he wasn’t burning with his affections for this man and Buck pretended like he wasn’t swooning over holding Eddie’s hand like a school girl.
Maybe sometimes letting your emotions win wasn’t the worst thing.