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You were so mad at me back then, and probably at everything in the world. At that moment, you succumbed to weakness, unable to control your power or stand on your own feet. You fell into my arms, and I held you in my embrace, promising that I would never lie to you again. I did not deceive you then and I haven't lied since.
Following that, there was one thing that kept me awake at night, thinking, while you were huddled at my side, even on that plantation.
How would you have reacted if you had known then, that I was developing such wrong feelings for you of love? Not an ordinary familial love, but something different.
I always tried to deny it, but every time you said those rare words to me; "I love you, Sean," my heart would skip a beat, and I would become delirious with happiness. In those moments, I tried to capture your words in my memory.
But on that damned plantation, I was so jealous of you and Finn. You had so much fun together, it looked like he was your brother, not me.
I wanted to give you everything, even gave you the right to choose whether the robbery would take place. And unfortunately you chose it would. My conscience was eating me up inside, but I let you choose without thinking about anything because I… love you, don't I?
When I woke up in the hospital, I didn't feel bad about losing my left eye; I was more worried about you; I didn't want you to blame yourself for what happened, knowing in my heart that you already did. After all, my lost eye is a lifelong lesson for my reckless actions.
I only wanted to get out of there for you, I didn't care what happened to me and the feeling intensified no sooner after I found out where you were. The hell I'd let myself rot in some prison for who knows how many years while you were out there.
Still, if only you knew how scared I was looking for you, without knowing if you were still there, alive or in one piece. So when we were reunited for however brief, I was so happy that you had remembered me even after being brainwashed by the fanatic beliefs of that religious maniac.
During the "final fight" with Lisbeth, I said I loved you, madly. You said the same thing, and I once again captured it into my memory.
From your simple touch, I was happy so imagine my joy when you hugged me.
In that canyon, at night we were looking at the stars and if I could, I would definitely give one to you. After returning to Away, you made a map for me to find the "treasure". I was in a bad mood at the time and worried about crossing the border, but I found the strength to play with you because I love you.
Even then, I knew exactly how I felt, and I wanted to confess to you so badly.
If only you knew how hard it was. You were ten then, and I was almost seventeen, and it's obviously forbidden. If I had did anything indecent, my list of crimes would have been expanded for sure.
I always did everything for you and only for you. I wanted you to stay happy even in such a difficult life situation and smile more because you've always been so beautiful when you smile.
In the interrogation room, the officer listed off my crimes, and I would do them again in heartbeat for you. When you were shot, I was as worried about you as I'd ever been. I'm only ready to move mountains just because I love you so much. I don't need any other another reason.
At the border, I was worried about what would happen next. What if we'd been separated? If one of us ended up dead?
What happened next is something I remember fondly. After a slight nod, you stepped out of the car and like a real hero cleared the way for us. You may have had your doubts about crossing the border, but I'm happy that you stayed with me.
After a while, we found our dad's old house and turned part of it into a car repair shop. From what I've seen, you've taken a liking to the underworld, but I'm sure there's still some good in you that I've taught you to have.
I know I'm not the best role model at all, but there will always be good in you, remember that and know that I love you.
You wouldn't believe it, but the time has finally come when I'm ready to tell you how I feel. I've spent a long time picking the day, time and words for this.
As usual, after doing work, we sat outside on the porch and looked over the beach together, and I decided it was now or never.
"Daniel, there's something that's been torturing me for six years now. If I had been brave, I would have said this a long time ago, but I haven't. It all started that night at the motel when I promised not to lie to you anymore. I really haven't lied to you since and I did everything for you to smile more. I mean, your smile is beautiful, and I would do anything to see it again and again. What I'm trying to say is, I love you, Daniel."
When you said nothing, I assumed the worse and was about to lose hope until I felt your lips press against mine.
"I'm not sure what to call it, but my feelings also changed for you at that motel too. I remember how much I loved sleeping next to you, the time we spent with each other, and now I want to feel that way again. In short, to get the gist of what I'm saying, I love you too, Sean."
At that moment, I regretted not confessing earlier, but I'm certainly not going to regret saying it now.