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It was so easy to see why Rantaro had wanted to come here so badly.
Boracay Island was exactly as all the travel websites had described it - paradise. There was not a single cloud in the sky; the warm rays of the sun shone down on the island, and Kaito could feel the warmth directly on his skin. The sea at one of the many beaches he was currently admiring was calm and serene, a tantalizing blend between emerald green and periwinkle blue. He closed his eyes as he drank in the aroma of saltwater and the pleasant sounds of birdsong, shrugging off his flip-flops so that he could feel the soft golden sand beneath his feet.
“You’re right, Rantaro,” he said. “This is amazing… this is the most beautiful place on Earth.”
Between their hectic schedules and the six-month Boracay Island cleanup project, they couldn’t travel to this place until now. The island was overwhelmed by tourism, and as a result it had lost much of its magic - or so disgruntled forum-goers had claimed. Kaito had to admit that some of the new rules were pretty extreme - he was slightly annoyed that he couldn’t bring a deckchair to the beach with him - but he certainly couldn’t complain about the ban on beach parties or littering. Boracay was supposed to be a calm, relaxing utopia, not a chaotic wasteland of plastic and shattered glass. Rantaro had agreed with him on that.
The cleanup project was sorely needed, anyway. Kaito had seen photos online of the island looking nothing like the paradise he’d always known it for. Plastic waste in the sea, glass shards in the sand, graffiti on the trees… it was a depressing sight. Rantaro was heartbroken when he found out just how bad it was. He’d dreamed of coming to this island for the longest time, having heard it described as the most beautiful place on Earth, but he was more than happy to wait until the cleanup project was finished. Now that Kaito was here, he could see that the beach was in immaculate condition. The sea was sparkling clean, and he didn’t notice anything amiss with the sand or the trees.
Kaito held his right hand up to his face. The gold band on his ring finger glinted in the sunlight, reminding him of the original purpose of coming to Boracay Island. He quickly shoved his hand in the pocket of his shorts and focused his attention on the birds’ sweet, calming song.
“Y’know,” he began, “they say that if you walk around barefoot in places like this, you get a closer connection to nature.” He shifted his feet around slightly, the soft sand catching between his toes. It hardly felt uncomfortable at all - if anything, it felt as though he were standing on the softest carpet in the world. “Y’know I like to talk to my plants, but this is different. I feel…” He hesitated for a moment. He took a deep breath, trying to maintain his composure. “I feel closer to you.”
He wasn’t alone. Was he? He didn’t want to be alone. He wanted…
Desperate for some form of consolation, Kaito snatched up a seashell he found half-buried in the sand. The pearly white shell glistened in the sunlight as he held it up to his ear. He couldn’t help but smile, comforted by the calm sounds of the sea. He wondered if the sea was talking to him somehow, perhaps trying to reassure him that he wasn’t alone after all.
“I’ve always wondered,” he said. “How can you hear the ocean from a seashell like that? It’s amazing. When I was a kid, I thought it was magic.” He lowered the seashell from his ear and admired the way it shone in the sunlight, the sun’s rays reflecting off the pristine surface and shining back upon his face. “This would be great for your seashell collection, don’tcha think? I know it’s not exotic or anythin’, but it shines so beautifully in the sunlight.” He paused for a moment to swallow the lump that had risen in his throat. “Just like you always did.”
Maybe it was just Kaito’s imagination, but he could’ve sworn that the wind blew a little stronger after that. The tree branches swayed a little more intensely than they did before, and if he listened carefully, he could just make out the sound of the wind rushing past his ears.
There was nothing to worry about. Everything was fine now. He was in paradise. He had everything he could ever want - clear skies, calm seas, soft sand, melodic birdsong.
No. Something - some one - was missing.
The gold band that matched the one on his ring finger felt heavier in the pocket of his shorts.
Kaito took a deep breath. He had to stay strong. He couldn’t break down right now. Not while he was in paradise. Not while he was doing what he and Rantaro had wanted to do together for so long.
Together…
He looked up at the trees, once again seeking a distraction. “I wonder where the birds are,” he mused aloud. “They must be shy. Shame, really, a beautiful island like this must have some really pretty, really colourful birds.” He smiled. “You know a lot about birds. You’ve told me so much about them, like their names and their habitats. I left the camera at the hotel, but I’ll have to take some good photos…” He chuckled half-heartedly. “Between us, you were always the better photographer.”
Slowly and cautiously, Kaito approached the shore and stepped into the shallows of the sea. Despite the sunshine, it was cold, and a chill ran down his spine as his feet landed in the frigid water. As he waded out into the sea, the sand beneath his feet became uncomfortably sticky. He felt as though he might sink with every step he took. The cold water now reached up to his torso.
It shouldn’t have turned out this way.
“I miss you,” Kaito finally admitted in a low voice. “I’m trying to enjoy this. I’m trying not to think about the fact that you’re not here… but the truth is, I’m weak. Stupidly, hopelessly weak. It’s been five months and I’m still not over it.”
The only response Kaito received was the wind rushing past his ears.
“You know I’m proud of you,” he continued, trying his hardest to keep his voice steady. “You’re the hero I always wanted to be. Your sisters got home safe and sound, and it’s all thanks to you.” He paused for a moment, wiping away a tear that slid down his cheek. “I just wish you’d gone home with them.”
Kaito never liked to show his vulnerabilities. He didn’t want to rely on anyone. He didn’t want a hero. He didn’t want pity. Even when no one was around, even when he only had the sea and the birds for company, he was ashamed to be so nakedly vulnerable.
“I tried my hardest to be strong for everyone, Rantaro,” he said. “Shuichi, Maki, Kaede, even fuckin’ Kokichi… they all took it real hard. You were a great friend to everyone. It’s up to me to help them through this.” He sighed. “I remember you always used to get on my case about not taking care of myself and puttin’ everyone else before myself. You must be real disappointed in me, huh? I know it always looks like I’m okay, but… I’m really not.”
He took Rantaro’s gold band out of his pocket and held it up beside his ring finger. The two gold bands looked identical and shone in the sunlight in the exact same way.
They should’ve been married by now.
They should’ve already been to this utopia, together, for their honeymoon.
They should’ve spent the rest of their lives with each other.
But Rantaro was gone, and Kaito was at Boracay Island all alone.
“Shuichi wanted to come with me,” he said. “He was worried ‘bout me comin’ here by myself. Y’know how kind he is.” He took a deep breath, and another tear rolled down his cheek. “‘Course, I turned him down,” he continued, his voice trembling slightly. “Didn’t want him to see me bein’ all sentimental like this. Fuck. How can you feel so lonely when you’re in a beautiful place like this?”
By this point, Kaito had gotten used to the water temperature. As tears continued to stream down his face, he stared up at the sky, wondering if Rantaro could see him right now, being all snivelly and pathetic and completely unlike the fearless hero he’d propped himself up to be. Rantaro had known him better than anyone other than Shuichi and his grandparents. He always knew how Kaito was feeling, no matter what he did to hide his true emotions - and he did this all the time. He loved Rantaro, but he couldn’t stand to let him see him in such a vulnerable state.
No matter how much he missed Rantaro, no matter how grief-stricken he was even now, he admired him for what he’d done to save his sisters. The Ultimate Adventurer had died a hero, and he would always be remembered for his valiance.
Kaito placed Rantaro’s gold band back in his pocket, turned around and headed back to shore. He knelt down near the shore line and wrote a short message in the sand with his finger.
You did well. I love you.
After about a minute, the tide came in and swept the message away. Smiling tearfully, Kaito hoped that Rantaro had received it.