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Sirius carried the shoebox over to the window and sat down on the floor, he was sure that the photographs were going to disintegrate with how often he was looking through them lately. He wanted to slip into them, to live in those memories forever. “The life we should have had.” He whispered to a photo of Marlene leaning against a tree in Regent’s Park, laughing and beckoning him closer. He set them down and tried to blink away tears. He should go downstairs, spend time with Harry…but his Christmas cheer had evaporated and he didn’t want to bring them all down. James would be furious if he was here, but Harry’s upcoming absence from his daily life was weighing heavily on his heart. Sirius would be all alone again. There was a knock on the bedroom door and Sirius looked up. “Come in.” He said. Harry opened the door and hesitated.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to—” Harry mumbled. “I brought you a cup of tea. Milk, no sugar, right?”
Sirius quickly wiped his eyes and smiled. “Thanks. You want to see some old photos?” He asked. Harry nodded. He bowed to Buckbeak and waited for the hippogriff to bow back before crossing the room. He handed Sirius a mug and sat down beside him, setting his own on the floor. Sirius put the shoe box on Harry’s lap and he began to look through the contents.
“Who’s that?” He asked, stopping on a photo of Marlene. She was stood in front of Harry, pushing him on a swing, and every so often she’d pull the swing up for a kiss.
“Marlene McKinnon, she was my…” He was going to say girlfriend but it felt like an inadequate description. “I loved her. She was Lily’s best friend…your godmother too.”
“What happened to her?” He asked, though there was something in the way he asked that told Sirius he had already guessed the answer.
“She was murdered by Death Eaters, not long before you turned one.” Sirius muttered. Harry picked up the little pink (and very misshapen) hat that he’d knitted and his chest constricted painfully. “She was pregnant…I made our baby a hat.”
“You made this?” Harry asked, rubbing his thumb over the soft wool. “You could give Hermione a run for her money.” He smirked, and Sirius let out a laugh, shoving him gently with is shoulder. “I’m not sure I can imagine you as a dad…poor kid.”
“Oi, you cheeky git. You’re just full of compliments today, aren’t you?” He said, fighting a smile. He didn’t mind, there was so much of Lily in Harry that it was nice to see little bits of James shining through.
Harry set the hat back down and opened the velvet ring box. The engagement ring glittered up at them; the large diamond catching the sun that was streaming into the room.
“I was going to propose that night.” He said hoarsely, with a little shrug. “Cost more than your Firebolt, but I couldn’t bring myself to return it.”
Harry paused again, this time on a photo of them at school. It had been taken in their last week. Their exams were over and they were wasting away the hot summer days on the grounds. Marlene was on his back as he waded knee deep in the lake. Lily was lying in the grass, eyes closed peacefully with her head in James lap; she kept reaching up to swat his hand away as ran a daisy along her nose and over her cheeks. Remus was talking animatedly to the spot where the photo was torn.
“It’s ripped.” Harry said. Sirius smiled slowly.
“I made myself a nice little stack of Wormtails to throw in the fire.” It had been rather therapeutic, not just because he was a traitorous bastard…but he’d hurt Harry. Cut open his arm, had the audacity to strike him. Murdered another student before his eyes. Facilitated his torture. Harry carried on through the photos, there were more of them all at school, ones of James and Marlene in their Quidditch kit or of them all sat in the chairs around the common room fireplace; a sweet one of Harry on Remus’s shoulders; of Lily and James; him and Marlene; any photo that had once included Peter was torn…
Harry spent a long time looking at one of him with his parents and godparents. He’d only been a couple of hours old.
Sirius put his arm around the now fifteen year old Harry…how had he grown so much? He kissed top of his head. “You were so loved, Harry.” He murmured, resting his cheek against his hair. “You are still so loved.”
The following morning Harry joined Sirius at the kitchen table. Sirius felt a pang in his chest at the sight of him in the jumper Molly had knitted for him. It was an incredibly thoughtful gift, and he knew that he was being childish, but it made him jealous. Harry looked cold, he had the sleeves pulled down over his hands and his pyjama bottoms where tucked into a pair of thick socks. Sirius pointed his wand at the fireplace and flames roared into life.
“What are you doing up? It’s four in the morning.” Sirius asked.
“Can’t sleep.” Harry said, sitting down in one of the chairs. “Anyway, you’re up.”
“Can’t sleep.” Sirius grinned. “You want some breakfast? Cereal? Toast? Bacon sandwich? I make really good scrambled eggs.”
“You do?” Sirius heard the surprise in his voice. “Yeah, alright then.”
Sirius got up and busied himself with the stove. This is what it could have been like, he thought as he used a fork to beat the eggs, if he hadn’t been so stupid, if he hadn’t gone after Peter, he could have had this life with Harry. Though, would Dumbledore let him keep his godson? Sirius would have fought for him with every ounce of strength he had…if only he hadn’t have been so fucking stupid.
“I don’t know anything about my mum and dad.” Harry said suddenly. “I mean I know some things, like I know that Dad played Quidditch, and I know that Mum was Muggle Born, but I don’t know anything. The Dursleys never told me anything…they hardly even mentioned them. Uncle Vernon said my dad was unemployed, but I don’t know if he was just saying that, and Aunt Petunia called my mum a freak…” Sirius gripped the handle of the pan very tightly.
“What do you want to know?” He asked, when he was sure his voice would be under control.
“Everything.” Harry said, and Sirius laughed. ‘Everything’ was a tall order, he supposed that he should start with clarifications.
“Your dad played Chaser, he was very good. Both of your parents were unemployed, but I can imagine Dursley said it with a tone? It wasn’t like that, he had a fortune, and we all joined the Order as soon as we’d finished our last exam…we hadn’t even left school.”
“A bit of a tone, yeah.” Harry said. Sirius plated up Harry’s breakfast and set it down in front of him, before pouring them each a cup of tea. “Did they have middle names? Favourite subjects? Were they right or left handed? What were they good at?”
Sirius smoothed a hand over Harry’s hair as he spoke. The questions were so sweet, little things that Harry would know their lives had turned out differently. Little things that Harry should know. “Your mum was Lily Juliet.”
“Juliet.” Harry said with a soft smile.
“And your dad was James Fleamont.” Sirius struggled to get the name out he was grinning so much. God, that afternoon felt like the scene from another man’s life…
“Fleamont?” Harry asked. Sirius nodded and sat back down at the table. “That’s a terrible name.”
“We teased him something rotten when we found out, for a while whenever one of us would remember we’d start pretending to be itchy.” Sirius said fondly. “He gave as good as he got.” He added quickly, when he saw Harry’s face fall slightly. “He pointed out that when Sirius Orion is written down it looks like Sirius Onion, and I’ve never been able to un-see it.”
“Onion.” Harry said, cracking into wide smile. “Can I get you a tissue?”
“You’re such a cheeky git. James said the exact same thing.” Sirius laughed. He thought back to Harry’s other questions. “James was very good at cutting hair, your Grandmother taught him how, he kept us all very well groomed. He was also brilliant at Charms, and Potions just came naturally to Lily.”
“I clearly didn’t inherit their talent.” Harry mumbled, not looking up at he chewed.
“Maybe not, but Remus says you’re exceptional at Defence Against the Dark Arts. If Marlene was here she’d be giddy at the news that you’d started teaching an illegal Defence class.” Harry set down his knife and fork and fiddled with the sleeves of his jumper; with only the tips of his fingers now visible, he cradled his mug to his chest, and leant back in the kitchen chair.
“Is that what she was best at?”
“Marley was a force of nature when it came to Defence Against the Dark Arts.” Sirius said, staring sadly into the fire. “Actually, she was a force of nature in general.”
“And what about you?” He asked. Sirius looked back at him and resisted the temptation to say ‘everything.’
“Transfiguration…one time, we were in class in our fourth year, and this girl’s cat wandered in. I turned it into a tiger when it jumped on her lap. It was chaos.” He grinned.
“Bet McGonagall was thrilled.” Harry chuckled.
“At the time it was the angriest I’ve ever seen her — I topped that in my sixth year though when I told Snape how to get passed the Whomping Willow. And I still maintain she was impressed by the tiger, even if she didn’t want to admit it. It was a pretty impressive bit of magic…” Looking back, he did sort of feel sorry for the cat.
“What even made you—”
“I was showing off for Marley, she’d just started going out with this sixth year bloke…he turned out to be a real prick, mind…and I was jealous. So I was showing off.” Sirius admitted, taking a gulp of tea. “James always said I had a flair for the dramatic.” He grinned. “In fact, it might be the most prominent Black family trait…far beyond madness or good looks.”
“Flair for the dramatic sounds right, I vividly remember meeting you…well, re-meeting you, I suppose.” Harry said. Sirius let out a bark of a laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. “Marlene, she was in the photograph Mad-Eye showed me, right? He said that Death Eaters killed her whole family. I thought she looked vaguely familiar yesterday…” Sirius’s hand shook as he set down his mug. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“Stop it, it’s fine. You don’t ever have to apologise for asking me questions.” He watched Harry blink and look away for a moment. “Mad-Eye shouldn’t have just sprung that photo on you, I told him as much. He wasn’t always so— Dorcas Meadowes, she was friends with us at school, after her parents were killed Mad-Eye basically raised her. When Voldemort murdered her, Mad-Eye became harder.” Sirius explained. Harry nodded. “But yes, my Marley is the same Marlene McKinnon from the photo. They killed her parents, her older brother, Jeremy, and her little sister Nicole. Nicole was still at school, she was just a kid.”
“It was Travers.” Harry said suddenly. Sirius’s head shot up.
“How do you know that?” He asked, sharper than he’d intended. He quickly relaxed his gaze; he didn’t want Harry thinking he was angry at him.
“Karkaroff in the pensive.” Harry explained, and Sirius nodded.
“It wasn’t just him, it couldn’t have been. The McKinnons were a very talented family. One Death Eater wouldn’t have stood a chance.”
“Do you know who else—”
“No, I have my suspicions as to who it might have been, but that’s all they are. Avery…Bella…sometimes I think maybe even Snape…” Sirius said, staring into the fire.
“Bella, as in Bellatrix Lestrange? You think your own cousin murdered your pregnant girlfriend?” Harry sounded so shocked that it was almost adorable and Sirius laughed bitterly.
“She tortured the Longbottoms into insanity, I don’t think she’d have had any qualms murdering Marley. Probably had nothing to do with Voldemort, for all I know it was my mother’s dying wish, ‘kill the Blood Traitor before Sirius can have any children with her’…” Harry still looked horrified and Sirius felt a pang of guilt. “More tea.” He said, getting up to brew a fresh pot, more for the distraction than because he really wanted one. “You would have loved her, you know.” He didn’t like how tight his voice sounded. “I mean you did love her — though you preferred me. But you would have loved her.”
“I’m sure I would have.” Sirius could hear the smile in Harry’s voice, but he didn’t trust his own face to look round just yet; his eyes were burning.
“She was basically James’s sister. He was an only child, and her family lived next door to the Potters for a good few years.”
“I’d have probably had a better time of it with her than with Aunt Petunia.” Harry said.
“You definitely would have.” Sirius said quickly, refilling their mugs.
“What was she like?”
“Perfect.” Sirius said, then he laughed. “No, she wasn’t. But she was loving, and brilliant, and so brave. She also played Quidditch.” He added. “Chaser, like your dad.”
“Was she any good?”
“The best.” Sirius grinned, though he knew that he was biased.
“Did Mum like Quidditch?” Harry asked, running his finger around the rim of his mug.
“She wasn’t a huge fan, no. She liked football…I can’t think what her team was called. Aston something, I think…” Sirius frowned, though Harry would probably know the teams better than he did.
“Aston Villa?”
“That’s the one!” Sirius said. “And she was a ballerina, and she loved literature; she and Remus saw it as their mission to expand our reading.”
“What about Dad?”
“James would read anything Lily put in front of him, because she put it in front of him. He was smitten from the moment they met, before he even knew what it was that he was feeling, I think. He took Muggle Studies because he thought she was going to. She didn’t.” Sirius smirked. They sat in silence for a little while, drinking their tea and listening to the tick of the kitchen clock. If Harry wanted, Sirius would gladly get up with him every morning and answer questions about Marley, Lily, and James.
“I don’t want to go back to school.” Harry said, so quietly that Sirius barely heard him. Things must be bad, if Harry would rather be in this nightmare of a house. “It’s been horrible there this year. I—” Harry broke off, picking his sleeve.
“What is it?” Sirius frowned, reaching out and gripping his shoulder. He looked so sad. It broke his heart.
“It’s nothing.” Harry shrugged, then he smiled…though Sirius didn’t buy it for a second. “You were right, you make a really good breakfast.”